Most of my days are good. Actually, almost all of them are good. Even when things don’t go exactly how I planned them. You know those days where nothing goes right: you spill coffee on your white shirt, you are refused at job interviews, you lose an argument about some intelectual matter. And it is alright, when I have one of these day I just tell myself ″it’s just a bad day, the stars are not on your side now″.

But after a series of very good and not so good days, something comes out of me and says: it’s over today.

You’re done.

Don’t get out of bed. You don’t talk to anyone. You don’t like the taste of coffee that tastes the same as every time. You don’t feel good about anything and in fact you’re not capable of anything.

Try writing something. Wait, you’re not even good at that. Maybe go out for coffee with the girls. No, you’ll annoy them with your apathy.

Stay in bed, smoke cigarettes like a tractor driver and don’t eat anything. You deserve not to eat anything because you don’t know how to appreciate anything. Go brush your teeth. Shower? What is that? Maybe you should feel on the outside as miserable as you are on the inside.

You know your boyfriend, right? The person that loves you so much and has convinced you to eat again. You trusted him completely but today it ends. You have no reason to believe that but you know. He will call you and will say that he cheated on you with his ex, or he will tell you that he wanted to cheat on you with her and it would be better if you would break up. You see, last night he slept with her. You know better, your intuition, she never lies to you.

You want to cry? You can’t. Just keep everything inside and let it grind you. You cried when you woke up? Of course, you knew it was going to be one of your dark days. Take a break from writing now. Smoke another cigarette and think about what a mess you are. That’s the reason why not even your parents can’t stand you. With this behaviour no one is going to marry you, that’s what they tell you.

Remember, you don’t leave the house unaccompanied. Last time you didn’t care about the color of the traffic light and a ford almost took you out of the game. You wouldn’t want to upset anyone with your death.

You want to listen to music? Indeed, it lifts your spirit. It doesn’t matter, you can’t concentrate for more than three seconds to a song. Scroll all day on the phone without paying attention to anything.

Today you’re done. Stay where you are. You’re doing good to everyone.

In the dark days I lose control.

Something else from deep within me takes it. Something ugly and disgusting.

Something that manages to hide so well, that it makes me believe that I won’t have other days like that.

And without realising I was falling for you.

And when the deepest and hardest I fell,

You did not catch me.

No. You just sat there.

Ignoring my presence.

Hell. Sometimes even my existence.

And finally I made you confess

The things you felt (or don't) about me.

And for a time I stared at walls,

I stared in peoples eyes and mouths,

I stared without a heart to understand

And a mouth to really help.

And for a time I cried so loud,

"Why you're like this?"

"I am just tired, nothing missed."

But I am missing you so much.

It wasn't me,

And still is you.

And I agreed, I was the one who lose.

This is why I'm so terrified when I think about war. 

You can't say "I love you" unless you talk about survival or power.

I'm sixteen years old and I want to say "I love you" to persons, not to the airplains that bypassed my city last night.

We kissed next to a cat.

It was a tongue kiss

And my red lipstick went anywhere near your mouth

While your beard pricked me.

We then kissed our hands together when no one was watching

But we were drunk already so it didn't matter anyway.

Then we kissed our words together

Talking about She who doesn't mean so much to you anymore

And about He, your friend, that won't let you kiss me again because of her.

Then we kissed our eyes from miles away,

Me thinking that I wanted to find a person who will sacrifice himself for others

And then finding you.

You were the lonely always happy boy that wanted to kiss me all over again next to a cat.

I was the drunk confused girl that listened to you

And kissed you in her poetry

And told you that she won't do that anymore because of Her.

It's so nice seeing people randomly smile in a crowded place. Even if it's a memory or something they saw seconds ago, it makes you think that in a world where everyone is in a constant hurry, you'll find somewhere in a bus this little lights that are just trying to be as happy as they can, not hiding it at all. 

It's pure nature what the souls are made of.

I woke up this morning.

I had a dream about you again.

I was talking 'bout your favourite song,

And you were holding someone else's hand.

But it was ok, you smiled at me,

And I got red in my chicks.

Oh Lord! Can you make me forget him?

Look how dirty he is!

Look at the long walks he takes in my head.

It's the first snow this winter,

The ciggarettes are slowly lighten up.

Walking on a salty road,

I'm just tryin' to find my way back home.

"Who are you?"

I asked with wonder,

As I saw the coffee drawings.

"I'm a goner"

Did you answer?

"And I'm gonna be a dancer".

I was scared and so amazed,

The man (or woman) had a glaze,

They push you off and take you in,

They pour in glasses too much drink...

But it's never enough, to forget what I think...

I did not knew what heartbreak really means.

Until you told me that she's your new lover.

Until I cried for a week because of some stupid, little things.

Until I listened a sad song well known by me, but for the first time, feeling the words.

Until I started putting on that t-shirt you don't like, just to prove myself something.

Until I told you that we can't be friends for a while because I can't take it.

You do not know what heartbreak really means until you express it with your words.

Lose me.

Chase me.

Face me.

Make me feel like

Thousand oceans,

Thousand tears,

A thousand fears.

Make me feel alive again,

Like he did,

But I won't say...

Not a word

And not a rhyme,

About his smell,

About his smile...

No, I have you,

And that's enough

But wait,

I just want more than that...

I want some danger

And some wine,

Some rooftops,

Oh! They're so divine...

And there I am,

And there you are,

But here is him, alive again,

In my poems,

In my soul,

In my rhymes,

Can't take no more...

I speak about rooftops and wine,

About the music he don't like...

I speak about him not in words,

I speak about him trough my worlds.

Please take me home,

I'm drunk again...

Let's hope I won't mention his name...

Cause what a shame,

You're here with me

And he is gone...Am I too mean?