RR and JC
I have two pen names. My first one is Raven Taylor Rosenstien. The initials would be RR which are the initials of my boyfriend. Taylor is the middle name of my best friend. The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe is my favorite poem. The "Rose" part of "Rosenstien." was part of this story my best friend wrote (What the Rose brings was what it was called.) Also a Rose is like a symbol of Love and my other bestfriends last name is "Loving." The "Stien" part of Rosenstien was part of this book I wrote with my best friend when I was younger called Frankenstien Fever. It was about Mary Shelley's Monster coming to life and spreading this disease and everyone else became a monster.
My other Pen name is Jean Charlotte. I chose this one because "Jean" is a masculine name and so I can be more of an undercover or secret identity super-writer. Jean also sounds like a fancy way of saying John. John Greene is my favorite writer of all time. John Coffey is a character from one of my favorite books called the Green Mile by Stephen King. "Charlotte" is a feminine name and a Masculine name put next to a Feminine name sounds so beautiful in my opinion. Also Charlotte's web was one of my favorite childhood books. The initials of Jean Charlotte would be JC like Jesus Christ.
Alone Forever.
I am innocent. I did nothing wrong. I sit here in solitary inevitably awaiting death. Yet, I did nothing wrong.
I stood up on my chair and started to tie my rope. None of this was worth it. The whole world thinks it was me and only me. I am alone.
The palms of my hands bled from rope burn. "Is this really a good idea?" I asked myself. "This is the easy way......." I told myself.
I stepped down from the chair and ran full force into the concrete wall. Everything in me sheared with pain. I plopped down on the floor and slammed my fists into my stomach. Another fist of reeled into my head. The eyes that were sealed within me were bloodshot from all the tears that poured down my hot cheeks.
"Why am I here?" I verbalized. "I DID NOTHING WRONG!!!! WHY AM I HERE????" I shrilled in anger.
I stood up and my legs felt numb as my feet rattled on the floor. I trembled to the other wall and picked up a piece of stone and added another line to the wall. All of them added up to 167 days. 167 days of solitary confinement. 167 days of insanity. 167 of being innocent.
The stone was released into the air and traveled to the other side of the room. "When will I be out of here?" I cried. "Why did they even put me in here?"
Flashbacks flooded through my mind like a hurricane. The beginning, I remembered, was brutal. The end, was timeless.
2 years earlier.
Emily.
She was my best friend.
She was so young, innocent, and full of life.
I witnessed her death.
My eyes were blurred.
Emily was the girl that took a bullet with a smile.
Sean. Sean was her boyfriend. His hands let go of the gun. His feet stormed to me. His lips motioned and his vocal chords rhythmed "You killed her. Why would you kill her? It's all your fault that she killed herself. It was suicide. You told her to go kill herself. All because of you she died."
Confusion whipped my brain. "What are you talking about?" I planted my feet on the ground. "You shot her with a gun."
"She told me earlier that you make her want to kill herself." He recalled. His mouth creased a smile. "I am the one that took the pain away from her."
My eyes stung. I was way too shocked to cry. Emily is not dead, I thought. I carried myself to the gun. My fingers folded around the grip. Violence was never the answer. Something told me that I can not shoot him, even if he shot my best friend and his girlfriend.
I stepped toward him, my feet shoulder width apart. My eyes glared at him and confidence was held in my heart. "Tell me again how she killed herself and none of it was you again and I pull the trigger to the demon in this room."
He stepped back. "Very well. I am gonna get a cup of coffee. Hopefully someone as ignorant as you doesn't call the cops." He turned around walked away from me.
Emily's body lay lifeless on the basement floor. Her hair was always golden....blood stained that golden hair red. I crouched down next to her. "Emily." I cried. "Emily...wake up....he could not take you down.....please wake up..."
Her death-like eyes glared at the ceiling. She always wore a smile.....even the day she died.
I was not willing to believe Emily's death. I knew she didn't die. She couldn't be dead. She was strong enough to stay.
I pressed the gun against my head. "Friends till the day we die....isn't that what we said Emily." I cocked the gun. The whole universe condensed into one fragile piece. Words were dancing on my tongue. "This...." I breathed. "Is how it has to be." My eyes shut. "This is it....Emily, I am coming for you.."
Right before I had a chance to pull the trigger, the gun came flying across the room. Behind me, was Emily, standing up straight. I pulled myself up. "Emily???" I freaked.
"I'm so sorry....if I knew my suicide was going to lead up to this....." Her eyes gazed to the floor. Tears streamed down her face. "I would have never shot myself.."
My mind altered. "I thought Sean killed you."
"No...He was trying to take the gun away.."She looked at me confused. "You were there..weren't you?"
"Yes." I looked at her head....No bullet wound.."Where is your bullet wound?"
"The bullet got my shoulder..." She showed me the blood that shed from her. "I aimed the gun wrong...It was a suicide attempt that failed within itself... " She sighed.
"I am so happy you are alive." I gave her a hug. The hug felt a little different than any other hug I gave before. Almost weird.
Blood was oozing from her shoulder. There was a river of blood that trickled down her. "We need to bandage your shoulder." I told her.
"Oh no worries. This is a battle scar." Emily was stubborn and always wanted to show how physically strong she was. This was always her downfall when it came to tasks where she got injured.
"No, this is serious.." I say. "I think we need to take you to the hospital."
I heard footsteps march into the room. "Did you cool down?" He asked me.
"Sean!!! Emily is alive!!!" I shouted to him.
Emily sighed. But her broad smile still shown across her face. "I am so sorry Sean."
He smiled and ran up to Emily and gave her a hug and a kiss. "How are you alive?"
Emily explained the whole story. My mind was still shocked on the fact that I almost watched someone die. Instead, I watched someone come to life. Emily was still here. She was more happy and joyful as ever. Even with a bullet wound and blood running down her shoulders she still stood up and had the strength to carry on.
This was the brutal beginning. The rising action as to how and why I remain in solitary confinement. The memory pains me to even think about it. If I were to undo any moment in my life....I would undo that very day.
A few days later after we celebrated the fact that Emily was reluctantly still alive.....Sean and I were walking to school. "Emily almost killed herself because she hated everyone at school."
"She has told me something like that...." I replied. "I think."
Sean smiled and looked at me...he clutched my shoulder and hissed in my ear. "We should burn down the school."
I stood still and my head slowly turned to him. His face seemed blurry to me in shock of what he said...this was one of those moments where the whole world came down in silence. My ears buzzed from this, "What did you say?"
He whispered again "We should incinerate the school with Napalm." He paused. "As a surprise for Emily." He stared at me. "I'm dead serious."
"ARE YOU INSANE????" I shrieked and took a step back.
"Emily almost died because of these people." He smiled. "It would be a nice present for her." He placed his hand on my shoulder.
I quickly walked forward. I automatically lost trust in Sean. I could not be seen with someone as psychologically impaired as him. I was not going to burn down the school. I knew that hate is not something you turned to.....
He ran back to me. "Can you at least think about it?"
"No."
His face angered. He yanked a little object out of his pocket.
"What is that?"
He stabbed it into my arm. I sheared in pain as I felt the needle pierce into my vein."An injection..." He gave me a deathly stare. "You now have to do as I say..." He squeezed the shot and yanked it out of my arm.
My mind shifted. Everything was blurred and wobbled around dizzily. Colors flashed before my eyes. I felt as if I could do anything. I had the urge to do what I was told to do.
"Help me burn down the school." He uttered. "Tonight we plan." His palms pushed me aside.
This was one of the things that proved me innocent. I was under the influence of a toxic injection. The injection impacted me psychologically, giving me the fate that never ended, I fell into the bottomless pit when he did that...and since then...I have been falling deeper and deeper down.
That night. 2 am. A rock was catapulted to my bedroom window. "Wake up." I heard Sean say.
I hoisted myself out of bed. Darkness was hovering over everything. I was still dizzy from the drug he put me on. My fingers picked at the window. I yanked it up and peered out the window. "Sean?"
"Come on, let's go...we have to plan." He said.
I rapidly tied my shoes. I buttoned my coat and sped down the stairs and outside. Sean was waiting there for me. Orange blobs veiled my sight. The air was still and it was one of those moments where the world did not make any sound vibrations. The universe kept spinning around me.
"Let's go!" He led me down the windy road. Where there was a loopy house. Although that is from my perspective. I bet that house would not have looked so loopy if I were not injected with a drug.
Before I even realized it we were in a basement. I did not remember even walking in the house, nevertheless going into a basement.
"First off," He started, "We need to know how we get away with this."
I saw his mouth move but my eyes did not follow. His voice buffered through my ears.
He showed me a whiteboard. He wrote on it; Meet in gym. Everyone outside.
This was all my eyes could blink out. "So we go in the gym? While people are outside."
"Yes and when people enter." His voice stiffened. "We light em up. Then run. Out the doors."
I flickered at this message. I needed to do exactly what he said. I had no control over anything. "When are we gonna do it?" My voice shattered.
"Tomorrow." He mumbled. "For Emily's sake."
Another mistake. Being so vacuous on a drug. I should have been strong enough to let my sub-conscience kick in. I could have gotten out of this. I could have...but the sad truth is....I didn't.
My eyes darted up at the ceiling when I woke up that morning. I could not even remember coming home last night. Pink polka dots were clouding above me.
Emily walked across the room. "Come on, let's go to school!" She smiled.
I gazed at her confused. "When did you get here?"
"Just a few minutes ago, come on! Today is going to be a great day!"
Without even eating breakfast, Emily and I walked to school together. On our way we saw a cat. The cat was curled up in a water drain on the other side of the street.
"Awww....." Emily pronounced. "That cat looks so lonely."
Sean peered behind us. "It's because that cat got destroyed by his own family."
"When did you get here?" I turned around.
"Just now." He said. "Anyways, The cat's family died. His owner died. He instantly blamed the other owner on it and killed him in his sleep."
"How did a cat kill a human?"
"Nobody knows really. But now that cat is all alone."
The story he told was unbelievable. I didn't know whether I believed Sean's story or not. I didn't at the time that is....now I believe...I believe....for everything that has happened to me till now......this was a sign and I could not read it...
10:48 am. This was the minute that ruined my life.
Sean and I made it to the gym. When everyone was gone that is when it happened. His fingers were wrapped around the bottle of napalm. The room was quiet. Silence was all I had with me. "Now to do what she would have wanted us to do." He says as the napalm flew out of of the bottle and hit the floor.
Our feet shuffled away and I could feel the heat running behind us. We were almost to the doors that lead us out of here. Sean stopped me before we exited. "I have a secret for you." I saw it written all over his face.
"What is it?" I choked on the smoke.
"I killed Emily."
It was 10:49 and life was slipping away. I heard shrieks everywhere. Fire was roaring towards us.
Sean dropped to his knees and pulled me down with him. "I put a gas in the room where I killed her that way. Knowing you have a mental illness that causes you to hear voices. I took advantage of that and put the gas in there to watch you inevitably believe what I said that she killed you and not me."
His painful voice bled through my ears. "What?"
"Then when you said that Emily was still alive. I knew I could take advantage of that...so you can get what you deserved." His voice weakened from the smoke. "I was always jealous that you were closer to Emily than I ever was....I didn't want to shoot her but she always loved you more than me and I knew that I could not witness her not loving me as much as I loved her." He smiled. "And I instantly regretted it so I tried doing her a favor...she always had self esteem issues in front of the school...so I burnt it in napalm just for her...using you just in case the cops catch me I drugged you with that needle so you can say it was all your fault."
Shock was flaring through my mind.
"Emily was just another voice in your head." Those were the last words that Sean would ever say.
He passed out from the smoke. I was so infuriated with him...I could not look at a monster in the eye and I pushed him in the napalm caused fire. Now I was the monster.
I wish I had noticed a fireman behind me.....He took my arm and shoved me outside where the police were and told them what they saw. 10:53 I was crammed in a police car with cuffs gripping the circulation of my hands and what I saw outside the window was the cat....who is alone now because his family destroyed him....
It was never my fault to have a mental disability...it was never my fault to be drugged....I did not burn down that school.....
Now I am in silence alone...swinging on a rope...never to live again.....
I see someone barge in my cell and say "We have evidence that prove you are innocent."
To little too late. The rope will never let go and I will never let it go. Everything went dark. Everything was silent. I was alone forever.