LiberalPoet
An open book with a missing page.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet

Faulty

Sometimes, 

I feel like 

I belong

But I always

Screw it up

With my trippy words

And faulty tongue 

And impulses, 

The harshness of my personality

The way my hair gets messy

And stays that way, 

How I usually tell my secrets

Too easily

So I write

Because words have a way

Of bringing forth beauty

Even in the messy situation 

Of me

So here I am 

A faulty piece of machinery 

In the back of the factory

Pumping out words.

2
1
0
Juice
4 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet
Faulty
Sometimes, 
I feel like 
I belong
But I always
Screw it up
With my trippy words
And faulty tongue 
And impulses, 
The harshness of my personality
The way my hair gets messy
And stays that way, 
How I usually tell my secrets
Too easily
So I write
Because words have a way
Of bringing forth beauty
Even in the messy situation 
Of me
So here I am 
A faulty piece of machinery 
In the back of the factory
Pumping out words.

2
1
0
Juice
4 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
We are a literary agency seeking fresh talent. In 200 words or more, demonstrate your writing talent. We will be in touch with any and all promising participants throughout the rest of this quarter.
Written by LiberalPoet in portal Publishing

"Don't Lie" scene: The Visionary

We got up and tip-toed to the door, closing it silently. There was a full moon outside, and the stars looked amazing. I shivered a bit at the October chill. Ryan pressed up against me, and I smiled and put my arm around him. Closeness was something we had to ration, and now we couldn't get enough.

“Finally, somewhere where I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not,” Ryan said.

“I’m always pretending,” I shrugged. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I remember all the things I felt when I was blind, and how different I was. But have I really changed at all? I still dream in darkness... the sounds, the feelings, they all come back.”

“You’ve always been perfect," he simpered, looking over at me  and smiling through the corner of his mouth. His eyes glittered in the dark. 

“That’s not true. Don’t lie.”

“You want me to tell the truth? Nothing but the truth?”

“Yes. I always do. You know I do.”

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, so I had an older brother who abused me.”

“Abused you?”

“Beat me up. I’d have black eyes coming to school and you didn’t see.”

I looked down at the ground. Ryan took a breath. 

“He joined the military three years ago, but the memory of him still haunts me,” he said. “He called me gay all the time. He knew I was. And I didn’t want to be.”

“I didn’t want to be either,” I said.

“David, I…” he shook his head, and his voice faded away.

“What?”

“I tried to kill myself,” he said.

My heart beat faster. “When?”

“The first time I tried, I was 13. I was loving you and I didn’t know you felt the same. I took 5 pain pills at once, which is a lot to me. When I was 14 I tried again, and I just couldn't...couldn't bear to live.” He was crying. 

There was a silence for a long time. I didn’t know what to say so I just didn’t talk. The stars glittered brighter and a chill ran through my skin.

“Are you okay now?” I said, after about 5 minutes of silence.

“Yeah,” he said, laughing a bit through the tears. “Yeah, I think I am.”

I looked up at the stars. “I think I am too.”

2
1
1
Juice
5 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
We are a literary agency seeking fresh talent. In 200 words or more, demonstrate your writing talent. We will be in touch with any and all promising participants throughout the rest of this quarter.
Written by LiberalPoet in portal Publishing
"Don't Lie" scene: The Visionary
We got up and tip-toed to the door, closing it silently. There was a full moon outside, and the stars looked amazing. I shivered a bit at the October chill. Ryan pressed up against me, and I smiled and put my arm around him. Closeness was something we had to ration, and now we couldn't get enough.
“Finally, somewhere where I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not,” Ryan said.
“I’m always pretending,” I shrugged. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I remember all the things I felt when I was blind, and how different I was. But have I really changed at all? I still dream in darkness... the sounds, the feelings, they all come back.”
“You’ve always been perfect," he simpered, looking over at me  and smiling through the corner of his mouth. His eyes glittered in the dark. 
“That’s not true. Don’t lie.”
“You want me to tell the truth? Nothing but the truth?”
“Yes. I always do. You know I do.”
“Okay,” he said. “Okay, so I had an older brother who abused me.”
“Abused you?”
“Beat me up. I’d have black eyes coming to school and you didn’t see.”
I looked down at the ground. Ryan took a breath. 
“He joined the military three years ago, but the memory of him still haunts me,” he said. “He called me gay all the time. He knew I was. And I didn’t want to be.”
“I didn’t want to be either,” I said.
“David, I…” he shook his head, and his voice faded away.
“What?”
“I tried to kill myself,” he said.
My heart beat faster. “When?”
“The first time I tried, I was 13. I was loving you and I didn’t know you felt the same. I took 5 pain pills at once, which is a lot to me. When I was 14 I tried again, and I just couldn't...couldn't bear to live.” He was crying. 
There was a silence for a long time. I didn’t know what to say so I just didn’t talk. The stars glittered brighter and a chill ran through my skin.
“Are you okay now?” I said, after about 5 minutes of silence.
“Yeah,” he said, laughing a bit through the tears. “Yeah, I think I am.”
I looked up at the stars. “I think I am too.”
2
1
1
Juice
5 reads
Load 1 Comment
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
You can't ever go back. If you do, it is never the same. Trying to recapture that moment in time when that moment has passed.
Written by LiberalPoet

Way Back <2 years ago>

You'd made fake "claws" out of paper

You leaned forward and scratched me

Your sleeve slid down to reveal hospital bracelets

You were recovering, they said.

You made eye contact with me, 

Your eyes told a different story

I saw pain in them

The last time, they were angry. Scathing. 

I was afraid you hated me. 

What more can I say, all my poems are about you

They all try to recapture you but you're just a figment

A moment in space and time 

A time when I was young

A time when I was full of love.

9
4
3
Juice
39 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
You can't ever go back. If you do, it is never the same. Trying to recapture that moment in time when that moment has passed.
Written by LiberalPoet
Way Back <2 years ago>
You'd made fake "claws" out of paper
You leaned forward and scratched me
Your sleeve slid down to reveal hospital bracelets
You were recovering, they said.

You made eye contact with me, 
Your eyes told a different story
I saw pain in them
The last time, they were angry. Scathing. 
I was afraid you hated me. 

What more can I say, all my poems are about you
They all try to recapture you but you're just a figment
A moment in space and time 
A time when I was young
A time when I was full of love.
9
4
3
Juice
39 reads
Load 3 Comments
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet

Dry

I've been sucked dry of ideas;

My words were once seas

But I wasted them on profanities

Got second place in spelling bees. 

Now look what I've done, 

I've got nothing left

1,000+ poems, but 0% depth.

9
4
0
Juice
19 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet
Dry
I've been sucked dry of ideas;
My words were once seas
But I wasted them on profanities
Got second place in spelling bees. 
Now look what I've done, 
I've got nothing left
1,000+ poems, but 0% depth.


9
4
0
Juice
19 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet

Us. You. Me.

We counted the stars together, 

(Did you not think that was real?)

We sat in the same spot every day

(Did you forget? Did you force yourself to forget?)

You wrote songs for me

(I sing them in my sleep while no one is listening)

We laughed and choked out profanities

(Anything that came out of your mouth was beautiful)

You told me you loved me

(Did you lie?)

3
2
0
Juice
13 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet
Us. You. Me.
We counted the stars together, 
(Did you not think that was real?)
We sat in the same spot every day
(Did you forget? Did you force yourself to forget?)
You wrote songs for me
(I sing them in my sleep while no one is listening)
We laughed and choked out profanities
(Anything that came out of your mouth was beautiful)
You told me you loved me
(Did you lie?)
3
2
0
Juice
13 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet

Ava (from The Visionary)

When we first met, neither of us could see

So you must have loved my personality

Your hair smelled of strawberry

I was full of myself, you were full of me.

You loved me until I wasn’t feeling the same

You hurt me, you tore me, covered me with shame

Your lips on my lips, I couldn’t tear away

All you wanted was for me to stay.

But you hurt me, you scared me, I’m forever scarred

Now circumstance has us torn apart

I just hope I don’t see your unseeing eyes again

Would it have been better if we just stayed friends?

3
2
0
Juice
9 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet
Ava (from The Visionary)
When we first met, neither of us could see
So you must have loved my personality
Your hair smelled of strawberry
I was full of myself, you were full of me.

You loved me until I wasn’t feeling the same
You hurt me, you tore me, covered me with shame
Your lips on my lips, I couldn’t tear away
All you wanted was for me to stay.

But you hurt me, you scared me, I’m forever scarred
Now circumstance has us torn apart
I just hope I don’t see your unseeing eyes again
Would it have been better if we just stayed friends?
3
2
0
Juice
9 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet

So, my book is finished....

I'm so excited I can hardly speak;

I finally published a book on Prose!

Give it a read, a review... be as harsh as you want.

Thanks, peace, goodnight. I'll start posting my normal poetry again tomorrow. 

8
2
1
Juice
22 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Written by LiberalPoet
So, my book is finished....
I'm so excited I can hardly speak;
I finally published a book on Prose!
Give it a read, a review... be as harsh as you want.
Thanks, peace, goodnight. I'll start posting my normal poetry again tomorrow. 
8
2
1
Juice
22 reads
Load 1 Comment
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 23 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet

Chapter 23: Victory

“Yes! YES! YES!” I held up the letter to my mom. “I got accepted into NYU as a counselling and psychology major!”

“Counselling?” Dad raised his eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you have shot a little higher? You have the best grades in your school, for heaven’s sake.”

“Dad, this is what I want to do. To talk to people like me. People who have been through a lot.”

Dad rolled his eyes. “Your life hasn’t been hard. All of your conflicts worked themselves out.”

“Well, what if I wanted to help others work their conflicts out? Would that be such a bad idea?”

I sighed and stomped to my room, closing the door.

“He has a point, dear,” Mom told Dad when I left. “I mean, smart as he is, he couldn’t be a doctor or a surgeon or work on computers like you wanted him too. He has eye problems, and you need to recognize that.”

Dad grunted.

Mom lowered her voice. “Why can’t you just accept our son for who he is?”

I sunk down to the floor and held my head in my hands. Was Dad the one pulling the strings all along?

--

Ryan got into NYU also, as a Computer Science major. It was as if we had our whole lives planned out.

“We need a quote to put in the yearbook,” he commented to me.

“What?”

“I dunno. Some type of statement. Senior quotes or something.”

“Geez, it seems like I have all of these ideas until people ask me to come up with something,” I said. We were laying in the park, looking up at the stars. It was a warm night in March.

“Can you seriously believe this is happening?” Ryan turned his head to look at me.

“What?”

“All of this, man. We’re growing up.”

He turned his head back to look at the stars.

“I remember the first time I saw the moon,” I said. “Back in 9th grade. I just sat on the porch, staring up at the expanse. I couldn’t get enough of it. I kept thinking of everything I’d missed out on, back before the surgery.”

“You didn’t miss out on anything,” Ryan said. “It was everyone else who was missing out.”

I sat up, turning my head.

“I mean, before you got the surgery, all you knew is darkness… and when you saw the light, it was amazing.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Me, I’ve always known the light. But I never really appreciated it as much as you did. I never loved the stars, or the moon, or the sky, or anything as much as you did. That’s what I think I love most about you. The way you see things.”

There was a gaping silence, but it wasn’t awkward this time.

“I made valedictorian,” I said.

“What? Over me? No fair.” He punched my arm. “I didn’t know I was dating an intellectual.”

I laughed. “Good thing I already have a speech for it.”

“Oooo, a speech?”

“It’s nothing. Just something I wrote back in 11th grade and I’ve been tweaking it since.”

--

“Valedictorian? That’s great!” Mom hugged me.

Dad grunted, took another sip of his coffee. “Good job, son.”

I was really nervous for it, to the point where I had to ask Derek for tips.

“Wait… my genius brother is asking me for advice?”

I laughed. “Don’t flatter me.”

“Okay,” he sat up in his chair diplomatically. “So what I usually do is close my eyes, and take a deep breath.”

I did.

“Some people say it’s a good thing to picture the audience in their underwear, but it never worked for me. So what I do is imagine they’re not there. Or, like pretend only the people I like or only the people I know are there. I single out a few people, and give my speech to them.”

I smiled. I knew who I was going to single out.

--

“You’ve got all the right clothes? The right robes? The right hat?” Mom was more antsy than usual.

“Mom, I got this,” I said, smiling. She nodded, but still fidgeted.

My hands had been shaking all morning, and she recommended eating a banana. “I hear they stop the shaking.”

“Mom, you’re more worried than I am. I’ll be fine.” I never had a taste for bananas anyways.

Derek was talking a mile-a-minute in the car, as if I was going to leave as soon as I graduated.

“Tone it down, little bro. I still have a summer left with you.” I tried assuring him, but he still pouted.

“Well, see you from onstage,” I said, wishing I’d eaten that banana. I was shaking like crazy now.

Ryan met me on our way to be seated. “I’m excited to hear your speech,” he said. “I better be in it.”

“Don’t worry. You are.”

As I approached the podium, I thought of my past. All the people that had touched me. My grandmother, with her hands on my shoulders, was guiding me now. I was holding baby Derek in my arms. Daria cheered me on. My mom rocked me to sleep.

As I looked at all those people, that sea of faces, I singled one face out. He sat in the middle of the crowd, leaning forward in his chair. I guess he was always the one I needed to talk to.

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

“This speech is for you, Dad.” I closed my eyes again, feeling blind. I had to do this with my eyes closed; his red face swam in my corneas. I was going to say this as how I was for the first 15 years of my life, something I could never forget.

Since you first adopted me, I was always rejected

You were cold, I was warm, you had always reflected

All the hate, all the fear, I stuffed my feelings inside

When you were there, you didn’t care as you shoved me aside

I was blind, yes, but I saw even before the surgery

Who I really was, who you didn’t want me to be

Conversion camp was hell, I lied my way through

And coming back, I always watched it leading to you

There's someone I need to mention, someone I need to adress

He's been standing here with me through all of this stress

He was never you, Dad. He loved and encouraged me,

His name is Ryan Ocampo; and my friends, Lamar Brown and James Freed.

I tried to change who I was, change who I’m meant to be

I was broken and rejected, but now I’m free

After all these months of fear, I can finally say

If you love me, you’ll accept me as who I am… gay.

There was a collective gasp from the audience, and I spent one more blissful moment with my eyes closed. I felt my grandmother with me all over again, my heart racing… I opened my eyes again to the beautiful light and all the faces of the people. I’m not blind anymore.

“Your heart never lies,” she said to me in my head. “This is who you are, Aalam. David. And I love you.”

4
1
0
Juice
21 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 23 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet
Chapter 23: Victory
“Yes! YES! YES!” I held up the letter to my mom. “I got accepted into NYU as a counselling and psychology major!”
“Counselling?” Dad raised his eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you have shot a little higher? You have the best grades in your school, for heaven’s sake.”
“Dad, this is what I want to do. To talk to people like me. People who have been through a lot.”
Dad rolled his eyes. “Your life hasn’t been hard. All of your conflicts worked themselves out.”
“Well, what if I wanted to help others work their conflicts out? Would that be such a bad idea?”
I sighed and stomped to my room, closing the door.
“He has a point, dear,” Mom told Dad when I left. “I mean, smart as he is, he couldn’t be a doctor or a surgeon or work on computers like you wanted him too. He has eye problems, and you need to recognize that.”
Dad grunted.
Mom lowered her voice. “Why can’t you just accept our son for who he is?”
I sunk down to the floor and held my head in my hands. Was Dad the one pulling the strings all along?
--
Ryan got into NYU also, as a Computer Science major. It was as if we had our whole lives planned out.
“We need a quote to put in the yearbook,” he commented to me.
“What?”
“I dunno. Some type of statement. Senior quotes or something.”
“Geez, it seems like I have all of these ideas until people ask me to come up with something,” I said. We were laying in the park, looking up at the stars. It was a warm night in March.
“Can you seriously believe this is happening?” Ryan turned his head to look at me.
“What?”
“All of this, man. We’re growing up.”
He turned his head back to look at the stars.
“I remember the first time I saw the moon,” I said. “Back in 9th grade. I just sat on the porch, staring up at the expanse. I couldn’t get enough of it. I kept thinking of everything I’d missed out on, back before the surgery.”
“You didn’t miss out on anything,” Ryan said. “It was everyone else who was missing out.”
I sat up, turning my head.
“I mean, before you got the surgery, all you knew is darkness… and when you saw the light, it was amazing.”
“Yeah, and?”
“Me, I’ve always known the light. But I never really appreciated it as much as you did. I never loved the stars, or the moon, or the sky, or anything as much as you did. That’s what I think I love most about you. The way you see things.”
There was a gaping silence, but it wasn’t awkward this time.
“I made valedictorian,” I said.
“What? Over me? No fair.” He punched my arm. “I didn’t know I was dating an intellectual.”
I laughed. “Good thing I already have a speech for it.”
“Oooo, a speech?”
“It’s nothing. Just something I wrote back in 11th grade and I’ve been tweaking it since.”
--
“Valedictorian? That’s great!” Mom hugged me.
Dad grunted, took another sip of his coffee. “Good job, son.”
I was really nervous for it, to the point where I had to ask Derek for tips.
“Wait… my genius brother is asking me for advice?”
I laughed. “Don’t flatter me.”
“Okay,” he sat up in his chair diplomatically. “So what I usually do is close my eyes, and take a deep breath.”
I did.
“Some people say it’s a good thing to picture the audience in their underwear, but it never worked for me. So what I do is imagine they’re not there. Or, like pretend only the people I like or only the people I know are there. I single out a few people, and give my speech to them.”
I smiled. I knew who I was going to single out.
--
“You’ve got all the right clothes? The right robes? The right hat?” Mom was more antsy than usual.
“Mom, I got this,” I said, smiling. She nodded, but still fidgeted.
My hands had been shaking all morning, and she recommended eating a banana. “I hear they stop the shaking.”
“Mom, you’re more worried than I am. I’ll be fine.” I never had a taste for bananas anyways.
Derek was talking a mile-a-minute in the car, as if I was going to leave as soon as I graduated.
“Tone it down, little bro. I still have a summer left with you.” I tried assuring him, but he still pouted.
“Well, see you from onstage,” I said, wishing I’d eaten that banana. I was shaking like crazy now.
Ryan met me on our way to be seated. “I’m excited to hear your speech,” he said. “I better be in it.”
“Don’t worry. You are.”
As I approached the podium, I thought of my past. All the people that had touched me. My grandmother, with her hands on my shoulders, was guiding me now. I was holding baby Derek in my arms. Daria cheered me on. My mom rocked me to sleep.
As I looked at all those people, that sea of faces, I singled one face out. He sat in the middle of the crowd, leaning forward in his chair. I guess he was always the one I needed to talk to.
I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

“This speech is for you, Dad.” I closed my eyes again, feeling blind. I had to do this with my eyes closed; his red face swam in my corneas. I was going to say this as how I was for the first 15 years of my life, something I could never forget.
Since you first adopted me, I was always rejected
You were cold, I was warm, you had always reflected
All the hate, all the fear, I stuffed my feelings inside
When you were there, you didn’t care as you shoved me aside

I was blind, yes, but I saw even before the surgery
Who I really was, who you didn’t want me to be
Conversion camp was hell, I lied my way through
And coming back, I always watched it leading to you

There's someone I need to mention, someone I need to adress
He's been standing here with me through all of this stress
He was never you, Dad. He loved and encouraged me,
His name is Ryan Ocampo; and my friends, Lamar Brown and James Freed.

I tried to change who I was, change who I’m meant to be
I was broken and rejected, but now I’m free
After all these months of fear, I can finally say
If you love me, you’ll accept me as who I am… gay.

There was a collective gasp from the audience, and I spent one more blissful moment with my eyes closed. I felt my grandmother with me all over again, my heart racing… I opened my eyes again to the beautiful light and all the faces of the people. I’m not blind anymore.

“Your heart never lies,” she said to me in my head. “This is who you are, Aalam. David. And I love you.”
4
1
0
Juice
21 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 22 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet

Chapter 22: Stress

Ms. Fared loved my paper. She said it brought her to tears, it was so powerful. I don’t get how words can move people to tears, but at the same time I do. My words remind me of my past, which makes me feel stale feelings again. Reminds me of who I was.

The second half of Junior year was basically just preparation for Senior year. I took driver’s ed again, and failed it again. I went to the doctor and was told I might never be able to drive, due to my late reaction times and my failure to see clearly 100% of the time. My vision had a tendency to blur, but I always just tolerated it because crappy vision is better than no vision at all.

Mom told me not to stress out about the not being able to drive thing. It’s amazing that I could even halfway function as a normal human being, so I should have been grateful for what I had.

Then there were the college applications.

I didn’t want to even think about colleges until senior year, but we were bombarded with letters starting January. A bunch of colleges were dying to have me.

James got no letters.

Summer was great. I was given the freedom to do a lot more things; I even got a job at the local PetSmart. All the dogs seemed to love me, for some reason. Probably because I used to be blind. Could they tell?

I’d come home and Derek would sneeze on the dog fur that clung onto my clothes, so my mom yelled at me to wash them.

Ryan worked at the pet store with me, but in public we had to act friendzone-y in case a disapproving elderly couple walked by. It was dumb to be that sensitive to other people’s feelings, I know, but it was Ryan’s idea.

Ryan came out to his parents and they hardly minded at all. They were less rigid and conservative than mine. Plus, I think they expected it.

He said it was a really big weight off his shoulders to tell his parents about his sexuality. I assured him I would soon, but I had to wait till the right moment.

--

Senior year was strangely free. All the younger kids were scared of us; we were no longer at the bottom of the food chain.

During spirit week we painted our face with blue, the class color. We stomped around the cafeteria, hollering and scaring the hell out of the freshmen. It was great.

College applications were another story.

“Where are you going to go to college? You’ve applied for like, ten different places already. Any colleges in mind?” Mom was flipping pancakes.

“I was thinking about NYU. It has a really good history, and it’s in our budget.”

Mom stopped flipping and turned to face me. “As in, New York? But that’s so far away.”

That’s kinda the point.

--

3
1
0
Juice
9 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 22 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet
Chapter 22: Stress
Ms. Fared loved my paper. She said it brought her to tears, it was so powerful. I don’t get how words can move people to tears, but at the same time I do. My words remind me of my past, which makes me feel stale feelings again. Reminds me of who I was.
The second half of Junior year was basically just preparation for Senior year. I took driver’s ed again, and failed it again. I went to the doctor and was told I might never be able to drive, due to my late reaction times and my failure to see clearly 100% of the time. My vision had a tendency to blur, but I always just tolerated it because crappy vision is better than no vision at all.
Mom told me not to stress out about the not being able to drive thing. It’s amazing that I could even halfway function as a normal human being, so I should have been grateful for what I had.
Then there were the college applications.
I didn’t want to even think about colleges until senior year, but we were bombarded with letters starting January. A bunch of colleges were dying to have me.
James got no letters.
Summer was great. I was given the freedom to do a lot more things; I even got a job at the local PetSmart. All the dogs seemed to love me, for some reason. Probably because I used to be blind. Could they tell?
I’d come home and Derek would sneeze on the dog fur that clung onto my clothes, so my mom yelled at me to wash them.
Ryan worked at the pet store with me, but in public we had to act friendzone-y in case a disapproving elderly couple walked by. It was dumb to be that sensitive to other people’s feelings, I know, but it was Ryan’s idea.
Ryan came out to his parents and they hardly minded at all. They were less rigid and conservative than mine. Plus, I think they expected it.
He said it was a really big weight off his shoulders to tell his parents about his sexuality. I assured him I would soon, but I had to wait till the right moment.
--
Senior year was strangely free. All the younger kids were scared of us; we were no longer at the bottom of the food chain.
During spirit week we painted our face with blue, the class color. We stomped around the cafeteria, hollering and scaring the hell out of the freshmen. It was great.
College applications were another story.
“Where are you going to go to college? You’ve applied for like, ten different places already. Any colleges in mind?” Mom was flipping pancakes.
“I was thinking about NYU. It has a really good history, and it’s in our budget.”
Mom stopped flipping and turned to face me. “As in, New York? But that’s so far away.”
That’s kinda the point.
--


3
1
0
Juice
9 reads
Login to post comments.
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 21 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet

Chapter 21: Damage

Lamar got a girlfriend in November. Actually, she asked him out, because it was obvious that he liked her but he was too much of a coward.

Her name was Allie, and she was actually nicer than most girls I’d met. She was about a foot shorter than Lamar. They hung out all the time, and Lamar started spending a lot more time with her than he did with us.

--

Derek loved to hang out in my room even more than in his own room. I think it was just his personality; he liked being around people and couldn’t stand being by himself. After a while, I just stopped noticing he was there; his presence gave me comfort.

“How’s middle school going?” After an hour I spoke up.

“Same old, same old,” he said. “I forgot my locker combination though. How am I supposed to remember?”

“Well you gotta get something that helps you remember. Like… like, say pretend each number is a year or your date of birth or something. If that doesn’t work, make some type of song out of it.”

Derek laughed.

“No, I’m serious,” I said. “Listen to this.”

I pulled up a recording on my phone and cringed at my 9th grade voice.

“Twenty-five, thirty, twelve,” I had sung it again and again until I couldn’t possibly forget.

“See?” I looked at Derek. He was trying to hold in laughter.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna graduate high school next year,” he said. “It’s so sad to think about. Who will I talk to?”

“What year is this? What year was the telephone invented?”

He sighed. “Talking on the phone isn’t the same.”

“I’m trying to be an optimist,” I said. “I’m gonna miss you too, kid. But it’s not for another year and a half, okay? Cheer up.”

“You’re gonna go to a college far away.”

I sighed, because that was probably true.

--

“Why are you so good at everything?” James was frustrated. “It’s like it requires no effort. You’ve probably never gotten less than an A in anything.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “I suck at driver’s ed. I have to take it again this year, and you guys are already driving.”

“Well, that’s your sight thing, so it’s excusable,” he said. “You’re in Calculus and I’m only in Algebra 2!”

“You need help with homework or something?”

“Nah, I’m good I guess.” He sulked off.

“Don’t mind him,” Ryan said. “All his friends are dating and getting good grades and he’s stuck behind.”

We walked out of school together. “Hey, wanna go for a ride?” Ryan clicked his key to unlock his shiny blue Toyota. I tried not to be jealous.

“Sure. Where?”

“Anywhere.”

“Stop being so sappy,” I said, bumping up against him. He laughed.

--

The road was mostly clear for a Thursday afternoon in early January. We held hands as Ryan drove casually, taking his eyes off the road sometimes to stare into mine.

“Ryan, watch out!” I screamed a minute too late. He turned to look back at the road just as a big pick-up truck rounded a corner… straight into us. It was going too fast, we were going too slow.

Everything was going too slow.

Crash.

The car flipped and my leg bent into a weird angle. The windows exploded into glass, Ryan fell on top of me. He was unconscious; his head had bumped something and was bleeding. I was trapped between him and the door as his brand-new car lay on its side, bent and broken. My vision blurred.

Is this really happening?

I heard a car stop; someone screamed. Footsteps were coming closer and closer.

“Oh my God..”

“Call 911…”

“They’re both breathing…”

“Check the other vehicle…”

I felt myself fading away into somewhere deep and dark, and soon was unconscious too, Ryan’s still hand against mine.

--

It took me a minute to realize I was in a hospital, and another minute to realize why.

“Ryan…” my voice cracked. I was feeling delirious. “Where’s… Ryan…”

A nurse came in, and called something to another nurse. My head felt funny, like it was heavy and then light.

A male nurse was holding a cup of water and a slice of toast.

“You need to eat,” he said. I sat up, and saw that my right leg was in a cast. There was a bloody bandage around my head, but besides that, I was mostly fine.

“I won’t eat until… until you tell me… where Ryan is.”

“Sir, just please eat and drink. We’ll have you better in no time.”

I downed my entire glass of water and ate the toast in record time.

“There’s someone here to see you,” said the nurse. My heart lept, thinking it was Ryan.

Derek cautiously walked into the room, looking around, until he spotted me.

“David, oh, David, you’re alright!”

I hugged him limply, my hope fading and evaporating.

“What about Ryan,” I said.

“He’s…. Well he’s alive,” Derek said. “He broke a whole bunch of things.

That doesn’t sound good.

“What did he break?”

“His collarbone, and two of his ribs.”

I sighed a sigh of relief. I had been picturing Ryan in a coma, on death’s row…

“He’s going to be fine, then?”

“Of course he will,” said Derek, furrowing his dark eyebrows. “Did you think he wasn’t going to be?”

I laid back down, remembering the impact, the sickly way Ryan fell against me.

I’m okay. He’s okay. We’re okay.

--

Ryan looked incredibly funny wearing his collarbone brace. It was two weeks after the accident, and he was still wearing the cast around his neck and I still had the cast on my leg. His ribs were healing too, but he wasn’t allowed to do a whole lot of stuff.

“I never want to drive again,” he groaned. Lamar patted his back.

“We’re just glad you’re okay, man.”

I told Ryan my version of the crash, how I really thought he was going to die.

“So I fell on top of you?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, man, but that’s hilarious.” He laughed a bit, then cringed in pain. “Oops, better not do that. Broken ribs here.”

“Dude, it’s not funny,” I told him.

“It just sounds funny now,” he assured me. “It must have been Hell then.”

“Thinking about losing you? That was more than Hell.”

“I felt the same way. Since I blacked out the moment of the crash, I had no idea what happened to you,” said Ryan. He breathed in and out shakily. I put my arm around him and watched him break down. 

--

1
1
0
Juice
10 reads
Donate coins to LiberalPoet.
Juice
Cancel
Chapter 21 of The Visionary
Written by LiberalPoet
Chapter 21: Damage
Lamar got a girlfriend in November. Actually, she asked him out, because it was obvious that he liked her but he was too much of a coward.
Her name was Allie, and she was actually nicer than most girls I’d met. She was about a foot shorter than Lamar. They hung out all the time, and Lamar started spending a lot more time with her than he did with us.
--
Derek loved to hang out in my room even more than in his own room. I think it was just his personality; he liked being around people and couldn’t stand being by himself. After a while, I just stopped noticing he was there; his presence gave me comfort.
“How’s middle school going?” After an hour I spoke up.
“Same old, same old,” he said. “I forgot my locker combination though. How am I supposed to remember?”
“Well you gotta get something that helps you remember. Like… like, say pretend each number is a year or your date of birth or something. If that doesn’t work, make some type of song out of it.”
Derek laughed.
“No, I’m serious,” I said. “Listen to this.”
I pulled up a recording on my phone and cringed at my 9th grade voice.
“Twenty-five, thirty, twelve,” I had sung it again and again until I couldn’t possibly forget.
“See?” I looked at Derek. He was trying to hold in laughter.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna graduate high school next year,” he said. “It’s so sad to think about. Who will I talk to?”
“What year is this? What year was the telephone invented?”
He sighed. “Talking on the phone isn’t the same.”
“I’m trying to be an optimist,” I said. “I’m gonna miss you too, kid. But it’s not for another year and a half, okay? Cheer up.”
“You’re gonna go to a college far away.”
I sighed, because that was probably true.
--
“Why are you so good at everything?” James was frustrated. “It’s like it requires no effort. You’ve probably never gotten less than an A in anything.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “I suck at driver’s ed. I have to take it again this year, and you guys are already driving.”
“Well, that’s your sight thing, so it’s excusable,” he said. “You’re in Calculus and I’m only in Algebra 2!”
“You need help with homework or something?”
“Nah, I’m good I guess.” He sulked off.
“Don’t mind him,” Ryan said. “All his friends are dating and getting good grades and he’s stuck behind.”
We walked out of school together. “Hey, wanna go for a ride?” Ryan clicked his key to unlock his shiny blue Toyota. I tried not to be jealous.
“Sure. Where?”
“Anywhere.”
“Stop being so sappy,” I said, bumping up against him. He laughed.
--
The road was mostly clear for a Thursday afternoon in early January. We held hands as Ryan drove casually, taking his eyes off the road sometimes to stare into mine.
“Ryan, watch out!” I screamed a minute too late. He turned to look back at the road just as a big pick-up truck rounded a corner… straight into us. It was going too fast, we were going too slow.
Everything was going too slow.
Crash.
The car flipped and my leg bent into a weird angle. The windows exploded into glass, Ryan fell on top of me. He was unconscious; his head had bumped something and was bleeding. I was trapped between him and the door as his brand-new car lay on its side, bent and broken. My vision blurred.
Is this really happening?
I heard a car stop; someone screamed. Footsteps were coming closer and closer.
“Oh my God..”
“Call 911…”
“They’re both breathing…”
“Check the other vehicle…”
I felt myself fading away into somewhere deep and dark, and soon was unconscious too, Ryan’s still hand against mine.
--
It took me a minute to realize I was in a hospital, and another minute to realize why.
“Ryan…” my voice cracked. I was feeling delirious. “Where’s… Ryan…”
A nurse came in, and called something to another nurse. My head felt funny, like it was heavy and then light.
A male nurse was holding a cup of water and a slice of toast.
“You need to eat,” he said. I sat up, and saw that my right leg was in a cast. There was a bloody bandage around my head, but besides that, I was mostly fine.
“I won’t eat until… until you tell me… where Ryan is.”
“Sir, just please eat and drink. We’ll have you better in no time.”
I downed my entire glass of water and ate the toast in record time.
“There’s someone here to see you,” said the nurse. My heart lept, thinking it was Ryan.
Derek cautiously walked into the room, looking around, until he spotted me.
“David, oh, David, you’re alright!”
I hugged him limply, my hope fading and evaporating.
“What about Ryan,” I said.
“He’s…. Well he’s alive,” Derek said. “He broke a whole bunch of things.
That doesn’t sound good.
“What did he break?”
“His collarbone, and two of his ribs.”
I sighed a sigh of relief. I had been picturing Ryan in a coma, on death’s row…
“He’s going to be fine, then?”
“Of course he will,” said Derek, furrowing his dark eyebrows. “Did you think he wasn’t going to be?”
I laid back down, remembering the impact, the sickly way Ryan fell against me.
I’m okay. He’s okay. We’re okay.
--
Ryan looked incredibly funny wearing his collarbone brace. It was two weeks after the accident, and he was still wearing the cast around his neck and I still had the cast on my leg. His ribs were healing too, but he wasn’t allowed to do a whole lot of stuff.
“I never want to drive again,” he groaned. Lamar patted his back.
“We’re just glad you’re okay, man.”
I told Ryan my version of the crash, how I really thought he was going to die.
“So I fell on top of you?”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, man, but that’s hilarious.” He laughed a bit, then cringed in pain. “Oops, better not do that. Broken ribs here.”
“Dude, it’s not funny,” I told him.
“It just sounds funny now,” he assured me. “It must have been Hell then.”
“Thinking about losing you? That was more than Hell.”
“I felt the same way. Since I blacked out the moment of the crash, I had no idea what happened to you,” said Ryan. He breathed in and out shakily. I put my arm around him and watched him break down. 
--

1
1
0
Juice
10 reads
Login to post comments.
Books
The Visionary
Add to Library
Free