Table set for two.
I stare down at the shiny plate at my expression, blue.
My weak smile hides my weary eyes.
My calm demeanor masks the tumult in my brain.
My steady heartbeats drown out the ache--
Alas, I awake.
It was all a dream.
In reality, work will be on my Thanksgiving plate.
Followed by dinner with them...
...and a side of inevitable thoughts of you.
You know that state of feeling broken?
Breathing and living but something seems wrong and you're not exactly sure what?
Thinking you should probably ask for help but you're not sure there's a person on Earth who can understand or know how to assist?
Not wanting to worry others...?
or bother them...?
or burden them...?
You're too empathetic, perhaps.
Feeling feelings when you'd rather not?
Too weak to ignore the voices?
The heart aching?
Muttering 'Help me' to God every other second of the day?
You want to be okay...
You just want to be okay...
So you smile.
You stay kind.
You keep worries in the back of your mind.
But they try to escape.
And, eventually, they do get out, don't they?
They hack their way straight through your heart, leaving you
But you don't want to be broken, do you?
You're thankful for God's blessings big and small, right?
You know that, in the end, it will all work out.
It'll all be good.
So you keep going?
Keep holding together on the outside though, on the inside, you're broken?
...maybe it's just me.
Where I come from...
You can point to the base of your thumb and figure out
where I come from...
You can say Three-One-Three and folks know just where you're talking about
where I come from...
Call it The D, call it Motor City, call it Motown or Hitsville, USA
where I come from...
If you're born on March 13th like me, you have to share with the holiday that celebrates
where I come from...
We're our own little melting pot, we got black, white, red, yellow, and brown
where I come from...
And if you don't know yet, you soon will see. Just take a look around the town
where I come from.
The Next Morning...
Early sun rays
filtered through the smudged window
illuminating the tears that leaked from her eyes
as she sat there on the edge of the bed weeping silently.
...He Was Gone
might it be
Could I lie
der an infinite sky
of stars at night
as crickets chirp
and fireflies light?
Is it too much to dream?
Things aren't as they seem.
Perhaps, a dream is just that-
I lie here flat
on my bed
Will I ever wed?
The answer... remains unsaid.
If so, shall be joy.
If not, I employ-
entertain- the thought
that the plan ought
NOT be so.
If so, it shall flow.
who am I to overthrow?
...perhaps you don't.
Call me odd.
Call me strange.
But I am in a constant state of prayer always.
You know those people who are always annoyingly on the phone (bluetooth or facetime) with a friend or family member all loud in the checkout of the local shop? Well, that's me...
Only, a little less loud.
I thank Him for everything from the big bold blessings like this wonderful world we live in, the everyday blessings like breath, food, and shelter, and the small things like the people who made the aglets on my sneakers. I will look at a house and ask Him to bless the hands of the people who worked to build everything from the foundation to the bricks to the fence and the windowpanes. Even the folks who recently cut the grass and the handbill folks who last knocked upon the door and left junk mail at the residence.
When I say grace, I not only thank Him for the meal itself, but also for everyone who helped to make it possible- from farm to table, so to speak. This also includes any animals. Even the birds who ate the seeds from one fruit and pooped them out elsewhere to create the plant that grew into the tree that bore the delectable treat I now have the pleasure of consuming.
I not only thank Him for these people and things. I ask Him to bless them. Whether they're still here in the land of the living (bless them, their families, their endeavors, etc.) or even if they've passed on yet (bless their souls).
When I'm watching TV, best believe I'm thanking God for everyone listed on the credits and even those who were overlooked. I'm asking Him to bless everyone who's had anything remotely even to do with the matter.
I ask Him to bless each person who's ever come in contact with me- whether I know it or not, and whether they know it or not.
I ask Him to bless you and everyone else on obscure corners of the internet who happen upon my work, be it writing, art, or even things they aren't even aware I had a hand in.
I ask Him to bless everyone I've ever crossed paths with in my life, and everyone I will ever cross paths with in the future (in person and online) and I thank Him for them.
For them all.
For it all.
And, as for my life,
for my world,
nothing will change.
Because every day,
every waking breath,
I am in a constant state of prayer
to my God
An Honest, Sincere Question For You All…
As many of you know, I have found myself in a limbo state as of late. I desire to have a steady income, but friends and family tell me that I should slow down a bit and do some things that I love and enjoy.
I know that quite a few people actually make money doing artistic things they are passionate about, especially nowadays in our entrepreneurial-minded world where people have Patreon donors, Ko-Fi pages, and monetized writing platforms like here on Prose Gold.
The thing is, I’ve tried that. I’ve tried pushing myself to be less shy about self-promotion. I’ve posted links and thrown out many shameless plugs IRL and on every social media outlet imaginable. Unfortunately, though every supporter of mine is cherished, loved, and appreciated, I cannot say that I can keep up my mortgage on the few doubloons that have been tossed my way.
Don’t get me wrong at all.
I am so very proud and happy that any of my work is getting seen, read, enjoyed, shared, and recognized by people at all. I am elated whenever someone likes or views my posts. When people comment, follow me, or press the little heart on any little thing, it brings me so much joy. The problem is that this cannot sustain me financially. Sadly, this world runs on money, and I can end up in a tough spot if I don’t have enough of it.
All around the block and back, the question I have is;
What would you like to see from me that you’d be willing to pay for?
I’ve received conflicting opinions on whether the current climate is suitable for attempting to go all-out on entrepreneurial dreams. Some people say, “In this economy?! NO WAY!” Others say, “People are still buying things. You’re talented and have a lot to offer.”
I’ve tried marketing myself though. I have a Patreon, but I’ve only ever had one donor (until her financial situation changed and she had to drop off). I was thankful for her and did not get offended at all when she stopped monetarily supporting me. I did reevaluate my Patreon and Ko-Fi perks and sought advice from those who have more supporters, though.
A common suggestion was to offer early releases to patrons. I, in fact, was already doing that, yet, no one seemed to care that they had to ‘wait a little longer’ to see, hear, or read the content for free.
Another suggestion was to create special Patron-only content that will never be made public. I’ve done that already, too. Those pieces have never seen the light of day and, if too much time passes, I’ll probably end up posting them in the public space as well.
I just want to know… is there anything that one would be willing to pay for? Or any incentive that would encourage people to support me financially?
Perhaps my content just isn’t seen to be worth much monetary value for most folks, or maybe they simply don’t have the means to chuck out monthly membership money. I don’t blame anyone. I totally understand any kind of situation that would prevent such donorship (including the simple fact that some people just may not like my work or desire to become a patron). The question I have is only for those who may have been waiting around for a super awesome reason to subscribe. If no one in that category exists, it’s all good! Feel free to continue about your day. But, if you do have an answer, please post so below. I would love to hear your ideas or even reasons for not subscribing. ❤
Thank you for reading this lengthy rant. God bless. I pray the best and much success in your own creative endeavors and lives as a whole.
So, I’ve found myself out of work…
Hello, friends. It’s been quite a while since I’ve last written on this platform. Lots of things have happened. Some good… some… well, I like to focus on the positives. Nevertheless, it is inevitable. The undesirable will happen. Our resilience lies in how we handle those situations, however.
Just this month, I had to make a decision at my place of employment because there was a lack of work in my particular business area. I thought it most wise in my position to make a graceful exit. I am a new homeowner, so stepping out was a very uncertain choice. I felt as if I were facing a rickety bridge over molten lava. Should I take my chances and cross? Or stay over on this side of the castle with the dragon? Shall I stay? Or progress forth?
(If you were imagining that scene from Shrek, don’t feel bad. So was I)
Perhaps it isn’t as bad as that, but I feel that I am taking a risk with whatever I choose. It’s too late, now. I’ve already left. Now begins the long process of applying to every job opening available while still trying to figure things out. I would love a position that has flexible hours and wonderful pay that will help me to keep up my mortgage payments, take care of bills on time, and have a spot of cash left over for my leisure and creative efforts. My strategy? Leave no application unturned(in). Apply everywhere. I’ve thrown several of my (virtual) resumes into the air of cyberspace. Not the paper one, though. We mustn’t litter.
So far, I’ve been searching and applying galore, but haven’t secured anything. I’m not giving up hope, but this makes me think… is it time to launch my entrepreneurial side-hustles into full-blown businesses?
…I’d think not. Unfortunately, this economic climate doesn’t seem very promising for setting sail in such a ship without some sort of liferaft to escape in if needed. By no means does that mean I should shut down my hobby side. In fact, I have been pushing things a bit more, sharing my Ko-Fi and Patreon links on social media, publishing ebooks on kindle, and even making an audio chapter available for purchase.
I’ve gotten a few donations and purchases too, and for those, I am extremely grateful. Still, these things are NOT enough to sustain. They do help immensely to hold me over, though. I know that people giving me money is no easy task. Everyone is experiencing inflation. Gas is over $5 per gallon. Things are getting ridiculous and crazy, so every single penny given to me is cherished immensely. I thank each and every one of my supporters. I love you all and send so many prayers and hugs to you every day.
In addition to these things, just before the great Thanos Snap occurred at my workplace, I was blessed to have received quite a few more orders of Fiverr gigs on my page. Those seemed to drop in right on time. I also shared my personal website with a ton of folks.
As my brain scatters and my soul prays, my creative mind never ceases to churn out ideas to try. I plan to look into who may be hosting seller markets and maker fairs in person. Funny, I was planning on doing a lot of them in 2020, but the pandemic had other plans. Perhaps I’ll take it all up again as I had plotted it all out at the end of 2019.
If any of you have other ideas and ways to make a bit of spare change, feel free to shout them out. If you’re going through a similar experience, or are simply hoping for a financial breakthrough, please comment that below as well so that I can keep you in my prayers. I have faith that, with God’s help, we will all make it through this difficult time together — whatever you’re going through. You aren’t alone. Know that I love you, and I’m here if you’d like a chat.
God bless and much success! :)
An Audiobook Launch!
Happy timezones, everyone! I have published the first chapter of my audiobook Secret Agent Someone: Troubled Beginnings featuring the very talented Jon McNally! It is available in my Ko-Fi shop with a short trailer vid if anyone would like to check it out.
God bless, much success to you all with your own endeavors!
PS. Some of you Prosers may know that I had published a Troubled Beginnings before on this site. I now consider that Chapter Zero because it showcases his parents right before he was born.