Balancing

my family with

my boyfriend with

their expectations with

my happiness next to

a slice of turkey and

two carrots and

a potato and

home

Hey Lila! I saw the note you left on the project. I thought it was pretty great. Anyways, how have you been? It's been a second, and I know that things were pretty confusing between us a while ago. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that things were like that. I was in the wrong. It was a confusing time, and unfortunately I shut some people out. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. I know this is a long and sappy text so I'll wrap it up. I hope there are no hard feelings, and that things can be better in the future.

Austin

The wind pulled my hair, rain slammed into my skin, shivers crept up my spine, all while I ignored the boy attempting to cuddle me.

"You know that you're blocking the wind for me, right? If you're so cold you need to move to the other side," I said. I pulled on the tangle of strings in my lap, trying to ignore the feelings his touch were giving me. He shifted over to the opposite side of me, closer to the tree where his kite was stuck.

"It's never getting out of there," he said.

"We can get it out! We just need to find a really long stick," I said.

"It's never getting out of that tree," he said. He let out a long sigh and rested his head on my shoulder. "And it was my favorite kite!"

"We literally just bought these kites at the store. How can it be your favorite kite?" I said, looking over at him.

He smiled.

"It's my favorite kite I've bought in the last 2 hours," he said. He changed positions just enough to no longer be touching me. I immediately missed the contact.

The wind picked up again, messing up my carefully ordered mess of strings covering my lap.

"You know that you don't have to untangle that, right?" he said.

"Yeah, I just like to untangle kite stings that boys get all tangled up while trying to fly a kite in the biggest rainstorm we've seen all spring," I said.

"Oh so you do this a lot," he said.

"Nope. First time," I said. His smile drew out one of my own. "Do you think we should give up? I don't think this rain is gonna stop any time soon and now we only have my kite."

"I think that is a great plan. I am very cold," he said. He shifted closer to me again.

"I do have some jackets in my car," I said. "Lets go get you one."

"What about you?" he asked.

"Who do you think I am? I have at least two in there," I said.

"Sam! I forgot I left my kite on the ground over there! Would you go grab it before it blows away?" I said. I was liking his closeness a little too much. He was just my friend.

Like the gentleman he was, he got up and ran over to where I left my kite. He tried to pick it up but the wind caught it and sent it flying across the field. I sat up straighter, getting ready to run over to save it when Sam threw himself on top of the kite, stopping its escape attempt.

I started laughing. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing it he tried to cuddle me again.

I had a dream that Brandon Sanderson put $654,789,421 in my bank account.

Why does my subconcious think that he is the richest man on the planet? I dunno.

He transferred that into my bank account with a note that said, "So you can know how it feels."

I had a dream that I was in a crowded place and trying to escape and the one person I wanted to talk to, to be with, I couldnt find.

I had a dream that I had to sneak through a summer camp where a black window faces you wherever you go. Behind the black window is a vindicative man. If he saw me doing anything he didnt like, well... I dont want to know the consequences.

Im going to college soon. Maybe my brain knows that I want and need money, wish to escape people, and feel like someone is always waiting to see if I mess up.

Dreams are weird.

First, find the summer heat. This can be accomplished by going outside, a task that is admittedly very hard and foreign to most people.

Second, determine whether or not it is the summer heat. If it feels uncomfortably hot all over when you step outside, that is probably the summer heat, though it could just be your yard on fire. Make sure you can determine the difference.

Third, go find a long stick. These are normally found by rivers or in your garage.

Fourth, pick up the stick. This requires determination, dedication, deliberation, and dexterity. Make sure you have all four before you attempt to pick it up or it could end rather badly for you.

Fifth, hit the summer heat with the stick. This will accomplish nothing, and will probably look stupid.

This has been 5 tips on how to beat the summer heat.

Pain.

Its not that fun, really.

Im currently doing everything in my power to ignore the throbbing in my cheeks, the pulsing pain radiating out from the back of my mouth.

Its rather hard.

I didnt sleep well last night.

My mouth hurt, waking me up and causing me to toss and turn when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and feel nothing.

Am I dumb now?

Without my wisdom teeth, how will I think?

When will the pain stop?

They said the third day would be the worst, but they didnt mention when it would get better.

Its the third day.

I want to cry.

I want to sleep and cry and wail and laugh and read and eat and chew and close my eyes and drift off into the land of nod....

But there is pain.

So Im awake.

Pain.

Christians are those who love God and Jesus Christ. They strive to be like them. When you strive to be like Jesus, you become a better person because he is the best person.

Being like them doesnt mean you need to be perfect immediately, and when you mess up, its over. It means you become kinder, more truthful, more honest, more believing everyday until, eventually, you become like him.

But we never could become like Jesus without the Atonement, because we all make mistakes. Through his love and sacrifice, we can become clean!

Through small and simple things, great things are brought to pass.

I'm done.

Austin is driving me crazy.

I realized the other day that I am like 10 years more mature than him. Which is why we cant stay friends.

This post is the end. Im probably not going to finish this story, purely because I dont think it has an ending.

Austin and I are just going different directions.

The restaurant that we both work at recently announced that its going to combine its two stores into one location. And that location is the store I work at.

Gavin and Austin were furious. They quit.

And I dont think they realized how much that hurt me. I just wanted to work with my friends. Is that too much to ask? Can I not have fun working with them?

I understand leaving to get more money. Yes. Our paychecks are rather terrible.

But Austin was so bitter about it! So bitter. And that hurt the most.

He said he was quitting out of principle? What principle!! That you only had loyalty to that one location, not the store in general?

Ugh.

So I'm annoyed at him. I still havent decided if I want to tell him or not. Based on what happened last time, I don't think it would do any good.

This is as The End as I can get. Maybe in a few years I'll come back and add an epilogue. But for now, I'm so done with this story.

Im done with the pain, the heartbreak of trying to fix a relationship where the other person is oblivious and doesnt care.

Right now, I feel nothing.

The pain I once felt is gone. I remember it, but I dont feel as sad as I did just a few months ago.

I'm done.