"You will always be top priority

I will always love you

You were the best thing to ever happen to me "

Then why am I holding my heart in my hands?

Why is it dying?

I'm choking on my thoughts

I'm drowning in my oxygen

I'm coughing on blood

And in this moment I wish I didn't have a soul

I wish I didn't have a direct connection to you anymore

WHY AM I ALWAYS WAITING WHY CANT I JUST MOVE ON WHY CANT I JUST MAKE IT

stop

I wish I never met you but you know I don't mean that

I wish I never introduced you to her but you know I only slightly mean that

I wish I never slept with you and for once I'm not sure how I mean that

I just wanted forever with the person who wanted me forever

The person my soul is tied to, my soulmate, my everything, my other half, the person who makes me stronger, my love, my honey, my sweet prince, my rock, my world, my universe, the sun to my moon, the sunrise to my sunset, everything we did was beautiful

And now the colors are gone

And it's dark in my room and it's 3 am and my eyes are puffy and grief and anger and sadness have come to visit me and suddenly the sobriety streak means nothing and a knife is sitting across from me on the cold hard floor

And I wanna stop but for once everything is quiet

My mind has always been a warzone that no one was able to tame and you were able to figure it all out, you ceased the fighting and I felt peace for once

But now your gone and there I am being torn apart by myself

And there's a reason people go insane I feel it now just inching towards me, just in a cocky way cause no one can escape their own mind right?

It's so taunting, so right there, an in your face kind of thing

Almost like you but not because it's what I can't have with you anymore that drives me insane

You're my kryptonite, you always have been, you always will, and against everything I will still be sitting here for whenever you need me.

For whatever.

For all eternity.

Crazy how a few years later I'm still writing about the same boy

The one I lost

But I said it's fine he deserves to be happy

And anyway they say if you let something go and it comes back it's yours forever

Thats not true

He did come back yes

But he's gone forever this time

We loved so hard and so beautifully it was any writers dream

Any artist would've found inspiration in it

Musicians would've wished they could write as intoxicating as that simple emotion

But you weren't happy

No now I'm too busy planning my life

Our life

And I'm so tired of crying and fighting my mind while you go do whatever your heart so damn desires

I cry for a boyfriend I can't have

I cry for happiness that I no longer seem to deserve and crave so much it hurts

And yet I still crave you

They say you never forget your first love, how sweet and delicate it is

Oh but I got to fall in love with you twice

And baby that's more powerful than any drug on this earth

Walk into the abyss

See that its not that bad

What everyone has forgot is that our minds are the scariest abyssess

Emotions can eat you up

Your mind can be honed as a weapon

But hey, this abyss of fog is wayyyyy worse

Right?

Come with me

Let’s go on a walk

Just you and I

We can hold hands and pick flowers and do all those kinds of things that you love to do

And we’re walking along

With a pretty sunset in the background

Just routine for me

Now here’s the part where we sit down at some park bench and watch the sun set

With its vibrant colors lighting up the sky, I tell you that you light up my life more than that sun does

Now I’m looking around and I see no railing

So I point it out and hold you close and tell you that no danger will come while you’re with me

Now we get up to get a closer look and kiss some more

And this time I say something new

I tell you that we’re always gonna be together

You and me, me and you against the world

Now and forever until the end of time

You blush and say how adorable I am

So I pick you up and spin you around

And I put you down and smile down

And I push you over

Till the end I had promised

Y'all know that feeling you get when you know the boy you love is doing everything you can only dream that you both could've done in your short time together?

with another girl.

Yeah, me too

I keep saying I’m done with it

With the sleeves

And the makeup

I keep saying I’m done with hiding

Whether they’re red and angry

Or smooth and healed

I say, its part of who I am

And if I wanna love myself I should just be confident

And not care

But I wake up and say, not today

And backtrack

She's got a past she can't talk about

She's got flaws she's insecure about

She aims to please and if she fails, she feels the fault is hers

She's sensitive and can get hurt easily

But she's sweet and caring and loyal

So take the chance?

No matter how many times I wear your hoodie

Or open up to you

Or say I love you

Or kiss you

Or hold your hand

It always slips my mind that

you’re no longer mine