Hitler and I
I mirror his stance and for a moment we just appraise each other. I almost want to reach out and touch the infamous moustache, but then I remember myself.
“You know, 2020 is reckoned to be one of the worst years in history.”
He is looking at me with sliced eyes, “You don’t say.”
I nod vehemently, “Yup. There is this virus, covid-19, no one really knows how and when it started exactly, but long story short, there are 1,487,112 deaths till now, according to Worldometers.”
He stood up quickly and started pacing forcefully. He had some toilet paper hanging from his boot, but I thought better than interrupting his musings. “Amazing! 1.5 million deaths! Why, that’s more than the Holocaust!”
“Yeah, well, to be honest this year no one has really thought about the Holocaust...”
“And… and how many Jews were killed?”
I rolled my eyes, “You know, Germany was affected quite badly too, but they are recovering. They are working on a vaccine with the Americans...”
“They are what?!” I could tell I took him by surprise. Just how much access to media did ghosts have?
“Don’t you get news where you are?”
He stopped and looked at me as if I had two heads, “Ja, but you know, I thought it was fake news.”
“I’m sure you would have gotten along great with Donald Trump.”
Hitler made a face in disgust, “That Schmuck? Have you seen his hair? I have more discipline in the hair of my moustache than he has in his entire body!”
Who would have thought that I would agree with Hitler on one point?
“You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you something. You know those quizzes, if you could meet one celebrity, dead and alive, and ask them something, what would it be? Well, I would like to ask how could you sleep at night? Having so many people on your conscience, how could you even sleep?”
“Well, I couldn’t. I used to drink a lot of alcohol and then pass out.”
I blink, expecting for him to elaborate. After a couple of minutes, I realized he had nothing to add. Worst thing, it actually makes sense.
“Do you even regret it? I mean, if you could have a do-over, would you do the same thing?”
He stops pacing and falls into a chair, almost defeated, “I can barely understand what you are saying. Regret? I don’t live for regret. Do-over? We don’t get do-overs in life. If there is anything… Seeing your history from the other side, I realize things have changed. I am not stupid. I guess I would do it differently. You know, setting up concentration camps is a lot of hard work. Logistics, too. It takes a lot of organization. If there is something I understood, is that xenophobia still exists, no matter how evolved a society is. But the weapons have improved. There are no concentration camps, just websites and hateful speech. We don’t need to gas people, just put them aside and cut their wings. Keep social classes separate. Don’t kill people, just don’t offer education, social security, medical insurance. Instigate hate and blame religion. We won’t need to kill people. They won’t even kill each other. Soon they will kill themselves.”
I lurch out and try to hurt him, but he is just a figment of my imagination, so it cannot hurt him.
He stands tall and aloof.
I yell, “You are disgusting! You have been a nightmare in history. You are one of the most despised historical figures. You have no right to judge!”
“The truth hurts, ja? Better blame ole Hitler for all your troubles rather than see the issues at hand, right? Didn’t you just say this virus killed in one year more than the Holocaust?”
I cry now. Not because I feel pity for him, but because I have nothing to throw back. People have evolved. We have better schools, better medicine, better cars, better everything. But are we better? Have we just changed one poison for another?
I look into his eyes again and I can see he expects me to cry out and give up. Give into despair and depression. I can see why he was one master manipulator.
But I won’t let this f***er f**k with me.
“We won’t give in. Yes, the world can look bad from where you are looking, because you only want to see the bad. I choose to see how much we’ve come, and although our world is not perfect, it’s better than how you left it. And it’s an upwards struggle for sure, but I will personally never give up.”
He started laughing, a booming grotesque laughter, “Well, you are childish and prefer to see the world good. That is good for you, but not enough. I am the Fuhrer... I am the only one who can set things right… The Aryans will overcome this... ”
The more he talked, the more his speech seemed to slur, and the words seemed to come from a low frequency radio… It was as if it was a recording of an old speech of his, delivered through time and space.
I woke up with a start. Why would I fall asleep on an audiobook of Mein Kampf? I groggily looked around, trying to grip my surroundings.
I felt like throwing a punch at the recording, but then I turned around and looked out the window. It was a new day. I chose to smile.
The Cliff. The Dive.
It was not so much an invitation, as the skinny dipping and cliff-jumping sounded more as a dare. But if they imagined she would back off, they did not really understand Beth. She did not shy away from risk, she thrived on it. Maybe it was not wise for the new girl in town to be so outgoing, but she had to do it on her terms, or not at all.
When she got to the site, the pack was already there, smoking. She saw the surprise in their looks – some showed more interest, others enthusiasm and others just sheer incredulity. His eyes were shining the most, with a mischievous smile in place. Since Beth arrived simply dressed in her jeans and hoodie, his eyes were linked to her every move. Richard’s girlfriend tried to distract him, but to no avail.
“So… are we going to be here all day smoking pot, or are we going to dive in?”, she got straight in.
After what seemed like a silent consultation between the guys, Richard came forward and started explaining:
“It’s fine that you came, we weren’t really expecting you to, but since you are here, you need to obey the rules”.
“Rules? What rules are there to cliff-jumping? Are we going to cut ourselves or burn incense?”
He did not take the bait:
“First, we all jump naked. I mean completely.” He made a long pause as to assess her reaction, but her bravado was still in place.
“Second, we do it alone. No tandems, ropes or other devices” He stopped for emphasis:
“And third, whatever happens, happens. No one here is responsible for your actions. Got it?”
Maybe it was the cold stare of this man’s eyes that was so unnerving, but her resolve started to waiver. Before she could change her mind, she nodded. Her “bad girl” attitude had just meant till then that she did drugs and had a drug dealer as a boyfriend. This group of crackheads seemed more dangerous all of a sudden. As she was saying that, she noticed the others starting to undress, so she followed suit.
It was strange that the nakedness didn’t actually bother her. If nothing, it seemed liberating. She suddenly understood why it was their number one rule. Maybe she could take strength from it. She noticed that Richard approached her once she was ready, but he just silently reached for her clothes. Again, she had seen her fair share of undressed men, but it was something else in his unfazed appearance that disturbed her. She handed her things automatically, but then a question fell from her lips:
“Has someone ever broken one of your rules?”
He turned back and smiled: “Not on my watch”.
Then things started to rush. She did not realize if it was the effect of the drugs, but the others seemed very in control. Now she wished she had smoked something before, but it was too late.
The boys had gathered and were talking to themselves, when one of them asked her:
“Would you like to go first?”
She noticed that except Richard’s girlfriend Alice, there were no other girls, and the latter had decided to stay with their clothes up there, throwing daggers at Beth. She decided that it would be better to get this done with, not sure what she meant by that.
She got on the position. She closed her eyes for a bit, but since she did not believe in a deity, she had no prayer to say. She was just going through a rite of passage. They are meant to lead you somewhere, she told herself. And then she was off. They were supposed to run for a bit before the jumping point, and after a few steps, she noticed someone had caught up with her and was holding her hand. She barely had time to register the tight grip, but she returned the wide smile she was seeing in Richard’s shining eyes. And in that second, she thought it would not be so bad to die at the arm of a blue-eyed devil.
Love is All you need
They rode into the sunset together, a befitting ending to a most beautiful love story, one that cannot be found in books, but is like the one passed from generation to generation, read by fortune tellers in coffee, set as an example even after the subject is long gone, a love story that knows no boundaries, neither the physical ones, as distance is never an issue where real love is concerned, neither emotional, for people really in love do not need words, or Skype for that matter, to communicate –they can say through silence a lot more that they could though a thousand words, and when you meet that special someone who can make you feel all jittery inside, who can give you butterflies in your stomach, a person who can inspire such love story as described above, then the only thing that you should do is grab onto them, but more importantly, grab onto that feeling, be sure not to lose it even in the worst of times, even when the world comes crumbling down, or diapers invade your bedroom, be sure to grow with the person you love, and not apart, share the blessings and joys, as well as sorrows, do not give in to despair, meanness or selfishness, and you will be rewarded with life’s most wonderful gift –love.
Breaking habits
In a country that is not my own,
I perform my 10-15 mins daily commute.
I go by bus.
It has a ticket controller
From whom I also buy the ticket.
I can buy the ticket
In the local language
And more often than not
We don’t even use words anymore.
But sometimes I wonder
What if she addresses me one day
With a simple question like:
“What do you think of the weather today?”
Would I panic?
Would I smile?
Would I sheepishly reply I do not understand?
Or try my shot?
While I wonder these things,
The bus halts at my stop,
And I get off.
Other times I wonder,
Should I ask a question?
How would she reply?
Would she understand me?
Would I blow my cover?
By the time I build my nerve,
We stop again.
I guess it’s hard to break habits
Once established.
I’ll start bringing my book.
This story is for you
Yes, you. Don’t look behind or around you.
Are you tired? Come, have a seat.
There is no rush. Problems are everywhere.
They won’t disappear while you are resting.
Tea or coffee? A lump of sugar, or black?
Come on, I’ll tell you my story and you’ll tell me yours.
You see… Once upon a time, there was a little girl with dreams. She grew up, and her dreams grew too. And then some day, she realized that while living some of her most unexpected ones, the ones she had envisioned were drifting further from reach. She asked her mother “Mom, is that normal?”. Her mom sighed and replied “Sweetie, I hoped this day would never come, but you have reached an age at which you want to be in different places at once, but you can’t. You are you, and while there are different dreams living in you, some contradictory I might add, only some will see the light of day”. By the end, I had tears in my eyes. Why did I have to choose? Were some dreams better than others? “But how can I choose?”, I said with teary eyes. My mom replied with a wistful smile: “Don’t worry, honey, life will choose for you”. And it was true. And here I am, an old lady that had lived her dreams, but not all. But I don’t regret anything.
That’s it. That’s my story.
Now, will you tell me yours?
What are your dreams?
Are you ready to live them?
Or will you let life choose them for you?