i am thankful
for that elusive future time frame
i can finally be finished
There is a part of me in everyone.
The song I showed mom in the car on the way to school
The striped shirt I bought my brother in a thrift store we never went back to
The poems I read them on the roof of a small blue house
I want them back
I want back the shirts she stole from my closet
The song I sang at their wedding
The dreamcatchers I bought for her birthday
Give me back the sweatshirt I gave unworthily to someone I thought was a friend
The pullover I handed him in a parking lot two weeks before Christmas
The turtleneck taken without asking from the bottom door of my dresser
I want it all back
You've got these pieces of me
And I've got nothing left of me to call my own
there’s some kind of ringing horror
just bouncing around in my mind
there are words i’ve never spoken
and so many regrets for things i didn’t do in the past
and so many regrets for things i know i won’t do in the future
because they’re always impossible in the present
you know those moments
when you’re just sitting and
a memory curls around you
like a familiar hug and you
feel this craving to reshare
that blink in your timeline
a slice of moonlight pie - a sliver of nostalgia
i’d like to tell so many people
that i remember them
that i miss them
and some part of me waits for them to say those words to me
i never can find the right time
to say anything
so i say nothing and let the ringing continue
why is the jumble in my mind so clear and so slanted
at the right angle there’d be a rainbow
but i keep tilting myself away from the light
while the graveyard is quiet
i rise to greet the night
jaw loose and swinging
knuckles catching grass between digits
i scrape my way across the
and crawl up to a stone
whose words have been lost.
i think i knew them, once.
my bones ache like they want
to sink six feet down.
but i don't know their name
and i don't know their sound.
they breathe below the earth and
i lay there to share the quiet
until the sky starts to turn pink.
then i say goodbye to the stone,
and the bones buried beneath.
i'll scrape my way reluctantly
across tombstone plots
back to the place from whence i came
jaw loose and swinging
wearing more dirt on my legs.
i'll crawl back into my grave
and wait for the graveyard
to turn quiet again.
for the nights are sacred
and companions, sometimes,
have no need for a name.
...you don't have to see what I see,
hear what I hear,
feel what I feel.
Life is a beautiful portrait if you choose,
to paint it that way...
the final product will last forever,
it will then,
be seen, heard and felt,
just the way it was lived...
By: Majvor Sabine Aksoy
Her eyes, her laughter;
The knowledge that no matter what may come, she will stand beside me to face it.
oh fuck i miss you
puzzle pieces on board game maps
my brain is mixed and nothing matches
where the fuck do i go from here
on a downward spiral into my own mind
what drugs can i do to take this feeling away
sobriety is my worst enemy
and i miss you tonight
but i’ve missed you before
there’s nowhere left to go
but into the recesses of my memories
where i find you waiting as though i left you
my stomach aches with the emptiness you left
and i fucking miss you tonight
I don’t want to waste your time
but I do want you for the rest of my life.
My skin shakes with
I feel myself slipping,
falling, yet there is nothing
I could do to stop this.
I left my crooked eyeliner on,
staggered into bed
and sat there for an hour
dreaming of warmth.
I wouldn't be surprised to see
My lips turn blue,
I wouldn't dream of lying to you-
And telling you I feel alright
between the sleeping bags,
feet bare, face pink and red,
secrets of the sober spilled,
soiling the new white carpet.