You were like the seas:

You would lure me in and then recede,

Always leaving me in want, in need,

Of another wave.

You were like the skies:

You would choke me with all his lies,

Until they blinded my life,

Suspended forever in the night.

You were like the flames:

You would tempt me till my heart betrayed,

And I would leap in, my mind at bay,

Smiling, through the agony.

But You was a part of me:

We were born to die in want, in need,

Craving the pain of misery,

’Till death do us part.

“I didn’t do it, I swear, I didn’t do it!”

Detective Langdon slowly looks up from his sheet, staring at me for a moment before jotting down a few more words. What he could have scrutinized from that single line, I have no idea. He looks vaguely familiar, and a memory probes at the back of my head, but I ignore it. He sighs and then looks up again, leaning back in his chair. His eyes aren’t as demanding as the others; there is no judgment, no expression at all. For some reason, it’s even more intimidating. He crosses his arms across his chest.

“If you didn’t, who did?”

It’s the question that has been plaguing me for the past week, invading my dreams, my life until I can no longer think of anything else.

“I- I don’t know”, I say, slumping in my chair as I realize that I may never have the answer to this question, the only key to my freedom. Who killed her?

Katie was a perfectly charming girl of 16, friendly and cheerful to a point where it was slightly annoying to see someone be so optimistic. Of course, as a brother, I was a bit prejudiced. So that’s why when I came home at about 10:00 the other night, I was… shocked, to say the least, to see her slumped against the wall, her head bent at an unnatural angle with blood pooling all around her. I threw up on spot. When I finally got up the courage to see her again, I went into a sort of trance, unable to process what was going on. I could see my hands touch the blood, quivering slightly as I hoped that what I saw wasn’t real. My hands came back red. I collapsed on the floor, my body going into spasms as I dry heaved onto the floor. When the nausea finally came down, I started shaking violently, unable to control myself. When the police found me, I was slumped against my sister’s dead body, my hand resting in the pool of blood. You can see why I was the first suspect. Katie and I had always had a very strained relationship and she had moved into my apartment for a week as the very last resort. Neither of us was too happy about it. Nevertheless, her death shook me, and it took a few days before I could even talk. Well, it wasn’t like I was of any use when I could- after hours and hours of incessant questioning, neither the police nor I could come up with another suspect. And until then, I was the criminal.

“Tell me exactly what happened that night. Every, single detail”

I snap back from my reverie, and then repeat the story I’ve already told a dozen before him, again. He makes no expression at all as I go through the events of the night. From time to time, he leans forward to jot down a few more lines in his notebook. When I’m done, he places his arms on the desk, leaning forward so that his face is mere inches from mine.

“Robert, I don’t think you killed her”

Finally! Someone believes me! But…

“Why?”

The corner of his mouth lifts into a sneer. Suddenly, I can sense that something is not right here.

“Because I did.”

His eyes are cold and unyielding as he lunges for me. I can barely process what’s happening. The last thing I can see are his muscular arms wrapping around my neck, choking me, until my world goes black.

“Please, mama, can we see the lions? Please? Please?”

Yes, Sunil, you can see the lions… right before they tear you to pieces and you’re a bloody mess on the ground.

“Of course, Sunil, we can go next week”, I say impatiently, pulling my hand from his and glaring at him to shut him up. It doesn’t work.

“Next week? That’s too long! Can’t we go tomorrow? Anil is going tomorrow. Can I go with him?”

Stupid, foolish boy. Has no idea who he’s dealing with.

I grit my teeth. “Okay, you can go with him”

If you’re still alive by then.

He skips off to his friends, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The wind blows peacefully across the lake, just a slight breeze. The pleasant weather annoys me. He annoys me even more. Really, I’ve had enough of the whining and crying and wailing. Each word he says grates on my nerves and he has no idea that he is getting closer to his doom by the second. I can just see him- He is lying slumped against the side of a deserted alley, his head twisted at an odd angle. The light slowly fading from his eyes. Blood is pooling all around him. I smile. Suddenly, I feel a tug at my sleeve, snapping me back from my reverie. I look sharply at him. His hopeful eyes gaze back at me. Amazing. A glance that has reduced thousands of grown men to tears. And it refuses to make even the slightest impression on him. I can’t decide whether to be impressed or annoyed. Ah, what does it matter? In the end, he is dead anyway.

“Mama, my friends have left. Can I walk with you?”

I just stare at him for a few seconds, amazed with just how naïve he is. Doesn’t he have any idea that his life would probably be over before it even started because of me? Me, the person he so fondly refers to as ‘mama’, wanting to walk and talk and god forbid, cuddle, with me? How has he not guessed yet?

I smile, slowly, feeling a chill go up my spine. I can’t do this any longer. I look around; the park is deserted and the lake behind me is beckoning with the slight waves, luring me. I look back at him. Yes, the timing would be perfect.

“Of course, Sunil. Why don’t we go next to that lake over there? I hear that you can see crocodiles if you’re brave enough”

His eyes light up at the challenge. He nods eagerly, so foolish and young and naïve. And dead. I smile again, taking his hand gently in mind before leading him towards the lake. He almost skips towards it, towards his death, smiling the entire time. Oh well, at least the last moments of his life would be happy ones. I look around one last time as we near the edge of the water. Anil peers in.

“Can you see anything?” I ask. My voice now is almost a growl, deepened by the adrenaline rush before a kill. He shakes his head, and then looks at me, his eyes widening as he sees the expression on my face.

“Mama?”

Before he can finish, I swipe his legs out from under him and he falls headlong into the water. He flails his arms uselessly, screaming for me. The water droplets splash on me as his body breaks the surface of the water. He screams again. Music to my ears. I take a step back to avoid being drenched, calmly wiping some of the droplets of water off from my clothes. His head is starting to go under, his tiny little arms slowing down as exhaustion takes over him. Pathetic. He looks at me, his forehead crinkling in confusion as he realizes that I am doing nothing to save him. I allow myself to smile. I can see the headlines, ‘7 year old boy drowns in lake while playing close to bank’. Such a sad, sad accident. I whip my hair over my shoulders as I turn to walk away from the crime scene. Suddenly, I can see a figure racing towards me. Oh, no. My instincts take over and I run towards him, my face the perfect picture of panic, my breath coming in short pants. I squeeze a few tears out of my eyes.

“Oh, no… please help, he just… he just fell in, I couldn’t save him… please…”

I let my voice trail off as I break into heart wrenching sobs. The man nods, then races towards the lake after ordering me to call the ambulance. I glare at his retreating back and then take out my phone, quickly sending a message.

“Project A- Failed”

Then, as the man races back, I dial the ambulance, wailing into the phone as I tell him the address. The man gently sets the limp body of my supposed son down, pressing down on his chest to get the water out of his system. I turn around under the disguise of averting my eyes to my son’s frail body. My nails dig into the palms of my hand, drawing blood.

The only thing he’s escaped is an easy death. Next time, I’ll be sure to draw it out.