There's something in your smile that makes it all alright, 

There's a comfort in your laugh that helps me sleep at night,

Something in your voice that gets me through the day. 

A light in your eye that keeps the darkness at bay. 

You are, most certainly, the sunshine in my sky,

And I can't explain my love for you, so I'm not even going to try.

You are simply someone that I cannot live without,

You are what makes me happy; it's you without a doubt. 

Submitted April 7th, 2017

Not only does writing about topics, people, places that we can only imagine help our imagination to flourish, but it allows for us to learn and research about different people, places, and things. Writers want to make their stories relatable, to a point, and by looking into the lives of others is how we can do that.

However, you have to learn about these different nationalities first, even a little bit. At least make an effort to understand or study the mannerism or faith of Jewish people if your character is going to wear the Star of David. Take the time to understand how Muslim faith ties into Hindu culture to help readers understand why your character wears a hijab, or learn the proper names of art supplies that your artiste character is going to be using when she paints. It’s little details like that that matter and make the character more relatable.

January 17th

Dear Diary,

Another week has gone by now and today I read through his letters again.  I cannot seem to stop myself from looking at all his mementos either. My mind is swimming with all the times we shared and how much fun we had. I still cannot understand why I was not good enough. I keep playing back through to see what it was that I did wrong and I could have given him more faith in me and in us. 

In his most recent letter, he conveys to still care for me and wishes to remain, friends, as we had originally intended. As tempting as this offer is, I cannot seem to fight off the desire for something more. In addition to this hopeless love that I feel, I find myself seething with anger at the fact that not once yet has he said anything to the effect of "I love you" or "I still love you." When it seemed to be no problem for him to express it in secret before. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. 

As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to be with in this life. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. 

So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."

I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year.  I have elected to watch him live his life with a person I know is not right for him and I have chosen to keep my mouth shut about my feelings indefinitely no matter how much it eats away at me.  

The worst part is that not a single one of my desires has waned. Not one has become less intense, or less aggravating, in the past weeks regardless of any logic I have tried to force myself to acknowledge. I thought the dreams of him would cease if we ended things but I could not have been more wrong. The sensual ones are what haunt me the most and make me feel the most shameful. 

I have spent many hours reminising about all of the fantasies we used to play through, remembering all the ways his words would send a fire throughout my body. All the while slowly killing myself with each memory that I dredge up.

I recalled, more recently, a reverie of how we made love on a piano. One of my favorites. I remembered how he described every detail of how he would pleasure me and it only set off a chain reaction of digging up more memories of him.

I filled my head with reminisence of how he would sound when he said my name aloud and how he would practically beg for me at times. How I would watch him intently as he laid back, closed his eyes and enjoyed stroking himself to thoughts of me. All the while listening to and enjoying my moans of pleasure as I pleasured myself to thoughts of him and his love. I recollected about how each time I loved saying I love you and how I wished I could have touched him just to show him how much. 

No matter how much I try to focus otherwise, that "impossible dream" we had talked about trying to accomplish together creeps into the forefront of my mind and takes over. It stirs so many emotions and makes my body react in ways I wish that would stop, but at the same time in ways, I wish to continue for an eternity. 

In a sad and sick way, it seems to be driving me.  Which, in retrospect, can be viewed as a good thing. It's given me the hope and strength to push harder for that dream regardless of the outcome. A positive amidst all the pain, I suppose, but it has also brought out a recklessness that could only hurt me in the end and regardless of this ominous warning hanging over me, my heart still refuses to listen to my head. I keep coming up with ways to get the courage to go to him and tell him all the ways that we would be so right together. 

I keep thinking of the sick, little fantasy where I can convince him that I am the person that is best for him and he will believe me then we will live happily ever after. 

Alas, real life is much crueler than anyone ever tends to realize and the things we love most are always the first to go. 

I apologize for this depressing entry, my dear diary but I needed to get it all out. I can not have more things eating away at me than I already do. You understand, yes? Next time I will try to be more cheerful. I promise. 

Sincerely, 

Melinda Chevalier