▪April 2020▪

Dear April,

You passed by like August, June, and May

There was no warning

Just the chill of your empty white coat

Laying there, one late spring day

Spring was there

With colors, no one was allowed to see

Or, cared for during those weeks

Everyone gray with fear

But with you, everything was always clear

We were a tall standing lighthouse tower

Pointing towards the storming sea

But not for much long

Did we too lose electricity

▪On the last day of April▪

Dear April,

You said, "I love you, Betty"

"I'll be back by seven-thirty"

Your wrinkled white coat passed out the door

Clocked into the last early shift right at eight

Left behind that week's groceries note

And a twenty-year-old stethoscope

I found in the dining room

Later that noon

That was the last day I saw you

Every day after was white rooms

Turned to my curtain closed bedroom

In shades of dull blue to bright for my mood

"What should I do?"

Because I don’t have a single clue

Life was pictured hanging on walls

Taped to school lockers

Stored in cell phone files

Seen on smiling faces

Everything now

Is waiting for the train to pass by

Persuading myself not to step forth

▪ After April ▪

Dear April,

Father's in ruins

He just lost a job

But can hardly handle three

Barely any sleep before he awakes

I’m starting to wonder how much more he can take

I take care of the baby

But "how can I tell him about you?”

He can barely speak

But knows its just only father and me

Since I am home alone

I wait by the front door

Till seven-thirty creeps by

I slump to the floor

Questioning why?

Are those the consequences of having a good heart?

No one drops by till about twelve o’clock

There is only so much one can endure

When there is no cure to feel reassured

Since May, I was

Caught by time

In a game of freeze tag

Turned to a paralyzing sleep

I can’t arise from

Stopped at a railroad crossing

Watching train cars hurtle by

This now is ordinary life

Constant paranoia adds to my Anhedonia

The world in isolation

Fuels this never-ending depression

Hidden behind masks

Hidden in walls

Hidden in pieces left of you

▪ April 2021 ▪

Dear April,

Somehow you are once again here

Just after 11:59

A replica of yesterday's rhyme fades by

Another day of repeating “I’m fine”

Soon dies

If the railroad is cleared now

Then the season is healing

Our world is slowly rebuilding

I will pick up your things and put them to use

Like the long white coat, I played with at the age of four

I kept your forgotten stethoscope

You left behind that last April morning

With “April” etched on it

"I’ll use it like it once was"

Like how you did for twenty years before last April

Love, Betty

She should've ran

From that monster of a man

Before they grew

Before they knew

She did not

Her happiness would soon rot

The love was a curse

Written in the stars of this universe

Once she ran with two infants in her hand

But somehow returned to this miserable land

He promised to change

Yet continued his monstrous rage

His shadow was feared

When seen under the door everyone reared

The roars at night were loud

Even the horrifying one's that made no sound

Years went by

And all three would cry

When the last was here

Even she would fear

It was too late to run

Her options were none

The oldest had dreams

One could have foreseen

The one in between had changed

From being caged

The infant needed care

In this world that was unfair

She stayed in the hell of a home

Took the torture as her own

All his toxic would poison her

All four were sinking further

The mother should have ran

Beforehand, out of that land

From that monster

Who was no longer a man

-A story stuck on pause

Why wish on a star?

All too far away to wait

From here to there and back

Spent a lifetime of waiting

Visible light from years ago

Wish on one that’s falling?

It’s not even a star

Gaze up to those abandoned wishes

Millions of hopes and dreams

Waiting an eternity

Infinite fantasies

All so meaningless now

Why sit and wait for the time to arrive

Take off to greet it halfway

-I speculate gazing up at a lonely light (my star)