I’ve been sitting here for three hours I think it will be ok, I mean what could go wrong now, it’s funny, I find, how people look at me like they don’t know me, I mean they don’t know me but...I guess I never realized how cold people could be.

Three days ago I thought I knew, I mean, when they did it all I thought I knew. Matt was so unconcerned with my well being, “You had a good run here, and put in alot of hard work” Yea, I know that, it was me that plunged my relationship into its darkest hour to work late for him, it was me that sacrificed my health and ate fast food for four years for him, it was me that worked three out of four christmases for him, It was me that tore my shoulder working late for him.

I know I “put in alot of hard work.”

It was me that went home to my girlfriend and told her, I acted like I wanted support but I was looking for a fight, a fight with Matt but I had to take it from her, she couldn’t give me a reference.

This is all Matt’s fault he should have said something or waited to fire me, he could have prevented this, if he hadn’t worked me so hard in the spring I wouldn’t have been injured, I wouldn’t have needed physio, and I wouldn’t have had thirty six Oxycodone in the cupboard.

She’s bound to feel terrible when she realizes what I went back in for.

I’ve been sitting here for three hours I think it will be ok, I mean what could go wrong now, it’s funny, I find, how people look at me like they don’t know me, I mean they don’t know me but...tomorrow at least one of them will tell somebody they saw me, I don’t look homeless which actually makes me look out of place, funny. I almost wish someone would save me now but it’s ok, it all has to end somewhere, right? Might as well end it with... you know it’s funny I counted all thirty six pills, but it might as well end this way I suppose.

Of all the ways people have had to you know, stop living, this is the best, last summer a child fell onto the tracks at this train station, I think he was seven. No one thinks they’re gonna go that way when they’re seven, when I was seven I hadn’t really thought much about, life ending. I’m so tired and sometimes I want to puke but I don’t think I’m going to, tomorrow people will be figuring out their life without me, next year on this day it’ll be so awkward at my parent’s house.

They’ll talk about my smile. I think I’ll smile at the lady passing me, she has a kind face. I’m just so tired. I think I’ll close my eyes. 

Light. Dark. Light. Dark.

Sabrina opened and closed her eyes as she did most mornings, adapting her eyes to the room as she woke, sprawled across her bed.

As with most mornings in recent memory she had come to wake fully clothed, nights of hard drinking where taking their toll, but it was the only way to rid herself of the truth, and somehow she felt that it cleared her mind of the inhibitions she clutched in her consciousness.

It had been three years since she arrived at the office and saw him, they had become close friends in the meantime but she wanted more. she believed he did too but tall attempts to initiate the mutual emotion had resulted in giggles and nothing more. She had to tell him and today would be the day. Throwing open her drapes with Walt-Disney grade enthusiasm she was greeted by a blood moon, sharing the sky with the morning sun as it beat down on her lawn.

Red. Yellow. Green.

She donned a modern summer dress smoothed over in bright seasonal colors and pinned on the remembrance poppy she had purchased the day before.

Red. Yellow. Green.

She rushed to her car, got situated behind the steering wheel, and took a deep breath before considering the ignition, she was overwhelmed feeling herself flush in the cheeks, she was scared, nervous, and at the same time jealous of the Hollywood starlets whose lives could be scripted.

Red. Yellow. Green.

She ignited the car's engine and drove, feeling herself speed, after all she could hardly help it; she had the whole thing planned, she would ring his doorbell and when he opened the door she would raise herself up on one foot and meet his lips with hers, she was invigorated almost quivering with excitement, and then...unannounced to her.

Red. Yellow. Green.

However, this time instead of them sharing equal vibrancy one shone much brighter; the red, and another color stuck out in her mind during those seconds; white. It was all she could see as she approached the center of a large pickup truck, one she knew only too well, the one she had expected to find in his laneway where it had sat every other Sunday for three long years, and in her final moments she harbored only one regret: that she could not move her mangled body across the asphalt to tell him one more thing…

Light. Dark. Light. Dark.