you can’t take the pain in my heart or in my soul , no matter how much you try. it’s simply impossible. the wound is way too deep to heal.
A dragonfly can remain in it’s nymph stage for up to four years before fully transforming into the beautiful winged creatures we admire. They flit around in the water like little faeries, growing and becoming day by day. Perhaps some of them watch with longing as their companions take flight while they are stuck wondering when they will soar among the clouds. They may even begin to believe that their time will never come. That they are destined to remain a nymph and nothing more. Some might not even believe in the final stage, thinking swimming in the cool waters is all they were ever meant to do.
We humans are similarly complex beings in that some of us will take the full length of time to grow spiritually while others may require much less. Don’t try to force growth, your wings need to mature in their own time, life is funny like that. Follow your path with confidence that your time to fly among the stars will come. Always remember that the stage of transformation can be very painful. You must give yourself the love and patience necessary to survive it.
Rejoice in your journey.
Each special detail etched onto the wings of your soul belongs to you and you alone...
It’s waiting for us.
We have to read
we can finally
enjoy our story.
in the longing
of the soul
in the dark,
We must do the work first.
We are not yet complete...
I sat and repeated the word over and over
And I couldn't picture anything
I couldn't form words
Absolutely nothing came to my mind
But an endless space of clouds, stars, lost souls and broken dreams
are there still beautiful things?
i used to dance to taylor swift
barefoot in the clover patch behind the baseball field
whispering green apple scented secrets
into gabriella’s hair
now i cry to taylor swift
curled up in the bottom of the shower
watching through blurry eyes
as the memories swirl down the drain
Self-love is a love I have failed to master.
They say no other love can come untill you have mastered this one.
I dissagree, I tend to love other people way more then I love me.
I know myself to well, I know all my secrets, I know all my flaws, and I know the truth behind each single action I have ever made.
Other peoples truths seem to be easier to swallow,
Other peoples truths seem to be easier to forgive,
Other peoples truths seem to be eaiser to fall in love with.
So I fall in love with other people,
to persuade them to fall in love with me,
I don’t have to.
do you watch and wait like i do?
at the edge,
where the world collides
with the cold sky~
is it never enough?
do you keep pouring
more and more
but come up empty?
it doesn't seem real,
but it hurts too much~
stings and scrapes and burns.
there's the urge to cry,
but no water or salt,
as halls are paced
and glass minds
I am too old to feel like this again.
The age old adages have come back to haunt me.
Knives are like words from my ex best friend’s throat.
And she lured me in, snakelike
until I couldn’t see
Did you see the lights flicker? Oh, but the stars shine
just for you.
It’s all an illusion, it’s a game. They feed me propaganda
and I spit it back for a grade
/in perfect unison/
I’m starting to agree I’m something punk rock
sorta vibe. I’m starting to hurt my ears just so I can’t hear what’s inside.
I’m starting to agree my anger is justified,
my breath of fresh air, electrified; all the wrong reasons, intensified;
and they think me petrified but the level I’m on made the pastors cry.
I can’t see the surface. If I scream will my voice still be amplified?
I spit it into rough syllables, scream it in decibels
/past a thousand/
write it in legible chalk on the ground and let people look and look past it
cause it might make someone uncomfortable.
I haven’t been this way in ages
been angry in enough to spit words and fill pages and
say everything I been holding back for fear of the rage might make someone afraid
and not like what I have to say
but screw it.
I’d rather have no friends and get all my words out then a party of friends
and an ache in my mouth from keeping shut and quitting.
I ask my friends why I’m special to them and they chime back in eulogy,
list my awards in chronology like I am now their trophy wife.
Rather, the real life
Trophy Mistress, Best Friend Resistance Part II (to you)
I’ve lived the way they make me say hello at parties.
It makes me uncomfortable.
Man, I’m singing now too, join me in my debut and we’ll put skulls on the cover and call it
“Your writing is beautiful.”
“If it is then I haven’t done my job.”
I don’t recognize the ghostwriter I had last year
who occupied time trying for flowery language people’d call correct and only remember for a day.
I can’t say it that way, I can only make sounds My voice is garbled and unsure of itself.
(but here’s verse one.)
And now my hair’s all messed up and I’m thinking of shaving it
and my parents say I’m a train wreck just waiting to happen
but at least this image tattoos itself into y’all’s brains and it makes into a double.
(I really need braces--imagine if they were affordable.)
I question everything, the people on the street are in my head again,
the sun is a knife and it cuts through my skin again
and let’s let people see things I’ve tramp stamped to my skeleton,.
I long to make them understand but once you’ve past the age it’s not something you’ll
taste again. I’m glad for their sake, then.
I’d hate to make anyone uncomfortable.
Besides, seventeen tastes too much like bile.
Self love, or is it more accurately selfish love? To love yourself is the best gift you can give, but in order to do it, you must learn to say no. Learn not to share if it's bad for you. Learn to ignore the pleas of those around you to take care of your own needs. Setting limits and boundries is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, but as a woman, I was taught to put others ahead of myself. I have spent a life time learning to put myself ahead of everyone else. I still can't do it reliably. My need for me time, is easily denied because I should find my worth in service to others, from my children to my community.
Not so fast. I've finally learned not to feel guilty when I say no I can't do it. I've learned that sleep, exercise and healthy eating are more important than racing to the rescue and solving the next crisis. The only crisis I need to pay attention to, is the next story begging me to write, and the next character waiting in the wings. I am at last, doing what I've always wanted, and I'm happy because I learned to say no to my family's picture of me.
And I'll pat myself on the back, because I'm worth it.
To love oneself takes work
to love oneself takes time
to love oneself takes understanding
these three tasks can challenge you to the core
if you can conquer them all
the self love you possess give you strength
this strength will ensure every challenge in life you are given
will be met with a unmovable force.