Sad world~

Our smile is sad

Yellowed and cracked

Our bones burned to ashes

Our backs bent to tank-flashes

Peace hiding in the woods- of the green heart

The soil denied and refused to drink our blood

Died of our thirst and dryness

The beautiful species, half 'lying' on shiny, greasy dish

And half strives for attention, in the fancy garbage

While the stray-rats digging in the bottom of a trash can

And the others decorating our walls and labeled skin

Cheaply! Manufactured on our seats for the gateway carpet

Sad world. Sad and dry and pathetic

And lack of every meaning of word; 'ethic'

_________________________________

And I live in this world●

#TheModernBlackHole

#HumanGreed #Wars #Nature #Destruction

#ModernWorld #Power #Capitalism #SadWorld

Talk to me world, talk to me

Tell me, WHAT is it you hiding from me

Why you cursing me

Why you cursing at me

Talk to me world, talk to me

Why can't I just be happy

Why can't I just be free

Why can't you just leave me

Leave me!

Enough of this pain

I please you on my knee

What is it world, what is it?

What is it that you hiding from me

Why can't I be just a little bit happy

Why can't I just be free?

WORLD!

Just leave me.

I had to do public speech and, of course, I had to drink, but this time I wanted to take it to the next level for better grades. So, instead of drinking at home as I used to I went to the bar, sat on the stool... it was early for drinking, the bartender asked if I'd like to have breakfast, I mean, that's what I heard when she spoke in fine-rapid accent, like speaking under helium balloon affect. "I'm fed up already, let me get old fashioned" I said, 

without the an. I had tried it a few times earlier and it have become my favorite. She asked, "how would you like it?" and I went like, huh? I'm sorry? She restated the question differently, "would you like- blank/blank, blank?" Ha, seriously! I came here to get wasted not to get lost. Well, humm... aaa... anything, I'll take anything, I said. I was never asked such a question before. "Anything?!" She repeated after me, curiously! And went furious and mumbled a little as she went to prepare my drink while I thought to myself, 

"please God, don't let her ask me questions anymore." 

I'm an immigrant, ignorant by the culture, and I'm not a bar person anyway. Yes, I don't know how to walk on a bar and order myself a drink. Back in the day where I came from I was getting invited to friends and family house for a drink and fun time, but I have never seen a bar in other than movies. Now I've been living in U.S for fairly long time, yet I don't have social life, no friends or girlfriends to drink with. I haven't had a chance to drink alcohol with fancy names like neat and naked, and wtf naked is anyway! Am I gonna drink it or fuck it! I don't know. Well, at least I now learned how to "fuck" a drink in a "neat" way. 

#PublicSpeechMission #Anxiety #Judgements #FloodOfThoughts #ADHD

May-2017

<-!DUMBTYPE html "irrational code"->

<-title->lover<-/title->

<-head->chaos<-/head->

<-link->distance<-/link->

<-body->soulless<-/body->

<-footer->darkness<-/footer->

#dumbtype #irrationalcode #html #lovecode #coded

I saw your smile.

Not the one I carry in my heart,

I mean.. the one you didn't smile in it.

Yes, I saw it...

I saw it and my heart shattered.

It ripped my heart in two, one with me 

And the whole with you.

How sad you looked in it!

No, it wasn't the spring bloom 

That I carry in my heart,

It was a sad leaf in grayscale.

"Why so sad?" they asked.

You answered, "swimming in the city will do that"

Yeah.. I totally get that- as I swim in a city as well.

My city's called -The Abandoned City-

It's soaked in flesh and blood, blue and moonlight-s.

In my city, the needle drop would echo clockwise

Restlessly! 'til the sunrise.

But, does everything go by name?

Huh, ironically, my city is too noisy and chaotic.

I know your city-

It's noisy and chaotic as mine,

And its seasons are rough and tricky.

As you're looking up to the sunshine

Thinking- this morning is warm and exciting!

It's actually as cold as February, on the inside.

Although-- I wonder...

What is it in your city?

I wonder...

If my city within your borders.

I wonder...

If you've found my body- in the abandoned city. 

Have you?

#Sad #Photo #Poetry - #Noisy #Grayscaled #Cities

           †

I'm Jesus, see-

I've left my kingdom 

When you called me

To save you...

To carry the sin

You have kept within 

I'm Jesus, see-

I came down from heaven

To set you free

But when I lifted my eyes

To your heavenly face

You captured my divinity

Into your green crystal moon

And left me to swim and sink

Swim-and-Sink 

Into your ocean of sin

I drank your ocean

And I've become- 

The master of sin!

But all I got from

Your ocean is--

Loaves-and-fish

Moons-and-river

Written on my heart

Ringing in my ears

Not enough to feed my

Hunger and selfishness

Your voice is a crown of thorns

Inside of my head

Poking my thoughts out

To bleed silent ink

Your silence is a loud whips

Falling on my naked heart

And your breeze is my shadow

You made my mother

Cry and grief too

Wearing the dark dress

Knelt to the cross

At the punishment hills  

In aches and sorrow

When death dwelt my body

For I'm a sinner

I'm Jesus, see-

The scar you gifted me-

Between my ribs

Still bleeding--

Bleeding silent ink 

And vinegar

Do you still have a doubt

That I'm Jesus?

Do you still have a doubt

That I've become--

The master of sin?

Here...

reach my hands

And touch the scars

See my blood

Flowing~ in your name

Between my fingertips

And the cross lines

The cross that you gave me

To carry on my heart

The cross that you gave me

To write off my debts

For I am...

The Master Of Sin

                                                                   †

        -Taste my voice and touch my soul, and you shall feel my eternity within you- 

#JesusIsSinner #LoveIsSin #I'mAsinner #FreeSpirit #RebelliousThoughts  

April-2017

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things

I don't like to analyze/explain a poem word for word because I'm not good at it, it feels likes I'm ruining its sweetness and value. However, this poem hit and broke and squeezed my heart sooo hard for many reasons, in many ways since I first time read it. It's basically encourages the reader to be himself. It's telling the reader that we all are not perfect and we don't have to feel low for being imperfect. We all suffer in a way or another. 

You're not alone. 

I LOVE EVERY WORD OF THIS POEM.

But the most lines that really hit me are,

"You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting."

"You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."

"Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination."

And "announcing your place in the family of thing" most deeply beautiful line.

I REALLY LOVE EVERY WORD OF THIS POEM! EVERY WORD!!

This link to the poem and its analysis for whom might be interested in in-depth analysis.

http://gwenglish.blogspot.com/2014/04/poem-of-day-mary-olivers-wild-geese.html

And if you this poem you might want to check out this one called 

"the summer day" also by Mary Oliver! 

https://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/133.html

I die and die

I wander

And fly

Dead body walking

Above the sky

Sad heart bleeding 

Aching and fry

Can you tell if I lie? 

I die and die

I wander

And fly 

I hide and deny

But I never

Ever lie

Even though

I don't tell

When I cry