“I’ll kill her”. Maxine seethed pacing the floor: “I mean it, i’ll hunt her down and strangle her until her neck breaks, i’ll burn her body and dance on her ashes, my dog will lick her ashes off the floor, i’ll”- “Max… what did she do”? Becky asked. Maxine folded her arms, mumbling: “She raised her eyebrows at me”. “What”? “She raised her eyebrows at me”! Becky laughed: “Is that it”? “Don’t laugh Becky”! Maxine ordered: “You know I hate that shit, I’ll rip those eyebrows right off her gigantic forehead”! She huffed, taking some deep breaths to calm herself.

(parody of the theme song from pretty little liars)

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

come on show me i can trust thee won’t tell what i said

'Cause three can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Why do you smile like you've been told a secret?

Better not be telling mine 'cause you have sworn to keep it

But no one keeps a secret

No one keeps a secret

Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?

The faces in sleep, the ones down the well?

'Cause everybody will tell

Everyone tells.

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

better show me i can trust thee won't tell what I said

'Cause three can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Look into my eyes, can you see it?

All the secrets and lies i’ve been keeping?

I know you’ll keep it

you’d better keep it

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

better show me i can trust thee won't tell what I said

'Cause three can keep a secret if two of them are dead

"Em, Han"

"Yes, Allie?"

"I have something I want to tell you both but you have to promise never to tell anyone."

"we promise."

"Do you swear on your lives?"

"on our lives."

You swore you'd never tell

now you’re just empty shells

how were your heads when you fell?

faces down a well.

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

better show me i can trust thee won't tell what I said

'Cause three can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

better show me i can trust theewon't tell what I said

'Cause thee can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Got a secret, can you keep it?

truths told in my shed

Better lock it in your pocket

or you might just lose your head

better show me i can trust theewon't tell what I said

'Cause thee can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Yes, three can keep a secret if two of them are dead

Yes, three can keep a secret if two of us are dead

(Building on a story i’m working on, parts of which are on this site lol, enjoying developing these characters, quite short but hope you like)

Jack walked into the kitchen one December morning, the atmosphere even colder than the air outside. Taylor sat at the table sipping her coffee: “Hi” Jack mumbled: “Hi”. Taylor answered not looking up. Jack went over to the kettle to make himself some coffee too: “I used all the sugar by the way”. She told him matter of factly, still not looking at him. He nodded: “Ok, well… what can I have”? “Cereal”. He sighed: “Tay… y-you know I don’t really”- She looked up from her coffee sharply: “What”? “It’s your day off isn’t it”? “it’s not like you need the energy”. He swallowed: “You’re right, sorry”. “So you keep saying”. She mumbled, turning her attention back to her coffee. Without another word Jack grabbed a bowl and poured himself some cereal.

He sat across the table from Taylor and started eating, after minutes of tense silence he finally decided to try to break the ice: “How’s the coffee”? Taylor smirked at him: “Amazing, best coffee ever, i’m so happy I got to have it exactly the way I like”. She took a long slurp: “Mmmmmm”. Jack looked down and continued to eat his cereal. A few moments later he tried again: “Are you off today too or”..? She nodded. Jack gave her a small smile: “Do you remember last year when we were both off around this time”? “We were snowed in and had that huge snowball fight in the garden remember”? He gave a fond chuckle: “And talked about how we wanted to do better”… “Me you mean”? “No I mean both of us, what happened to us Tay”? “We used to be so happy and in love and now”… His voice trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence: “You’re the one who insists on ruining everything by hanging out with people who you know are trying to sabotage us”. “He’s not trying to sabotage us he’s just pushy that’s all, like Ellie is whenever she wants you guys to hang out, does that mean she’s trying to sabotage us”? Taylor at last looked at him properly: “But she doesn’t hate you does she”?!

“Charley has been against me since day one and you choosing to hang out with him all the time is insulting, especially when I slaved away for hours trying to organise a special evening for us”! He sighed: “He’s just worried about me that’s all”. “He needs to mind his own damn business”. She mumbled again, sipping on her coffee: “I-I didn’t know about the meal Tay… i-if you had called me then”- “It was supposed to be a surprise”. She spat back, glaring at him: “We could’ve had the lasagna today, you didn’t have to throw it at me”. She sighed, putting the cup down and reaching for his hand: “I know, i’m sorry… I am trying to work on my anger, but you don’t exactly help when you won’t spend more time with me like the therapist talked about, you’re the one who said we needed counselling remember”? “Imagine what he’d say if he knew everything”. He murmured. Taylor snatched her hand away: “Is that what you want”?! “Separation”?! “is that why you’ve been avoiding me”?! “No”! “No of course not”! “I’d never leave you… i-i couldn’t”! He took a few deep breaths, trying to compose himself: “I wasn’t trying to avoid you it’s just… it still feels like i’m walking on eggshells around you sometimes”. Taylor sighed, taking his hand again: “I’m sorry, I know I can be a lot sometimes, it’s just because I care so much about us, I don’t wanna lose you”. Jack stroked the back of Taylor’s hand with his thumb: “Baby it’s been 5 years, if I was gonna leave you don’t you think i’d have done it by now”? “I have never given you a reason not to trust me”.

“I guess it’s just hard to believe, especially given everything I went through with my dad”. He squeezed her hand: “I’m not him”. She gave him a soft smile: “I know, and i’m so glad to have you, but it doesn’t help when you let people like Charley get in your ear”. “i’m not, i’m still here aren’t i”? “You won’t be for much longer if he has his way”. Jack looked away: “Why is someone who thinks so little of your wife so important to you”? Jack looked back at her: “He’s my best friend”. “I’m supposed to be your best friend”! “Don’t you get it Jack”? “It takes two to make a marriage work, i’m trying to work on my temper and my insecurities but what are you working on”? He paused: “You’re right… i’m sorry… I have been trying, i’m sorry I ruined the surprise, Charley’s the only person that’ll even still speak to me these days, I just wanted a night out, I didn’t mean for it to feel like I was neglecting you”. Taylor squeezed his hand in return: “Thank you baby, I appreciate that, you know you can hang out with me, Ellie and Cody anytime they force me to go out with them right”? They both laughed: “If I had it my way, if they weren’t so insistent I wouldn’t hang around with them either”. She told him: “Would it help if the 5 of us hung out together”? “Or if i made him apologise”? She thought for a moment: “Maybe”. She sighed again: “Anyway, I don’t wanna talk about him right now, I love you and I really do want this to work”. He smiled at her: “Me too, i’ll do anything it takes”. “Even if it means ditching Charley”? He paused: “Let me talk to him first ok”? “Then if he won’t apologise”… He swallowed: “Then that’s what i’ll do”. She smiled: “Deal, now, kiss me”. He smiled back, leaned over and kissed her softly.

Emmerette sits in the kitchen brushing Mackenzie’s hair before school: “Ow”! “Too rough Em”! She chuckles: “Sorry Kenny”. Mackenzie huffs, folding her arms: “And I told you, stop calling me Ken it’s a boy’s name call me Mack”! Emmerette smirks: “Like Mac book”? “I hate you”. “Love you too sis”. Emmerette answers as she finishes: “There, all done, now go put your uniform on so we can go ok”? Mackenzie runs off to get changed while Emmerette puts the brush on the table. She debates taking another shot just to calm her nerves, it’s been just them for 2 years now, but she still hasn’t gotten used to it: the responsibility, the pressure, the constant worry that something bad’s gonna happen to Mackenzie or that she’ll be taken from her. She usually got through it by taking a couple shots of vodka before the day started, it settled her, made her feel like she could conquer the world. But she knew that wasn’t a permanent solution, besides she couldn’t bare the thought of letting Mackenzie down, or ending up like their mother, she cringes at the thought before hearing Mackenzie run back downstairs: “Ready Emmie”! Emmerette raises an eyebrow: “Oh it’s Emmie again is it”? “I thought you hated me”. “I just hate that you call me Ken that’s all”. “Aw come on, Emmie and Kenny, don’t you think that’s adorable“? She asks, pulling her close and tickling her. Mackenzie squeals with laughter: “No…it’s not Em”! “Stop”! Emmerette blows a raspberry on Mackenzie’s cheek and she pulls away, wiping it in disgust: “Ew, Em you’re so embracing”! Emmerette laughs: “What am I Kens”? Embracing”! She laughs again: “Do you mean embarrassing Ken”? Mackenzie groans: “Yes”! “That’s what I said and stop calling me that”! She stamps her foot and folds her arms: “Gees you’re such a brat”. Emmerette answers rolling her eyes, Mackenzie sticks her tongue out and Emmerette does the same back before chuckling: “Come on then Macks let’s go”.

That night, half an hour after putting Mackenzie to bed, Emmerette hears a knock on her bedroom door: “Come in Kenny”. Mackenzie comes in looking frustrated, Emmerette chuckles: “Sorry baby couldn’t help it, what’s up”? “Couldn’t sleep”. “Aw, come here”. She picks her up and pulls her into her arms as they lay on the bed together: “Want me to tell you another story”? “Can we talk about mummy”? Emmerette’s whole body tenses: “Mack”- “Please Emmie”? “Just a little bit”? “You can make something up, it doesn’t have to be a real story… I just miss her sometimes”. Emmerette sighs: “I know baby”. She kisses her forehead. As much as she hates reminiscing about the drunk that walked out on them two years ago, she felt a little guilty for never mentioning her. She’d done her best to completely erase her from their memories, she’d even burned all her pictures, that wasn’t fair to Mackenzie, none of this was her fault: “How about the story of mummy in the jungle!”?! Mackenzie gasped excitedly. Emmerette tells a story of a brave woman trekking through the jungle fighting lions, tigers, bears, she wished that was real, that her mum was a fearless warrior and not a drunk who picked a man over her kids, then maybe she’d be here to watch Mackenzie grow up. Once Mackenzie’s asleep she gives her a kiss on the forehead: “I love you baby girl, I’ll always be here for you”. She disentangles herself from her sister and heads back into the kitchen, she was wrong, she did need the shot: Just a couple hits that’s all, it doesn’t make me like mum, I’d never leave Mackenzie, never! She reasons as she reaches for the vodka bottle in the secret part of the cupboard. She grabs the shot glass and pours, downing three shots in quick succession. She breathes a happy sigh, finally feeling vibrant. She puts the vodka bottle and glass back in her hiding spot and skips back upstairs, stopping when she gets to her bedroom door, not wanting to wake Mackenzie. she creeps back into bed, wrapping her arms around Mackenzie. For a few moments she smiles, enjoying how light she feels now the alcohol was back in her system, she was proud, she could control it way better than her mum, she pulls Mackenzie a little closer and strokes her hair, kissing her on the cheek. Things were tough but she knew she could find solace in her sister… and her friend…

In the bleak midwinter

i once stepped in snow

it was soft and crunchy

but so very cold

And it wasn’t mealting

it snowed and snowed and snowed

In the bleak midwinter

Long, long ago

Mary and Joseph

they had traveled far

with their little donkey

Carrying the Christ

And my mother

She once told me this

winter isn’t winter

Without a kiss

What can i say?

just as i am

Christ, he is our shepherd

lion and a lamb

So with all the wise men

i’ll follow the star

And ever Christmas

Give him my heart

Give him my heart

(Ok so half way through i realised this was kinda similar to another peice i wrote a while ago but hopefully this version is better?? lol idk)

Monica knocks on Jack’s office door, a stack of papers in hand, she wishes so much that this was a social call but she has so much to get done, they both do. “Yeah”? Jack answers nonchalantly,. Monica pushes the door open with her arm and slams the stack of papers down on the table nearest to her: “Ugh thank goodness for that”. Jack laughs: “Hello to you too”. “Sorry, Jamie’s been up my ass about”- She stops suddenly, looking up at him, he’s got a tiny cut on his face, just underneath his eye, it’s not as noticeable as the other’s he’s had: “Again Jack”? Jack shrugs: “What”? “You know what“. She shuts the door behind them “How long are you gonna keep letting her hurt you like this”?! “I don’t know what you’re talking about, what were you saying about Jamie being on you”? Monica sighs, going over to him, crouching down and slowly reaching out to touch the cut, it still looks fresh and feels as though the blood is only just starting to dry, but he doesn’t flinch, wordlessly, Monica crawls over to the mini fridge in the corner of the office, going to the freezer compartment and pulling out some ice, wrapping it in a cloth and going back over to Jack, only then does he move away from her: “What are you doing you said Jamie was up your ass”. “That doesn’t matter right now does it”? She tries to place the ice pack on Jack’s face but he backs away again: “Course it does”. He answers, going to type something on his computer but Monica takes his hands: “Jack”… She whispers softly. Jack swallows: “Don’t make me open up, not again, i’m so sick of talking about it, can’t I just have one day where I don’t think about it”? “Where I can pretend it’s not happening”? Monica nods, despite how desperately she wants to drag him out of the situation kicking and screaming: “Ok, just let me do this, I won’t say a word I promise”. She slowly touches under Jack’s eye with the cloth of ice: “Hows that”? he nods: “Yeah, soothing”. She smiles. They sit in silence like that until the swelling goes down. Monica places the ice pack on the table in front of them and goes to the other side of the room to begin work: “Thanks Mon”. Monica smiles: “Anytime”.

“Hows it going”? Jack asks 20 minutes later. Monica groans: “Ugh there’s just so much”! Why can’t she do some of this marking it’s her class after all I was only supervising”! Jack laughs again: “Pretty sure it’s called delegation”. Jack answers using air quotes, Monica rolls her eyes: “Can she do that”?! Jack shrugs: “Who knows, but let’s face it Jamie Mitchell never plays by the rules, and as long as we’re getting paid extra who cares”? Monica sighs: “Typical Jack, always looking on the bright side”. Jack raises his coffee cup to her and she smiles: “How about you”? “How’s yours coming”? “Not bad, I got into this one student’s story about a broken finger that talked”. Monica makes a face and Jack cackles, passing her the paper. Monica reads through it, making a disturbed face before passing it back to Jack: “Let me guess, Allie G right”? “How did you know”?! “Oh i’ve heard how out there her imagination can be”. She sags in her seat: “I wish I got to mark the English Lit students instead of all this science crap”. She complains, flipping through her pile: “Sorry Mon”. “Mm”. “Let me give you a hand”. He holds out a hand expectantly: “Really”? “Yes really, least I can do”. Monica tips her head back in relief: “Jack you effin life savour”! “This is why I love you”. They both freeze: “Sorry… I didn’t mean- well… I mean I did but”- “it’s fine Mon”. Monica sighs, handing him some of her stack of papers.

A few more minutes pass and both of them have only a couple of papers loft to mark: “Break time I think”. Monica declares putting her pen down across her final few sheets: “Agreed”. Jack replies doing the same: “Thanks for the help, I wouldn’t even be half way through if it wasn’t for you”. He smiles: “Of course, besides like I said it’s the least I could do”. She smiles back at him: “I’ll have to return the favour at some point”. Jack smirks then remembers himself and clears his throat: “No need”. Monica’s face falls a little: “I erm… I told Steve I couldn’t go out with him on Saturday”. “Why”? “You know why, and I know what you said but it doesn’t mean I have to live a lie you know”? “Unlike me you mean”? “I didn’t say that”. “You didn’t have to”. “Jack if you wanna pretend things aren’t how they are that’s your prerogative alright but you can’t do it forever”. “It’s just for a day”. “But its not though is it”? “You’ve been pretending for the past two years that Taylor isn’t”- “Don’t say it”! Jack interrupts lifting a hand to silence her, she sighs: “And you’ve been pretending for the past two months that you’re not in love with someone else”. Jack swallows: “I love Taylor”… She nods: “I know you do, but does she love you”? He falls silent, weighing up her words: “She does… she isn’t always like that… you know, i’m almost numb to everything now, sometimes… sometimes I don’t even feel it, I don’t even care, sometimes…. Sometimes, I think it’s worth it, because after all the fights, all the shouting, all the times she’s hurt me… everything just melts away, every day is like our honeymoon, and it feels peaceful and safe and we laugh, and we communicate properly, it’s like none of the other stuff exists, I know it sounds pathetic, b-but I need her, I don’t wanna be alone with my thoughts, they scare me”. Monica sighs, crossing the room, crouching down in front of him and taking his hands in her’s again: “I know that’s how it feels, but we’ve talked about this remember”? ”She’s manipulating you into thinking you can’t survive without her so she can keep controlling you”. He looks down at his lap: “Maybe”… He mumbles before looking back up at her: “But she does love me, I-I know she does, I mean…. She wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep me around if she didn’t would she”? “She wouldn’t work so hard to make things up to me if none of it was real”. Monica sighs again: “Baby that isn’t love… come on you know what love feels like don’t you”? “Love is what I feel every time I look at you, what I know you feel every time you look at me, love is what I know we both feel every time we kiss”. Jack shakes his head: “Don’t say things like that-“ “Love is wanting the best for each other, making the other feel safe and seen and heard and valued, love protects”- “Taylor is protective”! “No she’s possessive there’s a difference, and can you honestly tell me she wants the best for you”? “Because someone who wants the best for you, who really loves you wants you to be happy, and are you”? There’s a pause: “She’s trying, it’s not like this is an every day thing, A-and we’ve been going to therapy, she’s a lot less quick tempered than she used to be”. Monica’s eyes land on the cut just underneath Jack’s eye: “Don’t look at it, it doesn’t hurt, I told you, I don’t even feel it anymore”. “If she’d hit you in the eye you would have, what’s it gonna take Jack”? “You lying dead on the floor one day”? Jack remains silent for a longer moment this time: “At least I’d be with my mum”. The words leave his mouth so quietly Monica has to do a mental double take, but Jack looks less tense, almost relieved to have finally been able to give voice to what he’s been thinking for months. Monica swallows, she can feel the urge to burst into tears bubbling up within her but she pushes past it: “Please don’t say that”. Jack shoots up: “Why not”?! “It’s the truth, my mum was the only person I ever felt safe with and she’s not here”! Monica stands up too: “You’re safe with me”. “But i’m not though am i”?! “Every time we’re together i’m worried about someone finding out, that it’ll get back to Taylor, that Taylor’ll do something to you and i’ll lose you”. “Jack that isn’t gonna happen”- “You don’t know that, and it’s not even just that, I told you I was sick of talking about it and yet here we are”! Monica sighs: “You’re right, i’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said the L word I just”…. She lowers her head: “I just missed telling you that’s all”. “Love is also understanding Mon, and you don’t you don’t understand”. “Then tell me”. Jack’s eyes begin to water: “My mum was the only person I could trust, I talk to my dad maybe once a month and he never wastes an opportunity to let me know what a disappointment I am, I haven’t got any other family around, my friends are either busy with their own lives or have cut me off completely, where would I go”? “What would I do”? “i’ve got no money that’s not her’s too so she could probably track my bank activity”- “Jack”… “No, no you’ve got no idea, i’d be all alone with my thoughts, thoughts about how worthless and stupid I am”! “But you’re not”- Monica answers, carefully approaching him. Jack’s breathing quickens: “Every time… e-every time I think about… l-leaving i”…. Jack’s breathing becomes shorter and shorter until he’s practically gasping for air, Monica grabs hold of his hands trying to steady him: “I… can’t…. I can’t breathe”…. “It’s ok, just take it nice and slowly ok”? Jack nods. Monica takes a few deep breaths encouraging Jack to do the same, after a few moments of this he begins to sob: “I’m sorry Mon…. i’m sorry i’m not strong enough”…. He sinks to the floor and she wraps her arms around him, enveloping him in a tight hug.

After a while Jack pulls away: “We should get back to it or Jamie’ll be up both our asses”. He chuckles: “I need you to know a few things first Jack”. “Monica please don’t make me say something i’ll regret”. Monica shrugs: “Ok fine, just let me say this and if you never wanna talk about it again we won’t”. Jack sighs: “Fine”. “First of all you are strong”. “No i’m not, that’s why I just had a panic attack at the mere thought of”- He breaks off, taking a steadying breath: “Second”? “You wouldn’t be on your own, i’d be here”. Jack swallows: “For how long”? “As long as you wanted”. “What if that was a really long time”? She smiles: “I’d love nothing more Jack, and we wouldn’t even have to sneak around, and i’d never let Taylor find out about us you know that, even if she did, I can more than handle her”. Monica smiles hopefully at him: “I’m sorry, i’m not trying to rush you I just…. You might not feel very valuable right now but I promise you you are, your mum would wanna see you live life to the fullest, so please don’t give up ok”? “I”- Suddenly the office phone rings, making them both jump, Jack reaches across the table to answer it: “Hello”? “Yeah sorry no I had to push that meeting back”. “25th”. He laughs: “Don’t let her here you say that or you won’t get that raise you’ve been gunning for all year”. He laughs again: “Ok i’ll tell her, ok, thanks, bye”. He hangs up before turning back to Monica: “That was Steve”. Monica’s face falls: “Oh”…. “Yeah, he wanted to know about the meeting for next term’s new students”. A tense silence surrounds them: “You should give him another chance, tell him Saturday’s back on”. “Is that really what you want Jack”? He lets out a long breath before placing a hand on Monica’s cheek, running his thumb up and down it: “There are so many things I want Mon, so many things I need, so many things that are out of my reach because i’m such a coward”. “No you’re not”. He nods: “Yes I am, and that’s ok, like I said Taylor and I are in counselling now, it isn’t like we’re not working on our issues”. “But”- “And if she does kill me… at least i’ll be free, and i’ll be with my mum, and I won’t be looking over my shoulder all paranoid, coz even if I do”- He stops, the word suddenly stuck in his throat like he could choke on it: “Even if I tried to move forward, i’d never be free of it, not up here”. He places a finger to his head with his free hand: “I’d always be scared she’ll find me, or that it’ll happen again with someone else, or that she’ll hurt you”. Monica looks like she might be about to interject so he continues: “And I know you said you could handle her, but I don’t wanna take that risk, i’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again”- “You can trust me”. Monica whisperers back, Jack shakes his head: “No I can’t , i’m sorry, if I can’t trust my family and friends to stick by me, if I can’t trust Taylor, how am I supposed to trust you”? Monica’s lip quivers: “How can you say that”? “I’m nothing like her, i’d never hurt you, ever”. “I know you wouldn’t physically, but how do I know you won’t leave like everyone else does”? “How do I know you won’t get sick of me”? “Jack I swear to you from the bottom of my heart”- He shakes his head: “You can’t make that kind of promise Mon, and that’s ok too”. “Jack”… “No Mon, do you have any idea how loud the silence is sometimes”? “When she won’t talk to me for days at a time”? “You know what hurts way more than any insult, any punch, any kick”? “The ache in my chest when I think about life without her, at least this way I know what i’m getting, there’s at least some safety in that, at least I won’t feel like i’m jumping out of a plane without a parachute, besides, if I can keep her happy and we keep doing everything they taught us in therapy, there’ll be no problems”. He wipes away the tears that slowly fall down Monica’s face: “I’m sorry baby”. He whispers softly: “i’m not crying for me, i’m crying for you, can’t you see how messed up this is”? He shakes his head: “I don’t care, so no more wasting tears over me ok”? He gives her a small smile: “You work on things with Steve and i’ll work on things with Tay and let’s go back to just being friends ok”? “I miss how things used to be before we stupidly decided to complicate them”. They both let out sheepish chuckles: “S-so… friends yeah”? “You still want me in your life at least”? “Of course, i’d never just cut you off Mon you know that, besides, I need all the friends I can get right now”. Monica gives a reluctant sigh and nods: “Ok”… She leans in, half expecting Jack to jerk away but when he doesn’t she kisses him softly, despite himself he pulls her closer wrapping his arms around her waist, his hands travel up and down her back making her shiver, finally they pull apart: “I’m right here if you change your mind”. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear: “Thank you, for everything… I love you too by the way… i’m so glad you know that”. She smiles: “Of course I do”. He kisses her forehead, making her heart flutter, and somewhere deep inside she knows this won’t be the last time.

“Carful Sammy”! David yelled anxiously as he watched his daughter put on her roller skates for the first time: “Are you sure you don’t want a hand”? “No daddy I’m doing it”! Sammy protested as she fastened up the skates and began to stand, after wobbling for a few seconds she fell back down on her butt: “oof”. David chuckled: “Told you you might need some help”. He reached out a hand to help her but she didn’t take it, desiring instead to pull herself up, after a couple more falls she managed to steady herself: “Ta da”! “See daddy, you don’t always have to help me, i’m getting bigger you know”. David smiled proudly at her: “I know baby, are you gonna let me see you skate now”? Sammy nodded: “Mmhmm”. Sammy began slowly gliding around the room: “Weeee, this is fun its like I’m driving”! “No, wait, flying”! “i’m flying daddy”! “Weee”! David laughed again: “So you like them then”? He called as she skated passed him: “Best present ever daddy thank you”! He continued to watch as his little girl skated around their living room, he was happy to have been able to buy her the skates but he couldn’t help thinking about Ellie, the skates were the exact present she said she’d always planned on giving Sammy for her 8th birthday. He didn’t talk about her much to Sammy, he didn’t trust himself not to cry in front of her. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he thought about how excited Ellie got as Sammy’s 8th birthday got closer and closer, she’d count down the months till when she could give her what she considered every 8 year old’s rite of passage. David made sure to get the exact ones Ellie had been going on and on about for months: they were purple, Sammy’s favourite colour and very very sparkly. He sighed as Sammy passed by him again, she noticed the look on his face and stopped: “A-are you thinking about mummy”? “E-erm no baby, I-i’m just thinking”- Sammy cut him off with a hug, David pulled her onto his lap and held her tight, fighting the urge to burst into tears: “I’m not a baby anymore daddy, you can tell me if you’re sad, why are you trying to be normal”? he sighed: “I’m sorry baby, I just wanted today to be special for you that’s all, no sad talk”. “But we never talk about her”. “I know… i’m sorry…. Your mummy would be so proud of you you know that”? “You’re getting to be such a big strong girl, she’s the one who gave me the idea for the skates”. Sammy gasped: “Really”?! David smiled fondly at her: “Yeah”. Sammy looked up to the ceiling: “Thank you mummy, daddy and I really miss you but thank you for the skates”! That’s when the dam broke, and all the emotion David had been holding back these past couple months came flooding out as he began to sob: “S-sammy…. Baby I’m so sorry… daddy’s so sorry”. Sammy wrapped her arms around him as he cried: “Don’t be sorry daddy, you’re allowed to cry, I cry too sometimes”. Tears began to stream down Sammy’s own face as the two held each other. After a while they both sat in comfortable silence: “Some birthday huh”? David commented attempting to lighten the mood a little: “No party just tears”. Sammy giggled: “I didn’t want s party anyway just cake and you, and you got me skates”! “The best skates ever”! she kissed him on the cheek: “I love you daddy”. “I love you too baby… and i’m so sorry about mummy”… Sammy sighed, snuggling into him: “Me too, can we talk about her more please”? “So it feels like she’s still here”? David swallowed: “I’ll try my beautiful girl”. He answered stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. He meant it, he really would try to talk about Ellie more, even if every time he said her name it made him feel like he could crumble at any second, if that’s what his daughter needed he’d try, just like he did with the skates, it was probably time he stopped trying to block it all out anyway.

Hey again Oct!

Why so cold baby? Your face feels frozen, come, let’s wrap up warm and start counting down to Christmas, tomorrow our feet will crunch some of your fallen leaves, let’s have some hot chocolate as we spend an extra hour wrapped In each other’s warm embrace, after all you’re only here for 31 days, why is it always scary right when you’re about to leave?

With Love xx

Andy ate Anna’s Apples

Bob brought Billy’s burgers

Camilla can’t cook

Dawn does dance

Eat Eathan’s eggs

feed Faith four foxes

God’s grace gets greater

has Heather had her ham?

Inda invited Ina into illegal igloos

Just jump Joe!

keren kissed Kyle

Lauren loves Lucy’s long legs

Marvin made me move momentarily

Orpha ordered orenge onesies

Peter poked Piper’s pickled peppers

Quay quickly quoted: “Quinn’s quarter”!

Ruth rushed Rachel ruthlessly

Sam slepped soundly

Tracy’s torus told Tracy’s turtle to teach Tracy tough tricks

Una uses unorthorisd umbrellas

Will went walking with Wending without warning Wayne

Xanthe’s Xylophone

Yasmine, you’re yelling you yellow yet!

Zoe’s zany zoo

I looked outside my window like I’d done every Monday morning. it was raining, not your typical autumn rain, this one was coming down hard, so hard in fact, I wondered if a storm was about to hit. He was running behind schedule this morning. What’s taking him so long? I wondered. Then, finally, there he was, i smiled wide and pressed my palms against the windowpane: “hello baby”. I whispered as he walked down the familiar path to work, I knew he was going to work because last month I just so happened to be there at a table reading the paper, I don’t think he saw me though, probably for the best, I couldn’t have him seeing me too often and getting all suspicious. Phone at the ready, I took a picture of him as he cross the street, I was desperate to open the window and call out to him, but I knew I couldn’t, I had to wait, bide my time, I knew it would all be worth it once I finally had him in my arms.

Gavin’s shift was going swimmingly. It was just like any ordinary day, people ordering, long lines, a few strange orders, nothing too unusual. Halfway through the lunch rush, he spotted a woman sat at the very back, reading a newspaper, or was that pretending to read? He wondered. She kept peering up at him from beneath the pages and would look back down when she realised he’d seen her. She did look a little familiar: long brown hair, average height, probably in her early 20s, though, he couldn’t quite place her. After about 15 minutes of this, he decided to go over to her: “Hi”. He greeted, wearing a polite smile: “Did you need anything”? She put the paper down and smiled somewhat nervously: “Um, n-no, I’m fine thanks”. “You sure”? He asked, “Seemed like you were trying to get my attention earlier”. The woman giggled, rolling her eyes: “You’d like that wouldn’t you”? He looked confused: “Excuse me”? She blushed, embarrassed: “Oh, er, S-sorry, th-that was my stupid attempt at a joke”. She chuckled shyly, before fixing her attention on her half bitten nails. He found the interaction a bit odd, but didn’t dwell on it too much: “Ok, well if everything’s alright, I should get back to work”. He informed, gesturing to his workstation. “Wait, how long have you got till lunch”? He pulled out his phone, looking at the screen: “Er, about 5 minutes, why”? He answered, putting his phone away again: “you look like you could use a break, why don’t you sit down here for awhile”? She smiled, gesturing to the seat in front of her: “um… I don’t know, I really should finish my shift and I said I’d meet a mate for lunch”…. “Oh come on”. She insisted: “No one’ll mind you taking a few minutes extra, then you can go and meet your little friend, I’ll even treat you to coffee if you like”. Gavin considered this for a moment: this was a total stranger, why was she so interested in him? She was right though, he was due a break anyway, what harm could it do? besides, he thought, maybe I can try and work out why her face looks so familiar. “I’ll see what I can do”. She smiled as he disappeared to find some cover.

Moments later and a cup of coffee in hand Gavin sat in front of the mysterious woman: “Thanks for the coffee”. He took a sip: “No problem”. She half beamed, why’s she so happy? He pondered, I wonder if i look familiar to her too.“So er, why all the interest”? He asked casually: “No reason, just fancied being a Good Samaritan”. She smiled, he laughed: “Do this often do you, buy coffee for strange café barista’s”? The woman leaned back, intrigued, crossing her arms, a mischievous glint in her eye: “Ohhh, are you strange then”? Gavin laughed again: “I didn’t say that”! She giggled: “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me”. He rolled his eyes playfully , loosening up a little: “So what brings you here then”? “Other than buying drinks for strange men”? “Oh, I was kinda at a loose end so I thought”…. She shrugged: …”Why not check out the local shops”. Gavin took another gulp of coffee: “So, you’re new here”? “Yeah just moved a few months ago”. She replied: “A few months”?! He laughed: “That’s not new”. She gave another nervous giggle: “I guess you could say I don’t get out much”. “Clearly”. “Hey, come on is that any way to talk to someone who just bought you coffee”? Gavin tittered: “My apologies”. “Anyway since I had some free time on my hands lately I decided I’d do some exploring”. He nodded his approval: “Fair enough, liking what you’ve found so far”? She nodded: “Yeah I am, actually I”- she was cut off suddenly by his phone vibrating in his pocket: “Sorry, this might be my mate”. Her face fell slightly as he dug out his phone to read the text: “Yeah, that’s him, sorry I’d better get off”. He apologised, scrambling to get out the door: “Thanks for the coffee though”. He raced out before she even had a chance to draw breath.

I came home that afternoon, took off my coat and shoes, discarded them on the floor and spun around, a happy, giddy spin. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so happy. I felt lighter than air, like I was gliding, floating on cloud 9. Finally, I finally, actually had a whole conversation with Gavin Thomas! After years of pining for him, years of admiring him from afar, months of watching him from my window, I actually got to talk to him for more than two seconds! It was amazing, more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined. I figured he might not remember me, it had been a long time, but it felt so good to hear his voice again: it had gotten deeper, his eyes were still as green as springtime, and that hair, oh gosh that hair, it took all my strength not to reach out and touch it! The banter? Absolutely indescribable! Unforgettable! I was so nervous at first, I barely knew what I was saying, but once he’d sat down and started getting comfortable around me, I felt just as at ease as two years ago. At least I did until his stupid friend interrupted us. How dare he, how dare he ruin this for me, I’ve waited a years for this! I seethed. His little friend may prove problematic for my plan, but it’s ok, baby steps, like they always used to say in therapy.

I sighed happily, picked up my coat and found the receipt from Gavin’s coffee. Clutching it tight, I thought about how I bought Gavin Thomas a coffee like I always imagined doing back at uni, going off campus for study dates, getting a quick pick me up before classes, but unfortunately he was too popular to notice me, and I was too shy to make myself noticed, but none of that mattered now, because I did it! I got him to say more than one sentence to me, and I bought him coffee. I snapped another pic on my phone and looked through all the others I had of him, mostly of the back of his head but still, all mine, and one day soon, he would be all mine too.

I hated Tuesdays, I hated every day that wasn’t Monday to be honest, ugh why did Gavin only work at the café on Mondays? It was the only time he ever passed by my window. The rest of the week always felt so… blah. My Tuesdays usually consisted of social media snooping, his Facebook was private and I couldn’t add him as a friend without arousing suspicion, however, I did find some selfies I took great pleasure in photographing. He also had Twitter and Instagram which allowed me to snoop around to my heart’s content. I had to stop myself commenting obviously, sure, I could’ve made fake accounts, but he probably would’ve found that strange too, some random account constantly commenting on all of his posts. But soon enough, I’d be able to add him on everything, I sighed happily and reached for my phone on my nightstand, i opened his Twitter first, nothing was new except a couple statuses:

@GavT97 20/09/21 13:30pm

Shout out to strangers who bring you coffee I guess!