Do you think of me when you do things?
When I'm not there?
Does it matter??
Do you even care?
If I'm left out theres more to share.
I'm left out of everything not matter what it is.
What's the point?
I feel like giving in..
I'm left out..
When I’m gone?
"What will you remeber when I'm gone? Do you love me? Hate me? Use me? Remember the things you've done. Who was turly there for you. Remeber me when I'm gone. Let my memory sit in your mind and rot away at you. Let who I was beat you down till you realize everything you've done to me. Let it rot your brain. The things you said, The way you acted, The things you've done to me. Bitch." -Luca (Basically the embodiment of me in my book I'm writing)
Am I okay? Who knows at this point, Not matter how much I cry out for help it's useless. Not matter the cries for you to stop you continue. You keep going, Keep talking, Keep filling my head with anxiety and static..., As my head buzzes and I cry for you to realize what you're doing. Who cares, Not me, Right? Just standing here waiting for you to come to your senses, waiting for you to care about me. You're the best and worst..."I love you"...Just listen to me...
Idk Take a excerpt from sum I writing
t//w Implied Sulcid3 and Harmful thought
I sighed and listened to the music drown out the noise in my head and the rush of the outside world. My tangled messy hair I threw into a bun now laying flat against split down the middle. The tears clouded my eyes and judgement.
“Today was hard..” I said allowed, holding the ends of my purple cardigan covering my hands.
“I don’t like how things look right now..” I looked around scanning the sky above me and feeling the heavyweight push into my chest further.
I laughed and cried harder, feeling my face flush as I shook slowly. My head once filled with commotion and anger now empty as the music entered my ears. The lovely voice of Ricky Montgomary filled the air and my head. I swayed slowly staring at my laced tight Dock Martens. I giggled more at the pitiful sight that was myself. I shuffled and remembered my mom's words, my dad's words, and the soft voices of my brothers. The babble of my baby brother made me smile. I felt peaceful as I heard the honk of a car below me. I stood up walking in a circle on the tile roof. Stretching my back out and pressing pause on my computer I stared at the view before me, The lovely little sunset I loved watching. I was dying from the lack of sleep, staying up till 2 am sometimes even 4 or 5 am. The pressure of school and my grades plummeted to nothing but dust making me disappoint my family. I slowly slid off my golden circle glasses folding them up and placing them onto the keyboard of my computer wanting to pace more. I had no friends, but a wonderful boyfriend and an amazing cousin who were always there for me. They both made this decision so much harder to make. I loved my baby's smiling face and my cousin's shitty dark humor that never failed to make me laugh. The charming names my love called me filled my head. Memories of being small and finding trivial easter basics and shoving the fact that I found mine first in my cousins face. Both my love and my cousin played in some knock off version of beauty and the beast where my cousin put the wrong shirt on and had to rip it off. I laughed slightly remembering his struggle to remain calm in the end as the crowd giggled and laughed at his unintentional goof. But soon enough I thought about my clingy messages to my love. My pestering bitchy attitude towards my cousin and realized how much i fucked up their lives. My mind became foggy as I heard more voices and more people in my head. I wanted them to stop. Then I realized how much of a burden I lay on my family's shoulders. Being argumentative, and closed off. Letting myself fall off the perfect big sister pedestal. How much I hurt others without realizing. I crouched and covered my ears cryin, hitting at my head.
“GET OUT GET OUT!!” I cried out wanting no, needing help.
Wishing someone understood what was going on upstairs. I laid on my back covering my ears tight letting the tears run down my cheeks and onto the floor. I kicked my legs slamming my feet into the floor. The struggle was too much now. I closed my computer and pulled the crumpled up ball of papers out from my pocket. I wrapped up the little sushi headphone I stole from my cousin and unfolded the balls of paper. In crumpling them and making sure they were in order. I placed them on top of the computer and unlaced my shoes. I placed them beside the glasses and letter. I climbed over the rail taking a deep breath turning around and closing my eyes. I shoved myself off the rail...and fell.