Staring down at her shackled hands, the shame sets her cheeks ablaze. Is the air heavy with malice? Or is that simply her imagination. Always, she had soft landings, until now. Handcuffed to the table, left to wonder what comes next. Your mind retraces your steps at times like this. How, exactly, did I end-up here. Working backwards through the hours, days, weeks, months, years of her life. Was it just inevitable? Or a series of foolish decisions? Or an emptiness, a yearning, that brought her here.

She splayed her fingers across the wood grain. Is it just painted aluminum? Are there clues here, on this table, about what comes next? If there are, is she equipped to see them?

Her entire body tensed as the door creaked open. She squeezed her eyes closed. She heard laughter down a hallway. Was it menacing laughter? Her mind, in the moment...so muddled, so frenzied...she was afraid to open her eyes. She focused on the sounds, the creaking door, the soft latch as it closed. The click as it locked. Footsteps, breathing...hers? theirs?

The touch on her hand made her jump and her eyes flew open reflexively.

"Don't be afraid." he said with a smile.

I love them.

Abhor their misuse.

Yet, adore poetic license.

At times

I believed

Mastering words

Would result

In the mastery

Of my mind

Alas

My mind is still

90% mystery

Perhaps

That means

I have only 10%

Mastery of words

Seems a little low

But who am I to know?

Here I am

Folding my depression

Into a neat little packet

And tucking it away

For Monday morning

Don't forget to smile.

Thank you.

For being there for me

At my best

And worst

Times.

For allowing me

To emote

Even when

I feel

Less than

Human.

For holding me

For waking me

For surprising me

For nurturing me

For changing me

For loving me.

For providing me

A link

To my past

And future

Self

And

All humanity.

For teaching me

How to be heard

And

How to know

Who

Can hear me.

For connecting me

When

I need

It most

When

I need

To connect

With a ghost

When

I need

To be found

While I'm lost.

Thank you

For letting Mee

Lose myself.

Today

I will try

To see

The music

In everyone

Knowing

Is half the battle,

Right?

I knew

It was coming

My seasonal depression

I did nothing

This year

To protect myself

Against it

Half depressed

As I have been

Anyway

Now

I feel it

Weighing on me

Daring me

To give in

Go under

Disappear

Honestly

I don't know

How I

Will make it

This year

I should

DO SOMETHING

I know that...

But

Alas

I don't

Really

Feel

Like

It

From a writer's workshop last night. The syllabic form is 1, 2, 3, 4, 10

Why

Do I

Settle for

This madness when

I am worthy of so much more than this

It

May be

True that I

Hide behind my

Past mistakes and sabotage my future

But

I know

There are still

Some redeeming

Qualities that I pass into the world

And

The world

Allows me

To proceed with

Utmost caution, knowing I lack some strength

I

Lack the

Strength to care

At certain times

And cause little implosions in my world

I

Lack the

Strength to hold

Some core values

So that my light gets dimmed by my own hand

I

Lack the

Strength to stand

Against the man

Who snuffs out my life with joy in his eyes.

I was able to log back in to my account.

Now.

I just have to write something.

Then.

I can explore my ending.

Condone my death?

Where are you?

I've spewed forth

Horribly self-centered drivel

I've left words

To war

With ideas

In perpetuity

Can't you just

Relinquish

Control

And let that other person

Turn the volume down

So I won't be heard

So

I

Won't

Be

Heard

It hurts to be me

And people

Mistake my smile for happiness

Preclude

My pain

From my day to day

It hurts

to be without you

So much

It hurts

So much

I know there aren't words

To tell you

Because if there were

I would have found them

You know

How I love words

Baby do you know

How my love is the underlying melody

The quiet storm

That won't conform

You've met me

So you know

But

Do you know

How each step you take

Echoes in my heart

How the breath

Breaks and creates

The way we always did

The way

We always do

Did you know

I have died a thousand deaths

And still

I want to die again

To prove

The purity

Of my love