Huh. What did he just sing?
Why do I . . . always misinterpret song lyrics? It's gotta' have something to do with the way my synapses are always misfiring, or maybe it's some faulty brain wiring, or possibly it's a manufacturing defect and the recall notice got lost in the mail.
• On Elton John’s 4th album, Madman Across the Water, I thought he was always singing: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza”.
• When I heard Joe Cocker sing, "The Letter", I wondered why he was saying, “Give me a chicken for an air-o-plane”.
• In college, I asked my friends if they’d heard Maria Muldaur’s latest song: "Midnight after you're wasted."
• I told my girlfriend Monique, a big Beatles fan, that my favorite line in ‘Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds’ was: “The girl with colitis goes by." We broke up over that line. (just kidding but we did break up).
• When Pink Floyd’s, Another Brick In The Wall came out, I convinced my carpool friends that the words were: “No Dukes of Hazard in the classroom.” They politely informed me, the real lyrics were: “No dark sarcasms in the classroom”.
• My wife loves Crystal Gale so I always ask her to play: "Donuts make my brown eyes blue.”
• It took me years of being lactose intolerant to figure out that The Eurythmics weren’t singing, “Sweet dreams are made of cheese.”
• In college, when I wrote for the Berkeley Barb, I wrote a review of a hit song: “Big ‘ole Jed and Lionel.” The editor was a big Steve Miller fan. That “ Big 'ol Jet Airliner” faux pas, got me fired.
• At summer camp, when I was twelve, we were taught these silly lyrics about horses and deer eating their dinner: “Mares eat oats . . . and does eat oats . . . and little lambs eat ivy.” Just to annoy the song leader, we sped up the song and it sounded like: “Maerzee dotes and dozee dotes and little lamsee divey.”
Even back in the sixties, when my synapses were misfiring, I was listening to vinyl. Back then, analog records were nothing more than two ounces of plastic with a hole in the middle, and some tiny 'wiggly' grooves.
That’s why the hippies called the music: “Groovy”.
Back then, not all albums had a lyric sheet so I’d have to translate the words on the fly, as they flew by, whether they were coming from the radio or out of my hi-fi.
• In the summer of 69’, I was seriously into The Fifth Dimension. When their latest song, “The Age of Asparagus”, went to number one, I just assumed the band members had all become vegetarians.
• I was about to head off to college when Simon and Garfunkel came out with their "Scarborough Fair" album. The lyrics seemed appropriate. "Are you going to Harvard or Yale? "
• In 1978’, I thought the Stones had made a 'foodie’ album because they had a hit song called: “I'll never leave your pizza burnin'.” Years later I bought the Some Girls album that had the real lyrics: "I'll never be your beast of burden".
• I lived in the Bronx at the same time Eddie Mahoney was a cop in Brooklyn. He changed his name to Eddie Money and moved to Berkeley, CA. I thought his 1st hit song was: “I’ve got two chickens to paralyze”
• I had trouble decoding some of the Beatle’s obscure lyrics. Their first overtly political song was Revolution. I listened to it a hundred times and couldn’t figure out why John was singing about “carryin’ pictures of Jim and Al." My politically activist friend told me they was carryin’ pictures of “Chairman Mao.”
• In 1977 when Star Wars came out, “Crazy on You” by Heart, was their first big hit. I’d be drivin’ down the road, listening to AM radio, and belting out, “Crazy on you, let me pour gravy on you. "
• Don't tell anybody, but in the early eighties, I was secretly in love with Pat Benatar, back when she was the ‘Bad Girl’ of MTV. Her videos were hot, I mean steamy HOT! and I’d sing along with her: "Why don't you hit me with your pet shark . . . fire away.”
• Last but not least, REM was the first alternative rock band that I really got into. ‘Losing My Religion’ was a great song but, Michael Stipe’s silly lyrics really cracked me up when he sang: “Let’s pee in the corner, let’s pee in the spotlight.”