I sigh with my

Broken up breaths

I would endure the pain

Of a thousand deaths

Just to feel your head lay

Yet again on my chest

But together is how we

No longer rest

Your whispering voice

Left behind a choice echo

Mind tempering words

"Please never let go"

Can't destroy the world

You helped me create

My love for you is something

I could never duplicate

I pace the house

Never thinking what I should

Contemplating some things

That I never understood

Like insisting our blanket

Always to be upside down

Or making me fluff your pilllow

So you can just beat it down

Perhaps one day you could

Answer my questions

Or at least drop a hint

And a passive suggestion

Morning still has a view

Of coffee in your favorite mug

And plenty of attention towards

Your beloved obnoxious pug

That hair you made fun of

Is turning more grey

In fact spotted more

In my beard today

The books you held dear

I now constantly read

And the flowers you planted

Finally sprung from the seeds

At dawn your favorite candle

Still dances in flame

And the shadows on the wall

Plays along all the same

Clock strikes midnight

Upside down blanket

Fluffy pillow

Staring at my empty chest

As you now rest

Underneath the weeping willow

Daniel

J

Dabney

My mind is confused and lost

And blinded by shades of gray

It seems like I've been tossed

It feels I've been thrown away

Guess I'll go buy another bottle

Drown her image out my head

Wish my sanity was more settle

Because right now I'd feel

Better off dead

I couldn't believe the shit

As she walked right

. Out that door

She laid down a heavy hit

That hurt my soul

Down to the core

Everyday without her

paints a whole new shade

Of gray

And I wish we'd have the chance

To try again someday

But I'm moving backwards

Instead of forwards

And feeling more lost each day

And i just moving towards

Thoughts of her and yesterday

Out here I stand waiting

Feel the undertow inside me

My heart is ready and hating

Because a flood is all I can see The damage wont be repaired

And There will be a sinking ship

So you best all be aware

Sometimes life can be a trip

And now here I go again

Fucking everything up

I can never seem to win

But I guess that's just my luck

And everything I try

To be happy when I turn around

My truths turn into lies

And everything comes

Crashing down

So I'll stay out here in the rain

As misery fills my soul

And pray for God to

Wash away this pain

Before it eats me whole

Too many

Questions

And not enough

Answers

It’s like

Sitting idle

Surrounded

By dancers

We live

And we try

And we sigh

Every time

As the world

Slams on brakes

That could stop

On a dime

And it’s like

Every time

It’s a new

Damn

Experience

It builds

And it builds

As it adds

To the weariness

But time

Doesn’t stop

It keeps

Going

And going

And you’re stuck

With

The paddles

Keep rowing

And rowing

You’re caught in

The

Current

And going

Upstream

And what falls

Out of

The boat

You could

Never

Redeem

You want to

Give in

Because living

Is

So

Hectic

But in truth

The water is

Still

And becoming

More septic

You weren’t born

With a sail

So now it’s

Sink

Or swim

As your false

Lighthouse

Is becoming

More

Dim

There’s no

Slowing down

And there's no

Giving up

Unless you

Choose

To

Drown

In this

Half

Empty cup

Daniel

J

Dabney

These drum beats I could never march onto

Suffer unto me but I'll soon be

Gone too

Change it up and try to hold

your own

I'll rupture all you know

And call it my home

Darkness creeps up in the

Blink of an eye

And you will not control it

I even doubt you would try

You are taken as much

As it all falls on me

The ever strong crutch

That we both plainly see

I'll die before you

Can't afford surgery

But I hope you can change

You are clearly off balance

But thats still my range

I'm nuts and I'm damaged

I hope moving forward

We can stop with the hate

And keep moving towards

Our kids lives being great

This is all so fucked up

And it doesn't seem fair

Please at least save your own life

Before it is beyond repair

Here I am plotting to invade rock bottom once again and this time I'll go at least I will know to fake and make myself cozy and grim and of course I've been here before but this time there is alot more and I don't know what to do it seems I'm stuck In a loop of being hated by you i tried to fix my self 30 days of no love or support we have alot of shit to sort and another bill to the court but I'll just go under there's not much to plunder and not much that we can fix now

Hello my dear old friend

There is something I must do

And yes I've spent way too

much time

Hanging out with you

I hate to see you go

But I need to watch you leave

And with a sigh I'll let you

know

That I shall never grieve

We've had our ups and downs

Through the happy and the sad

Along with

Anger

Torture

Suffering

And the illness of going mad

I knew you had a purpose

And it was only to subdue

Yet underneath the surface

I was left without a clue

You left me here to die

And even hurt my family

And oh so many others

Left in such colamity

So now I kneel

And now I pray

To only rise and never fall

And today shall be the day

I say goodbye to alcohol

I hate to be blunt 

  But you're a bit of a cunt

Even homie Frankie approves

  Of such a verbal stunt 

And I really hate to pry

  But that sparkle in your eye

Is lit from the booze 

    And your saddle up high

Try not to look down 

  Wearing that cardboard crown

Rock paper scissors 

   Each one will make you frown

I'll just leave out a bunch

  And express my main hunch

You're a cricket among lizards

  Deserving a direct cunt punch

For shits and giggles lol

Tick

       Tock

                Tick

        Tock

One hand rests 

     On the table 

The other

           Grasping the glock

The clock strikes 10 

      A cold sweat sets in

               Again

Let go of the glock 

        And reach for the pen

  Not sure what to say

        Not sure what to write 

             A grey area of sin

  Between what is wrong

      And what is right 

I am no judge 

    Perhaps an executioner 

And with a 

    Small nudge

A lapse of retribution 

      Could occur 

This ledger of your 

                  Pleasure 

            And your sick 

                  Demented treasure 

   Leaving innocence lost

      Double crossed

           And now a soul

               Broken beyond measure 

How could you live

   With such a truth

        How the fuck 

Can you even

      Sleep at night?

Robbing a child 

    Of a decent fair youth

What was once wholesome 

   Now bears an eternal 

        Grim sight

Now my temples 

           Pound

Cannot write this shit 

                       Down

A manque page 

      A blank rage 

           Slowly glides 

                  To the ground

Throw my pen

    Against the wall

        So hard that it 

                    Shatters 

No real justice to dial 

      And call 

His money bringing

        Freedom

             Upon a platter 

I can hear my heart 

       Beat 

As the clock screams out 

      The seconds 

Both loud 

     And indiscreet 

As if they're 

     Fighting for attention 

Compassion now bound 

   In chain 

        Getting heavier 

       Link by link 

A childs tears soaking 

      Within my brain 

          The undertow

     Now making me think

The grey area of sin 

   Crossing my mind 

        Once again 

Even without pockets so deep

    He'd only get 5 to 10

Fist slamming on table 

    And now grabbing 

           The pistol 

The next step feeling fable 

     And now clear as 

         A crystal 

The clock now taunting 

      His next victim 

Singing a haunting song 

  As a new day 

       Begins

          12 am I step

               Into the grey 

 The hour 

           Minute and 

         Second hands left behind 

There's nothing to write

    No more to say

  Trust on this night

    Justice shall be 

         Refined

Daniel 

       Jacob 

                  Dabney 

             And 

          My

Fucked 

         Up 

Mind