Long Lost Obsession Part 1
I looked outside my window like I’d done every Monday morning. it was raining, not your typical autumn rain, this one was coming down hard, so hard in fact, I wondered if a storm was about to hit. He was running behind schedule this morning. What’s taking him so long? I wondered. Then, finally, there he was, i smiled wide and pressed my palms against the windowpane: “hello baby”. I whispered as he walked down the familiar path to work, I knew he was going to work because last month I just so happened to be there at a table reading the paper, I don’t think he saw me though, probably for the best, I couldn’t have him seeing me too often and getting all suspicious. Phone at the ready, I took a picture of him as he cross the street, I was desperate to open the window and call out to him, but I knew I couldn’t, I had to wait, bide my time, I knew it would all be worth it once I finally had him in my arms.
Gavin’s shift was going swimmingly. It was just like any ordinary day, people ordering, long lines, a few strange orders, nothing too unusual. Halfway through the lunch rush, he spotted a woman sat at the very back, reading a newspaper, or was that pretending to read? He wondered. She kept peering up at him from beneath the pages and would look back down when she realised he’d seen her. She did look a little familiar: long brown hair, average height, probably in her early 20s, though, he couldn’t quite place her. After about 15 minutes of this, he decided to go over to her: “Hi”. He greeted, wearing a polite smile: “Did you need anything”? She put the paper down and smiled somewhat nervously: “Um, n-no, I’m fine thanks”. “You sure”? He asked, “Seemed like you were trying to get my attention earlier”. The woman giggled, rolling her eyes: “You’d like that wouldn’t you”? He looked confused: “Excuse me”? She blushed, embarrassed: “Oh, er, S-sorry, th-that was my stupid attempt at a joke”. She chuckled shyly, before fixing her attention on her half bitten nails. He found the interaction a bit odd, but didn’t dwell on it too much: “Ok, well if everything’s alright, I should get back to work”. He informed, gesturing to his workstation. “Wait, how long have you got till lunch”? He pulled out his phone, looking at the screen: “Er, about 5 minutes, why”? He answered, putting his phone away again: “you look like you could use a break, why don’t you sit down here for awhile”? She smiled, gesturing to the seat in front of her: “um… I don’t know, I really should finish my shift and I said I’d meet a mate for lunch”…. “Oh come on”. She insisted: “No one’ll mind you taking a few minutes extra, then you can go and meet your little friend, I’ll even treat you to coffee if you like”. Gavin considered this for a moment: this was a total stranger, why was she so interested in him? She was right though, he was due a break anyway, what harm could it do? besides, he thought, maybe I can try and work out why her face looks so familiar. “I’ll see what I can do”. She smiled as he disappeared to find some cover.
Moments later and a cup of coffee in hand Gavin sat in front of the mysterious woman: “Thanks for the coffee”. He took a sip: “No problem”. She half beamed, why’s she so happy? He pondered, I wonder if i look familiar to her too.“So er, why all the interest”? He asked casually: “No reason, just fancied being a Good Samaritan”. She smiled, he laughed: “Do this often do you, buy coffee for strange café barista’s”? The woman leaned back, intrigued, crossing her arms, a mischievous glint in her eye: “Ohhh, are you strange then”? Gavin laughed again: “I didn’t say that”! She giggled: “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me”. He rolled his eyes playfully , loosening up a little: “So what brings you here then”? “Other than buying drinks for strange men”? “Oh, I was kinda at a loose end so I thought”…. She shrugged: …”Why not check out the local shops”. Gavin took another gulp of coffee: “So, you’re new here”? “Yeah just moved a few months ago”. She replied: “A few months”?! He laughed: “That’s not new”. She gave another nervous giggle: “I guess you could say I don’t get out much”. “Clearly”. “Hey, come on is that any way to talk to someone who just bought you coffee”? Gavin tittered: “My apologies”. “Anyway since I had some free time on my hands lately I decided I’d do some exploring”. He nodded his approval: “Fair enough, liking what you’ve found so far”? She nodded: “Yeah I am, actually I”- she was cut off suddenly by his phone vibrating in his pocket: “Sorry, this might be my mate”. Her face fell slightly as he dug out his phone to read the text: “Yeah, that’s him, sorry I’d better get off”. He apologised, scrambling to get out the door: “Thanks for the coffee though”. He raced out before she even had a chance to draw breath.
I came home that afternoon, took off my coat and shoes, discarded them on the floor and spun around, a happy, giddy spin. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so happy. I felt lighter than air, like I was gliding, floating on cloud 9. Finally, I finally, actually had a whole conversation with Gavin Thomas! After years of pining for him, years of admiring him from afar, months of watching him from my window, I actually got to talk to him for more than two seconds! It was amazing, more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined. I figured he might not remember me, it had been a long time, but it felt so good to hear his voice again: it had gotten deeper, his eyes were still as green as springtime, and that hair, oh gosh that hair, it took all my strength not to reach out and touch it! The banter? Absolutely indescribable! Unforgettable! I was so nervous at first, I barely knew what I was saying, but once he’d sat down and started getting comfortable around me, I felt just as at ease as two years ago. At least I did until his stupid friend interrupted us. How dare he, how dare he ruin this for me, I’ve waited six years for this! I seethed. His little friend may prove problematic for my plan, but it’s ok, baby steps, like they always used to say in therapy.
I sighed happily, picked up my coat and found the receipt from Gavin’s coffee. Clutching it tight, I thought about how I bought Gavin Thomas a coffee like I always imagined doing back at uni, going off campus for study dates, getting a quick pick me up before classes, but unfortunately he was too popular to notice me, and I was too shy to make myself noticed, but none of that mattered now, because I did it! I got him to say more than one sentence to me, and I bought him coffee. I snapped another pic on my phone and looked through all the others I had of him, mostly of the back of his head but still, all mine, and one day soon, he would be all mine too.
I hated Tuesdays, I hated every day that wasn’t Monday to be honest, ugh why did Gavin only work at the café on Mondays? It was the only time he ever passed by my window. The rest of the week always felt so… blah. My Tuesdays usually consisted of social media snooping, his Facebook was private and I couldn’t add him as a friend without arousing suspicion, however, I did find some selfies I took great pleasure in photographing. He also had Twitter and Instagram which allowed me to snoop around to my heart’s content. I had to stop myself commenting obviously, sure, I could’ve made fake accounts, but he probably would’ve found that strange too, some random account constantly commenting on all of his posts. But soon enough, I’d be able to add him on everything, I sighed happily and reached for my phone on my nightstand, i opened his Twitter first, nothing was new except a couple statuses:
@GavT97 20/09/21 13:30pm
Shout out to strangers who bring you coffee I guess!
Daddy’s little girl
“I wanna go on the swings”! Taylor demanded, pointing and running towards them, Matt sighed: “Fine” he mumbled as he walked over to join her at the swing set: “Push me daddy”. The little girl said, swinging her legs excitedly once she was on the swings. Matt sighed again: “Aren’t you old enough to swing yourself by now Tay”? She turned to face him: “Nooo come on daddy it’s more fun when you do it”. Taylor turned back around as Matt began pushing her, she gave a high pitched squeal of delight: “Weee, higher daddy higher”! “Not too high Tay Tay”. He answered anxiously. He remembered what happened last time they were here, everyone accused him of foul play, but it was an accident! He was surprised taylor still even wanted to come here, but then, she was too young to really comprehend what was going on, plus, she was never one to do anything just once, no matter how much she got hurt: “Slide now daddy”! She insisted, leaping off the swing and racing over to the slide. Matt ran to catch up: “Carful Tay”! He yelled after her. Matt watched Taylor slide a couple times, sweat dripping down his face with nerves until she convinced him to get on with her. He put her on his lap and slid down the slide with her: “Weee”! “That was fun”. She commented as he set her on her feet once they’d finished: “Yeah”. Matthew answered offering her a small smile: “Thank you for letting us come back daddy”. Taylor wrapped her arms around her dad, he hugged her back then pulled away again after a long moment, lifting her face to meet his eyes: “You know daddy will always try to keep you safe don’t you”? She nodded: “Daddy remember when”- “That doesn’t matter now baby”. He interrupted, not wanting to relive what happened last time. He wasn’t even sure that’s what she was gonna say but he couldn’t stand the thought: “All that matters now is that your ok, and that daddy loves you, and that we can still be together ok”? Matt continued before placing a gentle kiss to the top of her head: “Let’s get out of here”. He stood up and took her hand as they walked out of the park: “Can we go to the ball pit tomorrow daddy”?!
One last time by Ariana grande If it were sang by a masicist
I need a lighter
Come set my soul on fire
I wanna feel it burning
You know that I deserve it
You are a failure
Wouldn’t shock me with that tazer
I think that I’m addicted
To the pain I need inflictedim a I’m a hoe I’m a hoe I’m a hoe for everything that could be danger
So come boy be my suffocater
Your a hoe your a hoe for everything that causes safety
But one last time
I need for you to tie me up with rope
And one last time
I need for you to wash my mouth with soap
Baby, I don’t care if it could do me harm
I just love writing my name in the scars
So one last time
I need for you to tie me up with rope
I so deserve it
You know I need my eyes lit
Indulge me for a minute
I swear you won’t regret it
Can't you please hit me?
At least just for the next week
I grew up in a weird cult
I’ll teach you all the rituals
I’m a hoe I’m a hoe I’m a hoe for everything that could cause danger
Your a hoe your a hoe your a hoe for everything that causes safety
But one last time
I need for you to tie me up with rope
And One more time
I need for you to wash my mouth with soap
Baby, I don't care if it could cause me harm
I just love to write my name in the scars
One last time
I need for you to tie me up with rope
Come set my soul on fire
I wanna feel I wanna feel it burning, yeah, I do deserve it, you know I need my eyes lit, yeah, you know I wanna burn around you
So one last time
I need for you to tie me up with rope (babe)
One more time I need for you to wash my mouth with soap
I don’t really care if it could cause me harm, baby I just love writing my name in the scars, one last time I need for you to tie me up with rope babe, one last time I need for you to tie me up with rope
What now?
“What now”?
”we wait”
”wait for what”?
”Something to happen”
”ok.... how long do we wait exactly”?
”Until we get bored”
”I’m already bored”
”it’s only been ten minutes“.
”When do you think you’ll get bored”?
”Stop ruining it”!
”there’s nothing to ruin, we’ve been sat in this same spot for ten minutes“.
“be paitaint ok”? “For me”?
“fine”
”haha see that happened”!
”What”?
”I got you to stop complaining”
Lol wtf
Seems I like my eyes, I itch them all the time, they’re red, just like my blood. The blood that comes out my noes. I have a noes bleed, do you have a noes bleed? I wanna know, wanna see you grow
The first time I fell in love
We were best friends, we shared secrets, stood by each other, had a laugh together, had playfights, we were always really physical. I loved your hugs, being wrapped in your arms, so tight. But I ruined it didn’t I? Wanted something more. wanted You to kiss me, your lips warm and soft, I wanted you to hold my hand, to say I loved you and hear you say it back... instead all I got was a "thanks". And then it was awkwar, you kept acting like nothing happened, like everything was normal, I told you we couldn't be as close as we were: "at least not straight away, I just need time". But you couldn't even give me that, you kept texting and calling, you'd ask for advice about other girls, put kisses at the end of your messeges. You called me beautiful once, I'll never forget it, and I asked you to kiss me, so You could see how it felt, see if you really didn't feel anything. You sounded so grossed out when you said no, like I was the ugliest thing you ever saw. That hurt, and the fact that you liked 3 of my friends, but eventually I got over it, I stopped answering your calls and texts, stopped opening up to you and letting you open up to me, in fact you were the only person I ever deliberately pushed away. Now college is over and you're just a memory, I still think of you sometimes, wonder how life's been for you. We were best friends after all, maybe we'd still be best friends if I hadn't told you how I felt, sometimes I wish I'd settled for what I had instead of wanting more, but I guess it helped us both realise some things about ourselves and each other, I'll always be glad I was honest.
He watches her from across the room, longing for one second alone, just one second where niether of them have to pretend or try to fight how they feel, she's just out of reach, close enough to touch but to far to keep. The tension almost makes the time they are together worth it, it's so fiery and passionate between them, like they just can't get enough. But is that only because they know they can't have each other? What would happen if they weren't sneaking around? Would it all just fizzle out? After all forbidden fruit always looks sweeter on their side of the tree.
Empty shell
He's a shell, a shell of who he once was. I sit beside him, the man I once knew, he remains still, no reaction, he doesn't even turn to face me. Slowly, I take his hand, intertwining our fingers. His hand doesn't move, his fingers don't curl around mine, they stick upward like tiny little statues. "Hey" I greet with a bringer smile, bumping my shoulder against his, nothing, not even a jolt, I have to lean closer to make sure he's still breathing. "Come on babe, I love you, I- I really miss you". He doesn't say it back, it's nothing new I haven't heard him say it back for weeks, but it still hurts. Am "I love you". Followed by loud, deafening silence. I let go of his hand and stand up, get down to his level and look him straight in the eye. "What do I have to do to get through to you"? He doesn't even blink, just stares right through me like he doesn't see me. "Please talk to me". I lean in close my eyes and kiss him softly, he doesn't lean in, his mouth stays closed, pretty sure his eyes are still open. My lips remain on his as pent up tears fall down my face, dampening our joined lips, angry and frustrated, I push him back into the sofa and stand tall. "Gosh why are you so damn hollow"?! "Don't you care that I'm stood here, crying in front of you, trying to get you to feel something, say something, do something, anything"?! I sigh, getting down to his level again. "What happened to you"? "Please baby give me something, anything". he stands up, turns around and walks slowly out the door, closing it shut behind him. Guess he really did give me something in the end huh? Nothing at all.
In your arms
I love it here, in your arms, I feel so safe, so cozy. It's like coming home after a long hard day, like soaking in a nice warm bubble bath. I close my eyes inhaling your comforting scent, your hands run up and down my back, then through my hair: "I love you". You whisper in my ear: "I love you too". I breathe out, you kiss my forehead, your lips soft and lingering, but also a sign that your pulling away from our embrace to get on with the rest of the day, i wish we could stay like this all our lives, wrapped up in each other's arms, so close, our heartbeats merging into one, it's so peaceful here, away from the hustle and bustle of life, I can't wait for our next hug.
A B Cd
A brutal Comedian demanded everyone fake giggles, helpless I joined kyle laughing mockingly. No one publicly questioned Ryan’s Strategy, they understood very well. X your Zebra