Ungainfully employed

Far from joy

Told to cool my jets cause it could be worse

Than being this puppet used in America’s employment like a toy

Constantly annoyed

While others try to avoid

Slip into a state of carelessness

Is no one else paranoid?

No amount of words I spit can truly have any weight

An overgrown ego let’s in no reason as it continues to inflate

Troublemakers make sure to talk, Money gets to walk

No one’s really anonymous when information shares the same fate: Leaked.

The problem isn’t simple, no matter the solution presented:

Work till you’re too dead to enjoy life, full of resent

Cut the throats of others young so that all you experience is decadence

Until someone decides to take it from you, living with a fear intense.

I can put pen to paper but it ain’t gonna change the fate you meet

Maybe help you figure out a new way to bow to your maker and take a seat

But it isn’t enough to change your life, so I turn the other cheek

If the world is gonna blow up, I wanna make sure the self-destruct gets its havoc to wreak.

My sentiments plateau, we all know where they’re gonna go :

In one ear out the other then you hit the doo’(door)

I can speak volumes and tomes for the mazes that you roam

But to me it’s just another opportunity blown.

See the truth is, that the world doesn’t learn like this

It has to be sick, violent, twisted no repentance

Religion and faith are supposed to make the ultimate saves

Yeah man, tell me that when you’re trying to take in the view from your grave.

Pretend you don’t understand my frustration

Like it’s just another figment of my overblown imagination

Then remember you’re part of the problem and breeding indignation

Keep toilin’ the fields to harvest for someone else’s plantation.

The fall-off is when you learn that you live only to end

That money gets you by, but never pays dividends.

Makes you give everything til your body breaks and your mind bends

Gives you enough cause to show up, but rarely gives you one true to defend

Maybe I’m in the wrong, It’s a piece of the puzzle I never understood

Hard to understand it when it can’t be associated with any element of good.

Don’t build your life or your family around it, because when it’s there it’s Zion

And when it ain’t, all the vultures take flight, and the Garden of Eden gets to dyin’.

Trapped and confined but you scoff that it could be so, for you. Everyone in their abstract and obtuse musings on how the world works. A laugh released from the shallows of your imprisoned lungs on the basis of the thought from a mind held captive by bone, in a body that has lassoed to it : a soul. Does this intimidate you or perhaps shock the ego you live on through the days ? Because this is only an unfortunate beginning, the beauty is how you break these down.

The reality is that you'll live and die, the idealistic thing here is that you'll make some impact, legacy, inspiration to the masses, or a change no one knew to make. To explain: reality isn't cruel, cold, harsh, favorable, disgusting, or any other adjective that your mind can construct for your tongue to dispense. No, reality is just ; reality isn't rooting for any of you, it is one of the components of time. Now the idealistic attachment to life is any and all adjectives as the direction the life can go is infinite by many regards.

Can reality be idealistic? Surely, in the ways that many devote their being to certain faiths, in the way that individuals dedicate their lives to causes, and in the way that some will sacrifice their quality of life to increase the quality of those around them. Does this make religion the only means of creating an ideal reality? Absolutely not.

Many individuals make humongous impacts in the realm in which they work and allow the overflow of their bounties aid the upbringing of others, without tagging a particular religion to it. You see, religion can help you define what your love is or what it should be dedicated to, unfortunately it also aids in defining what your love shouldn't be or geared to. That's not ideal. It's not ideal to say hating anyone for anything, especially when the idea behind it is : the views of other men should tell you how you are and should be.

The reality is : you will assign yourself to many realities that are defining, beautiful , and ultimately rewarding. The reality is : you will assign yourself to many other realities that are disappointing, disgusting, and will make you feel rock-bottom. Is either ideal? Fortunately as the devil's advocate (I don't know Lucifer personally, but we all know this is a phrase) you can find purpose in both of those paths. It's ideal to be what you want to be, but it's also ideal to not completely starve from failing when you can succeed in another facet.

Religion might make your life more redeeming, it might give you a huge sense of purpose, and it might give you guidelines for continuing a life of the good and safe. I would propose that perhaps finding spirituality is more redeeming. Your heart singing is irreplaceable and a body of politics formed around other's interaction with the spirit of holiness is definitely not going to just instantly make that happen. Religion has it's purpose, but an ideal life is absolutely not dependent on it.

Your shell lives during this state taking the damage and putting in the work, but your soul embraces both this and the flip-side of eternity. Find that which gives you cause, even if sometimes it means you hold your halo up with horns.

I have on my hand a scar indefinite. It became resident upon completion of a surgery to reduce the pain that was constant in my knuckle. I was returned the pain that I had wished on many so many years prior. I don't doubt the power it can unleash, as I've seen it war on world for so long. Yet, it was because of it's power, that it suffered the pain it had. It was full circle.

I have a dimple on my right cheek. It adorned me when I decided I would love and clutch my dog tightly. The amount of love I put out was more than he wanted and it was returned with the pain he felt it would take to cause me to refrain. I knew because of this, it is never ideal to overextend oneself, if you don't know how the other entity feels and that's a little easier with dogs than humans, yet my love-mark might be discouraging to that.

I have in the middle of my forehead, a small wave that you might need to be intimately close to me to even notice. It was bestowed upon me , majorly because I chose to believe that living among population was fine. Yet it would be known, that ignorance to microorganisms and the unseen can still affect you. A ringworm was not my friend in my youth, yet I wasn't the only one granted this blessing. Even if I believe in man, it's what I don't know about them that will ultimately come haunting.

The invisible wounds I bear are probably far greater. They are the ones beneath the cutaneous layer. They are the one's that are associated with the mind and the emotions. I learned that my unceasing need to laugh or to have laughter causes the greater idea that I don't invest serious thought, I do, but I'll laugh first then let you know exactly how something should be dealt with. I won't dive too far into this, because in all honesty, it's morose and unnecessary.

I guess what I'm saying is : No matter what I've done to this point, I have always been met with greater than or equal to returning opposing force. I have great drive and live in great depression. I have large dreams and live in constant fear. I feel very free but I know that the freedoms I once thought I had are not real. You can combat some of the physical ailments with drastic procedures but my experience is that it might be an internal sacrifice for it. Although you will wish to build yourself a mountain, the world will work on making it balanced upon a jenga piece soon to be pulled.

I enjoy thinking on this even if I feel my writing for it came out much weaker. I will have lived so much that my death will be but a minimal facet to all that I was. This took a steeper turn than expected. Hrm.

I...I..I ..I

Don't know if its my

Mi..mi..mi...mind

I've fallen into this lie

The constant push pull

All the while

Makes me a drab dull

When words lose style

And I...I...I..I

Regret to think my

Shi...shi...shi...shine

Had gone when you stepped in, why?

Because the intricacies I give in intimacies are lost on our lips and the exposure of our bodies

But

The capacity to understand limitlessly shudders itself on rules of society

Even those which I don't choose

Adorn my mind and confuse

The rest of the operation of the machine

Like what's the fucking hold up we're both here, na mean?

And I..I..I...I

Claustrophobe in my deliberations

Cli...cli...cli...climb

Out of all of the layers of suffocation

Only to find myself in the same composed delivery

Wondering what will become of you and me

Not with every breath. But in most measures constantly.

The stars flicker and fade

Quicker than the substance we've made

The depth of of your concept so much graver in substance than that which my eyes can make.

Mmmm

Ahhhh

The form is justified in a simpler sense by physical features. I'm sure you've gotten the gist of how adjectives work, and you've heard the multitude of them, but schematically the lines are drawn, as if on a chalkboards darkest background : small but round head, to a slender connection to shoulders that jut but a bit, and further downward, somewhat awkward, to the fingertips, and back up to the crease their arm creates with chest and back down, effortless, down almost in straight lines to where toes give balance to the feet they walk upon.

That's not a paragraph? I'm aware, but that's a huge blank descriptor, let me continue. She starts as if drawn up by some divine creator to exemplify qualities I can't explain. Physically, the body is given a far more appealing and delightful drawing of curvature. Why with men they believe it should be rigid, as if to indicate that the muscles are disciplined to know invincibility, or godhood, but it's truly she that knows immunity with the soft flow, like a waterfall, of creation down her being.

Does this mean she's over-encumbered with the weight of the equipment of her body? I don't know. I imagine in some of these portraits there is some give and take. You'll have to forgive the simplicity of the mind I have, I've been male long before I knew words. Yet, there's so many, and they come addressed so diversely, that's a clear indicator that if there's a god, it cares: I don't funnel my like,love,lust, and la de freaking da into one category. However, my experience with their misery of their gift is present mentally, and not directly associated with a physical struggle, yet.

So I'm sure you are a little irritated at my sometimes arrogant ability to dodge a question , and almost feed bits and pieces of the answer..Me too. It makes me anxious on the second because I can find things I can dig into instantaneously, but also things that cause me to refrain almost the same way, if implosively. I can't explain it nor is it the fault of the other. I just rarely smash the stopping apparatus of my mind and because of that, I've lived so many scenarios I'll never see, and prepared for even fewer. I'm sure my penis is thrilled about it.

So how do I describe her? I've seen pieces here and there, and I've definitely flirted with the idea of those coming together in one. She is but light to the darkness that saturates the waves that compose my mind. She is but glory to the disgust I find in the activities I find relief in readily. However...I feel when I explore this, it's not that she doesn't exist, it's that, there's so much more to her than I can really use as an explanation. Where as I am expected to have some form of rigidity and structure the anticipation for flow and freedom touches me many-fold. I am Yin, because there's no appropriate delay or introduction to jaw-drop: she is Yang.

Absolute Infinity.

No negative space.

You may be, do, see, experience, anything

Without a restriction in a variable, such as time.

Doth the human possess capability to reason and logic?

In as much it should stand, that experience can be synthesized.

Stories, told by mouth, by word written, by video recording, created new entirely, or based on serious consideration of things that may have happened or at least theorized. The rationalization that this life is the only one, is so damning. Mainly in part because of the manifestation of emotions that crop up unexpectedly as the dandelions through cracks in the pavement. The well runs deep, leagues further than the comprehension of a mere "school of thought" could hope to engage and exploit properly.

They say mathematics is a favorite for those that wish to find certain provable and disprovable answers and yet they introduce imaginary numbers, allowing so much more than the predecessors could have explained in it's entirety. A rewarding system exists within us for even minimal gains, but how? Much of it thanks to evolution in the recurrence in our genetic creators.

To what end can I reason these things out? Science, religion, math, social studies? Sure. Then so much more. You dream and your mind finds colors and meanings, yet science says there is no color and we add it later, my mind has yet to believe I had partaken in the dream then colored it in later. Social studies will make relevant that the history repeats itself and so far that is a pretty crippling blow to the growth of humanity and to the beautiful minds of those seeking to propose perpetual peace between all. But, the peace seekers rise and fall and continue to resonate on so many levels. Religion will explain the reason you are here beyond that which is concrete fact, that your participation here grants you passage to something greater or lesser based on the idea of choice you move yourself through. It takes more than an education in books, more than a tested in life approach, to truly grant glimpse into absolute infinity. It takes understanding what is going on and what isn't but that they can become opposite at a time both predicted and left to dust. It takes an understanding that hierarchy claims a great amount of us, in the moments of rest we can rise beyond, and in the moments we should rise we truly must draw on rest. Absolute infinity doesn't necessarily meant that there are only cyclic behaviors in one direction as they recede but that it's entirely possible for another path to emerge by eyes or experience unknown.

Cellular activity, interstellar movements, conversation : things we can't see, can't partake in, or that which we can gear us to things that are even further unpredictable. Although it is absolute, it is also unsure. What if the curtain drops on the play, mid-act? Would one be the wiser that it could occur than the actors/actresses on display? It's this kind of thinking that reminds me that I'm no better or worse for the breaths I take and the ones I forget. We are stretched so far in our conscious self and yet even further in the veil that exists in the subconscious layer. No matter how far we press to understand, we will always be so much further from truly grasping it. In your Absolute Infinity, may you find causation even if it changes, may you find strength, even it must be in areas you were once weak, may you remember humility isn't humiliation but acceptance that you are not everything but that everything awaits you.

You, inherently are not shy, biding the moments until you shine light

A course or curse for direction for those that are bound to wondering night

The glowing spark of your being to remind us that stars aren't just beyond reach

To fly and be noticed in tiny increments , lessons of he could you teach

A span of life far opposite of the statement made last

A breath and a season and into the "Thereafter" you've passed

No tears left for better or worse

Only a next generation that must self nurse

You never cease to be a beacon of guiding light

Luring us where we dare not take flight

Sometimes to darker venues far from right

Sometimes to better by all, sometimes.

In a jar you'll find yourself made acquainted by human hands

To understand that which we can't be , what it is to be unplanned

To ponder the cause of your tiny existence, what is it?

In some form of metronome you'll light and cease, unknown effervescence.

I'll pause just to say, "Could you light my way?"

lead me to that which I knew not I wanted to claim

A blanket of soft grass beneath my humanic frame

A spectacle of contained combustion I'll let entertain

The freedom of mind can be such a crippling thing

Above two feet and below any wings

neither haloed or horned for anything more than dreams

interpretation boasts, disproves, adjusts, and claims

You, my little firefly though, a necessary reminding glow

Though you may land upon the spread of my outreached hand

You will not be captured for study, as I do when you're freed to go

You'll introduce yourself, beaming, letting all know your name

And I'll come busting through, elegantly, discussing your shame

You'll present ideas that are bold and ingenius

and then my lips will separate and replace yours : seemless

I'll not kill you outright, but hurt you beyond repair

If pain is in your body, I'll be the image you'll have in your cross-hairs

You won't even be able to take breath without wondering

What would he think?

Ideas of your bright-burning self image will soon be replaced

By how I supersede them, you'll turn to loathing and hate

You'll experience a life unimaginable

Yet consider thanking me because I left it habitable

Isn't this what you need?

A means to be yourself without letting your ego breathe?

A constant shadow in the corner, beckoning wisdom,in showing my teeth

You've got a future ahead of you, so long as you don't get fleeced

The thought of me will both encourage and sicken

Empower and imprison

You'll have length but still chains

Your word plus my will equals great weight.

You cannot escape me no, even if your mind was to decay

I'll keep coming back to haunt you, if but only in rested states

You'll think I'm an entity but it'll be your gravest mistake

We're one and the same

darling dearest I'll scream loud and whisper subtle

I'll leave you at unease all of your being rustled

What do you say to this dance?

You have no choice as I grab your hands

I can't be a parasite if our relationship is mutual

If asked to leave I'll extend refusal

If you bleed I bleed

The space in your mind, you'll find I hide : Grief.

Isn't that the lyric to a song that can really make you feel life and get it? Mmmmaybe not, but it's definitely something you're going to deal with here and there, sometimes more struggle than others, and then, not a'tall.

When I was nearing five or six, my care center took a trip to a nearby park. It was early, cloudy, and the perfect setting for anger. I remember having a less than favorable exchange of words with an older kid who took it to heart, looped a soccer ball and firmly thrust it into my stomach. I awoke a few minutes later with a massive headache I've never known before. I screamed out! I hadn't breathed, for all I knew I was dead in that time.

I'm nearing ten years in age and my school takes a trip to a classmate's house as they've evidently got all the activity you could wish for! A trampoline for the defiance of gravity, a huge jungle gym to climb and slide, and a zip-line for the ninja in us! All were enjoyed and the zip-line was ready to have it's turn, with the grip in hand I jump out to begin my zip...and the grip broke. As if Icarus knew gravity harsher than I. I embraced Earth with Atlas' back but it truly knew how much larger than I it was. My breath escaped...I became hysterical feeling similar to the park, believing I'd become unconscious due to the difficulty of breathing. I was not removed from the state of awareness.

In a time yet to be determined I will one day find myself without breath. I won't choose it. I won't know it is coming. The will I have indeed shall be removed and relegated to would. My eyes paled , lips chapped, and body emptied of it's hydration. Yet the demise will come in the loss of my breath, one final time, and because of it the cessation of my functions finalized. Lease is up and this unit is marked for condemnation.