She's been watching me for a long time now. I could hear her breathing but I ignored it. These hallucinations were getting worse. My friends told me they aren't hallucinations, 'hallucinations cant hurt you.' they said. Apparently, they were wrong. I've been sitting here at this desk for what feels like ages. Why did they have to open that box? Why does she hate us? Why am I the last to survive her wrath? Why won't she kill me? I tried to move at first, tried to escape. but she just brought me back. Every time she brought me back to hearing my best friend's spine snapping, seeing my brother's innards spilling on the ornate rug. watching the life drain slowly from my mother's eyes. I shuddered at the memory, causing her to move closer. I couldn't escape her, I couldn't escape this hell. She was always there watching me, listening, moving closer every time I dared to shift. Ready to take me back to that gory sight. I want to leave, she won't let me go, She won't set me free, help me! please...

please.

Sometimes late at night

I watch the clouds,

The clouds that reside in my state of mind

I listen to the rain and wind,

I soak up the words both beautiful and brash.

Sometimes I hate the night,

The way the dark swallows me,

The silence of it all.

I hate how it leaves me defenseless,

Left to my own mercy.

Sometimes I hate the storm that rages inside of me,

Sometimes I wish I could be different

A starry sky with a cool breeze.

Not a constant hurricane of screaming winds and raging torrents of water.

Sometimes I wish I could just see the stars

In all their splendor and glory

Watch them flicker and dance like dying fireflies in the pitch-black depths.

Hear them sing softly the sweet song of ignorance and peace.

Sometimes I wish I could just breathe.

I wish I could be happy.

I wish I could stop worrying

And hear the silence.

I fell in love with the trees, the plethora of greens, browns, and reds.

I fell in love with the sky and how it glows, how it cast shade upon every surface when the rain falls down, Silent as pain.

I fell in love with the stars and how they glimmer so far above, how they fall to earth to burn among the imperfect.

I fell in love with the waters and its silent dangers, both beautiful and unpredictable.

I fell in love with the world around me, as ugly and vengeful as it may be.

I fell in love with the innocents, with the purity of nature.

I love, loved, her laugh, her dark eyes, and alluring smile. I wished so many times she were mine but, alls it wasn’t meant to be. I watched her with him, wishing, praying, she would notice me. I watched from afar, how she played him, calling his name, pulling him in only to push him away.

When the eyes of jade turned to that of a vixen’s.

I watched.

When the words so sweet and kind turned to venom..

I listened.

And when the smile I adored turned to ice.

I ran.

I ran from her, the girl I love. Away from my naive, foolish, deceptive emotion, they call love.

I ran from her, the girl I now loathe.

I wish I was enough.

I wish I was enough for you, but it seems that no matter what I do... it's never enough. I will always be wrong. Always be 'broken'.

But im sick of fighting for your approvel that will never come. I wish I could be enough but, I can't. I'm sick of trying, tired of beating myself down for someone like you.

I am enough for me. I'm starting to realize that. I'm not perfect but I'm enough.

I just wish you'd see that.

People always tell you 'everything will be okay' or 'Calm down it's not that big a deal' But what do you do when everything isn't okay What do you do when it is a big deal?

Grow up they'll say because we all know that when you grow up

emotions are void.

Children look at us with stars in their eyes, utterly oblivious to what we don't tell them and what we don't want them to know because when you're a child the only thing that matters is your small world.

I wish I could go back to when what I weighed or wore didn't matter to me. When fairies and mermaids were real When I could find a picture, song, or story in anything.

When none of it really mattered.

I will Never walk like them

I will never talk like them

Never act like them, think like them.

I'm not them. They arent me.

I have to be me.

I never want to be anyone but me, because I am the one and only me

when will this coronta end?

when will the shelves be stocked?

when will people calm down?

When will things go back to normal?

When?

hope alll of you like this! Thanks to all my new followers!!!! you guys are awesome!^w^ sorry i havent been able to post a bunch...this will probaly be most i can post for now

Why act okay? Why not scream and fight and yell?

That's not ladylike they say.

Well, I'm tired of not reacting, But now The underreactions are turning to overreactions.

And I can't hold back the tsunami of emotions that flood me....Anger, sadness, joy, aggravation, jealousy. They all cause me to Scream..

Scream until I fall down into that silence...

Scream until I stop overreacting.