There are many reasons to why I write. I write to express the emotions I am feeling, the ones trapped in my head driving me insane. I write when I feel lost to help slow me down and think it through. I write when I overwhelmed, to just get it out on paper and not locked away in my head. I write to express my feelings, for the ones I love and the ones I hate. I write to understand. I write to bring worlds to life. I write to make my ideas and thoughts into something. I write to be able to share my ideas and imagination with the world, even if I am the one who only reads it. I write because worlds I imagine cannot exist otherwise. I write to welcome others into my craziness that is my head. I write to learn, about both myself and the world around me. I write because I am passionate. I write because it offers me freedom. I write because it is an outlet to me. I write because it is how I think when I can't form words. I write to show people how I work. I write so people understand me. I write so when I can't form words to describe how I am feeling, they can see how my brain is working. I write chaotically at times because it is just showing what exactly my head is going through. I write to be able to connect to others. I write because it brings me joy. I write because it makes me feel whole. So that is why I write, it makes me, me.

@miki5 #miki5 #new #writing #write #whyIwrite

Until the world comes crashing down around you,

Until you can't keep track of reality,

Until you are ready to break..

Don't you dare tell me what you think,

Don't tell me everything is going to be okay,

Don't tell me you understand,

Don't tell me to get over it.

You don't understand a damn thing.

Do you understand how hard it is to get up in the morning?

Do you understand how hard it is to get dressed in something other than sweats?

Do you understand how hard it is to do anything with yourself?

Do you understand how hard it is to go into public and smile?

Do you understand how much I don't want to do anything?

Unless you understand how much my chest hurts,

From nights of crying myself to sleep,

Unless you understand that my brain can't focus on a thing,

Unless you understand that I am just so exhausted,

Physically,

Mentally,

Emotionally,

Unless you understand how I just don't care anymore.

I don't need your advice,

I don't need you to tell me it'll be alright,

I don't need you to coddle me,

I don't need you to feel sorry for me.

I'll be fine eventually,

I'll be able to smile and laugh,

Eventually you'll never even be able to tell anything was wrong in the first place.

I'll be able to breathe,

Finally..

#poetry #newpoem #sad #powerful #strong #new

“See me...”

She begs,

Tears falling down her face.

"Why can't you see past it?

Past my mistakes,

Past what I went through,

Past what others say about me?

Why can't you see me?

See the girl who was happy with you,

See the girl who didn't have to hide around you,

See the girl who fell for you.."

Broken.

That is all she felt.

Here was the one person,

The one person who made it all worth it,

Here was her losing them.

Here she was fighting so hard,

But losing no matter how hard she fought.

Losing the one person who made her feel like,

Even the broken can be loved,

Even she can be loved,

Even despite the shit the world puts us through,

That there is still good and love out ther for everyone.

Her she was,

Begging to be seen as she truly was,

Exposing herself completely,

To the person she loved so dearly.

"See me.."

#poem #poetry #prompted #new #newpoetry

Your wings that you so freely soared on,

Are broken and shattered.

Your heart that you so freely loved with,

Is hurting and lost.

Your mind that you thought you knew,

Is blank from shock.

Love.

A word that can send shutters through someone,

A word that can turn your world upside down.

A word that can make you soar,

A word that can build you from the ground up.

But.

It is also a word that can shatter you,

A word that makes you not want to believe the ugly truth,

A word that makes you try to hold on,

Even when it is best to just let go.

A word that makes you heart shatter into a million tiny pieces everytime you hear it,

A word that you can’t always get over.

It is a word that never leaves you.

It tears apart at those wings you worked so hard on,

It tears apart the trust you built,

It tears apart at your mind that is just trying to figure out why…

Why did that one word change your whole world?

Why did that one word break you so much?

Why does that one word make it so hard to move on?

Why does that one word cloud your mind when you don’t need it to?

Why do we crave that one word so much that we are willing to have it destroy us?

Love.

That word that can mean so much.

That word that we want more of.

That word that makes and breaks us.

That word that sometimes we just want to disappear.

That word that hurts those we care about.

That word that can break your beautiful wings,

That can bring you crashing to the ground.

But hear this,

Hear it loud and clear.

Those wings that may be broken for now,

Can be mended.

Those wings you worked so hard on,

Aren’t gone.

Words can shatter your soul,

But broken bones heal on their own.

When your wings fail you,

Someone else will be there to catch you.

Maybe someone you didn’t expect,

Maybe even more than one.

It will hurt,

To have that word break apart your world.

It will hurt months later,

You will be constantly reminded,

You will cry yourself to sleep some nights.

You will want nothing more than for it to disappear.

But guess what,

You are still alive.

You are still growing stronger and stronger.

You may have been broken,

But you aren’t gone.

You will heal,

You will smile and laugh once again.

You will hurt yes,

But you won’t be alone.

Over time it will get easier,

It may not disappear but it will get better.

You just have to focus on strengthening up your wings,

Build them from the ground up,

Build them from love of family,

From love of friends,

From love of yourself.

Build them so strong,

That next time love tries,

Tries to tear you from the sky,

Tries to break you from the inside,

Tries to take over you mind.

You are ready.

You are ready for that pain that you know will come,

But this time,

You will still fly.

And if your wings are damaged,

Take the time to heal,

If not you will only damage them more.

Your broken wings will never leave you,

They may be scarred and damaged,

But you will always have them.

Broken wings heal over time,

YOU heal over time.

So while that word may tear you apart,

While it may cloud your mind now,

While it will hurt for a long while.

You will heal,

You will still have love,

You will love again even.

Just give yourself time.

You will fly once again in the sky.

When I look into the mirror,

I hate who stares back at me.

I hate the girl who I know is me,

She stares back at me like she is expecting something.

Something great,

Something that is not what she sees

When she looks at me..

I hate the girl who looks back at me.

Her eyes so broken and pained,

The girl who is looking for some way to repent for all of her mistakes.

The girl who feels like she isn’t good enough.

I hate the girl in the mirror who has my body.

Covered in scars,

Plagued by too many rolls.

I hate the way her eyes darken when she stares at my body in the mirror,

I hate the memories that flood back from over the years,

I hate that I can see why people avoid me.

I hate the girl who stares back at me in the mirror,

Because she is who I don’t want to be.

I don’t want to be the girl who gets looked over or used,

I don’t want to be the girl who gets laughed at,

I don’t want to be the girl who gets asked if I am pregnant in the store,

I don’t want to be the girl who can’t look at clothes without

Feeling like she’d never look good,

Feeling like she’d only make herself look worse,

Feeling like it wouldn’t hide what she hates about her body,

Feeling like she shouldn’t bother.

I don’t want to be the girl that gets hurt by her family because of how she looks,

I don’t want to be the girl who can’t look at her reflection for more than a few seconds

Without wanting to hide her body from the world.

I hate the girl who is my reflection,

Because she shows me.

She shows what I try to hide,

What I pretend I’m okay with.

I hate the girl looking back at me…

Because we both know we won’t ever be satisfied…

Because we both know we aren’t happy.

I hate the girl who looks back at me,

Because she is me

Why does the world hate me?

Why can’t once be enough?

Why do you have to make me relive it over and over again?

When will it be enough….

I try,

I try…

I try to do good enough to deserve happiness,

I try to be able to handle my bad days,

I try not to let my mask slip,

I try not to push others away,

I try to handle the pain I receive,

I try to make the most of each day.

Yet,

It never seems like enough..

I get pushed around,

Used,

Hurt on the daily.

I still try though.

So why,

Just why?

Why do you make me relive my pain multiple times?

Why do you try to bury me alive with pain?

Why can’t you give me joy?

Why can’t I be happy?

Why can’t I be enough?

Why do I always feel alone?

Why do I never feel at home?

Why can’t I be liked by someone honest?

Why when I like someone does it always fail?

Why can’t you just give me a win…

For once in my life I want to be happy!!!!!!

I want to be happy….

Why can’t I just be happy....

I want to feel like I am not out of place,

I want to feel like I am okay how I am,

I want to be loved,

And not a fake love,

But an honest true love that does leave me questioning when they will leave.

I want to feel like I do things okay,

That I won’t mess up at every turn.

I want to know that thing will be alright,

I want to know…

I want to know I can be happy without feeling like things are going to fall apart…

I want the good days to balance out the bad,

And I don’t want to drown in my sadness all alone..

So please…

I beg you,

Let me be happy…

I am tired of reliving my pain,

My suffering,

I am tired of feeling like it’s all for nothing,

But I can’t stop fighting.

Please,

Just give me something to balance out the terrible.

I have my best friend who I don’t think I could live without,

But she has her joy,

She has her happiness to balance out the bad,

She will be fine.

When will I be alright?

When will it be alright….

Breathe.

That’s what I have to tell myself everyday.

Just take a deep breath and everything will be okay.

Thoughts swarm my head.

Pushing me.

Telling me.

No…

Yelling at me to just hold on.

Hold on for a little bit longer.

Hold on until you can see the light.

Hold on until it hurts no more.

Hold on until the tears stop falling.

Hold on until the pressure in your chest…

Relieves and you can breathe again.

Hold on until you can breathe with ease.

Hold on until you can laugh without wanting to fall apart.

Hold on until you don’t have to hide behind a mask of false joy.

Hold on.

It gets easier, I promise.

The world loves to tear us down with every part of its being.

But guess what?

We may get bruised.

We may get cut with the edge of our own blade as we try to defend ourself.

But we still rise again.

Some days it is hard.

Some days I know you may just want to stay in bed.

Some days you just want to crumple and disappear.

Some days you just feel invisible…

Some days you feel like you are a convenience.

Some days you just want to

SCREAM!

Some days you just don’t want to be alive.

Some days I wonder why I am here at all.

Some days I wonder what I did so wrong…

Some days I wonder why I try at all.

Some days I wonder why bother?

Some days it’s clear as day.

Some days it is black as night.

Forcing you to blindly search for your way.

Some days I question my sanity.

Some days I question why I can’t be good enough..

Some days I question why me?

Why can’t I be happy?

Why can’t I just feel free…

Why does everything always turn bad for me?

Why am I choice number two?

Why am I the loser people drop?

Why am I not good enough?

Some days I wonder why I try…

Some days.

I don’t bother.

Some days my mask falters.

Some days I can’t keep up the fake smile.

Some days I just want to break down and cry.

Some days I don’t want to function at all.

The worst part..

I don’t get a choice.

I don’t get to say it’s okay.

I don’t get to cry and be alright.

I want to feel like it will be fine.

I want to feel like I’m not losing my mind.

I want to feel like…

Maybe I’m doing something right.

That maybe I’m not such a failure.

That maybe one day it will all be okay.

That one day I won’t have to question if I’m wanted around.

That one day I won’t second guess everything I do.

That one day I won’t be the other choice for everyone.

Until then…

I remind myself to breathe.

To hold on.

To hold on in the hope that maybe this will be true..

If not, I guess I’ll be alright...

I truly don’t understand something.

How can some one,

Anyone

Look at someone,

This person who may have been their

Bestfriend,

Boyfriend,

Girlfriend,

Brother,

Sister,

Or someone they knew and cherished,

But look at them,

Treat them,

Like strangers…

How can you go from,

I’d do anything for you,

To

I don’t know you anymore

OR

I just don’t want to…

To say,

You mean nothing to me.

Even if you meant the world to them at one point.

Now you are strangers.

You share nothing more than simple memories,

Even if those hurt,

Even if you want to do something about it,

They DON’T care…

You are strangers.

You can’t call them to say hey,

No.

Instead,

You pass them in the halls,

And for a moment,

Memories flash through your head.

But you don’t say or do anything.

You act like it doesn’t tear at your heart

Or pull you limb for limb.

No.

Instead you plaster on the fake smile or neutral look

And keep walking.

Eventually, you too

Will stop caring.

Eventually they mean nothing to you.

Occasionally though,

It may strike a nerve or two,

Make you feel restless or overwhelmed,

Make you want to curl up and cry.

But for now,

You keep on marching through the day.

You get over them eventually,

Maybe you’ll look back at your memories,

Smile at the good,

Frown at the bad.

Maybe you’ll even wish you could go back.

But,

The hard truth is,

You are strangers,

Who share memories of a time when things were good.

For this is the sad truth of the world,

We create strangers out of the people meant the most to us.

It’s something I wish we could change,

But it’s something I’ll never understand.

Why must we create strangers out of those we never wanted to let go of.

#poetry #poems #sad #strangers #poet #writing #leaving #usetoknow #depressed #marchingon

There once was a girl

Who believed in the good of the world.

Who always tried her best

When no one else would.

She always smiled and felt good

But then she felt her world change.

Suddenly.

She was the world with a new light,

Filled with shades of grey.

So lifeless compared to the colors she saw

Before,

She then saw how many people were only

Shades of grey,

The color drained

As if they didn't want to even be alive.

It was almost as if a veil had been lifted,

One she just wanted thrown back on,

But she realized she couldn't go back.

Couldn't just see the bright,

happy colors.

No.

Now she would see the shades with those colors,

See the shades of grey

That people masked so well.

Looking into the mirror,

She saw her first shade of grey,

Knowing it could never be the same.

And still she tried,

But eventually,

They grey over came her too.

Leaving only a trace of the girl

Who once was...

#poems #poetry #colors #writing #wordart #sad #dark #colorless

Life without you is achroous,

Colorless,

Lifeless.

I can’t seem to find the light you brought into my life,

Hidden away,

Shut inside.

My demons fight against my mind,

Trying to break me inside,

I try and try to fight

But slowly the color drains from my heart.

I don’t know where to start and end.

My head’s full of fog,

I can’t see clearly,

My mind and heart are clouded.

I hope to find piece of mind,

If not,

I’ll be fine...

#Poems #Sad #Colorless #Lost #Broken #Poetry