August 5th, 1996
2181 North Flower...
..and I couldn’t read the rest. The letters had been smeared from what looked like an old tea stain. Not too old.. after all it was now only October of '97. It was my first time in Britain and I felt so alive exploring the new surroundings...but...somehow I knew I had to find her. And somehow..I knew if I didn’t that I would feel at least a little ..less.. alive. The book I found the napkin in was titled “A Life Lived and Lost” and written in 1988. The cover was a dark brown felxible leather with dirty gold inset text. Oddly enough, it had no author- just an inscription which read “To my daughter- whom I have loved and will continue to love from this life and into the next” -Unknown.
The color of the sheer glow of planet Arbutron’s aura. Filled with lost hope and a child’s joy. Sounds like the high pitched shining of a metal object. Smells edible - floral and sweet. Most often seen right before dawn. Moves slowly, constantly, and fluidly.
All you zoomers with your wide leg jeans and your 90′s style leans.
All us millenials with our woe is me tea and our “the earth is dieing” plea.
All you boomers with your this is the way say and your deaf to the world play.
...All us millenials with our woe is me tea and our
“THE EARTH IS DYING. PLEASE”
...LIKE, FOR REAL. THE EARTH IS FUCKING DYING AND WE CAN’T AFFORD TO LIVE AND OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM IS WORTHLESS AND OUR HOPE FOR THE FUTURE IS NIGH. Let's all do something NOW. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Experiences, Memories, Force, and Choice
A little bit of both. It just not as simple as being born into it or choosing. The complexity of it all is massive. We do not choose our family, but interactions with them and lessons learned from them (good or bad) have a huge role in shaping who we are from the moment we are born and into adulthood. There is a point however, (once we know better and can understand/reflect) that we do choose. We loved them first because we were born into it, and we will be forever grateful (or not but definitely cognizent) for the experiences that helped us grow but once we are able to gain a new perspective and see our family members as individuals we choose whether to love and be loved or to create distance and find others to love. But then again, there are some who don't feel they have the right to choose not to love them and others who are afraid to choose not to love them and yet still more that lack the confidence to go through with the choice not to love them. SO my answer is like when someone asks me how I think the universe came to be.. I don't know -yes we know of the big bang but then what made that happen? and then what created whatever made that happen? and so on and so on. I don't know and none of us ever will. :)
..that you would go back and find her. The promise seems so far away now, in this new life. Is she still waiting for you? Does she even want you to find her now, after so long? You feel worlds away from her but there is still a shining string of lost connection- maybe if you follow it you'll finally get closure.
It feels malnourished here. I need an injection of life essence to bring these receptors back to their functioning state. The lights are dim but around the corner is gleaming sunlight. Will I thrive?? Will I be basking in that light soon? I hope. And hope is the most important thing. The fog that enshrouds this mind will not leave but it may lift momentarily. And hopefully long enough to get at least a light golden tan.
The river keeps a mother near
Little voices from the past linger
They haunt ME, I haunt THEE
When I Once Could Escape..
I walk through the sunlit forest, dew sparkling golden in the afternoon light. Raising my ivory dress as I go, I am careful not to snag the tiny pearls on its lining. A twig snaps nearby and I swiftly look up to find the most beautiful sight. The creature’s hide was the color of autumn wheat and its hair, of fresh straw. Native flora was loosely, yet, intentionally weaved throughout the animals tail and down its cascading mane. We stared at eachother for a long while. Something in its eyes allowed me to relax completely; I felt safe. With a slow blink and a nod of its ornamented brow, it continued its journey and was soon out of sight.
As I became less present and more in tuned with my thoughts I began to ask myself “Why did this creature show itself to me?” “What or who holds the trust of this animal that allows it to be adorned so?” I wish it were me.
-I need purpose to feel alive-
-I want love to feel safe-
-I am worthy-
Face opened to the sun
An entity most content