I have forever been equally blessed and cursed in life
a man that has just begun to live, by rights, as he should
after a boy continued doggedly way past his sell-by date.
Playing now to the strengths I have, but before never would
after chasing dreams of those to whom I could not relate.
I was a drug user, an alcoholic, a sex addict, all party,
overly confident, positive and anesthetised continually.
Now I don’t smoke or do drugs, drink, drunk moderately
sex is with one person, at a time, all the time, sometimes.
Yet I struggle with the black dog that hid cowering behind
the excesses, suppressed stresses, perceived successes,
and those I impressed in and out of short dresses
a tally of feast, hedonistic pleasures gorged with aplomb
yet respectful, and smiling, enemy-less, number one.
I am still a boy, but wear the mask of a steady man
for the grey world, yet let inner child out when I can.
The nonfiction now fiction, what was real hewn now in words
The blips on my radar all worthy, too late to gaze past birds.
Hard working, harder dreaming; this meandering life has been full,
yet if I died today, in this time of solidity, it would still be cool.