The restaurant where you used you work closed down. It had good food, remember?

We went in one day and your co-workers thought we were siblings.

It’s not just closed now.

It’s boarded and tagged up, run-down.

It feels right.

You’ve missed so much and you’ve so much to miss till we’re both missing things.

It won’t matter so much then.

I guess I care

I can tell you what I’ve been through

What I go through

How I feel about it

I can describe the color and shape of every bush

The way the wind blows

How the sun feels on my skin

What the sound of waves provokes in me

What the desert tells me when no one else is listening

I can tell you all about the things I share with no one

I could offer you these pieces of sand about me and the simplicity beyond the complexity behind me

I can tell you how much I smoke

How little I drink

Who I read and why

I can tell you about my family, the role I play, the disappointments and achievements

I can tell you all of my predicaments

I can tell you about my REM dreams and my visions

I could give you multiple daily updates and stories

Write a novel or series of all the things that have happened to me

Things I’ve caused to happen unintentionally and exactly every time I got my way and how

I could give you names, dates, prices, and costs

I could tell you about everything except the things I can’t remember

And the most interesting part is that the truth about what it’s like to be me is hidden in those forgotten moments

Moments I surrendered to time as quickly as I could

While I grasp only the most pleasant things because I so desperately want those moments to have more significance.

Here’s my proposition: cancel those who cancel things.

I said it

Cancel them.

You wanna cancel me? You can’t cancel me cause I’m cancelling you! Hah! Can’t cancel me no-ow!

Cancel the cancellers. Cancel them!!!!!

Cancel canceling. Boom. Done. Problem solved. It’s like a double-negative. It makes a positive and in order for us to make that positive impact, we must cancel canceling.

Who’s with me?

There was a ringing in my ear I couldn’t get rid of

It rang and rang and rang

I went looking for it

Every time I heard it closer, it would ring again from far away

It rang and rang and rang and rang

Finally

I saw it

The floaty in my eye

The ringing in my ear

I couldn’t catch them and they wouldn’t disappear

I like disappearing into people

When I have no one to disappear into, I don’t know who I am

I used to be someone

I’m sure

I’ve got vague memories of it

Being happy every once in a while

Being me

I think

Or was I

Maybe I’ve just been disappearing into people all my life

It’s as close as I can get to actually disappearing

But I have standards

If you know what I mean

I won’t disappear into just anyone

No

It has to be someone I want to disappear into

The problem is being alone

I’ve never been that good at it

Because when I’m alone

I have no one to disappear into

So I just want to

Plain

Old

Disappear

My ideas come to me at the most inconvenient times:

In the middle of a shower while I’m soaping my face

In stop and go traffic that won’t forgive a nanosecond of neglect

During a team game just as the ball is being passed to me

While I’m on top of a ladder, alone, fending off injury

These genius ideas that I later forget

Come and tease me without regret

In the middle of things that I can’t neglect

I look for them later, but find that they left

Leaving behind only a fleeting feeling of what could have been

Trust the world

Follow it

It has your best interest at heart

The informercial will inform you of all the ways you need something you never imagined needing

All you have to do is listen

Your boss is just trying to help you become a better version of yourself.

Your parents tried to guide you the best they could with the things they approved of when they were young.

It’s all going to be ok

Lay your head and rest now, babe

I forgot to get my coffee when I went to the grocery store earlier. I also chose not to get orange juice. I got home, changed my mind and decided I needed orange juice for breakfast, didn’t want to go back to the same grocery store, so I went to another grocery store, which also has a coffee shop, got my juice, got my coffee. It’s the small victories.

The dust nowhere near settled

A musty breeze attacks

A deep, red glare from far beyond

From where? No one can tell

Sulfur and the driest heat

The smell of rotting eggs and meat

There’s nothing left to do

Was it ever up to you?