You are Beautiful
My perception focuses on the roaring waves outside my window, as I evade the sight of myself. But even though the small little screaming voice inside of me commands me to look away, in the corner of my eye, I faintly trace the outline of my body.
I can feel the beats of my heart and taste the saltiness of the beach outside the thin fixed glass, but they are all so distant. My senses auscultate to the drumming of my core and I divulge to the voice that I will see.
So my lungs take in a labored breath and I slowly exhale times of pain, worry, and self-consciousness. The screeching voice in my head hollers louder, but I overlook it's cries and my mind halts for three steady drums. one. two. three.
My view flashes towards the mirror, and I stare at the image. I can see, and my eyes reflect words of antipathy, imperfection, and animosity.
I try to shift the mysterious flabs of flesh near my waist, attempting to somehow distribute the weight evenly so I appear lean and tall. The mini voice inside of me is silent, drowned by the pools of hatred that burns in it's tiny heart.
My hands constrict the heart-shaped pills in my palm, as the fire begins to engulf me into its depths of darkness. I take a sharp and sudden breath as I fight back the urge to cry.
My attention is now on the three heart-shaped pills as my mind races through thoughts and ideas. I glance at the silky light-pink pigment of the pills as the roaring of the waves outside echoes triumphantly through my brain. This is what will make me look pretty like them, the renewed voice in my head whispers. Just one easy gulp and I will have that elegant curve, perfect skin, and that breath-taking face like all the other girls.
Now avoiding the appearance I see in the reflective glass, the entry ways to my soul gently close. I slowly tip my head back, my hazel hair sweeping behind me as I bring my palm closer to my mouth. Tears of misery glide down my cheeks as the distance between the heart-shaped pills and my mouth gradually decline.
As I take a hesitant last breath, I can feel the the icy aura of the pills seep throughout the containment of my hand. My heart thumps against my chest as I feel the attenuated elastic metal around the heart-shaped pills touch against my lips...until there is a knock. A warm knock, familiar and gentle -- a knock that will wrap its arms around me in a loving embrace. My eyes teleport to my door, where she is standing.
"Honey, you are beautiful." My mom says softly into the open room.