“The moon is beautiful isn’t it?”

I asked you that with full transparency

And despite the minimal distance between your shoulder and mine

You didn’t seem to mind

You flashed me a smile

Then before I knew it

Our fingers were intertwined

No words were spoken but an answer lingered in the air

Finally, you caressed my hair and answered

“I think the moon is beautiful.”

Somehow I misheard that moon as you

But I didn’t really care

as I wait

for our better days

to come

I realize

it is no longer what

I want

always

running dry

on conversation

until it is time

to rip my heart to shreds

always pointing

out my broken shell

so it cracks even more

even when I try every

day to be better

to bring more

to the table

but I know

now

all I do

will never be enough

for you

I need to stop

getting my hopes

up thinking

I can be somebody

but you always

remind me

I am no better

than the next

don't know

why it hurts

like hell

but I tried

I keep trying

I fail

I fail

I fail

I fail

My brain is spiraling

and all I can think of is you.

I still dream of you.

And my dreams destroy my days.

Thoughts of you

permeate everything.

And I know you’ll never love me.

And I know I’ll always love you.

Like I told you so many times

in so many poems

I sent you.

But you still probably don’t believe me.

I don’t know why I’m like this.

I don’t want to love you.

I want to forget you.

It’s been almost a year.

And I’m staring down the barrel

of another birthday.

My last one was so wonderful.

And this one will be one of my worst.

Because it will mark one year

since the last time I saw you.

When you said

“You won't get rid of me that easily,”

I thought it meant you wanted me around.

But I know that to you I am just a mirror,

I am nothing beyond my usefulness,

and there has never been an us.

For my wife on her birthday :-)

Not so long ago, this world got a lot more beautiful.

Not so long ago, this world became a lot more inspiring.

Not so long ago, this world got a lot more passionate.

Not so long ago, this world got a lot more fun.

Not so long ago, this world got a lot more intelligent.

Not so long ago, this world got a whole lot cooler.

Not so long ago, this world got much hotter (in the best way possible).

Not so long ago, this world got a whole lot better.

Because not so long ago, you were born.

Too tired to be alive,

too busy to be dead;

one of these days,

I’ll put a bullet in my head.

Too stoned to think,

too sober to drink;

there’s a mouse living under

the kitchen sink.

Too mad to rest,

too driven to be lazy;

all these damned women

are driving me crazy.

Too young to grow old,

too old to dream;

I’m coming apart

at the fiery seams.

Arsenic kiss,

LSD visions;

too fired up

to make smart decisions.

Sex crazed, drugged up,

on poems I feed;

slice me open

and watch me bleed.

Guns blazing,

middle fingers flying;

tired of living,

tired of dying.