From ripe to rot

Don’t worry if not

Take your best shot

My skin is real hot

From rot to ripe

I was never your type

The tears are yours to wipe

You were always worth the hype

From ripe to rot

I miss you a lot

I know you forgot

To loosen my knot

Sometimes I feel

like a broken bell

Heavy and scuffed

But still shining

In the light

The sound isn’t

As strong as it was

But the tremors feel

Almost the same

When I ring

Up high in a tower

Looking down on

Spires and roofs

And poison ivy

And oak trees

What’s easiest to see

From all the way up

Is that everything else

Is broken too

What once was can no longer be

The glimmering shadow of creativity

There’s no more learning and no more thought

But more excuses on why we should not

Maybe one more class, maybe just more time

I could have learned to poem without a rhyme

You gave us a choice and knowledge is dead

And now on all of my words will stay in my head

The school of thought is no longer alive

But it still attracts us bees like a honey hive

An elegy for a class, I know it’s dramatic

But it’s like digging up old work from the attic

Dusty, dim, and sometimes boring

Yet always calms when my heart starts pouring

May 8th, 2023

We tried so hard, but as you already know

Sometimes everything is simply not enough

Living in an idealistic perspective that happens to be

More fictive than fact.

But that’s okay, it’s okay we didn’t know

That exhaustion doesn’t equate to fulfillment

That from pain, peace rarely comes

That all of our trying would be in vain

We could have had it all, but I believe

We would still feel exactly the same.

We would act the same, talk the same,

piss the same, and cry the same

We would just be in a house of platinum

Rather than our house of glass

But it’s the fragility that brings me hope

When it comes to our glass house

Because in a platinum house

We could never break free.

I’m sorry.

But how was I

Supposed to know

That the pain never goes away?

You tried so hard

You lied so much

You cried in the

Arms of injustice

Had I known

That effort

Only works in vain

Had I known

The investments

Were futile-

We could have given up

Before it started

“Ignorance is Bliss”

They say

But bliss cannot be attained

In a cyclone of

False confidence

and

Contrived purpose

I never meant

To keep your hopes high

I never meant to

Covet that mysterious

phantom idealism

I never meant any of it

And while reaching

For the truth

Life up to now

Feels like a

Waste of time.

April 24th, 2023

The lack of heat from your touch

The lack of love from your breath

The lack of energy from your heart

The abundance of humiliation

The abundance of disappointments

The abundance of low expectations

The way the light fades from your eyes

The way your holding hand feels ajar

The way you love others, other than me

How I’ve never felt so hated, from once being sacred

How I’ve changed my idea of the look of love

How I’ve not said anything because I’m scared

These are the reasons, these are the signs

This is how I know

That you don’t love me anymore.

May 11th, 2023

Shrapnel amongst the scent of human error

Yet we will never live in a state of terror

The lucid calls of annihilation

Coveting nuclear chores, and radiation

The silent eyes of a shafted eight billion

Cloaked in a sealed coat of vermilion

When doom is no longer feared yet ignored

No horror from the rich, beautiful, and bored

Masses of loss being leaked into the tap

And fountains that divinely project sticky red sap

March 6th, 2023

Poem Inspired By:

Wheatfield with Crows

By Vincent Van Gogh

Dear Vincent,

Your wisps

Of wheat

Paint dirt

With green

Putting on

A great display

Of your nature

Lines of Blue

In thick broad strokes

That make

No sense mixed with

Beiges and browns

But somehow

You make the scene

Perfectly

Understood

Black crows

That overtake

The landscape

The whistling air

The rustling wefts

Of dried wheat

Your hearty strokes

Softly creating

Hills and crevasses

That easily entice

Dear Vincent,

Please tell me

About your

Heaven on earth

You’ve shown enough

But I’d love to hear

Dear Vincent,

They say that

It’s your last

Maybe that’s why

It feels so lonely

Dear Vincent,

Share your loneliness

Display your pain

The purest of hearts

In the wheatfield

Where you bled

May 11th, 2023

I couldn’t have it any other way,

The thoughts that make my stomach sing

Don’t feel so clean under the light

Desires that don’t dare leave

The lockbox tucked away

Into the deep passages of my mind

It is only in the dark when I can

Swim in the infinity pool of

Impossibilities bestowing themselves

Like dancers at a masquerade

The feelings drift,

They never fade

They take me sailing, make me fly

The dreams I conjure in the night

The guilt that seeps but never shows

The hope that’s dead but always grows

Until the morning birds make their scene

And light breaks my vision like the holiest ever seen

And the shining dew drops on every blade

The reflection of every decision that we’ve ever made

The snake that stays wrapped around my soul

Awaits the moonlight in agitated form

Shames of the night slowly

Take their leave, waiting for their striking time

While pains of the day knock into place

Wishing that the sun would never set

If only it knew that the shames of night aren’t gone yet.

Feb 5th, 2023

I love being needed

Even when it hurts

And I will be there forever

If there’s someone who needs me

I need to be needed

I want to be loved

But craving me is just the same

Fixing on me is just the same

I hate being needed

You don’t have to know me

And you don’t have to care

Just ask for help and I’ll never leave

I regret being needed

Never knowing what I want

Not caring enough to feel for myself

Just enough cares for everyone else

I want to be needed

Because if not, what will I ever be?

If it helps me escape my own self doubt

I think that it’s enough for me.