If my day

Begins and ends with you

What does that mean

For the life

In between

If one could see

Inside my heart

Inside my mind

And know the pain

And suffering

Without my having

To relive it

But still help

To relieve it

What would that mean

For my life

To come

If I could write

Myself sane

What does that mean

For the life

I left behind

I love

The curve of your instep

The extension

Of your slumbering limbs

The uneven breath

Its broken rhythm

At 3:38 am

So, I have been writing a week-long daily poem with @ledlevee for three weeks now. It's super fun though makes for a really long poem :) I write my verse in the morning, and he writes his at night. Each week we switch off who starts the poem, and that person can dictate (or not dictate) any rules to follow for the week. I started this one.

Languid morning

Until

Thoughts come storming

All

The meditation and yoga

Can’t

Protect the stillness

I try to focus

Thoughts

Like diamonds in a whirlpool

Emotions

Like lead weights dropping

Numbness

Comes with sleep’s dreams

I borrow the sun’s fire

Fueling

Today’s desire

Engine

Roaring to life

Racing

Against inevitability

I try to move past

Quicksand

Sinking as I try to grab a branch

Weight

Heavy with disease

Mood

Dark with pain and confusion

Meandering into the day

Clouded

Imperfections abound

Shrouded

In a sense of impending doom

Gathering

Momentum to shoot past

Or maybe it’s finally time to

Succumb

To the storm, allow for the

Death

To happen, that will bring

Resurrection

Rebirth as a new being

But do I want to be new or just

Renewed

Throw the past me away

Discarded

Or claim that baggage and go

Uncharted

Into the future with strength

I’ll try to be strong

Alive

But I’ve forgotten who I am

Lost

And I don’t like the

Ghost

That I’ve become

Ease into the morning

Whisper

To the ghost of yesterday

Fortune

Spins on a wheel

Toward

The untold future

End of day

Exhaustion

But mind is finally in

Balance

What I need tonight is

Peace

And maybe a little rest

My house has been too

Quiet

Instead of enjoying the

Peace

I run from the quiet

Music

Fills the weekend

Music is my other

Love

After poetry and writing

Art

The heart thumping beats

Fire

And the flowing sounds of sweetness

This morning’s soundtrack

Raindrops

Washing away the tears of

Yesterday

Cultivating feelings of

Gratitude

Reminders of a rainy day

I try to find gratitude

Troubles

Permeate my plate as the rain falls

Strength

Is what I need, but thanks for being there,

Gratitude

Is what I have for you on this rainy night

As I poke around my mind

And find

The impenetrable

That place

I won’t allow myself to see

To remember

I feel

The vortex of fear

That separates

It from me

And me

From everyone else

Breathing

Flying

Sighing

Dying

The moments I cease to breathe

Cause little tiny deaths

Of microscopic parts of me

When I realize

That once

You were my reason for breathing

But then

You stopped allowing me to

Until

I not only forgot how

But I forgot

That I need air to live

One day

I looked at you

And saw my past

And I took a deep breath

And admitted it to you

You stated,

"Okay"

And that was that

All this time

I struggled to breathe

To fit into your world

And all along

My presence in it

Was not even important enough

To warrant a two word response

Upon exit.

I am always

Learning lessons

The hardest way

Why is that?

In gratitude I find the answer to the ailments of my heart, mind and soul. I am thankful for the way gratitude can lift me from a self-imposed prison and plant seeds of freedom in my heart. I am thankful for the way that remembering to be grateful helps me find love and humor in moments of fear and stress. I am thankful for the way expressing gratitude can shift another person's entire demeanor. Drawing a smile out of a frowning, serious or stressed out face with a thank you or acknowledgment of shared humanity is so powerful, is it not? I am thankful for those moments when it was my frowning, serious or stressed out face from which a smile was teased through that simple act being on the receiving end of a thank you.

I am so thankful for the kindness of strangers. The world (tv news - at least in America) sometimes can make you think there is danger lurking in every corner and there's nothing to be trusted out in the general public. But my experience tells me good, kind people are everywhere. And it inspires me to be kind and good in return, and look out for the well being of others. I am grateful I can see past and through the pain and sadness which perpetuates the tragic happenings and be open to and embrace the world in which I live.

I am so grateful for the written word and my natural ability to use it to connect in ways with which I otherwise struggle. Without exaggeration, writing has saved my life. I don't know how I would have dislodged the achings of my heart were it not for my ability to write on them and clear the path for healing. I don't know how I would have discovered that I am not alone if not for reading the written words of others. I don't know how I would have discovered who I am if not for writing and reading. I am so grateful for everything I have read which has pulled me to a new level of understanding of myself or the world around me. I am so grateful for everyone who writes. I am so grateful for everyone who reads.

There are, indeed, an infinite number of things about which to be grateful. Air. Electricity. Humans. Animals. Planets. Stars. Education. Logic. The list is truly unending. The crazy part, is that it is so easy to misplace gratitude. Even with all of the things which go noticed and unnoticed which make my life better, sometimes I forget and feel so lost and hopeless and helpless.

So I just thought I would make a challenge to help me remember to pay attention, because even when things seem insurmountably hard, gratitude can be a light in the dark. Even when I am struggling to find things about which to be grateful in my life (or especially?) I find I can reach out to one person or even one object and say thank you. And it starts to lift me or at least keep me from sinking more.

I am thankful to the barking dog, warning of danger.

I am thankful to the smiling stranger, adding that little bit of brightness to the world.

I am thankful to the darkness, for helping me feel safe all those years.

I am thankful to the light, for helping me see.

I am thankful to the laughter of children, for reminding me I was once young. And that I should definitely laugh more.

I am thankful to music. You know what you have done for me.

I am thankful, of course, to my family and my friends. To all my loved ones, and to all who seek love.

I am thankful to the rain, sun, seasons, nature in general.

I am thankful to plate techtonics.

Clearly, I could go on and on. Thankfully, I don't have the time for that. Thank you, for taking the time to read this, for liking to read in general, and for reading what I write in particular. I am grateful my heart has this outlet, writing, and my writing has this forum, The Prose.

When there is a moment

Such as this

When I feel

And see

Gratitude in every movement

Every moment

I know

It’s up to me

To pay if forward

For long

Were the days

Of damp, dark depression

Of suffocating sadness

And debilitating fear

So whisper to me

Your wishes

And I will hear them

And know

If I can bring

Their fruition near

It’s not an exaggeration

To say

I owe my life to you

In every moment

The bottom

Dropped out of my life

And I free fell

Through space

And time

You

Were that spark

That one word

That one phrase

That hand up

From my darkest days

It was prestidigitation

In so many ways

You are magic

You are fire

You are all things

That I desire

The love

In the world

The answer

To hate

The blank space

We all need

To draw

Our own future

The one

We hide

Behind our eyes

And can only be seen

If one’s senses

Are keen

An extra perception

A spotless reception

I

Have a void

I seek to fill

But I know

The answer

Is not in this pill

This bottle

Or this needle

And that’s only

Because

I know you

I know you

So deeply

You infiltrated

My heart

In such a way

My day

Cannot even start

Until I acknowledge

You

Are my purpose

My reason for being

My light

In the darkness

My one

True

Love

You

Are inspiration

And

There’s nothing

Above

The humanity

In each of us

The cries of an infant

Silenced

By the knowledge

That crying does nothing

But tire oneself

A tiny heart broken

Before it has beaten

That beautiful song

Of love

Even once

Becoming a child

Who doesn't think

Or act

Like others

Their chest cavity

Devoid

Of humanity's

Tender touch

I try to remember

Hurt people

Hurt people

And what grows

In the absence of love

Is what I allow

By not

Loving enough

By not

Sharing enough

Of my blessings

By not

Looking into the eyes

Of the haunted

And seeing

My reflection

Looking away

Keeping silent

Closing my hand

Walling up my heart

That's how I allow

Hatred

To exist in the world

So I try to remember

The humanity

In each of us

I look

Even when it hurts

I listen

Even when the tears come

I reach out

Even when I want to run

Because I

Could have so easily

Been them.