This is my story.

I am Lila.

I have been struggling with all this for the past year.

I wrote Besties, the original story, back last December, I think, and I found it after Austin and I drifted apart. I read it and started crying a little. We were so good together! I had written it from Austin's point of view for fun. I don't really know what he was thinking. I don't really think he thought my eyes were pretty.

I posted it here after editing it a bit. Somehow people liked it! And so I decided to write my full story. I feel sorry for people who have read this and posted things in the comments, saying how the story could have been improved. I wish it could be changed that way. Your ideas were great! But since it was my story, I had to follow the real plot.

All conversations were pretty much real. Texting ones were spot on. I wanted you, the reader, to feel my pain as I went through it.

My story isn't over yet. This is merely where my writing intersects with reality. From now on, any more Besties stories will be completely unexpected for both the reader and the writer. I don't know where my story is going. I like to think of it as a choose your own adventure that I am too scared to play.

Obviously, all names have been changed. My name is not really Lila. Austin isn't his real name.

Please give me advice in the comments! I wrote this partially as therapy, and partially hoping for therapy from you guys.

Thank you to everyone who read this far! I hope my story was interesting enough to keep you hooked. I'm kinda stuck in it, so welcome along for the ride!

I hate these meetings. I ran into the church building and into the room. No one was talking at all. Drat. I'm late! I sat down and looked at the time. Oh no. I'm on time. Why is everyone so quiet then?

Just then the leader called the meeting to order. Oh. It was just the awkward silence before it started then.

Just then I realized that I had sat next to Gavin in my hurry to not be late. Drat. I mean, technically I was supposed to sit by him cause we're the ward representitives and all, but I wanted to sit next to Raina.

Raina and I had become close these last couple months. I now consider her my best friend, although that term scares me.

I sat through the meeting, bored out of my head. I really just wanted to go home and call my cousin. But I'm a good child, so Ill stay here and pretend to care about what is happening. Sigh. I looked up and exchanged regretful smiles with Raina. Guess we're not talking today!

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I got home and looked at my phone. One text fron Raina! I opened it.

"Sorry I didn't get to talk to you today," it said.

"It's okay!" I said. "I wanted to talk to you too, but you know, seating arrangements and stuff."

"Yeah I felt bad though," Raina said.

I smiled. Raina and I are both overly apologetic. I frowned after remembering my frustration with having to sit next to Gavin.

I wrote a quick rant.

"Ugh Gavin makes me so mad!! Hes so nice but then I want to hate him but I can't and I want to be friends and I can't and ugh."

I knew I wasn't making any sense.

"Uhhh ok why do you want to hate him?" was the reply.

I tried to figure out how to explain my annoyance.

"Okay so he is Austin's new best friend, and he's really nice, but I'm so annoyed, and I know its not his fault."

Wow. Apperently I forgot how to communicate.

"Ok and why can't you be friends with him?" I could tell Raina was confused.

"Because every time I'm around him depression kicks in," I said.

As I said it, I realized that it was true.

I quickly shot off another text. "It's because of bad connotation. I didn't realize this until right now, actually."

"Well maybe become better friends with him?" Raina suggested.

"I know we would probably get along swell, but everytime I try, I just leave sad and on the edge of tears. And I just hope I can get over this soon because I hate this so much. Its like my brain is like, you're around the person who stole your best friend? Time to be sad."

I sat there after saying that. Something about it struck me. I'd never realized that I haven't really tried to get along with Gavin. I bet we would be good friends. Him and Austin are cronies, after all. But I'd never really tried. Why?

My phone beeped. Raina had sent me another message. A long one this time

"Well Lila listen. As much as you might hate it, Austin probably won't be in your life the same way as last year. And if you become better friends with Gavin that could be really good. I know change is hard but you need to let yourself be happy and ok with the change."

I cried. I didn't really know why, but I bawled.

All I said back was, "I know you're right." I couldn't handle anything more. I sat there, on my floor, clutching my phone, crying.

Another text popped up. "You might know it. But you got to believe it. Plus God doesn't want you to be sad. Maybe Gavin is God trying to help you be happier. And maybe not. But you need to be happy because I know how hard prolonged sadness is."

I realized what was bothering me. I started typing.

"Its not just Gavin. Its just really hard for me to come close to someone. Ever since I was little, like really little, once I would make a really good friend and call them my best friend it was like a ticking time bomb was set off. Every single time I have called someone my best friend we have grown apart within a year.

"So in freshman year my best friend was Quest, and when she was so mean to me it scarred me against opening myself up to anyone that deep ever again.

"And then Austin and I became close. And then I called him my best friend. And then I lost him.

"So it literally terrifies me to have you be my best friend. And I don't want to lose you too. And making friends scares me because I know I'm just gonna lose them soon."

I stopped typing because I was crying too hard to see the screen. Somehow I had made it through all of my years of life and never realized this thing about myself before. I am terrified of losing my best friends. Austin was the best friend I have ever had. I am scared that if I draw close to anyone, I will just be opening myself to more pain.

I sat there for who knows long. I finally checked my phone again. Three new messages from Raina.

"Well Lila I can promise you one thing: I'm not going anywhere. I love you girly. And people do come and go out of our lives but the ones who really matter stick around."

"We might not live close to each other or see each other as often as we would like but we will keep in touch."

"I don't want you to ever be scared about losing me. I know the fear of losing people all to well and it's a constant fear I live with. I promised I'd work hard to make sure I never left someone who loved me or needed me."

Something in me melted. A dam that was holding back the emotions in my heart opened, and I started crying again. I sent off three texts of my own.

"I love you."

"I hope so."

"Thank you."

(This chapter includes terms that most people may not be familiar with, so if you get confused, scroll to the bottom for an explanation. Happy readings!)

It's almost not awkward anymore. I sat across from Austin in Sunday School and looked up to him smiling at me. That hasn't happened in months! I smiled back.

It had been very weird for a little bit. Austin had walked around me on eggshells for about a week. But I feel better now! I don't feel mad anymore.

As I listened to the church lesson I thought about what to do next. Should I try more? Or less? He knows I miss him now. Maybe he will try more, for me.

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After class I remembered that I had a meeting with the Bishop to discuss what Youth Activities we could do in the New Year. I looked around for Gavin, cause he was supposed to go with me. I didn't see him, so I went up to Austin and Trent.

"Hey guys. We've got WYC after church, and one of you lucky ducks gets to go with me," I said. I secretly hoped Austin would come, but I didn't tell him to. I wasn't sure who was Gavin's replacement.

"I've got stuff I have to do," Trent said. He hurriedly backed away and oit the door.

Austin looked at me. "Guess I'm going!"

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Austin is literally asleep. This meeting isn't that boring! I poked him in the shoulder. He snorted and woke up. I tried to hold my laughter in.

He looked over at me. His expression perfectly said, "Why did you make me come to this again?"

I smiled. "Its not that bad."

"Yes. Yes it is."

(Okay, so in my church we have two hours of meetings. First hour is where everyone is in one big hall and we have songs and talks and prayers. Second hour we all split up into adults, youth, and children and have specialized lessons based on age group. For youth, we call it Sunday School. Our pastor is called the Bishop. Every month or so the oldest youth, both boy and girl, meets with the bishop and other leaders in the church to discuss how better to help the Youth and what activites we would like to do. Thats called WYC, ward youth council. Ummm I think thats all the confusing parts. If anyone has more questions, feel free to ask me in the comments!)