You told me that you always had my back,
when really you were just talking behind it.
You told me that we would be best friends forever,
when you really meant best friends never.
You spread rumors,
then acted as if you could not believe who would do that to me.
You told everyone you were only nice to me because you felt bad for me.
But told me you were friends with me because we were similar in so many ways.
I trusted you with every secret that jumped off my lips,
never once realizing you never shared yours in return.
You collected up enough information about me,
just to tear me down.
You used everything I trusted you with,
just to feed the souls of the people who loved gossip and drama.
You used me,
you abused me,
you broke me down,
and I let you.
You were my best friend,
I could trust you,
I was naive.
I never could have realized my worst enemy was my best friend.
I guess they do say keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
Why was I your enemy?
Will you answer me?
I will never trust a friend again.
Three Broken Words
When you told me that you loved me, I believed you.
When you kissed me, it was as if every secret I ever had rolled off my tongue,
and you held onto them for me.
When you held me close you made me believe that your sweet touch was all I ever needed to be happy.
You made me feel safe.
You took a broken girl and put her back together.
Just to break her again.
When you left you took everything I had in me with you.
Without you I became just a mold in the shape of a human body.
I gave you everything and once you had enough of me you left.
You left me alone, with nothing, trying to figure out where things went wrong.
Trying to figure out what the hell had happened and what the hell I did to make you leave.
I gave you my heart and you shattered it into pieces.
I was young and naïve.
You knew that.
I am left with nothing, trying to figure out who I am without you.
Trying to put the pieces back together all alone, not knowing where each piece belongs,
And certainly missing a few, a few that you took with you when you left.
I should have never believed you when you told me those three words.
Those three words I have yet to say since the day you left
With tears rolling down my eyes you packed up your things and I begged and I pleaded,
Saying those three words, hoping you would stay.
You didn’t even look back.
i think a lot about happiness.
where i can go to find it, thinking it's this complex thing so hard to achieve.
i realize it is all right in front of me.
happiness is surrounding me, surrounding all of us.
when i see the blue sky,
when i see the bright green grass and hear the birds overhead.
when i look into his ocean blue eyes.
when i feel the sand between my toes and the salt in my hair.
when i watch the sun set and rise on those early mornings and late evenings.
when i can feel his fingers intertwine with mine.
we can choose to find happiness in the litte things.
to step back from the big picture and look at the small moments.
the sun may set every night,
and it may get dark,
but the sun always rises again.
happiness might come in waves,
but we can always find it again.
Did I do enough in this world?
Did I make my mark?
Did I laugh enough?
Did I love enough?
Have I even been living this entire time?
Have I just been going through the motions and wasting the days.
Will this be painful?
Will I be strong?
Is this really the end?
Or is this all just wrong.
It's time to go, time to say goodbye.
This is not how I wanted things to end,
I do not want to die.
The Love We Deserve
we deserve the kind of love that sweeps us off our feet.
the love that hits us right in the gut and constantly reminds us of its presence.
we deserve to have butterflies fill our bellies,
and the happiest of days.
I blame you every time I look in the mirror and see a stranger,
someone so broken...too broken.
I blame you every night that I lie awake wondering if I'll ever be good enough for someone,
if I'll be able to get out of bed in a few hours and put on that smile that seems so real yet is so fake,
if I'll be able to cover the bags under my eyes with enough concealer so nobody will realize how deprived of life I am.
I blame you when I meet someone, anyone, and immediately put my guard up because I can no longer trust.
I blame you for the days when I just can't speak because I don't even feel like my words are good enough.
I blame you for the days I don't eat that much because I look "fat" in my jeans,
because my stomach doesn't look good in a tank top,
because although I am "thick" my thighs are just a little too big.
I blame you for all I have been through,
but one day, i will not.
I will realize how worthy I am,
how worthy my words are,
how worthy I am to live life,
and love hard.
One day you will be nothing to me.
I am completely empty inside,
most day's I feel numb.
I want this to work,
but i'm scared i'll look dumb.
I want to smile so bad and let everyone see it,
but it's hard and I'm hurting,
so it's come to so be it.
I want to live each day with passion,
be genuine, and strong,
but most day's in this life,
things feel so wrong.
I know that happiness is out there,
so sweet and so pure,
and I am going to find it,
I will find the cure.
I will be happy.