Hair stands up, static from

sliding

all

the way

down.

Wide eyes squinted by your big grin.

Pudgy hands. Arms out.

Joy

Sunshine bounces off your face.

If I could stay a little longer in that place…

I’d pause time, just a little while, absorbing all the lasts I can

before I blink and you’re

a man…

Deep breath in

A dragon breath out

Hands freezing

Breath to keep the warm

Hot coco too hot

Panicked breathing

Opening presents

Gasp! What I wanted!

Hugs from family

Sigh

I wasn't that great this year

I hid

Procrastinated

Cried

Burned myself out

Got depressed

Got better!

Fell in a slump

Ignored people I cared about

Ignored everything

Fell into a neverending youtube spiral

Fell into repetition

Fell into giving up

But Im still gonna give myself stuff!

Cause Ive got money now!

Jobs are nice

And maybe it will make me better

Feel better

Do better

Be better

First, some books

Because I used to read

Still love it!

But forgot I did

So the complete series, right there!

You know you want to read it Rosie!

Go on!

You can do it!

Next, some self respect

Ive stopped liking myself

My face is round

My hair too mousy

My figure just lumps

But I can get past that!

Remember that Youtube?

Watch it on a walk!

Watch it while running!

While eating salads!

You used to love yourself

You can do it again

Also, some MCYT merch!

Because when you love something

Buy it all

And lord it over everyone else

The losers

Not spending mass amounts of money

Pshaw

Ive got a fancy hoodie

Whatdayou got?

Next, some creativity

Draw something!

Alter those pants!

Write a book!

Start a youtube channel!

Do something

Be something

Finally, some friendship

Talk to them!

People arent scary

They wont eat you

Go hang out with your best friend

Make new friends online!

Talk to others.

I know Ive had a rough year

I havent been my best

But I can do better

Be better

Feel better

And spending money on myself

Thats the way to go

yourself is your forever home

the place that you will stay

like it or not

you will be there in your grave

there is no escape

from your forver home

so get comfortable in your seat

decorate it with acomplishments

make sure to keep it neat

12:01 am. The campus library.

Homework assignments long untouched.

Staring into a stranger‘s soul. Existential debates. Long awaited yet fleeting companionship.

How do I turn this stranger into a friend?

For a long time

I wanted to hold on to you, to this feeling

Like a grudge

I never have to forgive nor forget

And

I did.

For a long time too

I wanted to let go of you

But

Then long before today,

I realized, I don't have to

Because It was only I who's persistent on holding.

Today.

After a very long time

I got the courage to release my hold, to open my hand that's holding on to you.

I learned you are not a grudge

Nor a balm to sooth my heart

And

Finally....

Today I have decided to let myself be free from the bondage I created and anchored to you.

♡SaneWriter

November 28, 2021