My first time
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was a gawky schoolboy of seventeen. I had just been dismissed from Ms Thackeray's class. I will never forget her parting words, “This is the fourth grade! Even you should have gotten this stuff by now!”
She had a drinking problem, oddly they tell me that she quit drinking once I quit school. But I digress, I had just been dismissed from class and the police were reading me my rights. I of course was standing on my rights by calling them pigs, and demanding that they return my my rag of ether.
They new that I was a relentless, true, American. So they said “He’s hopeless” and tossed me out of the car. Once I stopped rolling, I rested in the rather nice alley that I had landed in. Gathering my rag, I took a deep breath from my best friend and noticed the leprechaun. He ran to protect his gold and I gave chase. He tried to distract me and turn me from him with his lies of “I’m just short, you stoned bastard!” but I did not believe him. Leprechauns are well known liars. Alas, the tricksy elf got away. Using his magic to distract me with a squirrel.
After I escaped the glare of the evil tree rat, I walked down the sidewalk happy to be alive and to still have my ether. A car pulled up and rolled down it’s window. Inside a demon spoke, “Dude, are you ok? I’ve never seen anyone run from a chihuahua before. Dude, you are tripping balls, huh?”
Running from the demon who wanted me to trip on my balls I go into a clothing store. There I see the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Even more lovely than half price Bertha Who bills herself as “twice the woman at half the price”. What? Oh yeah the woman was tall and blonde, her clothes perfectly fitted to her. I saw her and we stared into each other's eyes. I took her and out the door ignoring the shop owner screams of bringing her back. He must have been her boyfriend.
but I took her home and made sweet love all night. It was my first time, and it was beautiful. It must have been too much for her, because she left in the night. leaving behind all of her clothes and oddly, a mannequin to put them on.