there was a time of joy and comfort

until you ruined

destructed

eliminated

destroyed

crumbled

wrinkled

crunched

rolled

that moment

and formed it into something

unimaginable

something gruelsome

cruel

evil

dark

sinister

far

far

far

more

worse than I had wanted from the beggining

I

loved

you

so much

more than you could ever

love

me

did you ever even

love

me

or was it a

lie

from the start

i saw you

i

faded and grew

a small rose

on the tips

of my

empty heart

it was like you came from the above

and saved me

i liked you a lot

but

you grew

slowly

abusive

obbessed

with

me

if I wasn't there

you would walk up to the bar

grab a bottle of wine

and get

real drunk

out of

it

you wanted me a lot

hurting

me

however you please

you

were

never

there

for

me

i

was

always

there

for

you

why

would you do this to me

i used to be joyful

now

sobbing

silently

so

my

parents

couldn't

hear

and worry over my own troubles

you said so many things

but

it

wasn't

until

i

realized

that

this

was

my life

i could make choices too

it, I, didn't

always

have

to do

what

you wanted

so

that night

"I own you, Babe..."

...

"You owe me, Babe!"

...

"Don't you love me, Babe?"

...

"What's the---"

...

*slaps*

*runs*

I, personally, have never heard of this qoute, so, it got me thinking. What makes me burn, I think, is how I affect others. You know, first-time impressions. They are the WORST. I basically suck at them. There's nothing I can do about it in the end, knowing that the people that have been introduced to me, probably hate me. It makes me have more enemies than any other ordinary person would have... I don't like it, I never did. So, what keeps me going? I try to reveal more parts of myself than I could ever show. I try to make them laugh. I learn from my past impressions and tell myself there are billions of people in this world, more to understand and learn how to PROPERLY make a good impression on people, especially first-time ones. It's helped me a lot. If you're thinking, "Why don't you just google, "How to make amazing first-time impressions?", you're wrong. I'm sorry, but, you are wrong. Impressions are made of skill. Kind of like, talking to your crush or your ex from high school those long years ago. It's hard and really, really, scary. I even think it as risky. What if they scream at me? Glare at me? Throw a mircowave at me? Yeah, It's like that... You can't just search it up and understand it in a complete form.

I know to keep trying though. I will keep trying.

at first when you asked me

"what are you running away from?"

i laugh and say

"Nothing"

but now that you're gone

i'm starting to understand

i'm starting

to know

i'm running away from everything

those pictures in the magazines

the posters on the wall

showed me a time when i was

very

very

small

insecure and afraid

i had no friends

so i had to be brave

i had many enemies

i couldn't see the truth

pain and suffering were the only

things i knew

so

when you asked me

"What are you running from?"

finally i understand

finally i know

i'm not running from the hate

that others give

i'm not running from my shadows

i'm running from myself

the self that will soon shatter

"Come with me" you say

under the icy shade of the wilderness

i lay beneath a palm tree

ten thousand tourists around me

a beach is where i prey

you smile and stare

an invitation

who are you

i want to know

i'm curious

you're curious

too young to simply understand

i shout

"Tell me your name and I'll come with you till the end"

you laugh

you make

my

heart flutter

inside i'm burning

i whisper

"Till the end"

and you whisper it back

"Till the end"

For some people

summer is freedom

and passion

where one finds oneself dreaming

wonderous possibilities