You are a rare flower that blooms sparatically, if I do not pay close attention, I miss the chance to learn your wonders~

Patiently I wait,

in a field full of countless flowers of all sorts;

They think they can distract me with their vibrant rays,

Yet still, the only flower I see is the one that only blooms for a moment from time to time~

I see you as you hide,

And wait patiently to see you with my own eyes,

Just for a moment,

Always from afar~

I want to know who you are,

Learn the make up of your insides,

Where you come from and where you go,

All these flowers always show

But it is only you I wish to know~

Must _ wonder?

what could everyone else’s life would be like,

without a particular someone - that someone being

_ _ - in their life.,

Can’t help such thoughts when An illness with no antidote is prevalent and constantly at large;

Slowly disintegrating what makes happiness be caused- leaving nothing behind-

A No thing as _ ,

,+,

/•~•\

* ,| |, *

\ {( }{ )} /

/ { ,’“ h ’“, } \

g

i

OverfloWING with anxiety that flies rocket h

awkward as such could possibly get;

Without a s-i-n-g-l-e shred of normality left;

Due to such an existence as this d

r

a

i

n

i n

g

_ _ being dry

Fighting for, yet against the one place where this particular one truly belongs;

a lifetime battle, one that no matter what, Cannot truly be won.

Simply how war goes; one side wins, or their is peace drawn,

Either or, Forever it cannot go on.

No more can _ fight,

Blades, cannons and nukes are all rusted; lost all properties,

now wonder during all _ _ time , perhaps quite too oooooffffttteen often often oooooffffttteen;

_ know exactly how just it would be for _ ,

no present, future nor past; only infinitely living

peace

at last

With every drop of eternal pain; shedded,

forgotten as _ am

Remaining without existence in _ _ coffin,

But how would they feel as they stare at _ _

B l a n k l y expressioned, lifeless face,

~~~~~

vessel solely on {display}

~~~~~

No way to hear, yet believe one can be heard while saying meaning(less)(full) words,

no way to see if their weight begins to increase (n)or if their souls are de-chained;

set f%r%e%e,

A particular thing who can’t fit in with any one, not even ones _ _ _ _

No proper place to reside, not one out of all shelves,

Over due and at point of no return,

Last protocol is to turn to ashes; burn,

Conflicting caused by concern for what kind of butterfly effect on the future it could cause to occur,

Positive? unsure

Only longing to achieve inner light

by the emptiness-filled nothingness

_ _ _ been praying for.

~Emily Marie Stevens~

Photo Credits; Unknown

There was once an elder predator,

He hunted his prey in the dark of night,

stalking them ever so carefully,

making sure they’d satisfy his hunger just right while tediously treading to ensure not to cause a sliver of fright.

He was not your average predator, no no,

he knew how to attack just right,

his prey were vulnerable and couldn’t be attacked on sight

first step was to make them believe he was not a threat, no no, he was the savior of the night.

After falling into his trap the prey would be taken.

Mr. Predator would wait ever so patiently to pounce until they fell asleep soundly, all the while believing they were safe from the outside horrors of the night.

Little did they know the worst horror of all was right by their side,

Little did they know this until they woke up to him attacking and ripping apart their insides.

Poor prey was fragile and innocent and didn’t know how to act,

They only shivered and shed silent tears as they were frozen with fright.

The prey snapped back and ran for the heavens, screaming and kicking as they ran from an unknown territory,

Not understanding why this savior was a predator behind the mask.

How could the prey be so stupid?

Poor prey believed everyone had kindness until that day.

This is the story of how a 50 year old predator attacked a 14 year old prey,

And that prey was me.

they say im all chopped up,

neck to ankles,

cause when life got tough,

my body would get mangled.

red pours onto the floor,

staining the wood,

marks down to my core,

pleasured smiles;

eternally misunderstood.

memories taking me down,

numbness is all that remains,

not wanted around,

happiness cant be attained,

i, never to be restrained.

shatter whats been broken,

SHE has rises and woken,

no exit,

Takes my place,

when in control,

its not me behind the mirrors face

Life lately has never been so empty

alone; trapped in this Black Sea eternally drowning helplessly..

Maybe it’s because I finally felt complete, just to get ripped apart;

Apart;

that's

where

we

have

drifted

You can give me unlimitttttttttted gifts and kisses,

but nothing will fill what went miss ing,

What you took was all the joy I had;

And it can't be rejuvenated nor replaced,

because now I can’t bear to look at your face,

all that remains is the lingering, living nightmare that won’t f a d e;

No escape

Pain manifested and spread ;

burning all happiness to ash,

And now I thank you;

came in my world to drown it with love,

only to drain it all out; to the very last d

r

o

p

What beautiful cruelty;

So hateful yet lovely,

Leaving me ¿clueless? on what life should be about-

But now I finally know my life is no longer about you,

and I give you one final thank you for giving me a the clues to decipher what is unreal and what is true-

~Emily Marie Stevens~

Photo Credits: Me

Somebody's heart is aching,

maybe it's me,

all these things we are celebrating,

but it's happiness I'm faking.,

by you there are too many things that are unseen,

all this pain that you've caused,

but i can't lose you, if i did i know the cost,

There's a lot of things we've been through,

but this made my brain so screwed.,

it's so cruel,

and I don't know what to do,

after all the things in my life I've been through,

all those things you knew,

but still you went and did what you did, broken promises; how could you?

You knew all my issues,

but still you decided to destroy my world, our world,

created the worst day of my life,

to learn all the lies; oh how i was thrilled,

my heart stabbed in pieces, pieces that now have no match,

Too shattered to repair,

for me you didn't care,

If you really did love me,

the things you did you wouldn't dare,

but you went and did the highest level of betrayal,

sent my mind off the rails,

And away it sailed,

Into the vast ocean with a heart that's been uncountably and unexplainably broken,

wounds that still remain open,

caused by an Angel giving her soul to the omen.,

Empty, lost, and lonely,

the consequences I pay for the love of my life destroying my entire being.,

Nothing's been the same,

I can't feel you on my heart or my brain; Too numb from the pain yet it is all I feel.,

You had been acting so different once I met her and soon enough all the pieces were put together and glued.,

All The things you did right in front of me,

all the clues were right there,

but I just didn't want to see,

refused to believe,

never thought this could be,

I always worried but I never truly believed you could do this to me.,

Gone from you,

one night I got this feeling and I knew,

out of the blue, all my insides became cold,

heart beating so fast it caused me to choke.,

That very same night I had a dream like no other;

blurry images fading in and out of one another,

images of you and her under the covers.,

The next day there was a knock at my door,

your new friends boyfriend was standing on my porch,

telling me the truth of horrors that made us both crumple to the floor.,

Couldn’t breath, couldn’t think, couldn’t see,

I felt my hear break and crash into me,

finally knowing what it was like to literally feel your heart break.,

Destroyed by you playing me like a game,

let her into our home,

“slept” in the same room,

skipped seeing me to be with her,

I stared at you as you starred at her like she was the only thing in the world,

the way you smiled at her,

all the things you did for her.,

You were my perfection but I guess she was yours,

I gave you all I could,

I gave you all I thought I knew you deserved,

I gave you every ounce of my being,

All the love in the world; love I never would have imagined I could feel.,

Fell out of love once I heard the truth,

It's been glued to my brain constantly for months; you fucked me up to the core; I'm all screwed.,

After all you knew

you still did the unthinkable,

broken promises and lies filled the room,

everywhere I go, this nightmare follows me like a ghost,

never thought I could feel this broken and unwhole.,

99% of the time I feel Like I'm off this planet, somewhere long gone, Everyday waking up hoping everything that happened was all wrong.,

and even when I feel a sliver of happiness, it fades away like the end of a song.,

This memory won't leave me alone; it's a demon; a constant Deja vu that keeps me crumbling and bleeding for all of my eternity.,

you did this to me; how could you be so cruel.,

I would never even think of doing this to you.,

how could this be true?.,

All the love I thought we grew, you chopped down in one swoop.,

All I feel is numbness and pain;

but somehow I still love you; even after you gave up and demolished all the love we had gained.. we know nothing can ever be the same; so why do either of us stay?.,

Love is strange that way,

even when it’s broken all the way.,

All my soul continues to drain as pain comes in to fill its place,

can’t continue to become more bruised and scarred from trying to put back together pieces that have no match,

I hope I’ll gain enough strength to be able to leave you at last;

I kept hoping we could heal, that I could forgive you and time would set me free,

But I’ve woken up from the illusion,

and now our story has come to its final conclusion.,

Being without you is the only way I can be whole again.,

Amen.

~Emily Marie Stevens~

Photo Credits: Me

You're my world, the shelter from the rain

You're the pills that take away my pain

You're the light that helps me find my way

You're the words when I have nothing to say.,

You're the fire that warms me when I'm cold

You're the hand I have to hold as I grow old

You're the shore when I am lost at sea

You're only thing that I like about me.,

In my headlights, I saw you standing there, the most beautiful creation I could lay my eyes upon, too beautiful to believe,

could not help but think you were a demonic presence dressing as a perfect vessel,

With all my doubts pushed aside I let you in,

lured to the sound of your drumsticks,

beating a drum that made a symphony when combined with mine,

You soothed my soul,

put my mind at ease,

an aura unlike any I had ever felt,

Instantly I knew you were the missing piece to the pie of my heart,

An everlasting grace that was so profound,

one only dreamed of ever existing in this life,

I found you without the slightest attempt to, the holy gravy,

the very thing people spend their entire existence trying to find,

you appeared, gleaming in my headlights, ending my search for happiness.

~Emily Marie Stevens~

PhotoCredits:Me

Life long dream,

One that only fails time and time again,

So simple yet completely undoable.,

~

A dream of only wanting to make those around happy,

To see their smiling faces and hear their boastful laughter is what fills hearts with content and peace,

Something one longs to feel always feel,

Yet prays they can cause, a never ending symphony,

How one cannot feel joy yet wishes to spread is quite the mystery,

An ironic conundrum,

~

Perhaps it’s a silly dream,

Wanting to help everyone see the light

While residing in the dark abyss seems completely irrational,

Yet all of ones life, this is all one could ever truly want to make become reality,

More than just a dream,

It’s a life long yearning..

~Emily Marie Stevens~