Lost & Found
Some days when I wake up there’s a lump in my throat that I just can’t swallow
At times I feel as if my heart sounds distant, empty... hollow.
I ride pass parks and watch as families interact.
Hoping their laughter may mend my broken heart.
Hoping that the smiles will bring something back that I lost not long ago.
A pain that a parent never wishes to know.
Some days seem easy, but I never sleep that way.
Your memory and the thought of you never really seems to go away.
Let my friends tell it, I should’ve moved on a long time ago.
But they can’t possibly understand this feeling, you’re the greatest love I’ll never know.
I promise I’m not weak, it’s just hard being strong without you.
When I reconfigured my mind to make my entire world about you.
I know it sounds crazy, but I write letters to you all the time.
Wishing that you could write back, hoping I’ll read yours and you’ll read mine.
As the years go by the pain lingers in my chest.
I just can’t stomach the thought of putting any of your existence to rest.
Some nights I grit through the pain, and other nights I cry myself to sleep.
My tears mimic the rain.
I pray, and I pray, hoping that you’ll hear me.
Maybe one day we’ll meet again, and you’ll understand my love more clearly.
But because of that alone, I’ll continue to live for you as I was preparing to.
At some point I feel as if I confused this blessing as a burden and that’s not fair to you.
All I ever wanted was to give you everything that I never had and everything that I could be.
I finally see that in losing you I found the missing part of me.
I want to show you what’s inside of me, something that’s deeper than my heart.
I want to let you in but I don’t know where to start.
I want you to understand me.
The way I think, the way I move.
Understand why I make the decisions that I do.
I want you to know my deepest fears.
Understand what brings forth my tears.
And never second guess my motives because of wounds that never healed.
Just let me show you something deeper, it’s much deeper than us.
The deepest thing I have to offer, let me show you trust.
#WritingToStaySane #FeltLikeSharing #Introvert