I used to write love poems

For the men of the past

About the way I felt enamored

And passionately in love

The way they held me safely

And saw me truly

And with forgiving arms and careful hands

Loved me back

Fiercely without hesitation

I've only just now realized

That I wasn’t writing about the way I felt

I was writing about the way I wanted to

You may not know from looking

All you’ll see’s this cute disguise

But I am no mere mortal

I am more than meets the eye

I am a magician

And my mindset is my wand

I possess the power

To create the life I want

You can send me suffering

Or heartbreak or disdain

Go ahead reject me

Hurl your judgments, cause me pain

I focus on the lesson

Never linger on the loss

There’s nothing here of value

That was not learned at a cost

With the power of my mind

I change hurt into a gift

There isn’t an experience

My mindset cannot shift

Adversity refines me

And is for my benefit

And with my magic mindset

I make wisdom out of it

Everything that happens

Is exactly as it should

All that I experience

Is for my highest good

I love myself with fervor

And protect me with defiance

My perspective is so special

I should be researched by science

So go ahead and hurt me

Leave me crying in the dust

Toss me some rejection

I will turn it into love

I’ll never be a victim

I turn chaos into art

All your hate can hope to do

Is elevate my heart

I am a magician

And my mindset is my wand

I possess the power

To be anything I want

The ones who couldn’t see before

Through the smoke and mirrors

The gem, the magic,

the sheer brilliance of you

The ones who never knew

what was underneath

Begging to be seen

Standing tall and in the open

Filling up the spaces in every room

Absurdly beautiful and special and rare

Volume up and amplified

Living right there under their noses

Hungry for one drop of notice

Hidden in plain sight

The marvel of you, the treasure of you

The unexplainable perfection

of your presence

The ones who couldn’t see

That you are everything

The answer, the hope, the magic

That without even trying you just knew how to love unconditionally

Like some cosmic mystery

An unopened gift

The ones who never knew

all that you are

Were never meant to

Your light was not for them

Your beauty was not theirs to view

They crossed your path to share with you the ache of not being seen

So that you might learn to see yourself not through their eyes but through your own

You promised me escape

Then made my problems worse

You said you were a good time

When all you did was hurt

You found me with a smile

Then left me at my worst

You dressed up like a friend

Then drug me through the dirt

You exposed the wounds

I pretended were not there

And poured them from my mouth

When I didn't want to share

You stirred up all the anger

All the sadness trapped inside

And burst them from their cages

Wreaking havoc on my life

You made me look a fool

When I said that I was fine

You stacked up all my failures

In a pretty little line

You forced my eyes to see

All the ways I was to blame

You made life hurt so much

That I couldn't turn away

I once condemned the world

For this shitty little life

You made it very clear

That the fault was purely mine

You showed me who I was

When I didn't want to know

And if it weren't for you

I may have never sought to grow

So I choose to thank you

For the pain you caused to me

Your influence was awful

But it was what set me free

I will not hide behind the words

I can’t fit inside their walls and ceilings

There isn’t space for me there

I am an ocean too big, too deep, and too complex

Contorting myself to squeeze between commas and question marks is an outrageous endeavor

Words never do know how to hold me fully

Their efforts consistently fall short

These servants of my mind

Doing my bidding willfully

But always showing up too tired and overused

The words said or written

Full of feeling but not weighed down by it as am I

They attempt to carry ideas from within

To lift them away from the place they were born

So that others may know the hidden stories of my soul

But words are not weight lifters

And these thoughts are heavy

Words grow weary of the task

Like cardboard boxes trying to transport water

Upon arrival holding only fragments of what they were asked to carry

A partial glimpse into what can only be held by its creator

Expression fails for words can only say so much

The structures of languages demanding sense be made of unsensible things

Consonants and vowels volunteering their service,

Trained in sounds and not soul

Unqualified but still eager to go to battle and die unrewarded

What can be said of words

That words themselves would dare to say?

To fully state their uselessness the words must become cannibles

Be both hero and villain simultaneously

But they lack the power to defend or destroy

Not out of loyalty or instinct

Words do not feel

They do not desire or hate

They are merely scratches on a page

Words cannot be what we ask of them

Like toothpick legs attempting to hold up the Empire State Building

They tremble with the burden of the mission they’ve been charged

Words cannot serve what is stirring

Words cannot contain what is boiling over

For as the words dip into the emotion and turn to share a taste

The lot of it drips away

From thick lava boiling within to an unseeing , unknowing world without

A thin spread of words across pages or lips never do satisfy the craving to be heard

I am not confined

by my environment.

I am not confined

by who I am in this moment.

I am not confined by my past.

I am not confined by my future.

I am not confined by my habits,

finances, or relationships.

I am not confined

by any part of my experience.

At any moment, I can choose

something completely different

and go down a completely different path in a completely different direction

and change my destination forever.

And all it takes is a choice.

I am not confined by my ideas,

my emotions or my fears.

I am only confined by my imagination, and my imagination is boundless.

AMBER DENISE

#poetry #poet #poemsaboutlife #selfawareness #selflove #personalgrowth #perspective

I am the enchantment, the terror and the fragility of all that never was and all that may yet come to pass

I am the swirling current of potential of dreams not born but aching to live

The hope and inspiration that lives for mere seconds before being torn apart by fear and “reality”

Seeking always immediate expression and dying instantaneously when it can’t be worshipped upon arrival

I am the fire in a soul too long quieted, too long smoldering with the potential to heat the world

Longing to do what fire does…

Devour all that contains it and leave its environment completely and utterly changed

I am the words, the notes, the images, cascading over and through and across and away

I am innovations and ideas drenched in genius sifting like sand through fingers unwilling to make fists that may hold them in palms that may mold them

Ideas standing dutifully at the edges of the mind in anticipation of an invitation to exist but only ever conjuring a passing glance

Left wanting and neglected.

I am the unseen art starved for ears and eyes and accolades.

The beauty and love and emotion meant for brush strokes, empty pages and haunting melodies frenzied to the point of climax for the chance to draw breath and be witnessed but only ever witnessing the rise and fall of its own hopes of someday being

I am your untouched dream and I grow weary awaiting your attention.

I am meant exist.

#poetry #poet #poemsaboutlife #selfawareness #selflove #personalgrowth #perspective

The world outstretched in more directions than I can see

Than you can see

And than any mind can truly develop awareness of even if given infinite lifetimes to see, touch and feel it

Do not ask me to stay put

Do not ask me to stand still

Do not ask me to accept this exact iteration of life as all there is

Do not ask me to deny the yearning of my soul to see what exists beyond this moment, this emotional state,

and this identity

This collection of repeated experiences and routines, this tiny bubble within a limitless expanse, and this small corner of already witnessed world

My mind is not designed to believe it knows everything and be satisfied

To see the edges of its experience as the edges of the universe

To reach the end of some well traveled path to a popular destination and call it “all there is”

To see the dark as an untouchable mystery and familiarity as a comfort

My mind is designed to be aware of what it doesn’t know

To be lit up by a partially drawn map with unexplored roads,

dark, dangerous wilderness

and secret passageways

To crave to swallow up the unknown that exists while simultaneously realizing that this endeavor is impossible and cannot be done

My mind desires the adventure in surprise and the bravery in exploration

It revels in the knowing that the world doesn’t end at the tips of my fingers

No, the world is much larger than that

It is deep and long and wide

It reaches past the dark horizon and further than the light can travel

The world holds much that I have never touched yet still I dare to reach

It cradles more than I have ever seen yet still I dare to search

It has buried within it the secrets of all things for centuries, eons and ages

The consumption of which could both break and inspire a mind hungry enough to taste it

And I am hungry for the world

I desire it with my whole being

I prefer to go where the darkness lives

I prefer the unseen borders of the universe

The places within and without that most dare not acknowledge

I prefer to pour these minutes, hours, days and years into the idea that I may, in fact, see it all, be it all and know it all

Though each experience only proves to illuminate all that is yet a mystery

My heart delights in the pursuit

-Amber Denise

I saw a bright red pant suit online and decided immediately that it was perfect and adorable and powerful and sexy all at once.

I decided immediately that I loved it.

I loved its sharp edges and the way it drew the eye.

I loved the way it couldn’t hide in between other garments.

It stated its case, and no one asked any questions.

This suit spoke truth unapologetically and knew immediately that all its trespasses were forgiven.

I loved the way it flunked out of blending in.

It filled up the space on the page effortlessly and stained my retinas with its brilliance.

Hating this suit would only increase its value.

The worst idea you’ve ever had would be worth 1 million bucks if it were wearing this suit.

This suit was IT.

And as I was falling in love, I found myself suddenly drawn to scroll.

Who was I to wear such a suit?

My closet, a sea of beige would surely reject this rebel immediately.

I saw some future moment where I put the suit on, admired myself, and then changed into something more quiet before entering the world.

This suit couldn’t sneak past a curious eye.

It couldn’t enter and exit without being seen.

This suit was the main event in every room it stepped into.

This suit was meant for a different type of person.

A person who stood out intentionally.

A person who felt comfortable being stared at and creating whispers in silence spaces.

A person who said no frequently and confidently.

A sacred rebel with no regrets standing firmly in their belief that they are, indeed, the most interesting person in every room they enter.

I lingered longer on the page against the directive of self preservation.

Screeching to a halt all that existed before… calling into question what is and what had always been, the self that I had never investigated deeply but drug along like an extra appendage that could not be shaken loose.

The scared, small, shrunken self dying in a prison of beige and aching for red suits and flashy jewels.

Who was I to wear the suit?

Who was I to want the suit?

Who was I to be fascinated and enamored by the suit?

Who was I at all?

All at once, I saw the truth, the answer.

This suit was perfect for me.

And I added to cart.

-Amber Denise

#poetry #redsuit #standout #authenticity #selflove #beyourself #ShineBright #over40 #poetrylovers #poetryofinstagram

In the blink of an eye

There became the dream

It stood and breathed the air

Like a tangible thing

Stepping forth into reality

With legs it never knew it had

And wings to quicken

its progression

Without hesitation as though

it belonged before it existed

As though it knew itself before I did

Fitting there before me so seamlessly

that the memory of what was

becomes the fabrication,

the distant thing

History and lived experience becomes what is impossible to see clearly and feel wholly

As here what was once possessed

only by faith is my vision

standing in this place,

in this moment so certainly,

so clearly that it fades the before

and shrinks the between

And in the blink of an eye

There became the dream

Materializing like magic

from my mind

And descending suddenly upon the world outside of myself

not like a stranger

but like a home

My imagination brought to life

So perfectly that it is as though

It was here always and all along

Awaiting my hand to touch it

And my eyes to notice its presence

#manifestation #magicmind #believe