I feign ignorance even when it repeats every night. It starts as a dream. I close my eyes, and I am taken far away. I soar through a scene I can never remember except for one piece. On the horizon, I vividly see an enormous wall. The sight terrifies me to my core, yet I still approach it. An eternity passes by the time I reach the barrier. I am swept upwards to the distant pinnacle, and the invisible force drops me off eventually.

Briefly, I can truly see where I stand. It is the blockade of my mind and emotions separating me from understanding my innermost desires. I am pulled to the opposing side where the knowledge lies. I grabbed the parapet because I am afraid of what hides. The temptation is too powerful and peels my fingers off the rim. While in midair I come unglued limb by limb, and I can only hope to land to reform.

This exercise in introspection is always in vain because it ultimately ends in senseless hope. It pools like water that drips from far above sight. The valley where this essence forms never remains full because the murky liquid begins melting away. Dampness remains ever so slightly by lingering slowly. This moisture is the empty shell of optimism. This is how I am frustratingly left. It is where I always turn. I desperately want a shoulder to lean on. When I find one to embrace, it feels like a carved stone. It is cold, so cold. When I am done freezing, I want to be alone.

I am always the one to leave. I follow the route wherever my aimless walking takes me. It is how I am forced to learn. I am left alone with my mistakes. I always use someone to give me what I lack. In return, they always take the bests parts of me back. I always recognize my fate just a moment too late. I never want to resort to overindulgence in others, but it inevitably happens. I must face the truth. I am up against the person I pretend to never know. My internal torment erupts to remind me of the answer.

Be it up or down, or somewhere in between, it is up to you to decide the course of your life.

----

My attempt at a literary song cover of Limb by Limb from phish

https://youtu.be/-ouWKZapvfo

I said it before crudely.

Ever so rudely.

I am hidden.

Yet,

I found you.

Not only are you intelligent.

Not only you do you make me smile.

Not only do you have a radiant heart.

You are only you.

My goal was to bring my outlandish worlds of the mind to reality so I could cherish them. If I was being honest, that was my old passion. Ever since I started sharing my work with others, my life changed. To see a person, another anchor of existence, enjoy and talk with you about your abstracted ideas was, eloquently put, awesome.