Remember me when it’s dark out, when the fog rolls up onto your clear window and laces it with it’s cold breath.

Remember me when you’re rolling around in your bed and you just can’t seem to find comfort in the warm sheets.

When you find the strength to lift your heavy anchor of a body out of your resting place, I hope you’ll remember the way we used to play.

And when you’re blindly leading yourself to the kitchen, to make some strong, milky coffee,think about how I filled your life with more energy that any cup of coffee ever could.

But just as I plead for you to remember our early mornings,

our body heat and how our cups were filled with more than just coffee,

I plead myself not to forget.

But how could I ever forget you ?

Or how I found complete comfort inside your arms, it felt as if I could escape everything when you held me .

How could I ever forget how you’d roll over, eyes still shut, with this big smile on your face and pull me closer.

It would be a shame if I forgot how we tugged at the warm blankets or how you allowed me to cover your body with mine.

It would be a shame.

Remember me in your darkest times, when the tunnel is so draped with shadows that you can not even imagine a form of light.

Remember me in your happiest hours, the hours where you can’t imagine life without laughter and music.

But most of all, please remember me in the moments when you’re just passing through life.

When you’re grabbing a cold glass of water or when you find yourself complaining  about a movie you don’t like .

Please remember me when you’re driving in the dark and catch yourself staring at the moon..

I cannot ask you to love me for forever,

I cannot ask you to wait for me,

I know it’s not easy,

But all I ask of you , is please

Remember me .

unlatched

to fall,

is a letting go

the foot leaves

the tree stems

stimming us

with a wobbling

fidget cannot replace

but does, asked or axeless

with that maddest intent

to hold on, to hold off, to

holler bloodlet, labour,

holler jaundiced dying

holler onyx, Blackbox theatre

holler fake fire! immolation

the trunk in flames

full of faith, knotted

with note of warning,

Signed "Pandora," closing

And it’s a bittersweet feeling,

really difficult to explain.

I’ve met a lot of people,

I’ve loved them very deeply.

I know I can't control the way they loved me back:

aggressive, intense, tiny little stitches,

they burn my skin.

I look often at their patchwork

and the past we share.

And I’ve known you for so long now—

I love you very deeply,

and I can’t control the way you love me back:

harsh, fierce, tiny little stitches,

they scar my skin.

And it’s a confusing feeling,

so hard to understand.

My skin’s marked by people,

by the people I very deeply love.

I know I can’t control the way they love me back:

piercing, burning, tiny little stitches.

I wish I could see my skin.

I often look back at myself

and the people I’ve met.

I wonder if I’ve marked you the same now.

You love me very deeply,

and I can’t control the way I love you back:

aggressive, intense, tiny little stitches.

I see the scars in your skin.

I made it so easy

Bared my soul to you

My vulnerable underside

Soft belly

Tender neck

Exposed

Like a stupid

Submissive animal

Rolling on its back

I'm surrounded by happy couples

constantly hearing about how happy they are,

about their raging sex lives,

about their amazing children that they have.

And I'm there,

standing,

forced to be the person on the outside looking in.

And the same thoughts always come to my mind,

what am I doing wrong?

Am I not pretty enough,

or smart enough,

sexy enough

kind enough?

Do I not smell good,

or dress well?

Why am I never enough for anyone?

Why can't I ever be loved by anyone?

When will it be my turn?

When will I ever be enough?

Why can't I be enough?

When will I even be enough for me?

My mom was being a bitch today

I buried my feelings inside

Cool, calloused

That's what I've become

Don't care if I'm OK

Just want to see your pain

Be nice and you'll be rewarded

Never happened

But maybe I can trick her

Maybe she can be nice if I don't cross her boundaries

Maybe

Let's be real

I'm not allowed to be a kid

I can't do what I want

My mom tells me she works for me

Do you remember the last time I said I hate you.

It was a few months ago

I almost fell asleep in therapy today

I was bored, heard it hundred times before

Be nice

Be kind

shut up and do your time

I'm only here cause I couldn't shut you up with a rhyme

My poems feel like rapping:

Emotionless

Rude

Profane

Insane

I like to listen to rap

Mostly cause it helps me focus

But I started because of you

Started because I related more with someone who said they hated the world

than someone who loved it

I'm awake in the morning trying to meditate my pain away

Why couldn't you do the same?

Why do I have to pay for your pain?

Never mind

I've thought every sentence here before

And when I tell you I'm bored, listen

Cause everyone told me if I didn't care I'd feel better

They said your words wouldn't hurt me anymore

If I tell someone you are the problem they say, fix yourself.

So I'm done

Done waking up to listen

Done paying attention to you

Done trying to fix myself so you don't have to fix you

So fuck it

Can't make you listen

But I can stop blaming myself

I walk through the door and drop my book bag down on the bench. As my gaze sweeps the room, a smile starts to spread across my face. There you are, huddled over the laptop, tapping away at the keys. You’re so engulfed in your work that I’m not sure you’ve even registered my arrival. My smile grows wider.

In no time, I slip out of my clothes. I fold them neatly and stack them on the bench. Then I lower myself to the floor. On all fours, I crawl across to him. I nudge up against his leg. Almost absently, he lowers his hand and runs his fingers through my hair, brushes a thumb across my cheek. When I glance up, it’s impossible to miss the utter exhaustion on his face. I suspect he’s been up all night and all day again. Always working and when he does get a reprieve, sleep eludes him. It’s not good for him. He needs to sleep. Worry fills my soul.

Moving the trash bin to the side, I slip underneath the table. His feet sit bare before me. I lean down and I shower light kisses, first on his left foot and then his right. I slide my hands up his pants legs. Every muscle is taut, strained. He is working far too hard. My hands work their way back down, lightly kneading as they go. His leg is jiggling up and down. Something has him on edge. I slide my hands gently up his legs until I come to the fastener. I make fast work of that and as I start to ease his trousers down, he lifts up from the chair momentarily so that I can remove them unhampered by the chair. I throw them to the side and slowly I start again. Little baby kisses starting with his feet, then moving up his left leg, one light kiss as a time. His leg starts to slow. I continue on up around his knee, and along the outside of his thigh. As I plant kisses along the line of his briefs, his legs slide open. I shower kisses across his thigh, brushing his tightly constrained cock with my head as I return to my trail of kisses. So very slowly and deliberately, I kiss my way down his inner thigh as my hands caress his legs on the way down. As I move to the right leg, I glance across and see that his leg is nearly still, the frenzied motion slowed. I replicate the same path up his right leg. I am ensconced nicely between his legs as I reach the top of his thigh. I take and deep breath in, smelling the utter maleness of him. I nuzzle my face into his crotch, running his rock hard cock across my cheek. I reach up again and start to pull his briefs off while he continues to tap away at the keyboard. However, I can’t help but notice that his typing has slowed. As I proceed back down his leg with my kisses, my hand stays just over my head, lightly grazing his cock, feeling it bob around under my touch. My fingers glide with the lightest of touches over the solid weight of him. I can feel my wetness growing, but now isn’t about me. It’s about him. What he needs most and yet constantly sacrifices. He needs to sleep.

As I feel his cock jump against the brush of my hand, I move in closer, and take him into my mouth. He glides smoothly across my tongue and down my throat. As my head comes back up, my tongue wraps itself around him, savouring every inch of his cock. I pull back, keeping only the head in my mouth. I suck hungrily on the tip, until I hear the sharp intake of breath. With that, I release the head and slide all the way down, my jaws widening and stretching, taking it all in. Suppressing my gag reflex, he hits the back of my throat, I increase the suction upon his cock, and I feel his hand come down and tangle into my hair.

As he pulls me up by my hair, I let the suction ease as I take in a breath, he slams my head back down his cock. He sets the pace as he fucks my mouth. Harder he pushes back, then slowly draws himself away, only to slam all the way to the back of my throat. I reach up and start massaging his balls with my hands. I hear a groan from above me. He’s enjoying this, I can tell. I’m feeling very pleased with myself, but realise that if he comes here at the computer, he will just return to work again. That’s not going to work.

Taking a chance, I relinquish his balls and push back against his knees. The chair rolls away from the table. With his cock still in my mouth, I follow along with him, emerging out from underneath the table. When we are a sufficient distance away, I let his cock fall out of my mouth. I climb up his body and straddle his lap. I can feel his hardness caressing my cunt, making me even wetter than I was before. Pulling his shirt off over his head, I lower my head to his nipple. I liCloud and tease it with my teeth, nipping at it and capturing it between my teeth. Now both of his hands are in my hair, but all I hear are low moans. I smile in satisfaction. He moves my head across to his other nipple where I tease and bite and lick until it’s standing up just as hard as the other one. Kissing my way up his chest, along his throat, nibbling at his earlobe until finally our mouths connect and a whole new frenzy breaks out as hunger and desire pours out of us. It’s that touch that sears through my body. I start to lose myself in him, giving over to his desires when a thought knocks at the back of my brain. He needs sleep.

With all of my willpower, I disengage from him and rise up off his lap. I grab his hand and pull him along to the bedroom. He sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls his legs up as he settles into the middle of the mattress. I climb over him and guide his cock straight into my dripping wet pussy. I start out slowly, but it’s no use. My want of him causes me to speed up, riding him fast and hard. He reaches up, grabs my nipples one in each hand and twists and pinches at the same time. I throw back my head in pure pleasure as I work my hips, pulling him into me as fast as I can. His fingers once again pinch hard on my nipples and I nearly scream, I’m going to come and I’m not going to be able to hold off. As I speed up, he grabs hold of my hips, pulling me down onto him, driving deep until I throw my head back the strength of my orgasm hazing my brain as I feel him inside of me, shooting, spurting, filling me. His moans join mine as we both hit that release we both needed.

Laying my head across his chest, I sit and I listen as his heartbeat pounds underneath me. Gradually, it begins to slow, and return to a steady rhythm. I rise up and kiss him lingeringly, enjoying the taste of him. I climb off and push on his side until he gets the hint and rolls over onto his stomach. I mount him again, but with a different objective this time. Firmly, I start to massage his back, his neck, working the kinks out of his shoulders, deep into the muscles, releasing all of tenseness held there from earlier, as I continue to work up and down his body, I heard the quietest of sounds, it’s the steady, undeniable sound of sleep. I climb off, cover him in a blanket and close the door to the bedroom behind me. ‘Sleep well. Sweet dreams,’ I whisper as the door clicks into place.

it's happening again;

gravity is weighing me down,

dragging me below the depths

and i don't know if i have the strength to fight back anymore.

i tried to stay strong,

tried to be resilient,

but only managed to stay apathetic.

and now even apathy is drowned by the waves of depression.

awareness of my situation only makes it worse,

the constant struggle to stay afloat

when my life keeps spiraling out of control.

trying to stay positive,

but there's nothing positive

about your parents calling 911

on your older brother,

worried that he's going to kill himself.

about having to go to work the next day,

pretending that nothing is wrong

with leaving that brother at home alone.

about stressing over if you can leave him alone over the weekend

just to celebrate your birthday

or if he's going to do something to himself.

about feeling guilty for talking to friends about the situation,

so you don't talk to anyone,

and only manage to feel worse and worse.

i'm so tired of fighting,

so tired of having to be strong.

i kind of want to die too,

but no one even knows.

i wish that i could disappear

without hurting anybody,

but that's not possible.

so i remain here,

trapped in my prison of flesh.

The thoughts in my mind

they don't flow... they swirl

and... harder to track

than an A.D.D. squirrel!

There is no order

it's a zig-zagged mess,

I work much harder

and finish with less

I know there's a thing

that I need to do...

and it's on a list

but... I... have a few

I've tried tips and tricks

then methods and meds

yet... I still falter

and frustration spreads

It cuts like a knife

when people throw shade

and don't understand

the efforts I've made

I am not lazy

I care about stuff

I just can't focus

on a thing long enough

That task I started

and then set aside...

it won't leave my head

it's swirling inside

So, I write it down

(latest task tracker) ; )

But, that doesn't work

... I look like a slacker

There must be a way

to make it all work

to get the things done

and not seem a jerk

But, here's to my kind

who can't catch a break

who can't find a way

and live in this ache

~ By: Sheryl Nusser

It was the way the life faded from your eyes. They were reddened and inflamed, glistening like rubies that had fallen into the sea -- they were fixed on me until they drifted off into space, aimless and tired, and then there was the stillness, the silence. The tree outside your window cast a shadow over your body as though it were an omen for what was to come; you were a farm girl raised from the earthly soil and would return there without a fight. How peaceful you looked, how serene, content as though life were a mere process of sowing your impression upon our psyches and that, with your absence, we could all finally reap the benefits. On the day of your burial it began to rain. The dry, blind earth could not differentiate the rainwater from our tears.

The memories came flooding back and everything around me dissipated -- if these images were merely the residue of your physical existence then so be it, they were pure and they were beautiful. You spread yourself out like a fog and I felt you permeate through everything, absolutely everything, the changing leaves and birds soaring through the sky and, most of all, our daughter. Her eyes are crystalline and piercing just like yours.

We never fully understood each other, but I loved you all the same. Your impression left an impact on me and, in that sense, these mere after images aren't so different from when you were still here, breathing and sitting right next to me.

I look back and know there are things I should've done differently. I should've told you that I loved you more. I should've told you that I appreciated it when you tended the garden. I should've told you that your favorite sun tanned dress was gorgeous instead of tacky. I should've thanked you for looking after our daughter when I was tired from work. I should've done a lot of things. But all that is over now, and they are not the worries of those who are eternally slumbering -- please close your eyes and rest.