It is not the trees or the space between them that makes a forest a forest

for the forest is what lives beneath the earth

It’s roots like veins pumping magic

you’ll hear whispers of the ancient trees speaking in tongues long forgotten

feel the whipping wind about your ankles and the branch that scratches against your cheek

it is the feeling that you are home yet some how still in danger

and it is that fear when you find yourself in the woods alone and see me lurking between the trees

two eyes of autumn gold and grinning

for you are a trespasser both welcome and the enemy

If I belonged to the Greek Pantheon, I would be Goddess-of-All-Trades ... my followers would be called 'Jacks'. They would be wannabe MacGyvers, who don't wish to be adept at one thing, instead want to amass as many skill sets as they can!

They're the perfect amateurs at everything they do, and mind you they do many a thing!

If they're not learning guitar on their off days, then they're swashing paint on the wall, creating new epitomes of modern art.

They're usually busy saving the day, a bridesmaid dress needs a last minute stitch or the company photocopier is spewing pages out! They have got it all covered!

Hmmm....the symbol would be the flower Carnation which means 'Flower of Gods', in Renaissance art. Though I don't mind fruit Grape too, wines are divine!

I am the Dispatchia, the Goddess of the Cut-down and of sarcasm. Listen to the prayers of my worshippers:

“My boss insults me. It started when he saw that I have one more degree than him and now he calls me stupid in front of the whole office. I cry every night because I feel humiliated.”

“My boyfriend tells me no one will ever find me attractive and I should be grateful he pays attention to me. He cheats on me but tells me it’s my fault. I do not know how to leave.”

“A man called me ‘beautiful’ and I said ‘I know.’ Now he’s harassing me because I did not accept his compliment as gospel. I did not sleep with him because of his minimum effort and now he’s trying to make me feel guilty for it.”

“I’m a Marine. I just got promoted and every male Marie says its because I got in on my knees. I don’t know how to stop their lies.”

Invoking my name will give you the strength to cut these pariahs out of your life. In that moment, my spirit will join yours and with our combined strength and rage, we will cut down those who oppose you - with the joint power of words and humiliating them in front of their peers. I will make your enemies feel small and weak. They will listen to your words and whither. Your eyes will gleam with fire and indignation and they will cower.

My flower is a dandelion because it not a picky and whiney flower like a rose, who needs the right temperature, soil and food to grow. Dandelions can grow out of the concrete with nothing to feed them. They’ll just feed on your soul.

My animal is the raven. Parrots may talk but a raven understands. They can work out when the street lights change so they can fly down, leave their walnut and watch the cars run over it. When it’s broken and open, they will swoop down and eat it. The Tower of London is guarded by five ravens (the sixth is back-up) and the Tower guards believe that if the ravens ever fly away from the tower - England will fall.

Behold! Be humble and ready to learn at all times. Realize that you can be ignorant and do not know all things. If this is not followed, I will swoop down and knock you off from your pedestal and run you over like a walnut.

#liadvani

#goddessofsarcasm

I woke up to the familiar ding of my phone. Absentmindedly I reached to the nightstand and fumbled for it.

4:44…. Odd that was the time I was born. Rolling to my side, I threw my arm back over my soundly, sleeping husband, and drifted back into a deep slumber.

"Don't drive anywhere on the 28th of June. You will be in a terrible accident."

Encased in twisted metal and fragments of glass, my mind drifted back to the mysterious text. The hot, sticky blood began to seep from an unseen head wound. Slowly, I let myself succumb to the encroaching darkness as a spectral image of myself whispered, "I tried to warn you….."

I am Hurtemis the goddess of relief. People pray to me when they hurt, and I send them braces to hold themselves together. My worshippers are called the crippled as that is what they are when they reach out to me. My symbol is a knee brace with bright glowing lights as knee braces have kinda saved my life. I'm represnted by the zebra as that is the animal of rare conditions which are the people who need me the most. I became this Goddess to help others who are doomed to live a life full of constant pain, just like I had when I was but a mere mortal. My fellow zebras are the ones I help the most, sending braces and wraps and sometimes medication too. I wish I could get rid of all the pain in the world, but that is not my job, and my brother finds it fun to watch the people in agony. I will continue to fight against him and help those in pain even if it means I do so with a cane.

Look. I never wanted to hear from her. I mean me.

This old lady comes up to me at the bar and I thought she looked sweet until I realized she was scowling.

She thrust a letter into my hand and hobbles off. I’m still partly convinced she was just insane. The only weird thing is, the letter was.. personal. For instance, I never advertise my relationships on social media or tell many people. But the letter went:

“Hi.

Don’t let Steve read this. This is my 34th attempt so I’m getting a bit blasé about this whole letter writing thing. Time travel exists. I’m you. On to business, we don’t have much time.

Dump Steve. He’s a washed-up toxic rag ball and you know it.

Stop eating grilled cheeses from Raoul’s. This’ll be in the newspapers in a few years but he’s involved in a sex trafficking thing. Yes, that is why the food is so cheap.

Don’t tell anyone, things go very badly for you whenever you do.

I should also mention. Ever since the discovery of time travel, you’ve ended up dying in a cowfield. Which means *I* die. Honestly, it might be a glitch in the system.

Before you ask, I’ve tried everything. From no letters to a phonecall to dinner together. I’ve tried not telling you about Steve, but then Steve took you to the Alps. You guys ran into a bunch of cows with bells and an angry cheesemaker.

I’ve tried letting you tell Steve about the future but he freaks out and either breaks up with you, leading you to take long walks in dairy farm countryside, or convinces you into going on a relaxing retreat—where they make their own yoghurt by fields full of cows.

Once, you stripped and ran into a cow field screaming 'Freedom'.

The first time I told you about the cow field, you lasted about a year before you found some cows and ran around them screaming I’m not scared. Please, never do that again.

The only thing I can think to tell you is to avoid cow fields at all costs. Tell people you have a phobia of cows and then don’t let ANY fit guy or girl convince you to go on a mountain holiday. They won’t “take care” of you. It won’t “be fine”. You’re not “being silly”.

PLEASE please take this to heart. And dump Steve. Not because he’s dangerous. I’ve just got to know him thirty-four times and he’s even more annoying now than he was the twenty-seventh.

Good luck and take care. Our life depends on it.

alienor”

So now I don’t know what to do. I really like the sound of the relaxing retreat thing, though.

Well, if this isn't the strangest thing?

How. In. The. Hell.

This has to be a joke. The Post Office is messing with my head.

A letter from me, seven years from now.

Okay, I'll bite, I'll just open this up and read the joke played on me.

Ohmygod! This is my handwriting!

Here is what will happen to you, October 21, 2027.

Your death will be a simple one. You won't be murdered,

hit by a car or a bus ... nothing quite so tragic. You will

simply go for a walk around the lake, suddenly become

tired in the knees, find a lakeside bench, sit down, and lean

over, closing your eyes. There won't be any last few seconds

of seeing your life flash before your eyes, nothing melodramatic

will happen; you will simply fall into what everyone falls into ...

the last sleep you will ever need.

This is so strange, especially since there is a lake across from where

I live.

Seven years.

And to think? I can't even remember the amount of times I had

asked God to tell me how I would die, yet alone why am I still

alive.

Strangely enough, I find myself without worry or fear now. I have

seven years in which to make the most of them. I guess this is where

I make my bucket list.

I opened my eyes to the dripping from the leak in the ceiling. This shithole ruined any chance I had at sleep. I went to turn over and was met with the grey, soulless eyes of a woman. In one swift movement, I was out of my bed, crab walking towards the door. It slammed, and the woman arose. Her neck was craned awkwardly and a pool of blood was endlessly dripping from her wrists down her fingers, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

“I’m unrecognizable to you, huh?” she whispered.

“Wh-- who--”

“I had to get a nose job. Don’t worry, the surgeon is understanding and doesn’t ask too many questions.”

“Wh-- why are you here! Who are you! What do you want!”

“I’m you. You’re so young now... I forgot how young I was.”

″What are you talking about?"

"You just swiped right on Caleb, right?"

"H-- how do you--"

"I'm you. I died a few years ago. I was haunting this scientist who said he'd help me prevent my death. We found the trigger and as soon as it happens in any reality, I appear."

"Why?"

"Caleb was my husband. I married him at seventeen. I ran away to be with him and everything. We were inseparable. I helped raise his two small kids, and there were no signs of trouble until I got pregnant."

"I don't even know him yet. We just talked about--"

"Puppies," she interrupted. "It made me think he was sensitive. He didn't send a dick pic on the first night. We had the same political feelings. Similar work ethics. Determination. When Grandma dies in a few months, he becomes my shoulder to cry on. When Darren goes to jail, he helps me through it. We talk about our pasts, our futures, our goals, desires. He becomes my everything in eighteen months."

"I'm not going to fall."

"No one knows they fall until they hit the ground. You'll hit the ground when he gets in a car accident and you can't talk to him and are desperately trying to reach him and ensure he's okay. You'll coddle him through the death of his youngest son. You will fall for him, convince yourself that you are ready to be a wife and mother at seventeen, abandon your family over something petty, and end up screwed."

"But you clearly committed suicide," I said snidely.

"Already protecting a man you just met," she replied with a snide smirk. "This is how I know this is right. I did commit suicide after he beat me until my kids were dead in my body then took the only living child away from me. He left me broke and destitute, then married some crater-faced sixteen-year-old cheerleader and put on Facebook that my daughter calls her Mommy. I am twenty-two. My daughter has no idea I ever existed. I can't do anything. I lived on the street because I had nothing and even if I had enough to go back home, Mom would laugh at me becaude she told me he was a pedophile in the beginning and I stupidly defended him. This is your warning call. Go change your clothes, wipe the piss off your floor, and delete that stupid app. You're a kid. You shouldnt be doing dumb shit this young, and unless you would like to be dead ceaselessly yelling at yourself to get your shit together, you'll change."

I sat, stunned, in that spot until long after she was gone. The sun was peeling over the horizon when a buzz from my phone startled me from my spot near my door.

"Hello from Philly! :)" Caleb had written.

My atomach churned with disgust and I stared at the message for a long time.

"You there or did you just leave your app open?"

"Happens to me all the time."

"Hello???"

"Earth to Dahlia"

I opened my keyboard and started to type back for him to fuck off, then that I couldnt talk to him, then for him to leave me alone. Finally, I closed the keyboard and the app and uninstalled it. I tossed my phone back on my bed, wiped my eyes, and went to take a shower.