I needed space

To hear myself

The achings of my heart

The knowings of my mind

I was too busy

And it was too noisy

And I swirled

And twirled

In my dress of confusion

Thinking I was dancing

When I was only

Going in circles

And now I have had space

Coupled

With the time to navigate it

Space to listen

And write

Then right

What I hear

I admit

The space

Almost took me

I floundered

A whale out of water

(Surely

I am too big to be a fish)

But I followed

A ray of sunlight

Breaking through

My choking mind

(You)

And now

I can see a way

Out of the darkness

Of my inner space

Thank you.

From that darkest place inside

I look out

As

They peer in

Trying to see

Where to place the blame

They think it's all over

I've been shrinking

For so long

No one noticed

How little is left of me

I give in

To that dark place

Which has been calling me

As long

As I can remember

Some do say

You start dying

The day you are born

I wonder

If anyone will see this

When I am gone

And care

That it wasn't all over

Until this moment

I didn't think it was all over

Until this moment

But

It is now.

The sounds

Leaves make

Echo

The sounds

Of my heart

The zephyr

Passing through

New leaves

Bonded strongly

To their branch

That’s the sound

My heart made

When I met you

The startled silence

Between the drops

Of a sudden

Summer storm

Taking the trees

By surprise

That’s the sound

My heart made

When I fell for you

The crispy crunch

Of dried autumn leaves

Underfoot

Or raked into a pile

Taunting children

That’s the sound

My heart made

When you broke it

The soundless fall

Of the last leaf

Leaving the tree

Lazing its way

Through air

That otherwise

Seems still

That’s the sound

My heart makes

If I think of you now

I didn’t ask for a pointy nose and green skin

For all my beauty to be hidden within

My sweetest smile perceived as a snarl

Long pointy fingers with knuckles like gnarls

I didn’t make the kids beat me with brooms

Chase me down and lock me in rooms

So my happiest times I was hidden all day

Learning magic which could whisk me away

I didn’t dare dream I would finally succeed

Enchanting silver shoes with the magic I’d need

To move place to place in the blink of an eye

Imagine my elation when I finally did try

I knocked my heels together three times

Wished for a place with fresh air and sunshine

And I was transported to just such a place

Though the tiny inhabitants looked at me with disgrace

I hadn’t done anything but appear in their land

So I put on my best smile and outstretched my hand

Laughter bubbled up from my great joy

And I tried to engage a youngish looking boy

The next thing I know there is chaos and fear

So many little people running from there to here

I knocked my shoes again and wished for some order

And they settled right down like I was their warder

I was quite happy there as they did all my bidding

Whatever I asked, I’m not even kidding

But one day as I stood in the field enjoying the sun

A house dropped from the sky and then I was done

Perhaps the moral of my story should be

Don’t judge a book by its cover

But I’d rather go with

Remember to look up sometimes

Bumpy skin

So smooth

Thickened

To protect

The seeds

And strands within

We scoop

Without remorse

Tossing

Them like endtrails

Or saving them

To roast

We brandish

Our knives

Without malice

But with

Intent to cut

Our artistry

On display

Once the light

Shines

From the inside

All hail

The Jack ’O Lantern

Of my soul

The countryside

Teems with life

A bumper crop

Or a poor harvest

The community

Pulls together

The city

Seems to slow

The season change

Sweeps the streets

The community

Hides inside

While whispered wishes

Waft wistfully on the wind

The children

Think of candy

And holidays

Which bring family

And presents

The adults

Think of finances

And holidays

They mourn loss

And work hard

While whispered wishes

Waft wistfully on the wind

The indigenous

Fight for the right

To harvest

The lands

Of their ancestors

The settlers

Stake their claims

And harvest

Their new world

While whispered wishes

Waft wistfully on the wind

Autumn

Found me

In the shade

Of a palm tree

I asked

For more time

In tank tops

And flip flops

Autumn

Laughed boisterously

As a crescendo of colorful leaves

Danced circles around me

Then she darkened

Her gaze

Shortened

The days

And as we parted ways

Whispered

The time has come

To let go

Struggling

To fall asleep

I'm struggling

To keep

A positive mindstate

To replace hate

With optimism

And abolish

Judgment

In favor of joy

I knew

I was spiraling

Down

Down

D

o

w

n

Did I hit the bottom?

Am I ready now

To rise back to the top?

Or am I

Still

D

e

s

c

e

n

d

i

n

g

Freefall

Can be nice

Y'all

Unless

You hit bottom

With your face

In the 10,000 moments

Or more

That I've been

Moved

By you

The softness of your breath

As you slumber

The contentment

You find

In the minutae

Of life

The joy in your laughter

The sunshine in your eyes

My capacity to love

Has expanded

Exponentially

What I once thought

Had a limit

Boundary

Capacity

I have discovered

Is infinite

I thought

At moments

I can't love anyone

More than this

And then

Comes a new moment

And the edges of my heart

Expand again

I do my best

To teach you

Hoping life's lessons

Are not too painful

Yet poignant enough

To guide you well

And you continue

To trust me

To be your anchor

And your safety net

And it hurts

When I fall

Because I want so much

To be perfect

For you

But I have always been

So far from that

As a human

As a mother

But the expansiveness

Of my love

Has saved us all

And my ability

To learn

(Eventually)

From my missteps

(Mostly)

Loving you

Is the easiest thing

I have ever done

Thank you for that

(I needed it)

This morning

I woke up

In a flow state

Which is great

Except the flow

Is not gentle

It's fast

Almost violent

With the thoughts

Crashing into one another

Battering perfect phrases

Into fragments

Disparate

And unrecognizable

As coherent ideas

But there is beauty

In this chaos

The truth

Of my heart

Tumbling

In the tumult

And here I am

Running after it

Let's see

What I can catch