Empty Bottles Pt. 1
keep having visions in a hatch back
past love flashbacks
things i guess i hide in a snapback
but fuck that
i know how it feels to be hurt and
ill tell you the truth im just a really bad person
i dont want your love nor forgiveness
i just wanna visit
and tell you all the things i guess that i am missin
the pieces of a broken heart
where do i start
i cant hold relationships my heart fell apart
i cant trust and i just keep running
im sorry for the way i made you look like a dummy
but dont respond id rather see you with another man
...guess im tryna say god has another plan
Sparks Will Fly.
"...in a '91 nissan 240sx." That was me. I knew it was me. And for a second there...I blanked out. I looked over at Mark, Donnie and Alondra. Everybody else that knew I would do this one day was in the stands. No noise. Just me, the deep purr of that SR20DET, and the intro of Deadmau5's strobe. Almost as if the song was sending me into a vortex. Everything was in slow motion. A blur. The cheering faintly coming into play, seeing the claps and the "turning up" from the team as I threw the car in reverse heading for the starting line. My first..."legit" match.
As I pulled up next to him, I glanced over at my opponent. No face. just an all black helmet with the word "HOONIGAN" across the top of his visor. Typical. I give him a thumbs up. For him it was probably just a weekend hobby. A stress reliever. For me...it was a dream. And for that moment...as I felt the hug from the Bride Stradia II seat, the restriction of the green Takata 4 point harness, the natural heat from the car and the sun beaming thru the windshield gripping the Nardi wood grain steering wheel I knew...that every moment I had sat there as a kid daydreaming of this moment...that I had to give it my all. It was day one of Formula Drift pro am. And I was going for gold this season. "Are you ready" the official said. I gave a thumbs up. As he looks over at my opponent and words the same thing, he does as I do. Here we go. Ilead first. As the flag goes up I put the car in first and rev it up to about 3k rpm. The spool of the HKS GT-RS turbo is barely even heard over the 3 inch straight piping I'm running but as I let off the throttle you hear the LOUD whistle of the HKS SSQV BOV.
Im ready. Time almost stops as I hit the sweet spot of my engine. Let off the clutch and you just hear the roar of both cars take off. Im significantly leading already as I shift into second followed by third. Letting off the throttle going into the first turn I dump the clutch and pull the e brake and turn. This is it. All jokes aside...this is it. This is the dream I had been living in my head. Almost simultaneously as I hear the screeching of the Toyo Proxes I'm running and see the smoke its almost as I hear every laugh, every joke, every "get real you can't do that in life" finally be shut up. The rest of the track is basically a blur. I finish with a good 5 second lead. How you may ask? I ask myself the same question. But that's not what surprises me. What surprises me is that I don't realize it...but as the next round comes and I play the follow car I end up taking the inside corner on a hairpin turn and taking the lead. An automatic win.
All day it's been like this. Take a lead here, overtake there, run CLOSE to the wall, smoke out the crowd. For never being on the track, this was a pretty good start. A rookie, but giving a damn good run for the pros money.
"Babe" Alondra whispers. "What?" Iask. "I know this is your dream and all, but just be careful. I don't want anything bad happening to you." “I know babe I'll be okay, I promise. As long as I got you I'll be okay. Im superman with you.” I give a smile and she replies, “Iknow” as she laughs “I just want you to be safe okay?” “Okay” I tell her. I kiss her and turn out the light. Tell her goodnight and turn back over and knock out. “Alright dude shes ready” Mark yells. “Thanks brodie” Itell him back. I always loved the feel of new tires and the only reason was because I got to warm them up. Warming them up I made mini figure 8’s and donuts. Y'know...the the “drifting” every high school kid thinks they do. Practicing behind our garage was always fun. Cones in the back of the garage doing little slides in the back with mark. Practicing tandem drifting. "Aye you know that sr won't be able to hang with the LS swapped cars in formula d right?" Mark said. "Shes perfect. She'll last." I replied. Staring at the hatch and his 240sx coupe it was like the days back when we were in high school dreaming of being pro. Reminiscing on when in spanish class we'd yell out stuff about cars from across the class before class started. "Aye bro a 2j swapped FD." "Weak sauce. Rb26dett s15." Id yell back. "You and your s15." I laughed. "What are you laughing at." "Back in highschool...remember we'd say wed do this stuff one day?" "Yep." He said.
Mark was a different kind of guy. Hed tell you EXACTLY what was on his mind. What's necessary is to be done with him. I met him my freshman year of highschool and ever since then we were just best friends sharing the same dream. He didnt go thru with it being that he had financial responsibilities to take care of. But he stuck around on the team just to go for the ride. Later that night we drove thru some canyons. We used to go up when we were in high school. "Almost nostalgic" I said as I got out of the car. "Bro you don't understand" he said "being up at GMR brings me back to the days when we were in highschool and you couldn't drive your car." "I thought I was the only one." I responded. "It's like...now we have our missiles. We have our girls, our jobs, everything we wanted...and I'm still living in the past." "Its understandable...but how can you progress without letting go of wanting to be in the past" I told him. "I guess. I mean...It's just like 7 years went by pretty fast y'know. Its almost like yesterday we were were talking about what build we were gonna start with. Me a 300zx and you your Integra. Thank god you didn't buy that Integra." I laughed. "But it's like..." I started to say "it's like...we still never grew up." "We chased our dreams. I couldn't go all the way with it but YOU dude...you have something. People don't compete their first year and already have scouts not only that this was your first track day. Against guys with 3, 4, 5 years experience? If I could be out there I would. Ihad bills and stuff to take care of. But being on the team was close enough. I wish I woulda never got rid of my S14 I could be out there with you. Some shake and bake type of stuff." I felt bad hearing him still daydream wishing he could be in my shoes. It wasn't all that. To be honest I only drive good when I have a lot on my mind. In high emotion. He didnt want to be me. But as much as I had the attention I wanted him to have it. I would be happy with the simple life.
Time went on and so did events. Mark started feeling like a shadow and left the team getting jealous. It wasn't jealousy he told me before he threw in the towel. It was not getting the recognition from when we won events. He was always my right hand man, but I let him do what he needed to do. Let him collect himself. It's like I never saw silver. But as much gold I saw I also saw red...at home. The worst place to see it. Later that night I called Alondra to tell her goodnight and to hear how she had been doing and how our son was doing. Thats when I heard it. "Your son needs you, I need you. How do you expect to be a father and a husband when you're all over the country. I can't keep telling Akiro 'daddy will be home soon honey. Only a couple more days.' It's not easy on me either. Ilay up all night some nights not knowing if you lived thru the event because you never talk to me anymore. Its like you take this more serious than your real family." "They family also babe they're ju-" "IM YOUR FAMILY. AKIRO'S YOUR FAMILY. THEY'RE YOUR TEAM" she yelled. "I thought you were down with me chasing my dream. I thought you said you'd always be by my side." "I am but I haven't seen you in almost half a year. Only heard from you like once a month and it's not easy." "Ill be home in october." "Its September." "I know. But i'll be home soon." "You don't even know if you're gonna go pro. You're just pro am. You're doing this not even for free it's taking a wear on our bills. You need to rethink your priorities. It was cool when you did it up on gmr but now its just...its bad..." "Two more events The last two and then i'm done." "Bru, you really need to think about this...its either me and the family or the dream. We can't wait forever. I miss you. I need you. And you're not even paying attention to me when you are talking to me. I used to miss the way you loved me and gave me all of your attention. I hate to do this to you but it's either me or drifting. You pick. Your friends are leaving and your family is thinking of going with them. You got caught up in this life...this...drug. its almost like dealing with a drug addict. All you care about is drifting. You were never like this before you actually showed me love." Was I changing? Was I forgetting about love for her? Was she cheating on me because she needed somebody there? "I cant do this anymore..." "Babe...one more event and then im home. Just one more." "Whatever, do what you want." "Im guessing tonights not a good night to tell you I got offered a sponsorship and a ticket to the pros next year." "Congratulations mr big shot. Now you can make money and live all the fame up you want without me and get paid for it." Babe I-" "Just save it...im going to sleep. Just stay on your toes and hope were here when you open the door..." "I love you." I said. "I love you too...goodnight..."
Later that night I went for a drive thru the city. Everything went sour. Everything I worked for was just gone. No team. No support, nothing. And thats when it happened. As my phone rings I pull over. I get a call. The bright light from the screen in total darkness hurts my eyes so I answer quickly. "Hello?" I say. "Yes is this Bruno?" "Yes may I ask who's calling?" "Mark Arcenal of Fatlace. We'd like to talk to you and your manager about a possible sponsorship to drive for us next year in the D1 Grand Prix." "Formula Drift. THE formula drift." "Yes is this a problem?" "No its just...I need some time..." "Understandable. This is my cell. Hit me up when you're ready to talk." "Thank you." "You're welcome have a good night." "Thanks you too." This was it. Everything I had joked about doing in highschool just came true. I sit back and slouch in the bride seat and reminisce..."you haven't done one homework assignment. Failed every test. How do you expect to pass trigonometry without putting in effort." "Im gonna go pro I dont need to pay attention." "Yeah...that'll be the day. Let me know when that dream puts food on the table." I laughed to myself. I went to get gas. I was in total silence the rest of the night. It was 11:11. I looked my watch. Looked up...and went back to the meter on the gas.
As I got back in and before I put on my harness I thought about what Alondra said. As much as I wanted to tell her I was getting offers left and right she didnt want to hear it. We used to laugh about it. When we were in highschool we were always in support for each others goals. We got married after she finished college. I was an RN and she was looking for a job. She studied to do CSI. We had already been living together. 9 months later Akiro came out. She was 23. Me 24. "Youre almost there babe just hold on. Youll make it one day. If nobody believes in you I do. Ill always be by your side with you right there. I love you." I sat in silence. I was the only one at the gas station. The bright white light as my only friend there. Slowly reaching for my phone back in my pocket I see a text from her asking if I was okay. Apparently she couldnt sleep and felt bad about leaving me like that. I answered. But didnt have the courage to text back. She sees I read the message and she starts typing again. "I love you..." I stare at the message. Shut my screen then think about it for a while again. It starts to rain, so I close my door. Its totally silent. That silence thats loud. Drives you crazy. You start to hear your own breath and the thickness of the air. I lean foreward to put my elbows to my knee and my hands still holding my phone to my chin. She never wanted to be the greatest. Just the greatest for me. And as I sigh I see a tear, but dont feel it come down my face. I feel the pain in it as it drops down to the floor. The loudest noise in the car almost. This isnt what I wanted...what I planned. Leaning back into the bride seat it doesnt feel the same as it did on that first day. Opportunity cost. I just wanted to celebrate with her. Have her in the passenger seat see her smile. That smile that was like the rings on saturn. And I was just a asteroid caught in the mix. Just like when we were kids and I took her up to gmr. That happiness she had whenever I told her I loved her. She held my hand whenever I shifted gears. In the same car. Things were different now. And it hits me that i'm alone...somewhere in Canada...an unfamiliar town with a familiar feeling...alone. For once in my life...just...alone. I buckle up. The Takatas feeling heavy. Very heavy...and tight almost as if it's hugging me. I look over and she's not there. I shake my head put the steering wheel back on the hub and start the car.
Finding an open parking lot I pull in. Its a remote spot. An abandoned grocery store. Its raining heavily. Fast, hard, and VERY heavy. I turn the engine off. D-Pryde's "Me VS Everybody" comes on almost simoultaneously. As I listen to the first verse and it transitions into the hook I unintentionally start the car pop the clutch and take off hard and get some VERY hard drifting in. Around every pull. Shift to 2nd then third, let go of the steering wheel, slam on the gas, grab the wheel, slam on the clutch, pull the e brake, counter steer, full throttle, and let go of the wheel, grab it. The song gets louder. I end up screaming...loud...unintentionally. The only noise is the skids from the Toyo Proxes the DEEP noise of the HKS exhaust and the HIGH pitch whistle of the BOV. Its almost as if im doing this out of blackout rage. Im not aware of what im doing I just let go of the world. Of life. Flashbacks and all that play thru my mind and as the windshield turns to a movie screen I see our wedding. Akiro's birth. The first time I met her. The first day I went to the tracks. My first kiss. The day I got the s13. The love making with Alondra. The moment I sat with her next to me her head on my shoulder in my hoodie holding my hand on my roof watching the sun set. Countersteer around the pole and gas it. Then it all fades into a dark part. Like every story. Time slowed down. Everything was in slow motion. I see the fights. Akiros big eyes. That "I hate you" face she had when we fought. It got real. Life isnt a dream. Maybe I should give up. The time she walked out before we did get married and came back the same day. Shift second to third and full throttle around the pole. The vision continues. The time I tried walking out and she grabbed my arm when I reached for the door. All those sleepless nights when we did fight and I was doing the same stuff while she layed in bed. Quiet. When I left and she didn't call...let me basically leave...and I almost died that night...coming back home begging to go back to a home...not just a house with her. She still doesn't know I almost died. That even fades away and I feel myself slow down and I'm in the same place I started. I'm just rolling to a stop. The rain still coming down as I sit in total silence. Face covered in tears and feeling weak. The image of Goku from Dragonball Z in my head how weak they were after using all their power. The mental image of somebody raging down after all of that adrenaline...falling to their knees directly to their face. That was me in this very moment. And then everything went black.
"...youre going to be late and miss your flight babe. I know baby I dont care im tryna savor the moment wit cho 'tryna get rid of me self.'" ....its all I hear...I still see blackness as I come to...I know guess I know passed out. I look at my watch...its 2:34 in the morning. I sit there. Then I park the car next to the store. Theres a curb and so I get out and sit on it. Its only sprinkling now. I check my phone...5 missed calls 6 text messages and one voicemail. But not one from her. Shes asleep finally I guess. I sit in silence for about a good half hour then go back to the hotel to get everything and pack up before heading back to California. The rest of the night is a blur. Life is basically a blur until right before the last event. I havent talked to Alondra since the night I passed out. Ive been negotiating a deal with Fatlace and having my manager work out deals. Its...a weird process but he takes care of most of it. "Theres only 2 requests I have of Fatlace." "Whats that Bru?" Donny says. I write them down, fold the paper, put it in his jacket pocket and tell him to not read it till he negotiates a deal. Then I feel a hand slap down on my shoulder. "Formula Drift Irwindale. Never thought wed make it here...let alone you of all people." "MARK!!" I gave him a big hug. "Alright alright youre married I know its legal and all..." "Shut up." I said. "So I heard about what happened in Canada...and how you and Alondra split up..." "Who told you?" "She told my wife...theyre still friends...How are you doing?" "Okay I guess..." "I'll see it in your driving tomorrow. For now champ...let me see that gold medal 40. See how good you've been treating her." "How was I gonna get her back..." I thought to myself..."was she gonna come with Akiro tomorrow? Should I let her know I'm in town?" Apparently the last thing I said out loud." "No. Ill tell her." Do you have the extra tickets still?" "Yeah. Tell her I have a suprise too if she comes...wait...what made you come back." "Well me being the oh so good friend I am put the fact that I was jealous aside seeing that you were just caught up in the moment. You didn't do anything intentional. That and I wanted to make sure you weren't tryna flip the car again like you didn when you almost broke up with her." "Gee thanks." We laughed.
Of course that night we HAD to take the 240's up to GMR, my hatch and his coupe. Hard driving...the only noise is our cars at 8 o'clock at night. We get to where we can see all of Glendora/San dimas/Covina. "Dude...you got...REALLY good." What do you mean?" "Usually its a steady pace. Today I was the one playing catch up." "I guess..." I started to stare at the cars. I built the track car, so I took it out on the streets. I didn't care. I ALWAYS loved the Origin 50mm rear quarter panels and fenders. I stared at the all black metallic paint with the moonlight reflecting the little black flakes showing the body lines and vents of the D-Max hood. It was an image that almost mirrored the look of a beautiful woman in all black lingerie waiting in the dim light of the room for you. The OEM 180SX Type-X front bumper was facing me basically staring at me. The half opened pop up headlights with the all white, bright HID lights still on along with the orange fog lights. I was able to see the red illumination of lights still on from the oem Type-X taillights behind the car. They made it possible for me to see the 326 power spoiler. The same dim yellow light inside the car making the Brides and Takatas barely visible. Deep lips, poke, camber, and PERFECT fitment of the stretched tires and DEEP dished all polished Work Equip 05's sitting on the car. The car as low as possible for function. Perfect. My dream car. And dream life. Next to Marks white silvia s13 converted ALL oem coupe sitting on black faced polished face SSR's. A carbon copy of the "Le Poop Coupe" 240sx.
It was quiet up there besides us catching up. Talking about life. I go back to look at all the beautiful lights of the cities. Beautiful. Just like her. The lights like stars. The brightness I saw in Alondra's eyes when I proposed. But that's all gone at the moment so I turn around and stare at the S13. It's like I'm back in the same position I was in canada. That ultimatum. "...what do I do?" Mark looks up."I have a choice to make tomorrow...lets hope I pick the right one." "You will." Bad or good its what god wrote down to happen I guess...Donny pulled up in his s14 right as I said that. "Fatlace called. They agreed to everything. They just want you to sign tomorrow after the event." He had an all oem k's s14 I had built for him that matched my s13. Same paint just on polished lipped white faced with gold hardware Work VSXX'S and tiffany blue calipers. I guess since he was a team manager and also came up with us he wanted to play part. It was his daily driver. He grew up with us in highschool and graduated with me. He was always around in the pits but I never really saw him after high school. He was heavily into college for business. We all looked at each other. "Lets finish the run?" I said. "Yeah" they replied.
We ended up going thru GMR to Azusa Canyon and came out. Somehow we ended up at the Wingstop I used to kick it at as a teenager. It was a welcome home party. As much as I appreciated it and I wasn't sad...I still was. I missed Alondra. She wasn't there. Neither was Akiro. All my old friends were there. Some old classmates who didn't like me walked thru the door...they ordered, gave us dirty looks, and looked at our cars then just ignored us...I saw them word "typical Bru" under their breath. It was like that to be honest the whole night...familiar faces and familiar words. The night ended and to be honest at this point I'm just blacking out on life...
It was friday. Formula Drift Pro Am finals. I had a heavy heart but it was almost as if it was the first race. Just...Alondra and Akiro weren't there repping in their "Imperial Fitment" shirts. Whatever I thought...it would be all over anyways. I loved that smell of rubber. Nastiest smell in the world. But there was something about it that was just...intoxicating. We unloaded the s13 and got her up for a new set of Toyos all around. "Diagnostics, my boy" I said. Even though I had a heavy heart...I was still excited for the last run. My first and last season. The craziest part was that I actually made it here with 1st place EVERY event. One more. I anxiously waited for her. Constantly looking around or towards the stands. I wanted her there. As much as I tried to play it off, I wanted her there. Everytime my name was called my emotions went high and then dropped when I looked and she wasn't there. "Oh well" I thought. "What can I do." "Ready for some practice runs?" Mark asked. "Yeah...lets get it." I always had "zedd's radio" on pandora whenever I drifted. It was...perfect. it was for the moment. Like hand and hand almost. As I started the s13 it felt like a monster came out. Maybe it was the roar of it. I don't know, all I did know was that it felt...like a pitbull off its chain. Just riding first out of the pits to the opening of the track felt like when the beat builds before the drop. Takatas on, helmet on. "Alright lets get this easy money. Its just a practice run dont trip." Mark said thru the helmets headset. I remembered coming here in highschool with Mark watching the open thursday night drifting. Sneaking out of the house to go get a chance to talk to pro drivers and watch them tear up the track. Them and amateurs. Pretty soon Mark got on the track. I was always too scared. Never had the time or...some kind of excuse. Now it was my turn. “This is my favorite part” Isaid. “LETS WARM IT UP!” Figure 8’s, donuts, and burnouts. An easy way to say “lets waste some tires.” I did the first run. nothing special, I thought. “Dude! What the hell!” “What?” I replied. “I said easy...you're driving like its the last round and you're gonna be eliminated.” “Dude I didn't even go that hard...” “You need to calm down out there man...you're gonna flip...”
We came to watch Bru drift. He said it was the last time. The last event. Ibrang Akiro for him to watch his dad. As soon as we got there the event had already started. He was on the track. I had never seen him go that hard. He was super close to the wall...I knew there was some kind of aggression. Some kind of pain. I didn't know what I had done to him. He never saw us come so he thought we never showed up. All night he was passing people like the first event but getting super close to the wall, smoking out the crowd. This was his dream. How could I take him from that? How could I be so selfish to take him from his dream? I started thinking about it and forgiving him but I wasn't gonna let him think he was getting away with it. I missed him. I missed the way he used to talk to me and I could see all the dreams in his eyes. Bruno was a dreamer. Watching him stand on top of the car at the end of the night was crazy. His curtain call. I saw him waving. The crowd going CRAZY. All of them shouting "king." He was in his place. He belonged here. He was "imperial" not in a cocky way, it was just what his car crew in high school was. Only kings wear crowns. I took Akiro down to the pits to see his father and to see my husband's surprised face ...
"KING! KING! KING!" the louder it got the more I didn't feel anything. I got out of the car and stood on the roof with arms out. Almost like asking for anymore? Then I took off my helmet and raised it in the air. The crowd went crazy. Final run of the night. I looked down at the "Imperial Fitment" windshield banner. We made it. We got to the end. I dominated. This feeling of "Screw you pay me." A little cocky a little more...I made it. "Bruno in that s13 taking it to the finals give him a round of applause!" The crowd went crazy. "He started out with NO track time and now is going for the gold. He's absolutely DOMINATED this last year and now...the finals." I smiled hard. Looking for alondra in the crowd. Nothing. Screw it...ill see her later hopefully. "He's been offered HELLA sponsorships in the last few events and has been accepted to Formula D with the rest of the pros if he accepts." I got back in the car with one final curtain call. I was like a hero. To where I looked up to people like Dai Yoshihara and Tanner Foust. Kids would look up to me one day. Its crazy. But its inspiration.
I got back into the car to go to the pits. Before I get in I do one more curtain call. The crowd was LOUD. So what the hell ill get in and do some showing off. Burnout some figure 8's rodeo drift. Screw it were at the top. But as I get in and slam the door and go to start the car...oddly I look to the side. The crowd is silent. "Ladies and Gentlemen we have a surprise for Bru." Its her. Shes walking onto the track with Akiro. I get out and RUN to her and hug her super tight and kiss her. "AAAAAAAAW" I hear the crowd exclaim. Its kind of funny to be honest. "I missed you so much." "I missed you too." "Go out there and kill them. One more run." Im so happy its not even funny. Like...I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Same with her. I was just staring into her eyes and smiling and laughing. Holding her...its what I missed...needed. Shes...perfect. I love seeing her smile. It was like a little light in the dark. That hope. That reason to keep going. "Babe I got a surprise for you." "Oh and whats that?" "I got offered a deal." She gasped. "Not only that there's a catch to it...you and Akiro can come on the road with me." "Bru" she said. "I'll only sign if youre down to roll with me." "You better sign that..." I waved and got told them to bring out Mark Arcenal so I could sign to Fatlace. "You're looking at nexts years Fatlace Formula Drift driver." Mark had said into the microphone. "Congratulations Bruno...and welcome to the team." I shook his hand and hugged Alondra after. "I had 2 wishes from them actually." I told her after. "Oh and what were they?" "Well for me to take you and him." I pointed down at Akiro. "And what's the second?" She said as she smiled. "Well the second was for me to use the s13. Just cuz you and ne have had memories in it...A LOT..." I looked down at Akiro and nudged her. She started laughing and smacked my shoulder. "Alright osito take your butt out there and get that last round finished with. Akiro and I will be waiting for you after the race.
I passed the guy when I was the follow car and when I lead, I beat him by a good 2-3 second lead. It was obvious I took the crown and won. It was offseason now. "So where do you wanna go now?" Alondra and I had taken a cruise down PCH. "I don't know...I'm happy where we are to be honest..." "To be honest...same here." We were in my Datsun 240Z. It was...my "daily driver." RB26DETT from a R34 Skyline GTR with minor bolt ons. Black with the overfenders fender mirrors converted all to the fairlady s30z. It was black just like the missile. It sat on deep dish SSR mesh wheels. I looked over at her sitting in the Bride seat strapped into the Takatas. "Iwon." "What?" She said. "Iwon..." She looked at me funny. "I got everything I ever wanted. Everything. I love you." She smiled and said it back. "I got you back. I'm living my dream. I have a perfect family...and to be honest...just life is perfect." It was late october so it was cold. The sky was gray and the only noise was the noise of the engine...us...and the crashing of waves. She looked at me with the same breathtaking smile and bit her lips...laughed and I saw her eyes get big as she smiled again. "What?" I asked as I was smiling super hard. "Nothing...just I love you baby...forever and always."
The Evil.
As i watch you fly off not knowing where to land or how to touch the floor again do you even know where youre going? its bittersweet to watch your mind torture you but its such a beautiful song that plays out of your heart everytime you speak i cant help but be part of the audience. i walked with you to your souls grave and left roses there but all they did was become weathered with age. its almost like you have superpowers. i feel your force field when your emotions kick in. whats left of your heart is protected at all costs. nothing gets to you or past you. but your past haunts you. so scared to damage someone without the same strength as you, by choice you leave them in silence. you stood in the doorway between my room and the hallway before you left. as you turned around i finally saw the scars from all the knives you desperately tried to hide. what happens when superman goes crazy? what do you do when you want to help the one person who helps everyone and needs it the most? how do you look for someone in the darkness that runs to the shadows? speak to someone who chooses not to hear you? heal somebody that wants to die. the worse kind of pain is the one from someone craving love but cant have it...from both choice and punishment. i understand why you fly alone. theres no cure for your condition. Your worst enemy isn’t the villain destroying the city. the real bad guy is in the mirror. but nobody sees that but you. you’re the hero in everyones eyes. but you can’t stand a second to look at yourself. your best friend is your shadow but you’re scared to be alone deep down. its okay though. you’re still a hero in my eyes. even if you’re going crazy and the world hates you. I’m able to see your pain. and as it kills me inside to watch you fly away i understand why you do it.