CHAPTER 2

I rejoined them and found them already eating which was fine with me. "Sorry I'm late, glad you started eating though... mother sorry for upsetting you since I know you worry too much already. You didn't have to send Donnie to look for me which didn't take him long since you both knew where I'd be. I'm sure Mr. GQ knew where I was too and checked on me without me knowing. That's a whole other story for later when we are in private and dad is here" I said as I loaded my plate and pored myself some ice-cold water. I ate slow and kept my head down only looking at my mother a few times. Amelia was drinking her wine and twisting her napkin in her free hand which told me she was going to really lay into me later. She had never really got pissed at me since she tried to be more of a friend than a mother anyways.

Everyone besides me finished pretty close in time with me hoping they'd find another place to hang out besides looking at me. "Soooo how about the weather... was a good flight and the evening seems promising. Am I aloud to adventure around the island alone like I did before I had a hunch man? Only because you know how I like to skinny dip and be naked as much as possible" I asked my mother who was still watching me looking at me like I was an alien or something. My mother Amelia finally showed emotion and sighed before answering me. "Mia... I know your 18 going on 19 in a couple months but that doesn't mean you know what's the best for you. As for Sebastian wherever you go he goes, but only if you decide to leave the island. Daddy has strict orders for him so you'll have to discuss the rest with him when he calls to speak with you both in about 15 mins" my mother said in a softer tone.

My father never missed a beat when his call came exactly 15 mins later in the dot at 6:15pm. "Well Mr. GQ let us go and handle this... shall we" I said as I got up from the table leaving my now empty plate. My father’s tone told me he was not in the mood to argue "Sebastian is there to be your protection and Mommy has her detail at a distance. So no arguing please and we'll discuss more when I get into town. As for your wants you can do your normal routine but if that means being naked well Sebastian knows your likes and dislikes... with that said Sebastian be a gentleman and if she decides to be naked pretend she is your mother or sister." I couldn't believe my father was not budging on the being alone part. "Ok sir you got it since I don't have much of a choice anyways!"

I left the office promising not to leave the house and going back to the table even though now I wasn't hungry for desert. "Sooo daddy is not budging on the alone time for either one of us, but you've lived like this longer than me. I guess he will be here the day of your birthday May 21st. I'm not hungry for desert now so if it's ok I am going to head to the guest house and unpack" I said as I picked up my plate and headed to the kitchen. My mother Amelia gripped my arm before I could get any further "ummm tonight I want you here please... and if you don't mind maybe sleeping in my bed or at least the room. I'm here if you want to talk about anything your call but please just give me one night." My mother’s lonely sad tone told me not to deny her a simple request. "Ok mother I'll give you tonight... I am still going to go and unpack and...." "Your things are already taken care of thanks to Mrs. Amstersmoth who is also waiting to see you" my mother said before finally letting me go.

Mrs. Amstersmoth was smiling the moment I entered the massive kitchen and wrapped her arms around me for a hug. "Oh my you have grown like another 5 inches since last summer. I feel like a little person now... honey is everything alright you look.. well you look just different not my little happy girl" she said. I put the plate in the sink after she left me go and sighed as I turned to face her. "I'm sorry Greta I've had a hell of a last 24 hours or so, my best friend Catherine was supposed to be here with me. And let me ask you something..." I looked around the kitchen to make sure no one was there " do you believe in life after death? I mean like supernatural or whatever they call it these days" I said in a low tone. Greta stepped up closer and smiled as she touched my face softly. "Oh yes angel I do but why are you asking, has something happened and that's why you're acting so weird" she asked as though she could read me and knew what I'd gone through in the last 24 hours.

I was not about to get into what had taken place in the last 24 hours and waived Greta off. "No I'm fine just need to get my head straight, I need my phone from my bag to check and see if I have any missed calls" I said before leaving out the back door. I found my bag with my cell and saw that I had missed 15 calls and at least 30 txt messages. The calls were from my mother, Jose, Nick and a few from other friends, but the majority was from Catherine who didn't bother to leave a vm like the others. My mother had wanted to know why I was acting so upset once off the plane. Jose bitching for not calling and same with Nick.

The txt messages were mostly from Catherine again with a few mixed in with Jose, Nick and a couple of other friends. Catherine's messages were that of mostly apologizing for being so emotionally charged. "I regret letting you just go and not staying sober could be together for the summer. Than again I crossed the line last night for pushing you to go all the way when you might not have been ready." "For fuck sake Mia please pick up the phone so I can hear your voice..." "damn it Mia at least I know you are alright since I had to call your mother to make sure you made it there ok" Catherine's messages broke my heart as I read them.

I took a tour around my back house which was also once the guest house and took it all in trying to imagine what it would be like if Ethan were alive. I would probably not have the guest house since him and his buddies would probably be taking it over instead. The laughter escaped from out of no where catching me off guard. I went to my bedroom finding the pictures of me and Ethan up on my dresser and by my night stand thanks to Greta who made sure to do it after I arrived. I took a deep breath and climbed into the bed with my phone in hand.

After unlocking the screen I opened up my message app and first sent a private message to Catherine "hi baby girl, sorry for causing you to worry... I just have a lot of pent up stress, of course not as 1/2 as much as I did after last night or was it early morning? Anyways I'm sorry too" I wrote before opening up a message that linked Catherine, Jose and Nick all as one. "Hey boys, Cate I'm sorry for this morning and all that... then for not letting you know I made it safe. Good thing I came alone since I now have a fucking bodyguard/baby sitter." I waited for them to reply but when nothing came I got up from the bed and went back inside the main house. My mother was no where in sight but there Donnie and Sebastian sat in the man cave watching ball and laughing.

15 mins later I found Mallory in the bedroom in the 2nd floor sitting on the love seat and looking out the window. I watched her for a few mins until my phone vibrated loud enough in my hand and off my jewelry that Mallory turned and looked towards the cracked door. A second later she was at the door ready to open it when I lightly knocked. The door opened wider and Mallory and I were now face to face with me looking down just at the right angel to see what a seriously great body she had. "Sorry to interrupt your down time just wanted to apologize for ummm well all that has taken place since the flight. Sleep well I hope you find the room to your liking if not there are well about 8 more to choose from" I said before turning away. I was half way down the hall to hit the stairs to go up when Mallory came out of the bedroom "not sure why you're always apologizing, but thanks for it anyways. See you around Mia have a good night yourself" Mallory said.

I turned and faced her giving her a smile and wink before heading up to the third floor to find my mother Amelia. I was not sure what room she had decided on this time but was surprised she picked the one facing the woods instead of the beach. She always loved waking up to the sound of the waives and the wild life around her. I figured this choice was to give me a little more privacy or to make sure I didn't run off again. I finally found the bedroom My mother decided on and knocked on the door after listening to my mother on the phone laughing after sounding like she had been crying. I slowly opened the door to my mother Amelia's tear stained face and a slight smile. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything, but thought I'd check on you and make sure things were ok..." I stopped just inside the door. "Hey ummm I'll call you back later my daughter just walked in" my mother said to whoever was on the other line.

My phone had vibrated again and looking down I saw that the group text was now waiting for me to respond. I quickly texted back "hey one second just walked into my mothers room and I think she has a boy friend... txt when I can" I typed not bothering to read what anyone had said. "Umm mother who was that on the line? I assume it's not father since you were crying and are now laughing. I guess that's the reason father won't be joining us for a couple of days, and the reason you wanna do this whole sleep over thing?" I asked as I closed the door and sat in the chair near the door. Amelia crawled into bed folding her hands in her lap and twisting them about. "1st things first no I'm not dating, 2nd thing the person on the phone is just a friend. I'm not sure why I have to even explain anything to you since I'm the parent and my personal adult life has nothing to do with you" my mother said in a matter of fact tone.

I sat up straighter taken back a step in how my mother was talking to me, but she was right wasn't she. "Ok you're right none of my business, just hope you're happy at the end of the day. Anyways I just wanted to check on you make sure that you were ok.. and ask if it's ok if I go out for a bit I just want to go to the beach before the sun completely goes down. I will come back and shower before I get into bed if that's what you still want" I said before getting to my feet. I turned part way ready to head back out until something hit me "mother, can you tell me something... ummm I know it might be hard but why don't we talk about Ethan Jr? But you and father fight all the time and I hear Ethan's name come up more than I can count?" I asked without shame wanting to know deep down.

A split second later my mother was at my side and a 1/2 a second later her hand was like lightening across my face. "Don't speak his fucking name.... you don't even know him.... I don't want to hear his name come out of your mouth again" she said in a tone I never heard before nor had I ever been hit by either of my parents. "Wow ok.... guess I got my answer and I know more about Ethan than you ever will... good to know that you'd rather hit me than talk about him" my mother now balled up her fist and I jumped back knowing she would strike again but not so violent. "GET..... OUT! I don't want to see you until morning so if this was your plan you won" my mother slammed the door once I was out the door.

I was almost to the second floor when Donnie was coming around the corner to start his climb up. "Hey angel thought you were off to bed al...." he stopped when he saw my red face and a now very visible hand print. "Before you ask I'm fine nothing I can't handle nor the worse I've endured the last 24 hours" I said as I finished descending down the stairs. Donnie followed me trying to grab me "DAMN IT MIA! You better stop right there and talk to me" he yelled and I was over it shutting down and hitting automatic pilot. I turned and faced him yanking my arm back feeling the burn and pain which took the pain away from my face and heart that kept breaking. "Donnie.... seriously I'm fine and I got what I deserved for bringing up my dead brother who keeps haunting my fucking dreams. So if you'll excuse me I need to take a walk..." I kissed his cheek and he left me be. I passed Mallory's room with her standing at it and didn't bother to look at her knowing she could see the hand print and didn't feel like seeing her sympathy on her face.

I made my way down to the first floor with Sebastian on the phone with who I figured was my father. "Ummm hey GQ I'm back in the guest house this evening after all... so I guess I'll see you over there later. I am going for a walk and a stop at the beach so if you’re going to end up following bring a towel for yourself if you don't like sitting on the sand. Maybe change out of that stuffy ass outfit too because I'm sure your sweating balls. Oh and tell my father he made the right decision on leaving that psycho as bitch of a wife" I said not making eye contact and headed out the back door. Greta had heard and saw everything which included my face and now biceps that had deep purple and blue bruises on them as I slowly started to strip down. I threw my t-shirt and shorts near the guest house and kept walking towards the beach with my cell phone tucked in my sports bra.

I had just passed the guest house when I stopped and looked back towards the house to find the 2nd floor balcony door open. Though I could not tell if there was someone watching and then saw who I figured was Donnie on the 3rd floor looking out his window not being a perv but a concerned father figure. The final look was to the back of the house where Greta and Sebastian stood watching me too. I turned and went back to walking and making it to the beach a few seconds later. "God this is what I missed... the freedom I feel when I'm here...." I said out loud as though I was waiting for someone to answer. No one did though which I was ok with and then my cell rang with a face time call coming through. Catherine was the lucky one and I almost hesitated knowing if the light was just right she'd she my face.

I ignored the FaceTime call but answered the regular call that came through "hey... sorry I had to ignore the FaceTime call it's dark and I'm setting on the beach so ya. Anyways enough about me how are you doing baby girl?" Catherine had sounded like she had run a marathon or something and figured she was either happy to hear my voice or had just had sex with Adam since she didn't leave on Vaca with me. "Ahhh gotcha, was hoping to see that beautiful face of yours but I guess I can wait. You sound a little ummm shut down right now so maybe I should call you tomorrow" Catherine said trying to already hang up. "Whoa now I know you didn't call just to do all that, but you're the one who sounds all disheveled and out of breath. I am assuming you gave Adam a good night before he leaves for ummm well where ever he is going" I said with no satisfaction to my voice since I was not in the mood to laugh, cry or anything else that had to do with emotions which I was happy that Catherine knew me so well.

Catherine and I had made small talk for the next few mins until I heard foot steps behind me and figured it was Sebastian. "Hey angel I have to go my battery is about to die and I'm not alone anymore if you catch my drift. Anyways I'm thinking on cutting this shit short and coming home in a couple days when Donnie goes to get my dad, so maybe if that happens we can hang out or something and talk" I said before hanging up. "Ok Mia whatever you want and maybe tomorrow you can call me or even FaceTime. Unless you need to talk before bed and after you charge your phone you can call me but only if you want" Catherine said and hung up before I could answer.

I put my phone down and and turned my head figuring I'd see Sebastian but was surprised to see Mallory. "Ok wow ummm you're the last one I expected to see... and I don't want your fucking pity so go back the way you came please..." "whoa umm sorry but it's not pity it's true concern and Donnie was going to come but I said I would since he's pretty mad right now. On another note was that your girlfriend on the phone, only asking because the way the two of you were talking and I know the signs" Mallory said as she cut me off and finally sat next to me and handed me the Jack Daniels bottle. I took the bottle and opened it thinking Donnie must have told her what I liked and even more surprised she was giving an under aged child alcohol.

I let the burn from the Jack heal me and welcoming the apple spark everything else. "Well Ms. Valentine thanks for the liquid and wow surprised that you let me have it. Haha I mean 18 years old is not exactly legal you know, but since it's my favorite I am assuming it's what Donnie had in his hand" I said with a giggle as she took it from me and took a good swallow. I was surprised she didn't cough or gag even a little and knew than she was no stranger to hard liquor. We sat quietly for s few mins just taking in the last bit of sun before the night swallowed us in darkness. I drank more passing it back and forth happy that she didn't ask any questions or get to close. I was feeling more relaxed and decided to get closer to the water wanting to feel the warmth of it touch me and warm me in the spots that the liquor wasn't. Mallory was right there with me following me step for step and not caring she was about to get wet.

Once in a good spot and sitting back down I turned slightly to see that Mallory was now in her sports bra and panties too. Her body was amazing all toned and beautiful from what I could see in the dark. "Whoa well not shy one bit are we now, is that a normal thing for you or have to have a liquid courage?" I asked after I finished staring and getting my wits back. Mallory laughed a genuine laugh and she finally sat grazing the side of my thigh whether on purpose or not. "I'm pretty much a rebel and test all my limits... as for this ha this is nothing since it hides all the private areas" she said as she took the bottle and downed the last shot of it.

Mallory put the bottle in the sand then leaned back propping herself up on her elbows and squishing her toes in the sand as the water ran over them. "Might want to be careful doing that with the little biting sand crabs that come out this time of night..." I said in a no joking tone and a second later she was on her feet jumping around. "Well if that's true I better get farther in the water than...." "you sure about that with all that liquor you've consumed?" I said cutting her off and standing to my feet ready to jump in if she started to drown. Mallory just laughed and got deeper in while I stayed still since the water was perfect and the waves were light as could be. I saw her finally stop as she got waist deep which took a min or two since there was a huge sand bar before it dropped off near the reef.

The moon was starting to rise higher giving new light to the water and beach letting me see more of Mallory. A second later I stepped towards the water and found what was her sports bra coming to shore. Picking it up I held it in my hand before lifting it to my face and smelling it. I didn't smell perfume but a smell that was so exotic I couldn't help but toss her bra towards the grass and take mine off before I hit the water. I slowly walked out letting the moonlight show off what I had to offer and not afraid to show the whole package as I had tossed my thong up toward the grass along with my bra. Mallory had kept her eyes on me at least of what I could see in the dark but had got closer down in the water. It seemed like forever until I reached her with still the water just below my hips. "Well.... I guess you had to pick the exact spot that had the highest sand bar. So if we go about a foot to my right and your left we'll hit a little deeper water" I said with calmness to my voice like I knew what I was doing.

I was not sure what Mallory really wanted from me or what she was hoping to accomplish so I made the first move as I moved to deeper water and she followed. I went a little farther than a foot and loving the feel of the little fish swimming near my feet. "So Ms....." "so help me if you call me Ms. Valentine or ma'am I am not at fault for my actions" Mallory cut me off before she jumped on my back with her now completely naked body. "Ok well Mallory you still jumped me from behind or at least tried and I didn't say another word... so I do believe you just wanted to know what I felt like. Yes I know I'm tall for only being 18 going on 19 and not your typical girl my age. You're probably thinking just like Sebastian though that I'm just a spoiled girl and have everything anyone could ever want...." I stopped not wanting to get mad and take it out on someone I didn't even know.

I spun around with Mallory on my back making her laugh and get a little dizzy so she would let up on her grip. I turned just in time to catch her with both hands and pulled her to my chest as we were now chest deep. "Sooo Mallory what do you think of me... am I a good person, bad, spoiled... or not worth putting a name to it" I whispered not expecting a response. Mallory wrapped her arms around me tight and kissed me soft on the lips and pulling back to see what I'd do. Without thinking I gripped her thighs as she had them wrapped around my body and I kissed her back and this time didn't stop when she slid her tongue into my mouth. My body was loving the feeling of her body against mine and Mallory letting me touch her everywhere I wanted to. I left her most private possession alone giving her more 4 play that she’d ever seen in her life.

I was breathless and now turned on to the point I was about to orgasm from just a kiss. "Ok.... whoa Mallory ummm this has been fun and I'd love to continue but not like here. I-I usually think and cal-calculate every step that could cause ummm anyways the probability of you and I both getting a UTI is very high. I am however a risk taker so if you want we can finish here, on the beach or in the guest house it's up to you!" I said as I shifted feeling my insides turn blue as I stopped myself from having a happy ending. Mallory threw her head back and started laughing and untangled herself from me causing me to drop her. "Haha you thought I'd give it up in one night... no honey that's not happening, but this was super fun... plus I'm 6 years older than you and after I finish this flight detail with Donnie I'm back to flying over seas. I'm in the military so sorry kiddo this was a one time thing" she said before swimming to shore without even looking back at me.

After the shock was over I made my way to the beach and found a towel and a robe assuming it was all thanks to Donnie or Sebastian. I grabbed the jack bottle and headed to the guest house where I found the lights on and Sebastian coming out of his bedroom with boxers on. I watched from the window for a second before going in taking in all his male physique. My phone was almost dead and bleeped at me to remind me startling me. I finally finished my way around the side of the house to the door and opened the door on a very astonished Sebastian. "Haha well Mr. GQ Donnie is never wrong about his assumptions. Hope you had a relaxing evening as for me I've got blue balls now and ya even more frustration added on" I tried to laugh it off as I passed him and took the stairs to my bedroom.

Sebastian didn't say a word which made things easier for me to shut him out. The first thing I did when I got to my bedroom was put my now dead cell on the charger while I showered and took care of my needs. By midnight I was finally settled in my bed and more relaxed than I had been all day. The only thing that was still an issue was home and how things had went with Catherine and the boys. I grabbed my iPad from the drawer and set it up on the pillow next to me. I dialed Catherine hoping she was still awake and was happy when she answered. "Hey you.... glad you called you were acting a little strange earlier. I hope everything is ok over there since I'm not over here" Catherine said and once again my heart hurt.

I picked up my iPad and turned to my side with it showing my chest which included my bruised biceps and still hand printed face. Catherine gasped as she saw it all and she was not going to let me ignore her if she asked questions. "Hey Cate I'm fine the bruises are my fault ha but the hand print is all thanks to mother dearest, but then again I asked for that too when I brought up Ethan" I said so she didn't have to ask. Catherine hated my answers and started to get upset even more. "Damn it I should be there with you right now. I could have kept you out of trouble like I am good at.. so you called this late because?? Let me think you couldn't sleep and feel guilty?" Catherine gave a soft giggle.

After what seemed like hours I was finally ready for bed all thanks to my best friend. "Catherine I really am sorry if I made you feel like the other night meant nothing or that it didn't change me even a little because that night was the best night I've ever had sexually, emotionally, the feeling of connection was amazing... and I will never forget it. Thank you for calming me down the rest of the way and I hope you will forgive me" I said as I looked at Catherine on the screen. "I do forgive you baby girl and I am sorry too for leaving and letting you just go without chasing you down. Goodnight baby talk to you later" Catherine said as she blew me a kiss and hung up. I was feeling like my world was spinning around without stopping and causing me to become nauseous. Did I like girls now and if so do I find out what kind of girls I like or do I stick with the one person who's always been there for me.

Morning came and I was up by 5:00am in a cold sweat as I dreamed of Ethan again but this time it was like flashes of memories that never happened. I was happy to be alone and Sebastian still locked in his room. I had changed into my running outfit and slowly slipped from the house. I knew that Greta was already up in the main house probably getting things ready for breakfast. I went to the back door where she met me with a bottle of water knowing I didn't drink or eat anything before running. "Thanks Greta.... ummm should I even ask how mother is? Ahh never mind don't tell me because I need this run" I said taking the bottle from her. "Little girl let me tell you something... your mother loves you with all her heart. She was up most of the night pacing her bedroom floor and crying. She wanted to go to you but I stopped her knowing you both just needed time" Greta said with a matter of fact tone.

I was down at the beach starting my run that would be taking me around the whole island which always got me back on course. I felt like I was on a jet pack feeling like I was running faster than I ever had. I made the run in less than 30 mins which was record timing and after stopping for a quick break and water I started another round. I wanted to take my time this round and see what was happening in the nearby islands that had been bought. By 6:45 I was back but this time I was now looking towards the dock wanting to go rowing next. "No, no young lady you're going home and getting a good healthy breakfast first and check in on your mother..." a woman's voice came from behind me. I turned but there was no one there. "Ok well thanks for trying to tell me what to do whoever you are, but I'm 18 almost 19 and don't need permission to do what I want. As for you... ugh I'm losing it... tell Ethan to leave me and my dreams alone please!" I said as I ran back to the guest house and showered before going to the main house for breakfast.

It was not a surprise to find Sebastian in the kitchen of my house on his cell checking in with my father. "Hey there GQ tell my dad that I'm cutting this Vaca short and coming back home when Donnie comes to pick him up. He can stay here with crazy all summer... if he can last that long" I said as I went to my room and showered but stripping the moment I entered the house. Sebastian froze for a moment and then remembered what my father said before turning around. I gave a little giggle before completely disappearing around the corner as I went up. I checked my cell first seeing that Catherine had left me a txt-picture and about lost my mind when the photo was of her naked in bed showing off her toned body. I figured there was no harm in doing the same thing so set up my iPad on its stand and set the timer and stepped back waiting for the flash. I sent the photo to her and jumped in the shower not waiting for a response.

I was to the big house around 7:45am after getting dressed in my bikini with a wrap around my waist. I talked to Catherine for nearly 25 mins until we both started to hear my stomach growl and she begged me to go eat. My mother, Donnie and Mallory where there with all of them smiling sweetly at me. I was not sure what had come over me as my mouth opened and started yapping. I started with my mother first "morning mother, I hear you were up most of the night. No need to beat yourself up over a tap on my face, but I'm not staying all summer and will be leaving when Donnie goes to get father." I didn't stop as I went to Donnie next "thanks for being the person I can always count on no matter how far away you are. Thank you for also having this amazing woman tagging along with you. She is a piece of work and not a bad kisser either...but if I ever see her again on my fathers jet I'll make sure I'm not there."

I made sure to make Mallory the last victim of my rant. "I want to thank you for being like every other person who I've ever come across who has tried to make me feel shallow or prey on my spoiled rich girl ass. One thing you should know though yes my parents and their parents come from money, but I don't feel spoiled since everything I have has come with a price. I'm the only child since I was 3 and my parents lost their only son.. so now I deal with living up to both my parents expectations and in the span of 15 years I've lost who I was and what I wanted from life. Pretty shitty to be 18 and feel like I'm not in control of my own life... so if you think that is being a spoiled little brat that's fine" I said before grabbing my plate of food from Greta and sitting at the farthest seat from them.

I put my ear buds in and hit my play list letting the music drown out the noise. I had noticed Sebastian had been there probably the whole time once I sat and looked up. I didn't care what he heard or thought of me, but I could tell he was stressed. I kept my head down and finished my breakfast the way I wanted to do so. 30 mins later I opened my eyes once I was ready to look at everyone and felt a little more together. I was surprised when I did and the only one there was my mother who sat at the other end of the table and was watching me. I hit the pause button and took my ear buds out to see if she would start the conversation or we'd both be to head strong and wait for one another. "Do you feel better now? I am sure you feel better but what about me and how I feel. I am sorry I slapped you yesterday that was a weak point and you know I don't like to talk about your.... Ethan" my mother Amelia said in such a calm voice I freaked a little.

Another day has passed without not being grateful for something.

I'm grateful for where I am today and where I'll be tomorrow as long as I keep trying.

I'm grateful for those who've shown me the truth and even those who've shown me lies.

That's the only way to learn from life wouldn't you say?

I'm grateful for who I am every single day and continue to be who I was alway meant to be, I don't care about the material things, nor do I care what people think.

Life is too short and precious to worry about what those individuals think about me, because no one is perfect not even you or I.

I'm grateful for the heart I have and that whether I know you or not I still show compassion regardless of who you are and the mistakes you might have made.

I'm grateful for those I have in my corner and even those I don't because I live for me not them.

IN the end I'm grateful for everything that has ever touched my life whether good or bad, because I probably wouldn't be the woman I am today!

I'M GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL NO MATTER THE OUTCOME TODAY OR EVEN TOMORROW!

You know those days were your hecticly busy with no end in sight?

Today is that day for me, as of late that's how most Fridays have been though.

Being sick doesn't help, you feel that high in the wake of the work day and by mid-morning your ready to burn out and need your bed?

That is me and it's 4:05 pm and still have about an hour left of work.

Crash and Burn is coming with the weather changing so rapidly this year I wonder if I'll ever feel the warmth on my face again from the natural sunlight or just the burn of the cold wind on my face.

I can already feel the Crash starting from the long day now for the burn that I know is heading my way. What a Friday Night this shall be!

I came bouncing through the door after just running 3 miles and being at my trainer’s gym since 3am on my final day of senior year so excited that I had the world at my fingertips and a handful of colleges who all wanted me. My parents had been supportive in whatever direction I decided but that was probably because whatever I decided they would still be getting a divorce when all said and done. "Wow what a year it has been, I still can't believe it's my last day of School and then it’s summer. Than I start college and who knows I might even cut the summer short and go early. I guess now it depends on where I really want to go, I guess and who I really want to be now and what I want to be." My mother gave me the look of proudness even though her world was falling apart every day that I got closer to graduating. "Mia, angel you are right about one thing you have the world at your fingertips and colleges sending you acceptance letters every day... however you should take the summer to decide on some type of path.." My mother Amelia couldn't help herself when it came to me taking time off to figure out what I wanted to do. My father Ethan on the other hand always distilled in me that knowing what you want to do before you get to that next step was crucial and most of the time he was supportive in the ambition I had to do not just one career but multiple "I think that your mother is right, but so are you since you are a free spirited kind of young lady and have big dreams. You know I thought of course you'd always take after me or your grandfather in law or medical, but of course you have shown likes in both area's. I guess all I can do now is be supportive, pay for what you decide and well I guess that's just what dads are supposed to do right?"

I knew that my parents meant well in what they said but by my father's tone he had his decision in his head not really understanding why I needed time or why I even questioned it since my future had been mapped out since the day I was born and my twin and I would have anything we wanted. That all changed the day my twin brother died at the age of 3 from a rare strain of the flu that took him quickly. "Mom, Dad I know how you both feel and what this day would really mean if Jr was still here.. so now I’m basically living for the both of us and you both see me living up to expectations. I'm sorry that he isn't here to take after you dad in your foot steps and one day take over the firm, and mother I know you rather me go off and find a nice guy and become a wife and mother and do whatever I want and leave it to my husband to bring home the bacon" I couldn't hold back the irritation that was clearly in my tone as I faced my parents who had been already packed to head off on our family vacation. I still had to finish packing and calling all my girls who would be heading off on their summer vacations too and Catherine who was my very best friend and who would be joining us on our trip through the Caribbean. I stopped listening to my parents when they started to argue with one another and headed up the stairs and down my side of the house still able to hear them. I couldn't believe how childish they were being, but who am I to be the parent and tell them what to do?

Catherine had arrived at my house before I could even call her and it was like we read one another's minds or something because she always had great timing when it came to me really needing to have someone there for me. "Mia... you have to be kidding me.... I've been packed for 3 months and you hardly have anything. I...." Catherine found me sobbing in my closet as I looked through my baby book along with my brothers that I had saved from the trash years before. "Hey.... I'm fine just picturing what it would be like right now if Jr was here with me and if our parents would still be getting a divorce. They still have love for one another, but more hate now days than I've ever seen, I'm ready to just tell them to send me and you and they can stay here and do whatever they really want.. I'm tired of holding up dreams for not just myself but for Jr that they had for us..." I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay in the house with my parents even though once I left for college my father would be completely moved out. Catherine closed the closet door and locked us inside until I was ready to face the world like she did from the time we were little and the closet was our fort.

Catherine was an only child as well but her parents were madly in-love and made me feel more like their daughter then my own parents who loved me and gave me everything I ever wanted in material things but when it came to affection it was hard for them both. I kept my brothers’ blankets that I had found at 5 years old hiding in the back of a closet in his room that had never changed until my mother had her breakdown and destroyed it on our 8th birthdays. "I guess I'm just feeling a little lost and pulled into so many directions since I didn't just get into 1 of my 6 schools I applied to but all of them... my father wants me to follow him or his father, but my mother wants of course me to get a limited degree and live off a rich man forever and have babies. I mean damn I've been single this entire senior year of course by my choice after Maxwell broke it off when he left for college which was the best thing he could have ever done since I wasn't wanting what he wanted anymore. Ha which he called me last-night to congratulate us on graduation, and of course you know me I'm a sucker every time... He of course was my first love... or so I thought" Catherine laughed as I made funny faces when talking and thinking about a guy I lost my virginity to when I was 13 years old. "Ha ya you are a sucker but I don't blame you since the dude has some major skills and got a full ride to Duke. I know you though and don't see you settling for that life knowing the free spirited person you are and that you will never just settle" Catherine always knew how to get me back on track after a crazy day with my parents even if it was a 5 min conversation. I finally got up off the floor and finished packing with the help of my besty Catherine who was in a rush to get out of town and on the beach.

I didn't understand why my best friend Catherine at times when she loved going to the beach but only when on vacation when we lived just mins from the Carolina beaches. "That's why I love you.... you have a beach here yet only like hitting beaches while on Vacation. Such a simple person yet so demanding about other things in your life... So enough about my issues have you decided on where you are going to go for school? I mean I know we both got accepted to the same schools, but I’m just not sure right now what I'm doing. My parents fighting is getting out of control and I'm tired of being the buffer between the two and can't wait to be out completely which not sure my mother would ever let that happen." Catherine did the best she could to understand only being able to imagine what it would be like if her parents didn't love one another anymore. "Well dang it this is not how we are supposed to be feeling on our last day of school... graduation is tonight and then we leave tomorrow for the Caribbean. If you want come stay at my house tonight or I can stay here with you..." "No my parents are leaving right after graduation with my father having to do a little business before he joins us and my mother wanting to get some alone time in at the house. So if you want you can stay here since I’ll have it to myself" I said to her as she carried my bag to the main floor of the house.

Catherine thought the idea of staying alone with Mia would be perfect and had a plan for their evening since they were now going to be adjusting once more to a new life that held so many possibilities for them both. I followed my best friend down the stairs to find that my dad had finally left for work and my mother was now on the phone with her girlfriends bitching about my father. "Mother we are leaving for school, it's only half a day so not sure why I’m even going when I've done all my finals, but anyways have a good day and see you later. Don't forget graduation is at 5pm and I have my outfit already so not coming home after. Love you bye...." I ran out the front door to my new car my parents bought me which was a total surprise. Catherine loved riding along in my Challenger with the top down instead of her mustang with its top down not sure why since they both were kick ass cars and the best that money could buy. "I guess we are only taking one car today, but where is Adam or are the two of you on the frits again?" I couldn't help but laugh when Catherine scowled at me. "Damn it Mia you know Adam is just a good fuck haha if that any more... he's going to be one of those guys who never leaves home no matter that he has a full ride to college.. ha plus he's talking about taking over his dads car business if he doesn't like college. I'm not the settling type either and plus I love woman more than boys as you know." I couldn't help the laughter knowing full well that my best friend loved both men and woman and I had dabbled a little but never went farther than kissing and filling a girl up. "I'm very aware of your love towards woman and we are best friends we know more about one another then I think I’ve ever known a friend to have with one another. The only thing we haven't done is the girl on girl thing which I’m glad because I think it would just destroy our friendship I'm glad that we haven't crossed that line. Ha not that you are ugly because you are beautiful, drop dead gorgeous and just no words to describe the way your beauty hits me" I couldn't help but tell my best friend how I felt and that I was happy that we never crossed the lines that could change our relationship. Catherine stayed quiet and a little on edge now that she was going to be telling her best friend later that night while they were alone how she really felt about her and now wasn't sure if she should. The music kicked in once Catherine connected her phone to the system and blared her latest kick of music which was country/hip hop type which I didn't mind since I loved all music. I knew that Catherine had become standoffish from the time we left the house until we arrived at school with her jumping from the car before I even had the car in park. "Jesus Cath..... I mean I know school is almost done but damn it...." I wasn't sure if she even heard me yell out her name when she kept walking away.

I made it to my home room where I stayed most of the next couple of hours since I had all my finals done and no reason to go to the classes. Catherine had avoided me for the first two periods which drove me insane but could force her to talk to me if she didn't want too. "Ugh Jose I can't take this crap anymore today... I should have stayed home but it's the last day so I'm going to just head out after this period I think..." My friend Jose gave me a look of "Please take me with you" and making me laugh with his spanish speaking " Oh nina no tiene ni idea gosh te amo bebe, but you are seriously clueless aren't you..." Jose was confusing me from the beginning with his statement. "I have no idea what you are talking about and why you are saying I have no idea... for fuck sake dude I guess I don't have a clue into anything anymore..." I said before standing up with my keys and leaving the room without saying a word to Mr. Babinose. Jose took off after her with his flamboyant personality and found Mia at her locker finishing the clean out which wasn't much. "Ok I’m sorry I have just thought you knew, but since you don't it's not me to say anything until that other person says something to you. Anyways what are you up to tonight besides the graduation and getting ready for your vacation? Nick and I are going out to that old place we all used to hang out at and drink a little something.." Jose tried his best to get my attention even though my head was somewhere else altogether.

Finally, after what seemed like forever and my head hurting far too much I turned and eyed Jose "Well my parents are leaving right from here after graduation and we are leaving tomorrow morning sometime after I see my Dr. So if you want you and Nick can come to my house and we can all hang out and you know my parents let me do whatever, so as long as you lock up the keys until morning and the two of you stay I’m good with you two coming over" I said with a plain look on my face. Jose dialed Nick and asked him to meet us by the locker needing to tell him something. Not even a min later Nick came running around the corner picking Jose up off his feet and spinning him around. "What's the news babes... hey Mia ha wow you look like someone peed in your water or something with that look on your face..." Nick laughed before he lunged forward picking me up off my feet and spinning me around until I laughed just for him to put me down. "Ok better put me back down before I throw up all over.... my stomach is not that great right now" I yelped out when I started to feel queasy. I took out my phone and texted Catherine to let her know I was tired and bored "so if you want, I can come back for you or wait you let me know. I'm out here by the locker with Jose and Nick." Catherine did not reply but instead sent Nick and Jose both a text telling them she would catch a ride home to get ready for graduation and see us all there. "Are you kidding me right now... I don't get it we were fine at my house and then the ride over was weird. So if she is going to act like this I’m going to go to her so let us go find our little complicated friend.." I said as I took off to her french class that she was in and peeked in the door. "Excusze-moi... je dois parler a Catherine" I said in perfect French surprising the class for even doing it at all. Catherine squeezed lower into her chair thinking I couldn't see her. Jose and Nick came from the back door and picked her and her stuff up. "She's done I take it, since you are all just sitting here talking amongst yourselves, so we are taking her and we'll see you all at graduation" Jose said as he took Catherine's bag while Nick put Catherine over his shoulder.

Catherine screamed the whole way out, but laughed and apologizing for her friends "professeur desole pour mes amis fous, ha see the rest of you at the ceremony." I stayed in front leading the way to my car and Nicks truck that were parked right next to one another. "Alright boys drop her in my front seat and follow us..." I said as I jumped in the driver’s seat and started the engine locking the doors and holding on to Catherine's arm as I put up the top of my challenger. "Damn it Catherine Anne... I'm not playing this game with you today... You have me fucking getting pissed off now, so you are going to tell me what the fuck happend from the time we left my house until fuck a few mins later when you did all this...." "You know what I really am not ready to tell you so can we please just follow the boys to where ever they are going and we can do this later when we both have a little more courage or shit at least me" Catherine cut me off gripping my forearm tight with the look in her eyes being that of burning flames. I let her go and she stayed in her seat but put the top back down needing the heat from the sun to warm her. I did what she had asked and followed the boys in the truck that was almost too high even with me being 6'2 toned but not skin and bone. Catherine stayed watching out her side of the car and at times would look at me and smile her shy smile that told me whatever it was she had to say was something seriously important.

I was fast asleep with the sun pushing through the edges of the curtains and jolting me awake. "Jr....." I gasped out not able to see him anymore nor were the videos playing. Rubbing my eyes I could see that the box was was nicely packed back up and placed on the table next to me. I called out for Jr but there was still nothing and I could no longer feel him around. I checked the clock in the corner and found it was 5:30 am. "Fuck I have to get showered and dressed the car will be here at 6:30" I groaned and stood to my feet. I took the box knowing if my mother found it she would freak out and I wasn't about to lose anything else.

I quickly fixed breakfast and made mimosas for everyone and within mins they finally smelled the food and came running. Jose and Nick of course were first bouncing through the arch way. "Hey baby girl.... so wow you two did it and I must say who ever that was screaming it got us so hot we were fucking most of the night" "Jesus Jose baby not sure why you had to bust her out that way" Nick came to my rescue seeing that I was just a little uncomfortable. "Awww boys I'm fine and yes that would have been me, and I have to admit that was probably my loudest ever. Ha anyways I really need to go up and shower and I'll wake Cath..." "No need I've been up since 5am showered and dressed" Catherine startled me as she came in and directly to me. "Ahhh hey, how did you sleep?" I asked hoping she didn't wake up at all through the night.

Catherine wrapped her arms around my neck and looked at me with seriousness. "I slept really good until I woke up at 5 and found you were gone.. figured you were up and had showered already, but nope came down here and found you in the den sleeping. So I take it sleeping far away from me is what you needed after what happened late last night or early this morning" Catherine said with obvious pain and hurt in her eyes. "Nooo that's not it.. i-i look I could not sleep had a lot of my mind so came down thinking I heard something but it was nothing. I fell asleep in the den around 3:30 so I'm sorry" I explained the best I could before she got mad or even more hurt. She moved closer and placed her head over my heart hearing it pound like mad and I backed up and away. "Look I really need a shower and you should all eat because the car will be here @ 6:30. Boys the keys are by the door and I'll be back in about 10 mins" I said turning and grabbing the box and heading up stairs.

Catherine groaned with a sound of frustration letting me know she wasn't to happy. I put the box in my hiding place and headed for the shower. After a 5 min shower I was a little more relaxed and ready to start my long ass day not sure what would be taking place. "Damn sis you need to relax for real, I'm still here and no it was not a dream it's very, very real" Jr said so normally like it was no big deal that my world and life was changing whether I wanted it to or not. "So you only come around when you want or answer when you feel it's convenient for you? Ugh I'm losing my fucking mind... omg I am not understanding I think... moms breakdown was you... for fuck sake" I screamed out and started hitting the air around me hoping to strike him.

Firm hands came around my biceps holding me in place. "Damn it Mia that is not exactly true but yes to parts, I don't have time... correction you don't have time to do this now. When you're ready we will go all in but for now we all think it's better to start off slow" Ethan said as he lightened up his grip on my biceps. Turning to face the mirror to finish getting ready I could see the red handprints on my arms and the finger tips deeper red in my flesh. "Damn if Ethan mom and dad are going to see these bruises and then what are they going to think... and my fucking friend’s downstairs" I yelled at him but he was gone. It took me an extra 5 mins than what I had promised to be back down making it 6:20 am.

Jose and Nick were near the door holding their key. "Hey baby girl your car arrived about 10 mins ago. We took your girls bags to the car and Catherine is finishing her breakfast now" Jose said softly before hugging and kissing me. "You two really need to talk before you head off together. Make sure you both want to go away still together. She wants to stop by her house to say bye to her parents... she's been quiet most of the breakfast" Nick said as he hugged and kissed me. "Alright I got it I fucked up.... I am not used to this type of relationship so it's like a curve ball and I'm learning. Fuck it's not even a relationship in that way yet and not sure it's going to be that type. I have way too much to think about to deal with the two of you. I love you both like brothers so please let me walk you out before we start fighting" I said as I grabbed the door and opened showing them to the truck.

I made it back inside to see Catherine walking towards me and looking pissed off. "Don't do me any favors ok... it was one amazing night and with all this stress on you I have decided I'm not going. Have a great summer and keep in touch if you can.." Catherine said as she walked out the front door and headed towards the car. I went to go after her when the door slammed shut in my face. "Damn it Ethan stop it... I can't let her leave like this so open the fucking door" I screamed and ran towards the garage to open the big door. I grabbed my key needing to pull the car into the garage anyways. The boys and Catherine were still out talking and crying making me feel like an asshole. "Hey.... stop please I want you to come with me... we have been planning this trip for 2 fucking years Cath.." I got closer and she jumped back and away from me and I could see that she was not in the mood for me.

I went to the challenger and got in driving it into its spot in our 4 car garage. I got out and went to the town car asking him to give me 5 mins and pulled Catherine's bags out. I rolled them towards her and the boys not having the time or patience to deal with them. "Please see that she gets home safe, I don't have time to do this. I'll call when I get to my mother" I said without stopping. I closed the garage door behind me with the remote and headed into the house. I cleaned everything up and grabbed a plastic container to dump what was left of food before leaving. The maid would finish cleaning the rest of the house later and I was now ready as I could be to head off alone on my father’s private plane. I left the house and found everyone gone and the town car now in the driveway. "Hi sir I'm sorry for the wait and I could only imagine that my parents have called you a few times by now. They worry way too much but I guess that is what parents are supposed to do" I said to the young man.

The driver reached for my hand and I saw the sun light up his under armor that held a gun. I jumped back not understanding what was happening. "Why is a car service man wearing a gun??? Maybe I should call my father..." before I could finish my thoughts my cell rang with my father’s number. I answered with a quick panicked "hello....daddy..." "hi angel please just get into the car. His name is Sebastian and he is your detail for the trip, and we'll be talking about why Catherine went home crying later" my father said before just hanging up without a fucking good bye. I shook the man’s hand and he opened the back door letting me slide in. Once he got in I told him to take the other route so we would be passing Catherine's house. "So a detail... what the fuck do I need a detail for... I mean I know who my father and grandfather are but it's not like I'm in danger...." I stopped thinking about it and my mind went to the worst possibility. Sebastian looked in his rear-view mirror and eyed me questionably and I ignored him all together.

I silently called out for my brother needing him now more than ever and it hit me maybe he knew I'd need him for whatever was going on. Ethan was there but did not say a word just held my hand and answered my unspoken words as silent as I did. I was woken by Sebastian 45 mins later causing me to gasp out. "Jesus scare a girl to death.... so I take it you're going to be fallowing me around for the whole summer.." I muttered and he shook his head with a smile "yes ma'am that is my job and you better get used to it because I'm not leaving unless I'm told to do so..." "ok well than I am telling you to leave so..." I was cut off when he picked me up over his shoulder and carried me up the stairs of the plane. "Ma'am I have a job to do and I'm only leaving if my boss your father tells me to do so" Sebastian said with fire in his tone.

Sebastian placed me in my seat as he took his on the other side of the plane. "Jesus I'm not a fucking child and I'm going to report that shit to my dad your boss" I bitched but he had tuned me out and started typing a message in his phone to whoever it was. Cap. Murray came on the speakers welcoming me to the jet and telling me to relax. "I'll see you shortly angel and Mr. GQ you didn't need to handle my God daughter like that" Cap. Donnie Murray announced. I couldn't help but laugh which made me feel a bit better and the moment Mr. GQ looked at me I knew he was irritated and only saw a spoiled little brat. He had no idea who I was and I did not need to explain myself to him one bit. He would see on his own that I was far from a spoiled brat, spoiled maybe but that didn't make me a brat since it wasn't my fault that I was an only child and my parents gave me everything.

Once we were in the air and at our leveling my godfather did as he promised which he always did. "Hi baby girl, your parents said that you rocked last night but you weren't all dolled up. You look exhausted so I take it you had a party at the house and drank too much" Donnie said as he hugged and kissed me. I held onto him looking over his shoulder at Sebastian who was trying his best not to look at me. "Nah not really a party since it was just the guy boys and Catherine. It was fun and interesting since I finally went all the way with my first girl... haha" I started laughing when Sebastian caught my eye and stiffened in a way, I knew all to well as he imagined the whole thing.

Donnie pulled me back holding me by my biceps that were covered by my sleeves. "Dang you just had to say that... I mean you tell me everything I'm just surprised it was with Cate. Oh dear is that why she isn't here?" He asked in a tone that told me he was sorry. I sat down as I took the pain of my biceps and holding back the wincing. "I'm good Donnie I'm just lost in my head and yesterday was just the start of a new chapter with decisions I have to make. Long story but we'll have time for all that another day" I said with a smirk before sitting back down. I opened my bag and took out two containers full of scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon in the other. "I've got plenty to share...." "oh wait first I want you to meet my co-capt. Ms. Mallory Valentine" Donnie said and if it were on cue Ms. hot pants herself walked out with a smile.

I immediately stood holding out my hand thinking she had to be only in her early twenties. "Hi.... I-I ha excuse me I'm Mia nice to meet you... oh and that is Mr. GQ there..." Sebastian stood as he finally got a good look at Mallory and cut me off. "Hi ma'am I'm Sebastian not Mr. GQ." Mallory laughed and took his hand "well I think Mr. GQ fits but nice to meet you Sebastian. Mia very nice.... to meet you, I'm happy to be here flying under this guy’s expertise." Mallory went back into the cockpit and left us even after I offered breakfast. Donnie joined me and Sebastian stayed alone not wanting to socialize.

Donnie grabbed a bottle from the wine fridge and poured me a glass with orange juice while he just had juice. "Thanks Donnie I did this all at home but didn't get to join them since I was busy getting cleaned up and then the argument happened. I wanted Cate to come but she was acting crazy weird yesterday after I made a couple comments not knowing how she felt until later. Then she freaks out again this morning all because I told Jose and Nick to stay out of my business and let me figure things out. I am way to stressed to deal with emotions especially lady ones. Haha I mean I am a lady but my... well you know" I said before downing my glass and taking a bite of my now warm food.

Donnie went back to the cockpit to finish out the remainder of the flight which was another 3 hours. I had texted and even tried to face time Catherine with no response. I turned to texting the boys and only got a "fuck off" response from Jose and a "not now" from Nick. I finally tossed my phone in my bag before closing my eyes and falling asleep. I didn't even feel the runway landing as Donnie landed on our private runway. I was deep in a dream with Ethan as we were children and running around before he had got sick. I gasped as Donnie whispered softly in my ear "angel girl we are here and your mother is waiting...". I jumped to my feet knocking Donnie backwards and right on his ass. "Donnie sorry.... sorry ummm" I took his hand and pulled him to his feet in a quick jolt. They all starred at me with an eyebrow raised and I didn't bother talking as I grabbed my bag and headed down the steps of the plane.

Donnie was right my mother was in the property cart with all my bags that I brought. Sebastian followed close behind along with Donnie and Mallory. "Hi mother... ummmm I take it they are all staying until they have to go get father? I am not too pleased about having a damned body guard either...." I dropped my bag in the seat and took off running needing to be alone. I prayed that I wouldn't be followed and didn't look back to look or even wait for my mother to say a word. I had run track, played soccer, was on the best rowing team in the USA, I played pretty much every sport the school had to offer. I had finally stopped when I reached my spot hidden in the trees and climbed right up into the tree house my father had built for my 12th birthday.

The sun was still high in the sky with a good breeze blowing warmth as it touched my cold sweat body. "Ethan I can feel you near so either talk or go away... because I'm really not in the mood and you've bugged me enough for now" I said as I laid in the bed that had been made up recently thanks to the maids who always made sure I had my bunker just in case a fight broke out between my parents. Ethan had been in the rocking chair to my left as it started to rock but didn't respond but let out a calmness in the air which came over me relaxing me. The calmness broke my tensed-up body and emotions and I started to sob uncontrollably. I felt a presence of energy climb in the bed and hold me with their hand running through my hair. I could tell it was a different energy than Ethan's who had still been in the room.

I didn't get scared but started to calm down and eventually fell back to sleep needing the time to recharge. I was woken by the sound of the ATV getting closer to me and rolled to my back sighing with my arm over my face. "Well I guess I've been found and now have to face the music and mother!" I groaned out before sitting up and walking towards the door. Donnie was on the ATV and just looked at me in a way that told me that enough hiding and time to see my mother. "Ok, ok I'm coming man...." I bitched down and finally walking down the steps to the ground. Ethan and the other energy had left at some point and I was alone again. Donnie and slid back and I took over climbing on and taking us on a little trip before going home.

Donnie held on tight as I splashed threw some muddy areas before reaching the beach and flying down and up over the hill towards the house. The sound of the engine made it impossible for me to hear Donnie until we came to a halt near the garage that held all our toys. "Damn it Mia I'm covered in mud now damn it.... haha your lucky I didn't shower yet!" He bitched as he got off the back. "Oh Donnie you knew when you brought this damn thing to get me... and let me drive that we would be having a little fun first. So what is mother’s attitude like.... ohh and I've been seeing and hearing Ethan's voice. Please don't tell mother or speak about this to anyone, I'm not losing my mind it's in my dreams" I said as I drove the ATV into the garage.

Donnie had been pretty quiet as we headed towards the house and I was too as the visions of my parents freaking out when Donnie eventually told them what I asked him not to. My mother opened the door and eyed me with irritation as she found us covered in mud and the fact that we were late. "Ok young lady go and shower and then join us for dinner... don't be getting mud everywhere while you do so. As for you Donnie you left over an hour and a half ago and come back just as muddier if not more. Ugh just go clean up too and we will be waiting" my mother Amelia bitched as we walked away. I took my time even though it would piss my mother off who was already irritated with me.

It's supposed to be a joyous time of year

yet I'm just counting the days for when it's all over

It used to mean something when I was little

yet now it seems more like something made for the fairy-tails of our children

I just wish I could find my way back to those child like memories

Maybe one day I'll remember how to get back to those days

I know I should just find the Joy in the people that are around me

however they are only after the materal parts of the holiday season

and now what it's really all about and maybe that's why it's better to be alone

Here is to the Holiday Season that is here another Year and surly to pass and come again!