I know, I'm invisible to you.
Here, but not, like an unwanted ninja.
The shoulder to cry on, but to never embrace.
The friend to love, but not like that.
I have loved you for so long, from a distance, three feet away.
Telling you would set my heart and mind free, to be wrapped in the joy that is you.
Or, telling you would push you away, freak you out, force the words out of your mouth I already know and am so afraid of, "my best friend".
I can't lose you to my selfish heart, can't, won't.
I will stay invisible, right by your side.
I hate them so much.
What I should have said, or shouldn't.
What I did say, or didn't.
They cut like a knife...
That they do.
Are mightier than the sword...
That's cliche, and depends on who's swinging the sword.
But they can hurt.
They allow expression in it's purest form.
From the mind to paper.
Without fear of speaking or shyness.
I fancy myself good with words.
They are my strength amidst all of my weaknesses.
But, even the best written, the best intended words, can't fix everything.
A fuck up is a fuck up...
A betrayal is forever.
And actions are always louder.
Sometimes words just aren't enough to repair a lie.
No matter how hard I try...
To craft the perfect phrase...
I can't make you believe I'm sorry.
There aren't enough words in the dictionary to express it.
God, I hate them so much.
Body, Brain or Nothing
Were I to disappear tomorrow, what would be left?
Some baubles or trinkets.
Silly scribblings about a life incomplete.
Some lucky people's fond memories, or some unlucky ones with less.
Am I greater than the sum of my parts, or just one of many, that doesn't matter?
Cogito, Ergo sum or Vini Vidi Vici.
I'd love to say I am because I came, saw and conquered,
But I've done none of those.
Is my child my legacy?
Or my dreams unfulfilled?
Are the lives I've touched better because of me?
Have I touched many at all?
I ask myself these questions a lot.
The body is finite, as is the mind that inhabits it.
Does the spirit in the mind, the spark that is us, transcend to some other place?
It's a fine thought, or not. Heaven or hell not withstanding.
I believe the spirit is as finite as the body and mind.
All wink out of existence at the same time, when the last breath is drawn.
When the last thought is had.
So what is left?
What we've built? Or written? or Sung?
What if there are no statues in our honor when the body has long turned to dust?
I believe that in the end, we are the sum total of people's misconceptions of us.
And as those memories fade, have I made enough of an impression,
For anyone to remember me?
Should have been
On a tennis court we met
Fast friends we came to be
Our time together was innocent
With me that’s usually how it went
Little did I know you wanted me
Though to these things I was blind, my eyes never did see
Then that day you wanted to swim
With luck I had a pool
Your intentions should have been abundantly clear
I was such a young fool
You had no suit so we improvised
My t-shirt fit you well
Your panties were all yours
When I saw them I nearly fell
We swam and laughed like kids do
But children we were not
The t-shirt had become see through
I suddenly felt quite hot
You told me to come closer
I follow instructions well
Our eyes then locked with my hands on your hips
You beckoned me with a simple look
I had so wanted to kiss your lips
Then the parents came home and the moment was lost
I was crushed by this dumb luck
You smiled and said next time
Then you moved away
I have never forgotten our time at the pool
You should have been my first
Freedom to be
We hold these truths to be self evident...
Such inspiring words
Our freedoms come from our creator
Whatever or whoever that may be
That was the intent, that was the meaning
But we as a people have forgotten those words
We don’t open our eyes to see
Freedom of speech, the grandest of all
Say what you wish
Speak your mind
Stand up and be heard
Have no fears from the powers that be
But don’t say something offensive or contrary
For that upsets the herd
Freedom of speech applies to all of us
Not merely those that share thoughts
Differing ideas drive us forward with caution
Identical ideas throw it to the wind
Freedom of religion, intended to stop persecution, from even the mightiest of kings
Worship who you want
Your god is your own
I hope your god is benevolent
And I hope mine is too
There must be something greater than man
But technology and celebrity replace the good book
Our disdain of different thought
Doesn’t matter anyway
Most of us worship at the alter of Amazon
Freedom from want, such a noble idea
All things provided
But freedom isn’t free
Money drives the world we’ve made
And someone needs to be paid
Be wary of gifts from the shiny elected
The “Haves” and the “Have nots”
That’s what they say
They can make you a “Have” too
But then you’ll be their slaves
Freedom from fear, the hardest to grant
To fear is human
Nothing is a sure thing
Uncertainty rules the day
The very freedoms we all share are our biggest foe
Speak your mind and offend, be banned or get assaulted
If you say what I don’t like, don’t you dare speak at all
Worship who you want, and be attacked by a believer of another
The heavens aren’t big enough for our gods to share space
Want leads to aspiration, accomplishment and prosperity
Make your own way in this world
Giving can not be guaranteed
We hold these truths to be self evident...
Such forgotten words
Our creator has been removed from the notion
Now people make the rules
Those that don’t want us to question what they say
Fear the ones who grant our freedoms
For they can always take them away
Part 1. The Beginning
Cold. Black. Dark. The world and the heavens are yet unknown. The Gods of all things tire of each other and seek purpose. Time begins. Boom.
Only in my dreams will I really be what I aspire to be, truly memorable.
Her beauty was mesmerizing
Icy blue eyes
Perfectly done up blonde hair
Applied make up that made her look like a magazine cover
Long legs, a model's body
A swagger that beckons
Gorgeous smile, that never touched her eyes
Awestruck by her visage
Memorable she should be
But looks don't define the person
Beauty doesn't make the queen
Words that cut
Attitude that isolates
Oblivious to others
Vapid in thought
Like everyone else, she only sees her
Ugly she is to me
Oh, the mirror
Such an innocuous thing
A piece of glass that reflects what's in front of it
Do I look good? I can't tell
Do I look bad? I don't like what I see
I see flaws
Where did that blotch come from?
Why am I so round all of a sudden?
This thing must be warped
Perfect, a pimple. Aren't I too old for such things
I see what I am today
I see what I used to be
My, how the body changes
I see where I'm headed
God! the crows feet
Reflections of the physical, past, present and future
Damn thing is a time machine
Unyielding in its honesty
A truth teller to a fault
Please lie to me, I won't mind
Now it's mocking me
I should just walk away
Remove myself from its gaze
But there it is
And there I am
All in this sheet of glass
That makes me see, me
I relish it so
But it isn’t silent
The voices. I hear them
Conversations from the day passed
What I said
What I wish I had said
Mostly what I wish I had said
Small talk crushes me
Interaction drains me
People bewilder me
I wish I was more like them
In my thoughts, I am
I’m so much better in my head