

the ironwood doesn't have sap
it bleeds a dark ichor blood
it stains the wood dark
the dryad dies in the woods
pulled by strings
a doll made of wood
sits under the oak tree
bugs and dirt adorned
a girl made of wood
her strings cut
her eyes non-existent
she is face-blank
it doesn't speak
listen for the footfalls
they've come to bury
a doll made of girl
a cavity in place of heart
a void in place of spine
wood doesn't beat
even though it lives
she's been cut down
carved up and varnished
she is perfect for the viewer
i could write a thousand metaphors
surrounding water, fire, earth, air, and everything in my eyes
i could write a thousand poems
no meter, rhythm, or style just form and words
i probably will but they won't be enough
enough being the unachievable mission
there aren't enough beautiful things-
museums, art, music, books, nature, space, and people
-in the world to replicate the way I feel for you
you are more than enough for me
you are my impossible
the bile builds at the back of the throat
i don't know if it is the chalky feeling in my mouth
the dizziness or the lack of sleep but something is making my body spin
maybe its you, its the sound of your voice
its the knowing you are out there
waiting
watching
judging
always so critical
yet i would take every well shot arrow if it meant letting the water wash over my garden again
yearning is such an interesting feeling
to yearn for others is romantic
the thing of sonnets and songs
yearning for you is nothing romantic
it is a beast on a chain yanking
it foams at the mouth, eager
yearning for you is a terror unknown
it is something beyond reach
it is not beyond knowing though
yearning for you is a crushing thing
it rips at my innards till it's shredded
it smashes my skull in its hands
i am nothing without the seeking yearning
i won't stop till i have satiated the lust
but i guess that has always been us
me and pain have always gone around like that
i am on a date
i woke up and got dressed for it
i looked pretty and they negged me into believing i don't
i sat down patiently to eat with them
but they took too long and the restaurant made us leave
i am on a date
i am still hungry but i smile and listen to them ramble
they only talk about themselves but i want to believe there is more
we went for a walk to enjoy they air
they dragged and complained the whole time
i love the outdoors but being there with them made me want to go inside
i am on a date
they asked to walk me to the door and they lurked while I opened it
i don't know why i invited them in but i was afraid of not
i was hungry but i had a guest so i didn't go cook
i was sleepy but i had a guest so i didn't go to sleep
i am on a date
it was too late for them to drive home
it was too early for them to go to bed
so we stayed up chatting and eventually a restless rest fell upon us
i woke up before them though
wrapped in their arms, unable to escape
i don't know if this is a date
i turn to watch them sleep
i notice how peaceful i look while i am asleep
i think i will ask them out on a second date
i patrol my mind
a guard on the apocalypse
i saw the disease spread
i saw the good fall to it
i buried them and wait
i know they will rise again
a burning hunger within them
i wait with weathered eyes
i wait for the memories to awaken
i know they are there
i buried them there
and they can't wait to rip me apart
and eat my brain whole
Is it the doom i chase with my words
that there will never be enough words to paint my pain
that there will never be enough colors to write my scars
Is it the constant seeking that keeps me going
The unsatiated desire to be heard
That I will scream in a thousand languages
Yet never learn to hear them in others
Doomed to never hear that my pain has said it's piece
Or perhaps there are no methods
no outlets
no words
no colors
no shades
no time
or tears
that would ever express every drop of you that has been poured into my mind
the oceans will never be less than the land
Is it the fate of the ocean-bearer that I must learn to breath the water and hate the land?
I chase doom
I chase fate
I chase desire
But most importantly I will always chase you
I will always chase the release, the capturing of the past self that hides behind me like a shadow that never wants to grow up
I used to love you more than I loved the air itself
Now perhaps it is the absence of you that kills me more than the presence of you
Even when you are here you are away
I put shattered pieces in the hands of a ghost
They hit the ground and shatter again
Only to be lost in the darkness that you call home
I've lost myself again to you
I used to love you more than I loved love itself
When the noon bleeds into the night
Deeping the shades till the scab
I'll sit in you mind with the demons
I'll take it from you and hold your heart
It's weight soothing the tingling that buzzes
You may say it's not fair, to bleed like this
To pass on my mind to carry yours
To keep your demons company when mine starve
I'd say it is the only fairness I can give this late
When the desperation hits and all I do is scream
The only solace I feel is in the weight of your pain
The only safety I find is in the company of your demons
I will never be alone again
Either in pain
or in joy
I will never be alone