Today, I drove home with my radio all the way up, and the windows all the way down. And this time when you crossed my mind, I thought back to the first time. The time when you were right beside me singing along and smiling, back when all the songs sounded like love songs. And they were all about you.

Today, I drove home with my radio all the way up, and the windows all the way down. And this time when you crossed my mind, I turned to an empty seat. There was no other voice singing along, I laughed at the irony as tears rolled down my face, now all the songs sounded bittersweet. And they were all about you.

I love peonies.

I told you this a few times,

like when we walked past the flower shop on 2nd St.

Or at that one wedding, looking at the centerpiece.

I love peonies.

We would joke around about how you thought dandelions were better

I argued they were just pretty weeds

and would never be superior to peonies.

I love peonies.

You complimented my new perfume,

said it smelt like flowers.

It was peonie, but what you said was still true.

I love peonies.

I told you it's because they are so unique

that the flower still looks strong, even though it can be delicate.

You said just like me.

I love peonies.

You gave me a surprise;

you said it's my favorite,

and I'd surely love it.

You got me a bouquet of roses.

I love peonies.

She grows so vibrantly there, soft and sweet.

You know her beauty, so you plan to cut her by the stem,

And to strip her of her thorns.

It never mattered to you why she had them,

I bet it never even occurred to you,

That they were grown to stop what you'll eagerly do.

You want to wrap her with paper,

Hide any part you don't find appealing.

You will sell her out to whoever you please.

And it's the same if you won't,

Because either way, when she withers

She will be thrown away.

However, for now, she grows.

Vibrant, soft, and sweet.

While I pray she falls in love with a gardener,

Not a florist.

There is something about her that I wish I could adequately articulate, like how she is so soft and nurturing without needing to discredit her strength and thorns. She brings me peace, lets air into my lungs, and comforts me from the abrasive nature that so many others carry. She's the calm smile I somehow didn't like while I was younger. And she is the stains on my knees on summer days, just as much as the shoulder I lay on those same nights. She forever encourages me to move forward, leading me on in her approval.

She is the palette I wish to present.

Death Valley is where I live

I've been dry for so long

I don't remember a time my skin wasn't cracked

Death Valley is where I live

I've been hot for so long

Of course I have grown accustom to my weak body

Death Valley is where I live

I've been low for so long

Because this is the lowest point

And I live here.

Then one day I see you,

Death Valley is not where you live

You never have had to be

Dry

Or hot

Or low

Death Valley is not where you live

Your skin stays smooth and soft

But you still reached out for my hand

Death Valley is not where you live

Your limbs shimmer as sweat drips off them

But you still share with me your water

Death Valley is not where you live

You live somewhere in the mountains

Or in a town with every season

Or a city in a skyscraper

Or somewhere I know is beautiful

Then one day you see me,

Death Valley is not where you live

You were just passing through

You never had to be

Dry,

Or hot,

Or low

Death Valley is where I live

You saw me, and chose to stay

Now Death Valley is where you live

You can leave whenever,

However,

You let your skin crack and dry,

And your body is weak,

But even your lowest point, isn't as low as me

Some travelers say I stole you from the mountains,

Or a town with every season,

Or a city in a skyscraper,

Or somewhere that must have been beautiful

They say "Who drags their best friend out to Death Valley?"

I say "Why did you choose to stay?"

On Campus was a story I began writing for a Murder Mystery challenge back in, I think, March. I had honestly forgotten about it after I had missed the deadline to finish, but looking back, I really like it, and I am happy I was given this excuse to dig it up.

"What time is it?" I tiredly ask no one as I stretch myself out of my bed. I don't know what I drank last night, but it left me with one hell of a hangover. I don't think my head has ever hurt this bad. I'm still wearing my day clothes and haven't even removed my rings. I check my phone for the time just to find that I forgot to plug it in last night. "Fuck." I plug it in and start my search for Tylenol and water.

My dormmate, Cassidy, isn't here right now. It's still relatively dark outside, so she either just headed to her morning class, or spent the night with her girlfriend. Regardless, I'm still grateful for the empty room. After failing to find my Tylenol, I plopped back on my bed and opened my laptop. Finally seeing the time at the corner of the screen, I'm pleased to see that I still have about 2 hours before I have to go to my class. I check my email for any updates on my grades when I notice a mass message from my professor.

"Dear Students,

this week's lectures have been canceled due to the unfortunate death of one of our students. Everyone please stay safe and remember that the counselors and my own doors are open if anyone needs guidance to help navigate through this dark moment.

My thoughts and prayers to the young lady's friends and family.

See you next week."

HOLY. SHIT.

I'm suddenly lightheaded and shaking. Someone died?

I do a quick search to see if I can find out who it was, as well as any other details left available. I discovered that the body was found in one of the shared bathrooms at the end of a dorm hall. In my building.

Now, I'm more panicked than before. I try to see if the cause of death has been released, but nothing has been released yet. All I can find are stir-crazy rumors on the school's blog.

"I heard they found her with a knife in her gut."

"Probably just another dumb blond that got drugged at a frat party."

"There is no way this was an accident."

"So scary to think there could be a murderer on campus."

Murder?

My head is throbbing, my mind jumps back to Cassidy. Did I see her last night? I check to see the battery on my phone, but it won't charge.

Ha, of course now, when someone close to me could be dead, my phone decides it wants to stop working.

I quickly get dressed, there's no time to wait, I have to try and find her. Cassidy may not be my closest friend, but she still means a lot to me. Even if she's not dead, I don't like the idea of not knowing her whereabouts while there's a potential murderer on the loose.

I now know there is no way she's in her class, we have the same professor, just different subjects. That leaves her girlfriend's house. It's only a block or so away from the dorms, but this still felt like the longest walk ever.

I knock on the door anxiously. It only took about 10 seconds before the door was opened by a tall woman.

She had tan skin, curly brown hair, the facial structure of a Greek god, and was well-toned and muscular.

Yup, that's Beaverly.

Beverly and Cassidy had been together since their sophomore year of high school when Cassidy flipped off some chick who was calling Beverly fat, and since then it was history. Cassidy was there for her through everything; if she was gone, I imagine Beverly would break.

She stands in the doorway for a second; she looks really tired, and her eyes are puffy like she has been holding onto tears.

"Hey Beverly, is Cass with you? Some girl died at the dorms, and I haven't---" she slammed the door in my face. Wtf. I knocked again, but she just yelled through the door to leave her alone.

I don't know why she is blowing me off, but I really can't stress about that right now. Beverly would have told me if Cassidy was there, even if she was upset with me. I began to head back to the dorms, hoping that Cassidy would have returned to the room by the time I got back, but when I got there, the entire entrance was surrounded by curious students talking about what happened there.

I recognize one of them as someone from Cassidy's class. "Hey! Have you seen Cassidy?" I asked. She doesn't reply. I try again, but she walks away.

I don't understand why everyone is ignoring me today, but it is frustrating the hell out of me. All I can do is take a deep breath, I need to focus on finding Cass.

About 20 minutes pass, and I'm still outside the dorms. The place is crowded, and the authorities aren't letting anyone in. I try to rack my brain and remember if I saw anyone inside the building this morning as I was leaving, but I was too focused on getting to Beverly's.

Then I see her.

Cassidy looks stressed as she talks to who looks to be a detective. Does she know something about the girl who died? Before I can process what I'm doing, I've already run towards her. She shivers as I wrap my arms around her. Now that I am closer, I can better observe her features. Her hair is unbrushed, and her eyes are framed with dark circles. I start mindlessly rambling about how scared I was and how grateful I am that she was safe. As I'm talking she bursts into tears. "Cass, what happened? Where have you been?"

That's when I see it.

Two solemn paramedics carry out a stretcher covered by a white sheet, and my heart drops to my stomach. A pale hand dangles from the side, and on her fingers, are my rings.

"So you say you found her with a couple of empty bottles of Tylenol?" I hear the detective ask Cassidy

"Yeah, I-I didn't know what to do, all this time. I was living in the same room as her- How did I not pick up any signs? How could she just kill herself?"

I watched the sun hold you today.

You lie there so elegant and warm,

with your hand stretched out.

And I know you will complain when you wake

You'll sigh at the annoyance of your arm tingling

And use that hand to rub the sleep from your eyes.

You will never know I was amazed,

Just as you will never be amazed by me.

But for now, I watch you sleep.

And I look to your outstretched hand.

Like the sun,

I wish I could hold it.

It only comes out when it rains.

the heavy feeling in your chest

it presses your lungs so you can't speak

so there is no way to tell others how you're feeling

but you don't know what you would say

it also wouldn't matter

there is no one there

because you feel so alone

in a room full of people and you can't make a connection

so you lose your emotions

and love

and energy

not just for the people you care about

but the things you do

the books you love to read are fading from the pages

the shows you watch are uninteresting

and the people you love are just people

so now you are stuck

you have to feel that weight

because that dark heaviness is all there is

eventually, you find comfort in that feeling

to the extent that when the days come when you are okay

you self-sabotage until you find that comfort again

but at the end of the day

it is still hurt that you are feeling

and you are still sick

this feeling will continue to bottle up

it will fill until the pressure breaks you

and the feeling is pouring through the cracks of you

coming down like rain.

And it only comes out when it rains.

But when it rains,

it pours.

I was just digging through my drive and found my chemistry final from last year. Please keep in mind that I got a 67% percent on this and passed my chemistry class with an A.

Believe in miracles.

Chemistry of Honey Buns

Olive O. O’Tierney

Generic High School Name

Marcus Mendoza

04/27/2023

Chemistry of Honey Buns

I chose to write about honey buns because according to the majority of my peers, it is where most of my nutrition comes from. I’m not saying that is a healthy decision, or even that they are right about it, but I can’t really think of anything else to write about anyways. So now you have to sit and read about honey buns. So buckle up, take a shot (of coffee, duh), and get ready for a load of useless and likely incorrect information.

Basic Description

A honey bun is a sweet bread with a sugary glaze. Many brands sell honey buns but for today I will be describing the ‘Little Debbie Honey Bun’. This one is personally my favorite. They are sold individually wrapped in thin plastic and grouped in long, decorated cardboard boxes. It sucks because I heard Little Debbie products were being taken off shelves, I mean, they have been a staple mark for so long it just doesn’t feel right.

Ingredients

I’m going to be honest, I am not going to pretend like I am actually reading the ingredients, I’m not allergic to anything, I don’t care what I consume. So here is what the Little Debbie website said: enriched bleached flour ( wheat flour, barley malt, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate [vitamin b1], riboflavin [vitamin b2], folic acid), water, sugar, palm oil, palm and soybean oils with tbhq and citric acid to protect flavor, dextrose, yeast, contains 2% or less of each of the following: soy flour, nonfat dry milk, dried honey, eggs, cinnamon, cocoa, wheat starch, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate), corn starch, mono - and diglycerides, soybean oil, salt, calcium stearoyl lactylate, calcium carbonate, agar, titanium dioxide, calcium sulfate, preservatives (calcium propionate, potassium sorbate, sorbic acid), citric acid, ascorbic acid, calcium peroxide, amylase enzymes, natural and artificial flavors (contains lemon), datem, soy lecithin, annatto extract, turmeric

Allergens: Eggs, Gluten, Soybeans

Additives

E171 - Titanium dioxide

E200 - Sorbic acid

E202 - Potassium sorbate

E282 - Calcium propionate

E322 - Lecithins

E322i - Lecithin

E330 - Citric acid

E406 - Agar

E450 - Diphosphates

E450i - Disodium diphosphate

E471 - Mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids

E472e - Mono- and diacetyltartaric acid esters of mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids

E500 - Sodium carbonates

E500ii - Sodium hydrogen carbonate

E930 - Calcium peroxide

Omg Why Did I Choose Honey Buns? These Have Nothing to do With Chemistry

Quick rant paragraph because I already want to cry and I’m not even halfway through. I just know I can’t fail this and I need to turn SOMETHING in. This sucks, like I don’t know chemistry. I wouldn’t have gotten this far if it wasn’t for quizlet and studywhateverthesecondwordwas.us I don’t actually know anything. Now I’m supposed to just manifest all this information about a honey bun? I hate it here.

Biochemistry

Sorry for the breakdown in the last paragraph, I’m back in the gameish. Honey buns contribute to biochemistry because it contributes to my life and the ingredients like the wheat or whatever. Because wheat grows and it was life before, it was alive. So bio=earth/life, life=alive, wheat WAS alive, wheat is in honey buns, honey buns=biochemistry. Thank you.

Industrial

SO honey buns are made in factories which are very industrial so I think honey buns can be grouped with industrial too. I just looked at the thingy, would the bread rising count as industrial chemistry? I think it would. It does, because I say so. SO the Industrial chemistry comes in where the baking process for the honey buns is. When heat is applied to the dough it rises and kills the ecoli in the flour or whatever other bad things you get when you eat raw bread dough? If I’m being honest, I only think that because my dad once said I would die if I ate undercooked bread. I’m so smart. I should get an awesome grade on this.

Halfway There (I hope)

Okay, so I was just looking up some chemical changes that happen when you bake bread like honey buns, and one thing said this: “When dry heat is applied, as in baking, the heat causes the starch to break down by chemical reaction into sugars called dextrins. The dextrins are brown in color and have their own unique texture and taste. This process is called “dextrinization”” and that honestly sounds so cool. It made me wonder though, if there is dry heat, what is wet heat?

Is Wet Heat a Thing?

So it does not look like wet heat is a thing, but moist heat is. It is when things are cooked with water or steam. It can also be used to sterilize things. It reminded me of this one scene from shameless where Frank uses Carl’s toothbrush and he says “now I have to boil it”. So now my question is, if you can boil the germs off of something, can you boil the flavor off of something?

Could I Potentially Boil the Flavor Out of a Honey Bun?

Okay, so what I am looking for is reduction. Reduction is performed by simmering or boiling a liquid such as a stock, fruit or vegetable juices, wine, vinegar, or sauce until the desired concentration is reached by evaporation. This can change the consistency and flavor of your liquid, bun honey buns are not liquid. Their icing can be melted down though. So at a certain point, the icing can be so diluted and melted down that the sugars start breaking up and it could change the flavor, but not really lose it. Huh, interesting.

I’m Blasting Coconut Mall and Crying

I am typing faster than my brain is processing the information I’m putting down. Tears are in my eyes, I still don’t know what a molar mass is. Does a honey bun even have a molar mass? I am about to throw up because I’m pretty sure my headphones died five minutes ago and I still hear coconut mall. I will be bringing this paper up in therapy.

What Have I Learned?

I learned that I have zero focus, hand cramps mean nothing, and I never want to eat a honey bun again. This has been a very beneficial essay for me because now I genuinely believe I will be making healthier life choices. Today I will eat salad. Thank you.

Resources:

Pure willpower.