With a blood curdling scream

Do I wake from my dream

Trying not to embrace the darkness

 Clutching air to my chest do I lay back to rest

 All the while I’m ignoring the rasping

 From the deepest recess, I beat at my chest

 This mortal coil no longer mine for possessing

 Sad words are they spoken

Mirror lies as a token

To make my soul sound so unique

 So pass by in procession, and be done with this session

 For my name you’ll forget in a week 

 Go to my wake have coffee, and cake

 Tell jokes while you smile so banally

 Don’t be so grim like the reaper within

 We all get this shallow finale

The semi darkness do I creep

Ghosts in tow begging for my sleep

Lights too bright I harken to hall as a savior to my senses

This room of grandeur in pamphlet alone

Do its walls sit so close to my soul that I beg for release

The need for escape does it writhe like worms through my mind

Shouts in the distance offer misery and broken dreams

While sex plays down the hall through surround sound

My shadows grow closer

My ghost she begs for sleep

My muse does she weep

My soul does it scream

What does this life truly mean?

Trains cry in the night

My murderer

My savior

Lights grow dim

Soft tapping at my door

My ghost,

let her in…

Dried milk on the counter yellow and flaking in long since dried pools like a desert

The kitchen sink was dark brown but I am sure it wasn’t bought that way

They were surrounded by dark walls that if could speak would probably only scream

Dirty floors covered in grease and years of grime, years of tears

Newspapers stacked almost from floor to ceiling.

If you were to pull out the one on the very bottom it would say in bold letters “THE WAR IS OVER!”

They stand like Royal Guards at the base of the stairs

Those stairs

So dreary

So cold

No light would ever escape down them.

You could put lights on every step and you still couldn’t see a damn thing

So steep it was like climbing a ladder covered in dirt and hair

The bathroom was no better it was always too cold

Not just cold.

No

This was a bone chilling cold

Many times if you were to turn around too quickly you could see something scurry away

Hiding in the darkness that surrounded its corners

Their safe haven

One wall was a big window with fogged textured glass

You know the kind

Standing preparing to slip into a hot bath when suddenly a distorted face appears to

watch your every move

It never happened yet the thought was always there

The wall outside was so close it gave away nothing in the way of light

Just how the house liked it

You cannot reveal a secret

If you cannot see it

The living room had what looked like 1930s wallpaper

Nicotine stained and peeling revealing depression and loss

Its carpet had a well-trodden path from too many years of use

Those dark stairs they would always beckon you

Where did they lead?

2 small rooms as dark, dirty and cold as the rest of the house

My room was at the back to where it seemed the sun could never shine

Just a faint light to show you, your breath

My view was that of the other houses so close it made you feel claustrophobic

So dark if you stared at them to long you wanted to kill yourself

My view also gave me the roof of the bathroom

And the garden (if you could call it that)

A cement block with a door leading to the maze of alleyways filled with rubbish and dog shit

Of discarded mattresses and lost lives

The history of this house is mostly unknown

And of what is known is too sad to tell

I only ever stayed there once

Those sweet sweet kisses caressing the moonlit night 

Memories of pasts present future 

 Water laps at my heart, as tracks of iron bid thy passage north 

 Heavy heart does it go into the rising suns glare 

 As tree after tree, town after town shows me mankind is lost 

 We can no longer see the humanity for the people 

 Too many now 

 We scurry like ants beneath the feet of God headlong into oblivion 

 So soulless do we kill for no other reason than to see what it is like 

 Rusting tracks glide by, a hint of green on rotting sleepers 

 A hint of mother natures easy return 

 Her slight wink to those that know better 

 Mankind is but a whisper in time 

 A flea feasting on the blood of the universe 

One day to be shaken off in final annoyance

by an entity we have sacrificed so many for, in the short millennia of our existence 

To war century over century, fighting for nothing 

 Fighting for something 

 That never-ending desire to kill 

 To love 

 To fill the world with spawn to keep the blood line ticking along 

 In some false belief that we shall live forever if we do so 

 As Gods to our future generations, a rock to lean upon 

 Ten commandments to live by, to rule by 

 To kill by

The water laps silently through my window 

 I watch her gentle ebbs and flows, they seem stifled in the silent clackity clack of the trains constant motion 

 A mute child trying in vain to make the world understand her words 

 Hush now child, no more fussing 

 Lap against your shores, 

 Give us what we demand 

 Let us take without thought 

 Cut through the rolling fogs, and lonely hills covered in mist, 

 True beauty to behold, and the perfect route to the city 

 Selfishness and petty demands come from ignorant minds 

I fear death, yet despise life 

 This pathetic version of what we call life at least 

 Fishermen stare blankly as my train flies by, no doubt laughing at all the cattle on their way to nowhere 

 How many in this cattle train look back at them with even a hint of envy? 

 How many even realize they were there? 

 We seem to gaze upon the world while never actually noticing its presence 

 Walking through life in a dream state of self destruction 

 We wait at a station on this pointless journey, and in silence a moth flies up to my window 

 As silent as the flowing waters, it sits upon the glass to show me the intricate marking upon its wings 

 Wings so fragile if I were to touch them they would cause her to fly no more 

 As always I am alone in this moment… the only one to notice 

 We trundle away towards the north, to continue my soul sucking journey 

 Lost now in the workings of my mind 

 Darkness creeps in, as the rising sun blinds my sight

I fear this coming night as I will once again go in search for my hotel ghosts 

 Towns pass by in a blur, each one swelling to the point of bursting 

 Nowhere is safe from mans never ending need to take over 

 To spread out 

 To conquer 

 Ignorance 

 Selfishness 

 Humanity 

 Virus  

Black and blue

Rotting flesh

What can I do to escape your grasp?

The wind carries your soul

My mind is your tomb

Liquid flesh dripping on the carpet

Liquid flesh to mark a passing

Old life

Tired eyes now gone

Maggots crawl as flies buzz

Bone bursting from tightened skin

Filling my mind with memories

As tunnel vision comes

Bloated stomach fit to bursting

No longer here

Yet it seems you never left

Marks on the ceiling the silent testimony

Ignorant children in ties and a plastic tub to take you away

Once so elegant now an object to remove

No parades, no fireworks, just a dirty white van

Cigarettes, and talk of sports

Sun begins to set, as you are carried away

Cries in the night call out your name as the wind slips through the trees

Cats sing to your passing

Forever do I grieve

Incandescent reds cover the sky

As darkness creeps about the edges of the world

Waiting patiently like death in the wings

The murderous sun makes his way from the scene

Leaving the moon to mourn the loss of another day

I curse as the cold water glides down my back

It maneuvered through the terrain of my thick leather jacket to find my skin

As I watch the dog walk from left to right feeling my hair grow wetter by the second

I curse

I feel miserable

Until a homeless woman slowly walks on by

She tells me my dog is beautiful

She pets her then continues down the road

She wears little more than a summer dress and a thin woolen jacket

Her bag thrown over shoulder

A black garbage bag

Her shoes as far as I could see are worn well

The holes I’m sure let in more water than I could imagine

As the rain falls I loosen my grip on my jacket

The freezing waters cascade down my back shivering me to the bone

As the rain falls I envision so many others covering themselves from the cold

Under a bridge as the rain sounds like thunder mixing with the roar of the traffic above

A silent alley with a niche tucked neatly in the corner where none can see

The rain doesn’t hit quite so hard there

The old man ignoring the wet pushes up his makeshift tent of old blankets and a drop cloth snagging the branches to keep it just right

The forgotten girl

Laying in the ditch

Her eyes filling with water

Like she were crying for her own passing

As this woman walked around the corner and from my sight a tear came

For one were tears come rarely

I felt ashamed at my minor inconvenience

The dog walked on ahead

As a I slowly walked back into my warm dry home

Back inside

Listening to the constant mantra

The hum from the roof like muffled drums

As the rain falls upon it

Standing in the bathroom you stared at yourself for hours

I watched you as you slowly died before my eyes, father of skin and bone

It killed me to know I was helpless to stop it

I remember days at the beach the sand so hot you would pick me up

And put me on your shoulders carrying me to the safety of the seas

Cool waters

Riding with you on your bike

The wind in my hair and fear in my heart

Exhilaration mixed with terror

The camping trips, fishing in the dawns light as mist drifted across the water and joy filled my heart

Memories now

Old memories slowly covered with dust as the passing of time erases us forever more

You died the next day, sudden and sharp, cutting out my soul

taking my dreams with you, while staring from cold dead eyes

Your funeral was dark; depressing dying to young, yes for the thousandth time I tell them I am fine, even though everyone knew I wasn’t who would be?

The room so full of whispers “ cancer at 35 so young so tragic “ never once did they mention what he did, never once condoning his actions

In a year they will forget, secretly glad it was my father, and not themselves

There will be someone else to feel sorry for in some other place, another faceless soul to bury with hushed lies amidst rich colored flowers

Loneliness, depression fill my body as I stand in front of your mirror every night, looking to see if a piece of you stayed behind, just a small piece so I don’t forget you

Older now my memories get hazy, sometimes I can’t picture your face

I feel that I have betrayed your memory some how, betrayed the man you once were, betrayed my mothers love for you

Death

Yours and mine

Finding you in the tool shed.

I came to let you know that breakfast was ready, while not knowing of your cancer I knew something wasn’t right

My life died with you that day, to witness so young

My childhood gone forever as I stood staring to scared to look away

Watching

Watching

As you slowly swayed like the branches of an old tree in the wind

Mother’s screams going on forever once she realized we had been gone too long

Sometimes I wake at night covered in sweat listening

As her screams echo through the darkness of the house, still ringing in my ears

She was never the same after you died

Changed

She became a recluse and died alone

Surrounded by her memories

Her tablets and an empty vodka bottle

A dark wood coffin rolling slowly out of sight and into a burning hell

Alone

No one left to love

Your shed torn down like my childhood

Gone now with the scarred earth to forever remind me of that day

Scarred earth where the grass will never grow

Scarred eyes no more tears left to flow

Searing pain mixed with blood

Does the little Lamb come

Youth lost to carnal pleasures

Does the innocents die

Little Lamb so still within the shadows

A little soul lost

A little girl does cry

In this world of pain and blood

Darkened walls and shadowed landscapes

Crawl around the confines of her prison

Tears drop into the dirt on the floor

Mixing with blood

Creating loss

Creating misery

A stranger slips through the shadows

A hero of the hour

A monster for all time

The father

Born from hatred

The father

The killer

Stealing into the night

To erase his mistakes

Stealing two souls

To save his own

As silence engulfs the park

Wind pushes the swings

Squeaking the pain of rust and abuse

Crying to loss

Found by a child

Scarred forevermore

Little Lambs without their fleece

Waiting for their time

A Little Lamb born

For the slaughter