The sound of music travels through time and space to reach me.

Transforming into a lyrical dragon it begins to seduce my senses.

Notes ride upon the waves of his spine, increasing in size with every beat.

The tempo begins to rise as the dragon dances his way closer to me.

Our beating hearts harmonize, engulfing me with the rhythm.

Vibration is risen from his whisper, sending chills down to my curling toes.

Poco a poco lento…

The dragon’s secret I decipher.

Composed within the melody billowing satisfaction.

All from the sound of music.

I turned 40 years old on Tuesday, and I can’t help but to feel that the word forty itself; seems to carry a weight with it unlike any age that has come before it. Perhaps, this stems from the weight of expectation, among other things, that occupancies one who is of the age of forty. I suppose this might be because, by forty you’re pretty much expected to have your life figured out and (thanks to Botox filling every nook and cranny in America), also appear to be frozen in your thirties. Which makes it hard to know what forty is even supposed to look like anymore. None of which I can relate to in anyway.

So, if you asked me if I’ve figured my life out. I’d laugh and say absolutely not! However; what I do know is that my goal is to live life to its fullest potential; and I’m having a great time figuring it out. I can honestly say that I know myself better now than I ever have before, but I also know there’s so much more to be discovered. Though I may have grown wiser through my experiences over the last forty years; I also know that I still have a whole lot still left to learn.

God has blessed me tremendously with amazing friends, family, and a community of people who love me, support me, believe in me, and encourage me. He has given me the privilege of assisting others through some of life’s most difficult challenges through the work that I do. He has also blessed me with my own difficulties, struggles and challenges all of which have helped me to grow as an individual.

I’ve been given the opportunity to paint the world as I see it and share it with others as well as the opportunity to travel, explore, and experience our beautiful country in ways I never could have dreamed of, let alone thought were even possible. So while my life is far from what it maybe expected to be. It’s anything but ordinary and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll gladly and proudly carry the weight of forty, along with every wrinkle that comes along with it, and be grateful that I can. After all, you’re only as young as you feel, right?

My soul has been shredded by the shards falling from my broken heart, leaving only gaping wounds behind.

The remnants lay heavily within my chest; buried under the muck that has dulled my sparkle and dimmed my light.

As the day comes to a close and

the world around me finds its slumber; my eyes remain wide open as the pain from my soul screams out into the darkness.

I lay here trying desperately to find the strength I need to start my day. Looking around at all that should be inspiring me, motivating me to get going. Yet, here I stay.

My legs paralyzed by my sadness and weighted down by grief.

I answer the call with joyful expression so they won’t know the truth. That here I am laying trapped underneath this roof.

I’m pretending to be ok, but I’m anything but. My heart, once so full and vibrate that it pumped gold throughout my body leaving a warm glow against my skin. Has now been reduced to a dull thump, that forces coagulated sludge throughout my body dimming all sources of my light.

I laugh and I smile and pretend that I’m doing just fine, but what goes unseen is the heart rock that I’ve swallowed. Silently stealing my joy, and constricting my every breath.

Anger rises from the depths of my soul heating the worm tea that’s coursing through my veins. This fire burning my soul maybe my only hope of survival; as it cauterizes my senses and leaving me numb.

I’m just a girl.

The age of a woman.

With the heart of a child.

Trying to find my place in this world.

The place where I am needed & wanted.

I’m just searching for the place that I belong.

He and Him used to refer to the indescribable existence of God.

Such belittling words for such power and might.

A box for which I place “All that is” into.

Not to diminish, but to more easily refer to what no words are worthy of describing.

He the universe and I nothing more than a star.

For God is my Shepherd, and I his crook.

Held within his palm I am strengthened; grounded to the earth with every step.

He has used me to break the bones of our adversaries and save the necks of lost sheep.

He is my creator and my source of a purpose driven life.

Without Him, I am nothing more than organic matter decaying upon the surface of the earth.