I started writing about six years ago when I was so aware of my feelings.

Not just romantically but as well as spiritually, emotionally and physically.

With no one to share these feelings I started to write my thoughts, some of them poetically. Someone noticed my writings, my notes and admired it. Then I stopped.

Then there was the time that I was so down and has no one to tell my thoughts so I started again to write every now and then.

Presently I only write when I feel like it.

And I have already learned how to manage my feelings.

My mind lies somewhere at the bottom,

A jumble of disconnected pieces

The edges, slivers of jagged silver,

Too misshapen to form back together

There, the fragments rest,

Glimpses of more cheerful times,

Memories long since laid to rest

A swirling pit of despair,

A vortex brewed from fear,

A cage to warp all the sanity left

My mind lies somewhere at the bottom,

A jumble of disconnected pieces

That can never be put back together

It is either the world is unfair or it simply likes to mess me up.

It is unfair that you already claim that she has your heart when you kept on confessing that your heart is in my hands.

That it is mine to keep even when I don’t like to have it.

Time passed and I learned to take care of the heart you have given me.

And learned to love it too.

I saw you again

I was giving my heart to you.

You just smiled a bitter smile.

I was so mad that I threw the heart you have given me to you.

You were shocked.

hurt

and I was smug at least you were hurt

The problem is...

I was so relaxed thinking that I still have it.

Your heart I mean.

It was too late when I realized that it was my heart I threw to you that day

It was my heart you failed to catch that day.

Then I realized.

The world is neither unfair

nor does like to mess me up

It is I who was unfair.

God’s Purpose

The priceless perfume falls to the floor, scattered in brokenness. In disbelief we face two choices: wasted or restored. When facing our personal brokenness, any hope of restoration often eludes us. It seems safer to accept the loss -- unaware of God’s hand in brokenness.

God calls us each of us according to His purpose, assuring us that in all things, His goodness endures.

Freed from Shame – “...I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high” (Leviticus 26:13). As we walk closely with God, our burden of guilt is broken.

Delivered from Schemes – “We escaped like a bird from a hunter’s trap. The trap is broken, and we are free!” (Psalm 124:7). Praise God for the countless times He has delivered us from our enemies.

Rescued in Humility – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). By surrendering our stubbornness and arrogance, He accepts our brokenness and hears the prayers of the righteous.

Healed from Within – “But he was wounded and crushed for our sins...and we were healed!”(Isaiah 53:5). Those who trust in the Lord receive inner peace, as His brokenness satisfies God’s price for our sin.

Restored Eternally – “...He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed” (Luke 4:18). Jesus, the long-waited Messiah, fulfills the Isaiah 61:1-2 prophesy of renewal.

Brokenness – God’s Love Through brokenness, we understand sacrificial love. Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, offered the broken vial of expensive perfume to express her devotion to Jesus (John 12:1-3). Jesus, the Bread of Life, broke and multiplied the loaves illustrating none would go hungry (Matthew 14:19-20; John 6:35).

Love that Breaks – “Jesus took a loaf of bread and asked God’s blessing on it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take it and eat it, for this is my body’” (Matthew 26:26).

Love that Endures – “These things happened in fulfillment of the Scriptures that say, ‘Not one of his bones will be broken’...” (John 19:36)

Love that Remembers – “...The Lord Jesus took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body, which is given [broken] for you. Do this in remembrance of me’” (1 Corinthians 11:23-24).

https://www.allaboutgod.com/brokenness.htm

According to the Prophet Joel in the last days young men will see visions, children will prophesy, old men will dream dreams.

I belong to the young men/women. This is the last days. No we are almost in the end of the end days.

A few years ago.

or more than a decade ago I had this dream that my friends and I together with ofher geoup of youths were wearing a full soldier armor the ancient ones, the gladiator type of armor. We were fighting with enemies not the physical enemies but spirits. Some dropped parts of their armor, while I dropped my sword. It is the word of God, and almost dropped my shield which is faith. Then in the dream we are winning but then the Commander approached me to fasten my armor from my helmet down to my shoes.

-=-=-=-=-

In year 2011 around (October 30-Nov.2)

I was kneeling down praying. I see my cou try from above a bird's eye view. I was not able to see some part of it in the south it was dark and clouded I can't name the province. The speaker on stage was seeing exactly what I'm seeing he mentioned the place that is clouded. He call for a prayer for the place from its residence.

I dunno what they did. December that same year the place was destroyed and devastated by storms, flash floods and landslide. Hundreds died.

-=-=-=-=-

A few years ago I had a dream the same dream where I was wearing my armor. This time it was different. I was literally on fire. I was caught up in fire but it was not burning me.

I was so scared I woke up.

Last few weeks I had the same dream.

I was caught up in the fire. I was so scared but then the fire isn't consuming me.

Not even burning my clothes.

A week later I was in a conference.

The speaker talked about the consuming fire of God. He told us he'd seen himself caught up in fire that is not hurting him.

Then I realized it was the fire that cleanse not consume to hurt.

“This is the fight of our lives”

The lost ones, the fallen ones, the untimely lost of half the universe... This is it the fight of our lives. Right now I will do everything in my ability to reverse what the titan did five years ago “Whatever it takes” .

After giving the pep talk I watched each member of my family in the circle before the quantum realm... After I was thawed from the ice they became my family...

Tony. The son of my oldest friend.

Bruce. One of the brains in the family

Thor. The Norse god who became a drunkard

Hawkeye. The family man archer who left us for his family... we are fighting to take his family back.

Scott. I don’t know him well but he is part of the family too...

Rocket Raccoon. who lost his whole family after the snap. His only family.

Nebula. The adopted daughter of the mad titan who wants him dead.

And finally

Natasha. The black widow, the assassin and spy who acts like she knows everything, who acts like a tough gal when inside she’s dying. The girl who became my rock after seventy long years. My love this century. We’re gonna fight this battle. Whatever it takes.

“See you in a minute” she whispered playfully with conviction like a promise she wants to keep as we prepared for out travel. I only managed to nod and smile a little because of her enthusiasm.

Yeah Nat see you in a minute I think to my self. After this we will be all free of the mad titan.

I’ll see you in a minute. My family.

I promise

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Everything went okay

well not with Tony and I as we travelled in the past but at least we were successful in finishing our task.

“Ready cap?” Tony asked

“Yeah” I answered

“in Three... two... one”

and we’re on the platform again

“did you get it?” I asked everyone answered enthusiastically except Clint who’s currently kneeling.

The smile on my face dropped and checked everyone that’s when it dawned on me she’s not here...

(see you in a minute)

SHE’S NOT HERE!

“Clint, where’s Nat?” Bruce beat me to ask him (my body is starting to get cold)

(see you in a minute)

He remained on the ground tears are flowing from his eyes..

“Clint...” I was about to repeat the question

“She sacrificed herself, shs’s not coming back” he sobbed “this is the figjt of our lives Cap you told us that she did everything whatever it takes, it took her life”

-see you in a minute-

NAT HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME ?!

(see you in a minute)

NO... NOT NATASHA....

IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME....

(see you in a minute)

YOU PROMISED NATASHA

then I felt the hot fat tears on my face.

see you in a minute

LIAR!!!

see you in a minute.

(Sorry my heart broke because of Natasha’s death. I still can’t accept it)

#Endgame

Charlie Blue, Drakkar Noir, YSL

three scents one man, my dad

Whenever I smell these scents untill now, I remember my dad putting on his perfume every Sunday at 4'oclock in the afternoon before we go to church and then I am a small child again. I remember snuggling to him just to smell the perfume, and his scent. I remember being loved and safe. So whenever he puts his perfume till now I remember my happy childhood.

Elizabeth Taylor - White Diamonds

The signature smell of my snobbish mom.

Classy smell. Whenever I smell this elsewhere I remember hee standing in front of the pulpit preaching.

Angels Breathe

the cologne / my cologne I used to ise as a child. Whenever I see this in Rustans. I smell it and I am a child playing with my cousins again.

It was chaos...

I put my shield up to cover my body ...

Other warriors lay at my feet but we are not fighting a physical fight. Our fight was not against flesh and blood but with literal principalities of the air.

Some warriors stayed on the ground, wounded but as for me?! I tried my best to keep up with the other soldiers, but one thing I noticed about them is, some part of their armor was missing already...

Some lost their belts, their breastplate, helmet etc.

As for me, I lost my sword I dropped it when I was attack by a monster, the attack was bad that my armor got loose...

I heard other warriors shout my name...

They were calling me to follow the and I cannot move I tried to move towards my sword then a big man came to my rescue.

A tall shining man whose face I could not see. He gave me my sword and fastened my armor...

Then I woke up.

And have read Ephesians 6 where the armor of God was written