Accept.

That it’s

Ongoing laundry

Not just laundry.

Taboo.

That one child

Is more….than the other...

Reach to the other one just as much

And never tell.

And no, I don’t love husband

Everyday.

All the time.

It’s nothing like dating.

Nothing at all.

Most feeling unexpressed.

Love.

is best through action

And all the other nonverbals get

meshed.

But I move forward.

Creep along.

Carrying.

So much.

Slowly learning

how to do this.

Motivation

sometimes

by pieces of human love.

But most times,

by Gods complete Love, plan and purpose

For this lil ol imperfect family

experience.

I guess it depends who you are...and what you value...

But here are a few...

Not letting down kids, or family or lovers

Challenges we don’t want to loose,

To be content in knowing you did the best you could,

Not taking the cowards way out,

Dreams we cherish,

Sensations we crave,

Debts we want to pay,

Thrills we seek,

The fear of death,

The mystery of life,

The puzzles,

Knowing being alive is a gift-

when a near-death moment threatens to take it all away.

To teach,

To give hope,

to show faith, to act in love.

To love them more.

To seek

And find.

And not be left unfinished.

At the park.

I just want to stay here forever.

Wandering in the journey.

Not at the very end, completely alone.

Not with you, at the beginning.

Back & forth, back & forth, she swings.

Her freckles were like the stars in the night sky, purposefully placed for the eye to wonder with awe from one to another’s beauty over miles of pale white skin that leads the beholder to her smile, the sunshine in this universe. She didn’t need tattoos or piercings, her purity and genuine kindness was enough to make one see something special, something different. Her name was Fire. Although her beauty spread like flames around her, like her freckles, she was not the ranting of perfection and popularity. Her beauty and character were hidden treasures only some saw, if not, deeply appreciated. Some, could only admire from afar, because they felt unworthy and shaken by Fire’s pure essence.

Her hair was a reddish orangish brownish blond. Longish. That fizzed, curled and knotted easily. She often ran her delicate fingers through it, snagging it in the little tangles.

Nothing made her heart yearn more than her desire to run away. But what she wanted, she sensed, was so far away.

Her mother died in spirit back when she was three years old. The woman sits all day and stares at the lake outside her window wondering if her husband will ever come home. She talks to the birds and thanks the sun for coming up each day.

Fire’s dad left a spiral spinning in everyone’s head about why and where he went. No signs, no clues, just wonder and tension.

But she bared it. Continued to get caught in the folds of an ignorant society, and jabbed at by pure evil over and over. The movies, the news, Hollywood, shopping malls, more shopping malls. Her parents. There was true happiness somewhere. But not here, not where her feet hit the ground. She went on a journey........

Though dark places and looked in the eyes of happy faces. Each time she experience something, she wrote it down. She went downhills across bridges and in caves.

She continued to wander, day by day listening to the whispers of angels, following the guided steps, searching for a way out......

Or a way in to something more.

Year one I learned to breath for sure

Year two I learned to scream for sure

Year three I learned to play

Four, I learned to hide

Five, I learned to go to school

Six, I learned to be quiet

Seven, I learned to make a best friend

Eight, I learned to keep a best friend

Nine, I learned to love to write

Ten, I learned how to make the grades

Eleven, I learned how to say no

Twelve, I learned how to keep saying no

Thirteen, I learned to keep standing

Fourteen, I learned illness

Fifteen, I learned to cry again

Sixteen, I learned to scream again

Seventeen, I learned how dark I was

Eighteen, learned to loose my friends

Nineteen, I was lost for sure

Twenty, I was starting out again

Twenty one, I got more lost than before

Twenty two, I was a little wobbly

Twenty three, going in the opposite direction

Twenty four, completely crashed

Twenty five, I learned how to scream out for God

Twenty six, I learned to stand and walk again

Twenty seven, I was getting better

Twenty eight, I graduated from college

Twenty nine, I looked deeper

Thirty, was I getting old?

Thirty one, completely in love

Thirty two, married

Thirty three, wobbly

Thirty four, pregnant

Thirty five, ill and a mom

Thirty six, getting better as a mom

Thirty seven, better and still a mom

Thirty eight, learning to breath and nailing it!!!

We are both monsters.

You and me.

Me? because I like you so much, and I hold too tight.

I have claws that grip,

Claws that tear. The relationship apart.

I’d tear the heart out of myself to give to you,

But now it does not beat.

You? because you can not see

How to stop the destruction.

You are a goggly eyed monster looking up and around.

Never inside or even down.

You roam and wobble never watching where you go, or who you step on.

I love you, you love me.

But we are monsters when we are together.

Is it wrong to love a monster?

Is it wrong to be one?