It's Halloween night and my brother and I are sitting in the living room talking, and asks me," why did you kill me?"
It's not his voice coming out of his body, and he takes the knife.
Four minutes in and I knew I had made a colossal mistake. This was not a haunted house. This was a murder house. These people are real. I am going to die.
Only if I had one more day.
Only if I had one more hour- second- anything to be with you.
Only if I could remember you the way I want to.
Only if I had more time.
Only if God would have answered my prayers when I told him to not take you from me.
Only if I could hold your hand- warm hand- alive hand in mine.
Only if the universe could give back life to someone who cared so much about other people.
Only if you knew how worthy we all know you are- were.
Only if you believed you were worthy.
Only if I told you how much you meant to me- how much I love-loved you- how much I would miss you.
Only if you had an extra second of hesitation.
Only if I was enough for you.
Only if everything made sense.
Only if I had all the answers of the why's- unknowns of this confusing place we call our world.
Only if: Day-hour-second- memory of time- answered prayers- warm hands- life- worthy of life-meaning of what your life meant to be- hesitation-enough-sense of unknowns-
Only if I didn't have to miss you for another day.
Different Types of Singing in the Car: In your moment
You ever get so into a song that the song determines the speed of your car?
Better the song- faster your car seems to go.
Sorry officer my car just really liked this song.
Sorry for the person sitting next to you as you awkwardly let out your soul as they are hoping for the light to turn green at this very moment.
To get away.
The looks of pure fear for your sanity.
Yep I am chill.
All okay in here.
If you really want to know you could roll down your window, and I could tell you...
My boyfriend just dumped me- ran out of product for my hair this morning- I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep when I have two more hours and thirty six minutes before I actually had to get up- my cat ran away- I just realized I forgot to brush my teeth- I am not sure if I am wearing underwear at the moment- and I accidentally grabbed my mom's phone as I was walking out the door. Instead of mine.
Need a moment to just-
let it out it in this one song.
One leads to two- three- ten sad songs deep.
Concerned. Afraid. Judgmental.
Then the tears.
Now I guess we are cry-singing.
What is wrong with me?
The waterfall of tears start running- falling- sweating out of my eyeballs.
Where did this come from?
Go back in.
Thinking the louder you yell- the better you feel.
Louder you yell influences the weight of your foot to press harder down on the accelerator.
Full speed into the problems that engulf your brain.
Next is the-
Scream-crying-singing to the song.
Need a moment to just-