I know the demons you walk with. The ones you're forced to hide behind to keep everyone else out of your life. You're all bright eyes and forgetful smiles. I've seen your kind before. The kind that fades away from feelings, because it hurts just as much to remember as it does to forget. I know how it feels to wear nothing but your bones for the world to see, only to run away as soon as other skeletons come out of the graves you buried them in. Sunrise is a heavy time for a love like yours. Birds only have so much song in their lungs to sing before you realize it's a brand new day to suffer a bit more for what you believe. I've seen pain like yours. I've felt it all too well. I know how it feels to have someone tell you they need you, just to leave you where they found you when they're done with you. There's no middle ground when your feet don't know north from south. I wish I could wrap you in a million different ways to tell you how beautiful your blue is, to tell you how extraordinary your heart is for being so broken, yet perfect for the scars on mine. You were never hesitant when it came to telling me how many secrets you've kept, of how often you wanted to die, but kept finding ways to live instead. I know what's inside you is something not everyone has to contend with, but loving you like this, I cannot have you pretending it's normal when I feel you unable to sleep. I know you toss and turn a bit more these days. I know being comfortable with an uncomfortable thought may seem like a powerful display of human torture, but I promise you, it's not. I need you more than your doubts need you. My love isn't for everyone. I learned that before I learned how to love my first negative thought. You taught me more than you give yourself credit for. A breathly life isn't living unless you're giving your all for a cause no one can see. My hands have touched diamonds, oceans, and a few bars of gold, but nothing comes as close to being free as it does when your hands are underneath mine, squeezing them while tears run down your eyes. You deserve to know what it feels like to be okay, for someone to be your calm and all your words when your voice begins fades."

Oh my precious sea whisper to me, exceed your curative waves to gently - softly wash me ashore on an isolated island inhabited by tranquility. Oh sea, gleaming sea, whisper to me. Allow a soothing white cap to flow over my darkness permitting me celestial light for but one moment more. Oh my precious sea, whisper gently to me, embrace my afflicted heart with your analeptic current drenching me with its remorseful slave until death silences my breath of insolvency.

Welcome to your homestead, a childhood dream coming true right before your eyes. I know you have acres of love to give me, and I believe in you. This is now your forever homestead, a place to retire and pass on to your kids. In the meantime, just know I am here for you. I know at times I'm difficult and I know I come with a lot of work, but God didn't allow you to find me if he didn't think you could do it. I'm an every day project, I will make you smile and maybe sometimes angry, just remember that is how I come. Team work makes the dream work when it comes to living a sustainable life and I know you have a lot of people who love you. How beautiful every morning must feel to you. The silence I provide you in the evening is for your peace only. Some may never understand what we have planned, but move forward anyway. Dream big! I provide you enough land to do what makes your heart smile. Thank you for picking me as your homestead, I promise to never let you down, I'm forever by your side, growing strong and wild.

Sincerely with love

Your homestead

Shattering my appendages my first hammer, nailed the closed doors - a room without a view.. solitude - a bottle of amber colored poison, Burns me harshly, bittersweet my mind races arrows pinning back my plummage from spreading, allowing me to fly out of broken windows, alone resting my face against cold stones, a pensive man - makes the best company. My breath restlessly piercing the night with gutteral screams. White walls close in upon me, whilst I hammer on these closed doors, until my appendages dangle - broken.

"One of the finest things from me in all my life has been to close the door and to be in a room without anybody else about." - Charles bukowski

I need to be honest about my life - where my head has been. It gets really dark for me, a feeling of unworthiness for my achievements, if any exist. A feeling of not being enough for myself nor anyone else in my life. Killing myself was something I tried, something I will never try again. But, I find it during my day without trying, without a care of what tomorrow looks like or brings to me. Today feels black, burned, salvaged for all the good that once sat by me when all I had was a thousand acres to clear and build these dreams on.

In her dreams, she goes back to the little girl who met herself for the first time. She was always cautious, especially when living becomes exhausting, when even those you trust keep taking without ever running to you when you ask for help. She knows who she is when the night begs her to stay. Sleeping becomes troubled, when her wounds are weeping. Some of us don't dream enough, and it shows. Small minds tend to be reserved for those who do the most harm, not to life itself, but those they don't understand. A full moon brings the best out of her. Loving too much is the only proof we have that shows we are capable of living fully. Hers is on display infinitely, as the sun kneels next to the gods who gave their immortality away so you can live on forever.

They couldn't burn you then, they can't burn you now. A mother of moons. The daughter of magic. A fire within a wolf's soul. Tied to the stake, letting your wild set you free. A true representation of Hecate, a wrath that goes beyond hell - hounds and ghosts. When night comes, you'll feast and reign

again.

Singing lullabies of hope, while exhaling breaths of tranquility she treasures us with her placidness, anointed with her effervescent aroma. Discharging or inner anguish with her being a slave of abandonment, allowing us to see her chrism of relief extinguishing our affliction. Seducing humility's offering with the grace of a sacred angel, leading us all with her unison a perpetual adherence for love.

Why did you do it, why did you take your own life? Everyone loved you. Why isn't love enough to keep you here, now your gone and I never got to say goodbye and I've always loved you. My heart aches for you, my heart cries for you and I will never understand why you left us all.

RIP

Shon