somewhere in the night, deep within a dream
lies the one who should have wanted nought, hands
outstretched, desperate to grasp onto the stars,
to hold constellations in their palm, try
and steal them, and use their tiny summer
to free themself of a heart turned hollow.
they sit alone, nestled in the hollow
of a wizened tree, adrift in their dream,
their conviction that, if every summer
could be like this, if their own fragile hands
could conjure such beauty, then if they try
perhaps they could make it among the stars.
but they are lost in daydream, and the stars
slip through their fingers still. a cruel, hollow
sky looms above, taunting those who dare try
to reach, and to capture, beyond a dream,
those cursed jewels which are bound to burn their hands
with all the strength and fury of summer.
still remains the constant truth that summer
will fade as seasons dim, and even stars
will shift and alter, leaving behind hands
rubbed raw with effort, heartbeats in hollow
chest still begging to be more than a dream,
human nature itself pushing to try.
and so it goes. we try and fail and try
again, till at last the glow of summer
has faded from our cheeks. and so we dream,
rejection of fate foretold by the stars,
rebellion against becoming hollow
once again, so life is in our own hands.
destiny beckons, calling us forth, hands
keep moving, sculpting our peace as we try
to forget fatigue, carving a hollow
into the sweet crust of the earth. summer
eludes forever, yet follow the stars
once again, just to return to a dream.
even that hollow promise of summer
will not grace our hands. who chooses to try
and bend the stars to their will shall but dream.
Intrepid constellations, braving
The darkness, night
Ever steadfast in their duties
Weaving their ancient stories
Across the tapestry of the blackened sky
Unaware that they will have long faded
Before someone remarks their shine
How can something doomed
Be so beautiful?
Take a step back
An instant to breathe
To find it -
Pen to paper
Let it go
And for just a second
The moments seem to hang in the air
You are like the carnations,
Blooming in the spring
Striped with purple hue
Blowing in the breeze
Stretching on for acres
But always out of reach.
I am like the lilies,
A flower of summer and fall
Still a blank canvas
Not yet dyed with the colours
Our world has to offer
One who is left to fill the gap
After you’ve wilted.
We are an impossible garden,
A pair that can never be
Whiling away the seasons
In an unchangeable dance
Destined never to meet
And though we’ll never bloom together
It’s a fine garden all the same.
I wear my noose like a necklace
Scars like a badge of pride
The blade of expectations held to my throat
A single moment from draining me dry
Taking, breaking, making
A path through all the lies
If all life ends regardless
I might as well live mine
Last night, I stopped breathing
Heart pounding in my chest, I felt
Desperate to discard myself
To crawl out of this empty skin
To leave all this behind me
To be anyone but me.
Through laboured breaths I lay
Eyes streaming with the words
I lack the ability to articulate
Bent double in darkness
Secret under the cover of night
Bathing in the pain and the guilt
And the rage of being so weak
That I could let myself cry
That I could let the control slip
That I could let my bottled emotions
But the darkness brought with it clarity
A thought pulsating against my skull
In time with each pained beat of my tired heart
That I need help.
A realization of equal shame and relief
But I am willing to slay my pride
If I can stop hating myself.
This is a continuation of the first post I made. While I do recommend reading that one first, it’s not required. I hope you enjoy!
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Ren dreamt of their seventh birthday party. Why, they didn’t know. The half forgotten images flashed through their head, dancing through their mind so fast they felt disoriented.
They saw their cake, clumsily constructed by hand by their mother, trying to mimic the picture that they had so desperately wanted, but couldn’t afford. Ren liked hers better anyway. They should have told her that.
Kids milled around the room - classmates who had been invited out of courtesy, nothing more. Ren regarded them with distaste. They’d never been close to any of them, and most would go on to bully them after they came out.
They caught a glimpse of their mom, and a lump formed in their throat. She looked so youthful, so full of life... happy.
Finally, they saw Eli, a hole in his goofy smile where his front teeth should have been, his sandy hair a mess of curls. His blue eyes gleamed with excitement. Ren smiled. They missed this Eli.
Wait a minute. Eli’s eyes were hazel.
Before Ren could make sense of what they had seen, they were jolted awake by ice cold water being thrown over them. Gasping, they forced open their eyes, trying to shake the streams of water from their face.
They were strapped to a chair, unable to move. The coughing sounds at their back told them that Eli had experienced a similar awakening. Ren flicked the sopping wet strands of their fading blue hair out of their face and looked around, taking in their surroundings.
They were positioned in the dead centre of a room with stark white walls, harsh industrial lighting beaming down on them. Two heavily armed guards stood at the only visible exit. Ren’s stomach turned as they saw the huge guns they each held at the ready. They could hear footsteps circling behind them, but whoever they belonged to was concealed by Eli. Ren felt their friend take a shuttering breath.
“Ren, I’m sorry,” he breathed, choking back a sob. “I’m so sorry -”
His apology was cut off by a blow connecting with his stomach, forcing the air from his lungs.
“Did you really think you could escape us, Eli?” Ren could feel him shudder at the sound of the voice. After a few seconds of silence, Eli’s restraints were released.
“Take him back to his room,” the voice ordered. As Eli was escorted from the cell, he managed to steal a glance back at Ren, one that was likely supposed to seem comforting, but was undercut by the abject terror in his eyes. As the door slid shut behind him, Ren was not reassured.
Two figures strode into Ren’s view, moving with a practiced ease as though they had done this many times before. One, a stocky bald man dressed simply in all black, was who Ren guessed had punched Eli. The one who had been talking was a woman. Her pale blonde hair reached her chin and was so straight that it almost looked sharp. She gazed at Ren intently through steel grey eyes. Ren thought that she would be quite pretty had it not been for the fact that simply being in her presence screamed danger. The woman pulled a chair in front of Ren, the same one that Eli had just vacated, and sat down in front of them.
“It’s nice to meet you, Ren.” The words were simple, the tone pleasant, but instilled a deep terror nonetheless.
“Who are you?” Ren managed to choke out, momentarily swallowing their panic. “Where am I?”
“You may call me Thea.” She smiled. “You’re in my facility, and I hope that you will prove beneficial to my research.”
“What do you...” Ren’s sentence spluttered out as they noticed how intensely Thea was staring back at them, her eyes almost hungry... no, it was as if she was looking for something.
“I wonder,” she mused, her eyes still searching Ren’s face, seeming to prod into their soul, “will you be a failure after all?”
Something inside of Ren snapped. They were tired of this woman acting as though she owned them. They broke free of the abject horror that gripped them and spit onto her cheek.
Thea didn’t flinch. Instead, her eyes lit up in a way that a scientist’s might when they discovered a particularly intriguing specimen to dissect.
The fear that Ren had momentarily shrugged off came back in full force as their restraints were released and they were seized by a pair of guards. The oppresive feeling was almost tangible, strangling them, rendering them incapable of movement. As they were dragged through the corridors, traveling further away from Thea, that intense, alien terror began to fade, but replacing it was the very real fear of not knowing where they were or what was going to happen to them.
Ren hardly noticed that they had stopped moving, hardly felt being cast onto the floor of another plain room, but the sound of the door closing behind them, trapping them, felt like a blow to the gut. They could hear nothing but the ringing in their ears. Unknown hands grabbed at them, and they began trying to push them away, only realizing after a few seconds that it was Eli.
After what felt like an eternity, Ren finally stopped shaking.
“What the fuck is this place?” they asked, their voice unsteady, wiping tears from their face they didn’t know they had shed.
“I’m sorry, Ren,” Eli said, his voice hollow. “I didn’t mean... I didn’t want you to get mixed up in all this. I shouldn’t have gone to you. I’m sorry.”
Ren ignored his apology, too shaken up to process forgiveness.
“Thea. What does she want?”
Eli hesitated for a moment. “I don’t know.”
“No!” Ren’s voice started as a whisper and began steadily building into a scream. “I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you! The least you can do is tell me what this place is!”
Ren glared at him, breathing heavily. Eli wouldn’t meet their eyes. They turned away. A moment passed before Eli spoke.
“She thinks that certain people have strange abilities. ‘Gifts,’ she calls them. She gathers people who meet a certain critera and tries to unlock their potential. I don’t know why.”
Ren turned back to him, taking in this information. It seemed impossible, but they knew Eli well enough to tell he wasn’t lying.
“So... you have some sort of... ability?”
“And... so do I?”
Eli’s eyes met Ren’s, now filled more with sorrow than with fear.
“I hope so,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “If not, they’ll dispose of you.”
In the silent stillness
The void calls
Something worth dreaming about
And nothing more
Kept lucid by doubt
All thoughts I could do without
Imprisoned by constraints of time
Stretching the hours
Desperate for more moments
The world stirs
And I’m still waiting
Rose tinted reality
An idyllic euphoria
Induced by innocence
Blissful bygone summers
Shattered by truth
It's all hyperbole
Nothing is as promised
And there's no pill I can take
Unable to grasp
Watching the fickle threads of fate drift by
Cracking under the pressure
Breaking into millions of miniscule fragments
Glittering like diamonds
Worthless eye candy
That bites back
Jagged edges feeding on whatever they can
These fingertips of glass
Keeping me insulated and unfeeling
I am disconnected
Perhaps I should stay in here a little longer.